


Credence

by GaleandRandy



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-20
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 141,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaleandRandy/pseuds/GaleandRandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/galeandrandy/pic/000t0kqx"></a><br/><img/><br/>The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.  ~George Jean Nathan<br/>It all starts when Brian ‘saves’ Justin, but Justin isn’t down a well and Brian isn’t a hero. In fact, they actually sort of hate one another after this but that doesn’t stop them from playing their own games. Neither one of them want a boyfriend but due to unstoppable forces that’s what they’ll become. Not that they’ll admit it. Brian and Justin will reach a point that they’ll have to decide to move forward together or stop ‘whatever they are doing’ and go back to life without one another. You could say that it’s a bit of a challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Credence: Chapter One: "Burning"

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes** : Brian and Justin meet in March during Justin’s senior year at P.I.F.A. That would put the timeline in canon at about season 5 in this fiction but there is no Jenny Rebecca. Many things within the series have happened to all canon characters, excluding Justin. He has his own unique story, but his character is much the same as his season 3 character with the exception of a few minor tweaks I suppose.

**Credence  
Chapter One: “Burning”**

_“The world is burning in the fire of desire, in greed, arrogance and excessive ego.”_ ~Sri Guru Granth Sahib

**March**

Brian hated being stood up for lunch. Sure, it was just Michael and it was just the diner, but it pissed him off all the same. Brian didn’t appreciate that, instead of eating at _Mallorca_ , his favorite Spanish restaurant, he’d been a decent best friend, remembered how Michael would stink up the place if he ate anything too spicy, crossed out Mallorca and penciled the diner in.

At this point, Brian couldn’t count on both hands the number of potential tricks he could’ve had while he had been waiting for his ‘best friend’ to show. Brian had actually restrained himself and stayed in his seat, sipping coffee and ignoring them. Sure, he allowed a few guys to slip their numbers or cards into his hand as they passed his booth; Brian was a nice guy and hated disappointing people. Yeah, that was his reasoning, all right.

“Tell the nutty Professor I said congratulations. Only next time he gets down on one bended knee with a surprise in his hand, ask him to…”

“Goodbye, Brian.”

“Mikey... wait! Are we still on for Babylon tonight or will you be practicing the art of Zen?” Brian waited and heard nothing in return. Dead air. Not only had Michael abandoned him to suck, fuck, and accept a pretty, little ring on his finger, but also he had actually hung up on him! Mikey had called to ditch him while Ben was sucking his cock; it wasn’t even as if Ben were fucking him.

Brian was the type of person who could do two things at once. Many times, he’d spoken to Michael on the phone while receiving a blowjob, or fucking a trick, he didn’t even break pace! His best pal could have extended the same fucking courtesy to him, couldn’t he? Especially because he’d fucking tossed Brian aside without a thought the moment his Superman promised to fly him anywhere he wanted to go for their honeymoon.

All right, so Brian didn’t actually give a shit about eating alone, but that wasn’t point. He’d given up perfectly good reservations because Michael had issues with Spanish food. Brian made sacrifices for his friends but where had that gotten him?

Brian’s egotistical introspection ended when a young blond kid charged into the diner at a breakneck pace. Obviously running late, his longish hair plastered around his neck, wet and uncombed. According to Brian, there was only one reason to be late for anything. Sex. He stared intently at the young man. The blond’s pouty lips drew in rapid breaths as he rushed toward the bathroom, tying his apron around his waist and not sparing a glance for Brian. After diner boy was out of sight, Brian’s eyes remained locked on the door the deliciously pert ass had disappeared behind, silently praying it would soon reappear.

He hadn’t seen the kid around here before and wondered when Debbie had hired him. Right on cue Deb walked out of the back looking around the diner, frowning and then checking her watch.

“Looking for the blond?” Brian called to Debbie.

Debbie walked over to Brian and put her hand on her hip. “You seen him?” she asked, smacking her gum.

“He’s in the bathroom.”

“Ah. Good.” Debbie’s face lit up. “I was wondering if he’d show up or not.”

“Why’s that?” Brian asked in a bored tone.

“He started last Friday and every shift I’ve given him since has been extremely busy. Yesterday he even took a double; by the time he left he looked ready to drop.”

“He’s young, I’m sure he can handle it.”

“It’s not just that,” Deb said. “The kid’s too smart to be working at a diner if ya ask me. His SAT score was 1500. When I saw that on his application, I figured I’d be crazy not to call him in for an interview.”

Brian thought it was hilarious that the kid had put his SAT score on an application for the diner, however that was quite impressive. “Really, a 1500?”

“Yeah, he’s got a bright mind, that kid, and he’s an artist to boot. Goes to a fine arts school.”

“So he’s multi-talented,” Brian laughed.

Debbie smacked Brian on the top of the head with her order pad. “You stay away from him, Brian. He’s too innocent for you.”

Brian rolled his eyes at her, doubting that the blond was innocent. “Are you ever gonna take my order?”

“I thought Michael was meeting you for lunch, asshole.”

Brian refrained from telling Mikey’s ‘big news’. Not only was it not his news to tell, but he also wasn’t in the mood to get his ear drums blown out by the shriek of happiness he was sure Debbie would emit if he told her the real reason he’d been ditched. “He’s working through lunch,” he said. Fucking was a form of work, wasn’t it? Well, for those people that it didn’t come naturally to.

“Then you’ll have to drop him by some lunch,” Debbie insisted.

“Ben’s bringing him lunch.” Some sort of lunch.

Brian hadn’t seen the blond exit the bathroom but he was suddenly standing behind Debbie. He nodded to Deb and she turned on her heal to face the kid.

“Sunshine! You decided to come back.”

Justin looked much more presentable now. He’d combed his hair, had it tucked behind his ears a bit, and he’d perfectly tied his apron around his waist.

“Of course,” Justin replied, smiling.

“Well, we haven’t been too busy today so things shouldn’t be as crazy as this last week.”

Debbie handed over her pad of paper. “Why don’t you take his order while I take a break?”

“Sure.” Justin’s eyes finally took in the man at the booth. There was something so alluring about him. Justin’s dick hardened quicker than watching the dirtiest porn had ever made him. “What can I get you?” He thanked God that his voice remained even.

A smile slowly formed on Brian’s lips as he appraised the blond closer. He was beautiful. Brian didn’t usually use that word to describe anything, and definitely not men, men he wanted to fuck, but the blond owned that word. “I’ll have the special, no mayo.”

Justin scribbled the order down, grateful for an excuse to look away from the intense stare for a moment. “What to drink?” he asked without looking up.

Brian held up the glass of water Debbie had brought him when he’d first arrived. “I’ll just have water.”

Justin gave Brian a quick smile. “Okay, I’ll go put that in.” He looked around the diner and only counted three other customers. “It shouldn’t take too long.”

“Okay.” Brian really didn’t give a shit how long it took for him to get his grilled turkey sandwich as long as he got to stare at the fabulous ass walking away from him while he waited.

He decided that maybe it wasn’t so bad that Michael had ditched him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin took two orders and bussed three tables before the cook hit the bell, indicating that the gorgeous brunet’s order was up. Debbie had returned from her break just as he grabbed the plate from the window.

“Don’t let him give you no trouble, Sunshine,” she said.

“Ah… okay?” Justin didn’t think the man looked like trouble.

“He’s one of my boys,” Debbie elaborated.

Debbie had introduced Justin to her son Michael, his boyfriend and friends on his first day. The man had been polite, as was his partner and the two other men with them, but he’d forgotten their names. Justin took her words to heart and cautiously made his way over to the man’s table. “Here you are.”

Brian looked at the plate before him and then held Justin’s eyes. “Delicious.”

“Enjoy,” Justin said, quickly turning to take the order of the patrons in the booth behind the gorgeous brunet.

Brian picked up his sandwich, bit into it and nearly choked on the mustard that filled his mouth. It dripped all over his plate as he coughed and threw it down, causing it to land half on the plate and half on the table. “What the fuck?” he grumbled, taking the top piece of bread off to examine the monstrosity of a sandwich drowning in mustard.

Justin had finished taking the women’s orders seated in the booth behind Brian and turned back to him to address his griping. “Something wrong with your sandwich?”

Brian took a bunch of napkins from the dispenser on the table and regarded Justin with an annoyed expression. “‘No mayo’ doesn’t mean that I want a pound of fucking mustard to take its place.”

Justin watched as the man wiped the copious amounts of yellow off the turkey. It was a messy job and he felt for the man. “Do you want me to ask the cook to remake your sandwich?”

“No,” Brian bitched, flinging the soggy napkins onto the tabletop, “just do something about these.”

“Sure,” Justin gathered and piled the napkins in his hands. “I’m really sorry about…” Sudden heat spread like wildfire from his hands to his throat. Justin knew what was coming next and there was no time to stop it or ask for help. His throat tightened the same moment he dropped the napkins from his burning hands, which were swelling and blistering before his eyes. “Shit!” he garbled out, grabbing at his throat and trying to pull in breaths.

Brian wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on and by the time he recovered enough to ask, Debbie was beside Justin, holding onto Justin’s arm and sitting him down in the seat across from him. “It’s okay, Sunshine, slow breaths, kiddo.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Brian asked, leaping from the booth. The kid was gasping for air and turning blue before their eyes.

“Under the register, Brian! On the shelf, black case, it’s his EpiPen.”

Customers and employees had begun to notice the commotion and inadvertently got in the way of Brian, forcing him to hop the bar. He found the case in seconds and was back on the other side a moment later, yelling at the nosey crowd, “Back the fuck up! Can’t you see he needs some air?”

Justin started to feel himself blacking out, he could hardly see straight and his body felt like it’d spiked a hundred degrees. Pain radiated from his hands, wrists, and neck. He tried his hardest to stay calm and breathe, but he couldn’t pull enough air into his lungs. Debbie held him, brushing the hair from his sweating face as his body violently shook. Everything went in slow motion; sounds were either ear piercing or not there at all. Tears clouded what vision he had left and he barely made out Brian kneeling in front of him.

“Where does it go?” Brian asked, taking the gray safety cap off.

“In his thigh,” Debbie instructed, “just go through his jeans.”

Brian’s hand shook from the adrenaline coursing through his body but he managed to inject the shot into the kid’s thigh.

Justin jumped as he felt the thick needle enter him. He was still feeling his anaphylactic reaction but just knowing that he had the epinephrine in his body calmed him considerably.

“Wait ten seconds before you remove it.” Debbie advised. She then looked toward one of the other waitresses. “What’s everyone looking at us for?” She cocked her head at a patron. “Call 911!”

~~~~~~~~~~

He’d nearly died, dying hair. It sounded funny to Justin whenever he thought about it. He’d almost died dying Daphne’s hair! It was so completely silly and would be completely unbelievable if it weren’t he, one of the most unlucky people to exist on the planet.

He hadn’t even put any of the dye on Daphne’s hair when the reaction began. Justin had still been in the process of mixing the cream that promised to make Daphne’s hair shine with highlights. It was a few days before they started high school and Daphne had wanted a ‘completely new look’ for her freshman year. Justin ended up missing the first two weeks; he spent them in the hospital, his arm receiving IV fluids and epinephrine while doctors closely monitored him for further reaction.

The worst thing for Justin was the 143 different needle pricks he had to endure to test what other allergies he had developed since the codeine reaction he’d had when he was eight. It was almost a good thing he’d had the reaction while dying Daphne’s hair because he apparently had developed an allergy to 13 new things, which brought his count to 21. Luckily, in the almost eight years since the incident, regular allergy tests hadn’t turned up anything new, but what he was allergic to made his life difficult enough.

Now, there was one more thing to add to the list.

But that wasn’t the end of it, oh no. Now his hands were itching from the bandages that wound up to his elbows. It made him nauseous to look at his fingernails because his fingers were so swollen, the nails looked tiny in comparison. That was how his body felt barely compared to his mind. He was totally fucked for money now, there was no way he was going to be able to work for a while, and school… he didn’t even want to think about how far behind he’d be in his final projects. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

The number Justin had given Debbie at the diner for his emergency contacts had been his mother’s cell phone, which didn’t work out of the country. So he’d rattled off to Brian his sister’s cell number, once he could breathe properly, and they removed the ventilator tube as they reached the hospital. A nurse had held a phone to his ear while he explained to his sister about what happened. Molly was only fourteen, so it wasn’t as though she could do much for him, but she did call their mother’s hotel and leave a message about Justin and which hospital he was at so that she would call him when she got in.

Justin was certain that he was going to ruin her honeymoon but he had no choice. Once she found out he had no one to care for him at home, she would be on the next flight back from Paris. Daphne was gone to Canada for a sorority sister retreat, Molly was under their father’s care while their mother was gone. He couldn’t have been more fucked if he’d planned it himself. _This is what being a reclusive artist gets you,_ he’d thought.

Then he got a call from Debbie, who had somehow found out what room he was in and told him that Brian was waiting at the hospital until she could get up there to see him. Debbie wouldn’t take no for an answer, even though Justin had told her many times that she didn’t have to come. A few days before he’d made the mistake of telling Debbie that his mother was on her honeymoon in Europe, so she wouldn’t accept him being alone without a ‘mother’ when he was hurt. As soon as he got off the phone with her, he asked the nurse to find Brian.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian couldn’t believe that Debbie had guilted him into riding with the kid in the ambulance. He’d found out the kid’s name was Justin Taylor. He was 21 years old and the allergy card the medics found in his wallet said there were 21 allergies listed. Justin would have to get a new card made now.

Brian hadn’t seen the card for himself, but he guessed that most allergic reactions weren’t as painful as the new one Justin would have to deal with from now on. He guessed that the burning rash that spread from the tips of Justin’s fingers to the top of his elbows probably would’ve made Justin scream if he’d been able to breathe when it had happened. All right, so he did feel a little bad for Justin. The kid was an artist and waiter and now he wouldn’t be able to use his hands until the swelling and rash went away. But that still didn’t justify Brian spending his Saturday afternoon at Allegheny General Hospital.

“He’s going to be fine. He just had an allergic reaction and they’ll be watching him for the next hour before sending him home,” he assured Debbie over the pay phone. He never should’ve called her for the second time. She said she’d spoken to Justin, so she probably knew more about his status than he did. He just wanted to make her hurry so he could go home.

“He could’ve died, Brian!” Debbie yelled. “He sounded like shit when I talked to him. His poor mother is in Paris and he doesn’t have anyone to care for him until she returns.”

“And that’s my fault?”

“You and your calories counting! You just couldn’t leave well-enough alone?”

Brian held the phone away from him, rubbed his ear and positioned the mouthpiece in front of his lips. “Just because I said ‘no-mayo’, it didn’t give the cook free reign to put a gallon of mustard on it,” he defended. “Besides, all your other bus-boys use gloves when they’re cleaning up.”

“I saw you throwing those napkins around like a little baby,” Debbie huffed. “They could’ve waited to be picked up but you just had to be an asshole.”

“Mr. Kinney?”

“Well it’s **not** my fault. Blame the cook or better yet, blame Justin. He should’ve known better.”

“ _He_ should’ve known!” Debbie roared. “Well, I’ll tell you what you…”

“Deb, I’ve got to go, a nurse is calling me.” Brian looked toward the woman in scrubs who was calling his name. “Come as soon as Kiki gets there, I don’t want to be here all day.”

“I already told the kid I’d be there,” Debbie huffed. “I wouldn’t abandon him after what he’s been through. You’d better not act like an asshole to him,” she warned. “The kid was scared shitless. Just think if that were Gus what would you do?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Bye, Deb. Get here soon because I don’t know how long I’ll be here.” He hung up the phone and walked over to the woman calling his name. “I’m Mr. Kinney. How is he… uh Justin?”

“Justin is okay. We'll be running some tests and watching him for the next 24 hours, but after that he should be all right to go home.”

Brian had introduced himself on the ride over in the ambulance. It was one of many things he’d rambled about to keep Justin calm on the drive there. The E.M.T.’s had encouraged him to talk and keep Justin occupied while they set him up with an I.V., something that took an extremely long, painful amount of time because of how swollen Justin’s hands and arms were. Justin had acted terrified, he’d even asked Brian to go with him while the staff admitted him but the doctor had been against it and so Brian had waited.

"You can go back and see him," the nurse suggested and pointed. "He's just down that hall. Room 101."

Brian was perfectly fine with staying in the waiting area until Debbie arrived but he did sort of feel guilty. The situation had been a little eency bit his fault. So he nodded at the nurse and turned down the hall she indicated to his right. Once he found the room, he heard Justin's aggravated voice through the cracked door.

"Dr. Lark, I’m telling you, I don't need to have more allergy tests and I don't need to stay overnight. What you guys are going to charge me will be what it costs for me to attend a semester at school. I can’t afford that."

“Mr. Taylor, these aren’t preventative…”

Brian walked in, interrupting the doctor’s words with some of his own, “I’ll be paying the bill. Whatever it is that he needs to have done, do.”

“You’re **not** paying for this!” Justin gasped, sitting upright. “I don’t even know you.”

“Then why did you tell the nurse to have me come see you?” Brian asked, nonplussed by Justin’s outburst.

“Because I heard you’ve been waiting all this time and I wanted to tell you that you could leave if you needed to.”

Dr. Lark looked confused as he looked back and forth from Brian to Justin and settled his gaze on Brian again. “I appreciate you offering to pay my patient’s hospital bill, but I’ll have to ask you to respect his decision and leave the room.”

Brian definitely wasn’t going to stay where he wasn’t wanted and he hated the whole awkward situation anyway, so he quickly turned to go.

“Wait,” Justin called, “I also wanted to say thanks.”

Brian grunted and turned. “For what?”

“For saving me.” He paused and gave Brian a small smile. “And for offering to pay for my hospital bills.” It was a nice gesture, but Justin wasn’t about to except it. He could only imagine what Brian Kinney would be expecting from him in return and he definitely wouldn’t be getting it.

“I didn’t save you, the EpiPen did.” Brian took a large breath. “By the way, the offer still stands.”

“I hate to interrupt,” Dr. Lark said sarcastically, “but we’ve got to get started on admitting you. It’s highly possible that you could experience anaphylaxis shock within the next 12 to 24 hours. If you decide to go home against my orders, it is Allegheny General’s policy to not admit you again and we will not prescribe you for a replacement EpiPen.”

Justin felt like total complete shit and the doctor’s warnings only pissed him off more. And there was Brian, a man who Debbie had basically warned him to stay away from, yet had sent with him to the hospital, who, in a sense, cared for him. The man Justin had nicknamed ‘gorgeous brunet’ was offering to pay his medical bills, something not even his father had done when he’d called Molly to tell her that he was in the hospital.

He didn’t want the doctor banning him from going to Allegheny if he had another reaction and there was a risk that he might have another if he went home. Sure, he had another EpiPen at home and one in his broken down, piece of shit car, but he knew that there was a chance it wouldn’t work in such a short period of time if he went into shock again. He would have to have a higher dose of epinephrine, which only the hospital could administer to him. Justin had no other choice than to listen to the doctor.

“Fine, I’ll stay overnight, but that doesn’t mean I need him,” Justin gestured to Brian with one of his bandaged hands, “to pay the bill. I’ll figure out something.”

“Your payment can be discussed with financial resources, Mr. Taylor,” the doctor said. “I’m here to treat you, nothing more.” He started to unwrap the bandages on Justin’s left arm, making his patient hiss in pain. “It’s about time we give your skin some air. I’m not sure why the E.R. decided to wrap you up in the first place.”

Justin blinked slowly and tears sprang into his eyes as the bandage pulled at his skin. “Me neither,” he groaned, looking down and away from both Brian and the doctor.

Brian looked on and winced as he saw Justin’s arm and hand completely revealed. It looked much worse than it had in the ambulance. His once creamy pale skin was swollen and had turned a sunburn red color and there was pus oozing from some of the pinprick sized bumps covering his arms. He couldn’t believe that touching a little bit of mustard had caused such a terrible reaction.

“Do you think this is going to leave scars?” Justin asked fearfully.

The doctor tossed the bandages in the waste bin while shaking his head. “I’d say that it all looks like it’s on the top layer of your skin. You might peel as you would with sunburn for the next week or two, but it will heal.”

“It burns,” Justin admitted, “and itches.”

“I’d advise you not to scratch yourself,” Dr. Lark advised. “I’m going to look into getting you something for the pain and itching that you aren’t allergic to, but that will have to wait until after your tests which I’ll get scheduled now. A nurse will come to move you to an overnight room in a few minutes and I’ll meet you there soon.”

Justin sagged back against his pillow. “Okay, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Dr. Lark gave Brian a sly grin as he passed him and walked out of the room.

Brian had a strong remorseful feeling creep into his stomach as he looked at Justin lying in the hospital bed. Even if he’d been a drama queen when he’d offered to pay for school, Justin was being quite brave. He was a raving asshole whenever he got a tanning bed burn and his skin looked nowhere near as red as Justin’s skin was now. “So… I’m going to go call Debbie and update her.” Brian wanted to tear his hair out when he heard how wobbly his voice was.

Justin sighed, “Oh… okay. Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah. Later.”

“Later,” Justin replied closing his eyes, when he opened them Brian was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours and thirty-two minutes later had Justin moved to a room on the third floor and Brian was still at the hospital, ‘showing support’ as Debbie had put it. Yes, Brian was supporting a blond twink he didn’t know. He blamed Debbie and he blamed himself for accompanying Justin to the hospital in the first place.

Brian paced the smoking patio while he talked to Debbie on his cell phone. “Deb, I’ve got shit to do. Justin doesn’t even want me here!”

“That’s because he’s trying to be strong. Of course he needs to know someone is there for him.”

“Someone he doesn’t know?” Brian asked, exasperated. “I’m not even in the room with him.”

“Anyone is better no one, Brian. Just knowing you’re there at the hospital if he needs you is enough.”

“How could you know that? You’ve only known him a week! Maybe he actually wants to be left completely alone.”

“Of course he doesn’t want to be alone, he’s just a kid and he’s been through hell today. He needs to know someone is supporting him. I’ll be there soon, so…”

“Yeah, that’s what you said an hour ago. I waited while he got his tests ran and as for support, I’ve gone above and beyond. I offered to pay his hospital bill.”

“You are paying his bills?” Debbie sounded genuinely surprised.

“No. He turned me down.”

“Of course he did. Justin is a hard worker and he has a lot of pride. I doubt you’d take someone’s money if you were in his place.”

“Deb, there’s a blistering sunburn like rash up to his elbows and he’s swollen too. He’s not going to be able to work until they heal.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Debbie gasped. “He didn’t say anything about it. I figured it would go away once the shot kicked in.”

“I thought I did,” Brian growled. So much had gone on Brian couldn’t remember what he had or hadn’t told Debbie.

“Be nice to him, Brian.”

“I’m not even in the room with him, that’s being nice as far as I’m concerned.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Twenty-seven minutes later Brian decided that he was going to leave, no matter what wrath he’d face from Debbie. Thankfully, at exactly that moment, he saw Debbie rushing past the waiting room.

“Deb!” he called.

“What room did they move him to?” Debbie asked, turning around to face Brian.

“314.”

“I’m just glad I made it before visiting hours ended.”

Brian was glad she made it, so he could leave. “I’ll be out of town for meetings the next week or so,” he told her, though he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t often give Debbie his itinerary.

Debbie gave Brian a strange look he didn’t understand and then gave him a hug. “I’m glad you stayed, Brian. There’s hope for you still.”

Brian extracted himself from the hug, waved and turned down the hospital hallway. “Hope?” he whispered aloud, “uh huh.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian had flown to Dallas the following Monday after the anaphylaxis incident and he hadn’t spoken to Debbie or anyone else in Pittsburgh while he was away. After four days in Dallas, he flew to San Diego to coddle a client and scope out the client’s new acquisitions for a week. While there, he got a call from Cynthia regarding a problem with a client based in New York City and it had taken him until last night to resolve the issue. He hadn’t thought about Justin Taylor in all the time that he’d been away, but Brian thought about him from the moment he stepped off his flight once he was back in Pittsburgh.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian was in a piss poor mood today. He’d been aggravated by thoughts of Justin Taylor all morning. By the afternoon, he started actually worrying about the kid, wondering if his Mommy had left her honeymoon early to play nursemaid to her son. That was all he knew of Justin’s plans of recovery and it was annoying him that he didn’t know more, which annoyed him even more when he thought about it.

It wasn’t as if Brian didn’t have a right to know how Justin was recuperating, he had saved the kid’s life, hadn’t he? Didn’t that entitle him to at least a little bit of information about the last two weeks?

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin had recovered much quicker than his doctors told him that he would. The first couple of days when he barely had use of his hands were horrible. His mother went to his house and prepared a week’s worth of breakfast, lunch and dinners that he could eat easily with little use of his hands. Jennifer tried not to coddle him too much and Justin was thankful for that, but it still bothered him that he’d had to ask his mother for help when she should’ve been enjoying the first days of her new marriage.

He’d gone back to work at the diner two days ago. Now only slightly swollen, Justin’s experienced some discomfort in his hands, but he could easily wait tables and work the register. Debbie had insisted that he not bus any tables and if there were an order that came with mustard, she or one of the other waiters would deliver it to the customer. She understood the whole time he’d been off work and guaranteed that he would have his position when he was better- That had been one thing he hadn’t had to worry about while he recovered. He’d gone back the moment Debbie had a free shift to give him, after assuring her that he really and truly was just fine.

Justin had thought about Brian Kinney many times during the last two weeks but never inquired about him in any phone call he had with Debbie or in any of the conversations he’d had with people who he found out were Brian’s friends. He had found out, from eavesdropping on Michael, that Brian had been away on business. Justin was irritated that he even cared about where the man was, he didn’t even know him. From what everyone spoke of Brian, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to.

Brian was surprised to see Justin behind the counter as he walked into the diner. As Justin looked his way, Brian replaced his shocked expression with one of indifference and turned his head, surveying the diner’s crowd. He saw Michael sitting with Ben in a booth and headed their way.

“Hey, you’re back,” Michael said in greeting, standing and kissing his friend.

“Looks like it,” Brian remarked and took Michael’s seat as the other man slid in beside his fiancé.

“Michael said you’ve been flying all over the country,” Ben commented and took a sip of his water. “Good to see you back safe.”

Brian snorted and replied, “Thanks, Ben. And here I thought you’d be glad to be rid of me.”

Michael reached across the table and slapped Brian’s arm. “Of course he cares. Ben loves and cares about those I love, that‘s part of being in a relationship. Not that you‘d know anything thing about that.”

“Thank God.“ Brian rolled his eyes. “So have you picked a date yet?”

“Not yet.” Michael grinned proudly up at Ben.

Brian watched how Ben brushed his hand along Michael’s cheek and then kissed his lips softly. It was such a tender moment, it should’ve made Brian sick from the sweetness, but he saw how happy Mikey was and couldn’t garner the feeling. “So you told Deb, right?”

“Damn right he told me!” Debbie yelled, suddenly appearing beside the booth and startling all three men. “If you ask me, it took him too long.”

Michael cowered a little. “I figured Brian would tell you.”

Brian glared daggers at his friend.

“You told him before you told your mother?” Debbie shrieked.

“Brian happened to call right after I proposed,” Ben supplied, trying to diffuse the tension.

Debbie put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “I expected better from you, Michael.”

A bell dinged by the kitchen window and the cook yelled out, “Deb, orders up!”

Debbie gave Michael and Brian disappointed looks before stomping away.

“I haven’t ordered yet,” Brian yelled after her.

“Neither have we,” Michael added, pouting.

“You’ll have to wait for Justin to take it,” Debbie called back as she grabbed two plates from the windowsill.

“Why’d you have to tell her I knew?” Brian whispered harshly and looked around the diner for Justin.

“I didn’t think it’d be a big deal,” Michael defended.

“Right,” Brian groaned, “it’s only your mother we’re talking about here.”

“I called her the next morning,” Michael said. “We’d already reached our daily phone call limit by the time I talked to you.”

“It was only lunch time then,” Ben teased but kissed Michael softly. “Have you ever tried stopping him from calling her?”

Brian snorted. “I gave up on that a long time ago. If he doesn’t get his daily overdose of doting from his Mommy he’ll project his needs on you.”

“Hey!” Michael protested. “I’m not that bad.”

“Don’t tell me that’s what all the nipple sucking was about,” Ben joked.

“I suck your nipples all the time!” Michael yelled, much to the chagrin of every diner. He put his hands over his red blushing face. “Oh god,” he moaned.

Ben snickered with laughter and kissed Michael’s head. “You’re hot when you blush.”

This time Brian felt like gagging and turned his attention elsewhere. He spotted Justin coming out from the back. “Can we get some service?” he demanded more than asked.

Justin groaned to himself as he headed toward Brian, Michael, and Ben. Before he got to their booth, Emmett and Ted walked in and made their way over to their friends. Emmett squeezed himself in beside Michael and Ted sat beside Brian. Since he’d been back, Justin had talked to Emmett a few times. The effeminate proud man was so sweet and kind to him, that Justin couldn’t help but smile as he approached the table.

“Finally,” Brian grumbled.

Justin ignored Brian and grinned at the rest of the group. “Are all of you ready to order?”

Emmett put down the menu he had picked up. “I don’t know why I have to look at that thing. It never changes.”

“Just like your taste in clothing,” Brian remarked.

Emmett glared and ran his hands down his shiny neon green top. “Thank god.”

“I wasn’t saying you had good…”

Ted dared to put his hand over Brian’s mouth and told Justin, “I’ll have the chicken salad sandwich.” He yanked his hand away as Brian spit into his palm. “Eww!”

“You’re lucky I don’t fire you for that,” Brian snorted.

“I guess it’s my lucky day then,” Ted spoke dryly.

Justin jotted down the men’s order, disappointed that none of them contained mustard. He would’ve preferred someone else to bring it out to them. He liked Ben, Michael, Ted, and Emmett, but Brian and his ‘sense of entitlement’ attitude got annoying. As he put the order in to the cook, he admitted to himself that Brian’s complete lack of acknowledging him as anything more than a waiter bothered him, too. He at least expected the man to ask about his progress, but apparently, that was too much to ask for. Justin had a feeling that people in Brian’s life expected nothing more than the facade he gave them.

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin was a bit clumsy putting the plates down in front of the men. His fingers didn’t feel totally like his own and because of this, Brian’s plate rattled in front of him, spilling half of the mixed vegetables off his roast beef platter. “Sorry, I’ll bring you some more.”

Everyone waited for Brian to blow up. Emmett was prepared to defend the blond and glared daggers at Brian.

“It’s all right,” Brian said, assessing the items on his plate. “I won’t even eat what’s here now.”

“You’re sure?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded. “Your hands aren’t back to normal yet?” he asked.

Justin stretched out his arms for Brian to see how well they had healed. “Just a little swollen but almost as good as new.”

“So they don’t hurt anymore?” Brian inquired, reaching out to grab one of Justin’s wrists to inspect his skin.

Michael guffawed. “You actually care?”

“He did go with him to the hospital,” Ben reminded his fiancé.

“Yeah and Ma said he bitched about leaving the whole time he was there!” Michael revealed.

Justin jerked his hand back and narrowed his hurt eyes at Brian. “Sorry for the inconvenience, Brian.”

“You didn’t have to say that in front of him,” Ted said, surprising Brian.

Michael gave a sheepish look. “Sorry, it’s just…” He looked up at Justin. “He’s only asking because he probably wants to have you in tip-top shape before he hits on you.”

“Michael,” Brian grit out between his clenched teeth. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Or is that tip-bottom shape?” Emmett asked. He laughed, assuming that Brian’s anger was a result of Michael catching him trying to pick up the sweet blond.

“Well he can hit on me all he wants,” Justin told Michael. His voice was loud and firm as he spoke again, “But I’m _never_ going to fuck him. He can have anyone he wants but he can’t have me.”

The diner crowd went silent for a split second and then a chorus of ‘oohs’ and gasps erupted from the diners. They all knew of Brian Kinney’s reputation and to see and hear Justin turn him down was a huge shock. The happy waiter had balls and his firm tone of voice convinced them that he wasn’t kidding.

Brian remained calm and did what he always did in situations of the like. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to fuck you but I wasn’t hitting on you. You’d know it if I was and asking about your puffy, peeling hands was not a come on. I was asking because I wanted to be sure that none of your skin flaked off into our food.”

The diners all changed their tone immediately, some making gagging noise while others just pushed their plates away and started hollering for their check.

Justin raised his arms in the air and waved them around. “As you can see, my skin is no longer peeling. If you want to check for yourselves, feel free.”

A rush of men swarmed around Justin, feeling up his arms and hands, all giving their approving and admiring comments. Justin was burning mad but as he saw Brian fuming with jealousy, it lessened the angry fire within him.

 _Game on_ , Brian thought, grinning at Justin.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Debbie asked, standing at the door of the diner with her hands on her hips. She looked at Justin and the six men surrounding him. “All I wanted was a half-hour break!”

“He told everyone there was skin flakes in our food,” the woman behind Brian told Debbie, pointing at him.

The men surrounding Justin scattered back to their seats as Debbie came toward him. “Are you all right, sweetie?”

“I’m fine, Deb. No harm done.”

Debbie tapped her foot on the floor and eyed Brian. “Trying to lose us business Brian? Or are you trying to get Justin fired. Which is it?” she demanded.

Brian cleared his dry throat but couldn’t speak. He had no idea how him simply inquiring about Justin’s injury had turned into what it did.

And that was the day that Brian Kinney treated all the customers of Liberty Diner to dinner. It was also the day that Justin Taylor decided that leading Brian on wouldn’t be the meanest thing ever done.


	2. Credence: Chapter Two: "Designation"

**Credence  
Chapter Two: “Designation”**

_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. - Carl Jung_

**April**

Brian hadn’t been avoiding the diner. He’d just had lunches with clients scheduled for the last couple of weeks. His assistant, Jeffrey, was a connoisseur of fine restaurants in Pittsburgh and provided Brian with dozens of options to eat lunch. Jeffrey gave him so many options in fact, that, unless Brian was eating dinner at Deb’s on Sunday nights, he had dinner at the recommended restaurants. 

You could say he had a new hobby, one that actually didn’t include sex. He even broke a few rules, eating carbs after seven o’clock when he had to stay later at Exhibition. No, Brian didn’t fuck the hosts, waiters or chefs; he’d fucked a waiter once at his favorite Italian restaurant and didn’t go back for a year, fearful that the scorned trick would spit in his food. He’d learned his lesson then and held back his libido until he went home, changed, and went to Babylon to pick up his dessert.

It had been weeks since he’d seen Justin Taylor and if Brian said that he hadn’t thought about him, he’d be lying. But it wasn’t like he could help it. His friends talked about him as if he was a new toy. In addition to their talking, he’d also had a few dreams about him - hot, sexy, erotic dreams that were too romantic but had him coming in his sleep anyway. Brian wasn’t about to go chasing after blond boy ass. He was confident that the time would come that Justin would come to him.

Only, Brian hadn’t thought that time would be when he was just sitting down at ‘his’ table at _Le Mont_. Jeffrey hadn’t been the one to point him toward the French restaurant; he’d been dining there since Marty Ryder had brought him and a client there years ago.

“Hi.” Justin didn’t know why he’d felt compelled to say hello to Brian, it was obvious the man didn’t see him as anything more than a potential trick. However, ignoring Brian didn’t go along with what he really wanted from him.

“Hi.” Brian raised his eyebrows and glanced over to the chair Justin had vacated. “Meeting someone?”

“Uh… yeah. My mom, her new husband, and my sister. I saw you come in and thought I’d say hi.” He was also bored and they were ten minutes late, but he didn’t tell Brian that. “What about you?”

Brian had never imagined that Justin would look so hot dressed up. He wore a navy blue cardigan, a deep purple, collared shirt underneath with a pair of form-fitting black slacks that hugged his ass and groin. Shifting his eyes back to Justin’s face he replied, “I have dinner here every Friday night.”

“Is Michael joining you?” Justin asked. He couldn’t exactly imagine Michael eating at such a swanky restaurant though. He loved French cuisine himself, but the only reason he was there was because his mother was on a trip for French food since returning from Paris.

“No, I’m eating alone.” Brian was going to slap Justin if he’d seen pity cross his face. There was nothing wrong with enjoying a delicious meal alone. Instead, his blue eyes lit up and he smiled at him.

“Well, you should come join us. My mom won’t care and I’m sure she’d love to meet you. Debbie and everyone else have talked about you.”

Brian wondered if ‘everyone else’ included Justin. “So, she’s met the gang and isn’t afraid of her little boy being taken in by the wrong crowd?”

Justin laughed softly and put one hand on his hip. “Oh, please. My mom loves Debbie and she loves ‘the gang’ too. She isn’t as uptight as she used to be. Not since she married Tucker.”

“Why’s that?” Brian asked. He had a vision of Justin’s mother being like June Cleaver. Not that he’d ever met the woman, but he would bet that his imagination was accurate.

Justin gestured to the front of the restaurant where his mother, Tucker, and Molly were checking their coats. “That’s them.”

Jennifer was as beautiful as Brian pictured, his sister looked like a younger version of Justin with long hair, and the new hubby, Tucker… “He’s awfully young,” Brian said quietly.

Justin scrunched his face up. “Yeah, my mother is a cougar.” He pointed to the round table he’d come from. “So are you coming?”

Brian wasn’t sure, but he could’ve sworn he caught a twinkle in Justin’s eye as he asked him that question. He figured it wouldn’t be so bad, it might even be entertaining to eat with Justin and his family. It would also score Brian some major points toward fucking the blond. “Yeah, sure.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin had forgotten about his cruel intentions five minutes into dinner. Brian was charming and he loved how his mother reacted to him. Tucker was silently jealous and brooding about it, but could say or do nothing. It was great! Justin couldn’t deny that Brian was the most gorgeous man he’d probably ever laid eyes on, and he couldn’t stop himself from amping up the sexual energy between them by touching Brian whenever the chance presented itself, but it had nothing to do with the original reason he’d asked Brian to join them for dinner. In fact, when Justin thought about those reasons for a split-second before Brian complimented his mother on her choice of wine and saw her face flush, he decided that he would permanently lock those other thoughts away. Brian and he had gotten off on rough start, but Justin could see why Brian had the good, loyal friends he had.

“You’re nothing like Debbie described,” Jennifer commented to Brian. “Nor your friends.”

Brian laughed it off. “I bet.”

“Actually, that came out wrong,” Jennifer said as an apology. “They, of course, told me to keep Justin far away from you.”

“What?” Justin hissed. “That isn’t any of their business.”

“As my friends, they consider everything in my life their business,” Brian explained.

Justin pouted. He didn’t appreciate anyone telling him whom he could or could not date. _Not_ that he and Brian were going to ever date.

“They had good things to say,” Jennifer assured. “They just didn’t tell me how well rounded you were. You remind me a lot of Justin.”

Brian could tell from the way Jennifer was looking at her son as she spoke that her words were a great compliment to him. He didn’t necessarily agree with them but he accepted them nonetheless. “Thank you, Jennifer.”

“She means that you’re both gay,” Molly snickered quietly.

“I don’t think so, Molly,” Tucker spoke up. “I think she means that, like your brother, Brian is….”

Brian wondered what Tucker was going to say but figured it was probably better that he didn’t finish his sentence.

“Can we not talk about me like I’m not here?” Justin interrupted.

Brian patted Justin’s leg. “Calm down.”

Tucker shrugged it off. “Jen, have you decided if you want to order Bananas Foster for dessert? It says we have to place the order with our dinner order.”

“That sounds delicious,” Jennifer said with a long sigh. “Will you share it with me?”

“As in feed it to you?” Tucker teased, kissing Jennifer’s mouth sensually.

“Ewww…. Gross!” Molly and Justin said in unison.

“I’m sure your mother doesn’t say that when she watches you kiss someone,” Brian teased Justin.

“Justin’s never kissed a boy in front of me,” Jennifer revealed.

“Or me,” Molly added.

Justin pushed the hair out of his eyes and sat back in the chair. “I probably never will.”

“Now, there’s no need to deny your mom and sister the pleasure of seeing you with your tongue down another man’s throat,” Brian teased.

“All right, stop talking about my sex life please,” Justin begged.

“Like you even have one,” Molly replied.

“Molly,” Jennifer said in a hushed tone. “Be quiet.”

“Well it’s true, isn’t it?” she asked.

“What’s true?” Brian questioned. He was admittedly lost.

Molly looked at her brother and said firmly, “Tell him, Justin.”

“Tell me what?” Brian implored, curious. A second later, he realized that Molly was trying to call her brother out as a virgin. Well, Brian wouldn’t go that far, perhaps Justin appeared a little prudish, but he wasn’t a virgin.

“Nothing,” Justin griped. “Molly likes to think she knows everything about me but she doesn’t really know anything.”

“I know more than you’d like me to know,” she teased.

Jennifer shook her head and gave Molly a look of warning. “That is not appropriate dinner conversation.”

At that moment, a waitress appeared at their table. Justin smiled brightly at the woman and thought, _I’m saved!_.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian had never gone to so much trouble to fuck a trick before. Not that the dinner with Justin’s family had been horrible, it had actually been better than eating alone. Molly was hilarious and a constant torment to Justin, throwing out insults and innuendos about her brother that embarrassed him to the point where his entire face would become flushed. Brian got hard every time that Justin would whine to his mother, begging her to make Molly shut up while unable to stop his quiet giggles. Brian attributed his erection to Justin’s pale skin reddening and the thoughts that it conjured, like, if his skin did the same thing when he came. But deep inside, Brian knew he had a kink for Justin’s nervous giggles.

“You really didn’t have to pay for dinner, Brian,” Jennifer spoke once they entered the elevator. “But thank you for doing so, it was a nice treat.”

“Anytime,” Brian replied.

Tucker shook Brian’s hand and said, “Next time it’ll be on me.”

Brian almost asked why the man would think there would be a next time but held his tongue and just nodded in acceptance. After he got Justin Taylor out of his system tonight, there wouldn’t be any reason to eat a family dinner with him again.

The elevator stopped and the group filed out into the restaurant lobby.

“Justin, do you want us to give you a ride home?” Tucker asked as they walked outside.

“I can take you where you need to go,” Brian offered.

“No thanks,” Justin said, zipping his jacket. “It’s a nice night and I think I’m going to walk through the park, maybe get some inspiration for my class.”

“I don’t like you walking around in the park this late all alone,” Jennifer chided. “It’s dangerous.”

Molly snorted. “Mom, it’s only nine, that’s not late.”

Brian’s reservation had been for six-thirty, he could hardly believe they’d been at the restaurant so long. Usually, Brian would be on his way to Woody’s, or at the baths, satisfied by at least one mouth or ass with another lined up. Brian always succeeded in reaching his goals and getting Justin to warm up to him helped him in his venture. “I’ll walk with him,” he offered.

Justin looked between his mother and Brian. “I don’t need a chaperone. I’ve walked through the park a thousand times much later than this.”

“All right, honey,” Jennifer, agreed, laughter in her voice. She gave Justin a kiss. “Call me tomorrow so I know you’re not dead.”

“I will.” Justin replied squeezing her back. He then gave Molly a hug. “Bye, Mol.”

“Bye, Jus.”

Tucker stood back, feeling awkward at the exchange. “See you soon, Justin.”

Justin waved them all off as they walked toward the parking garage before turning toward Brian and asked, “What about you?”

Brian chuckled. “What about _me_?”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

 _In your ass_? Brian thought deviously. He straightened the collar on his jacket and nodded across the street. “I’m going to walk off that Bananas Foster. What about you?”

Justin sighed with great reluctance. “I’m telling you right now that I only walk through parks with men while they hold my hand.”

Brian laughed. “That’s ridiculous!”

Justin saw the traffic on the street was minimal and quickly crossed, calling over his shoulder, “Suit yourself!”

 _If only Mikey could see me now,_ Brian thought, running after Justin and nearly being hit by a car in the process.

Justin waited at the entrance to the park, tapping his foot on the cobblestone pathway. As Brian got closer to him, he held out his hand. Honestly, Justin hadn’t ever walked through a park holding anyone’s hand but his mother’s when he was a child, he just wanted to fuck with Brian. It would be interesting to see how far Brian would go to get in his pants, especially because the result would be the same in the end. He had no doubt about that.

Brian couldn’t believe he actually did it. He grasped Justin’s hand, which was much softer than he imagined it being. “So you’re all healed?” he asked, not wanting to dwell on the completely out of character action he’d just caved in on.

“Aww… you do care,” Justin said in a dramatic tone.

Brian wondered how long they’d have to walk in the park before Justin would give in to the obvious sexual chemistry between them and start begging Brian to fuck him. “Mikey can be an ass.”

“It was true though. You hated that you had to go with me to the hospital, you hated staying there, and you were only asking if I was okay so you’d know if it were safe to fuck me.”

“You’re wrong about the last one and so was Michael.” Brian wasn’t going to sugarcoat it. “You could’ve died right in front of me, so yeah I actually did c…c….”

“Care about me?” Justin supplied, looking sideways at Brian. He laughed as Brian scrunched up his face in distaste. “It is okay to actually give a shit about another human being’s well fare, you know.”

“I do want to fuck you,” Brian said pointedly, “and I know you want me to fuck you.”

Justin stopped walking and dropped Brian’s hand. “Didn’t you hear me in the diner the other day? That’s not going to happen. So… maybe you should just…”

Brian pulled Justin against his body and rocked against him while whispering in his ear, “Maybe you should just give in now.”

Justin pushed the man away from him and shook his head, his face a mask of disappointment. “Just because I want you, doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on what I really want in life just for a roll in the hay.”

Brian pretended to be interested and asked, “And what is it that Justin Taylor wants in life?”

Justin really wished Brian wasn’t so fucking sexy when he was being an asshole; it would make things so much easier on them both. “If you actually wanted to know I’d tell you. But you don’t.”

“Humor me then,” Brian said, taking Justin’s hand in his own and pulling him along the path by the river.

“We’re not much different, Brian. My mom was right about that.”

“We’re both hot?” Brian supplied dryly.

Justin ignored that. “We both have rules and we stick to them.”

“You’ve been talking to Mikey.”

“I have,” Justin admitted. “You don’t do boyfriends, you don’t believe in love, you don’t go on dates, and you don’t believe that sex can mean anything more than just sex.”

“And your rules?” Brian prompted, already guessing as to what Justin’s answer would be.

“I’m not going to tell you, you’d just make fun of me.”

Brian shrugged in acceptance, he probably would. “I’m going to fuck you.”

Justin laughed, slid his hand from Brian’s and sat down on one of the benches by the water. “I don’t have random sex.”

Brian looked down at Justin and tried his best to figure the younger man out. He wondered idly what it would take to get in Justin’s ass. Would it be so bad doing whatever was required? “How many dates does a guy have to take you on to get in your pants then?” he boldly asked. His tone changed to a mocking sneer, “Are those your rules? One date and he gets to suck your cock, two dates and you suck his? Three dates and you’ll let him eat your ass? Four dates and he gets inside?”

Justin abruptly stood, feeling a bit shaken at the questions. “Bye, Brian. Don’t… don’t fucking follow me, okay?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian pretend to be interested in the pamphlet Lindsay handed him and acted like he was interested in what was inside as he flipped through it.

“He’s really talented. Sydney wants to hire him on as soon as he graduates.”

“What?” Brian was confused. “Who?”

“Justin,” Lindsay explained, about to throw the cup of hot coffee she had in her hand at Brian. “He’s an artist.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” Brian, remarked. He looked at the front of the yellow paper and read ‘Emerging Artists Show’ and it clicked. “Justin is in this show.”

Lindsay wanted to throttle him. “Have you been listening to me at all?”

“Yeah,” Brian lied as he stood from the sofa and tucked the pamphlet into his back pocket. There was no way he was going to tell her that as soon as she started talking about art he started thinking about Justin, correction: Justin’s ass. His hard cock needed attention immediately. “Gotta go.”

“Gus had fun with you,” Lindsay said, giving Brian a kiss. “You can do the same thing every Saturday if you want.”

“Maybe I’ll take him for lunch next time.” He hoped he’d be able to sleep in next week and not be awake at dawn.

Lindsay nodded. “He liked you surprising him.”

Brian hadn’t ever seen Gus so happy to see him. “Then don’t tell him about lunch next week, we’ll make it another surprise.”

“He usually wakes up from his nap around one.”

“Okay.” Brian turned to go but Lindsay grabbed his arm and stopped him. “What?”

“You’re not going to forget are you?”

“You sound like Mel,” Brian bitched, slipping from her grasp. “I always come when I say I will.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian went to _The Gravel Pit_ after leaving Lindsay’s house. He needed to scratch the itch under his skin and did so after thoroughly fucking a tall, beefy, ginger; followed by a brunet twink who promised to be a power-bottom - good for Brian, he hadn’t lied. Brian left the bathhouse feeling satisfied but starving. It was nearly five and he hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast with Gus.

After going back to the loft to shower and change clothes, he stopped by _China Palace_ and picked up two huge bags of food, then walked over to _Red Cape Comics_. Michael always worked Saturday nights and he knew that even if The Professor had packed Mikey a dinner, he’d toss it in a second for Chinese food.

The comic book shop was dark and the closed sign already hung in the window. Mikey hadn’t pulled the gate down yet so Brian figured he had to be there. He could hardly see through the posters and comics on the window and door but he was sure he saw a light on. Brian kicked the bottom of the door hard a few times before yelling, “Mikey!” It was hard to kick the door while trying to keep the bags of food in his arms. “Michael, open up! I’m gonna drop this shit out here and you’ll have rats eating your comic books!”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin and Michael both jumped at the sudden kicking on the door.

“Fuck, who is that?” Justin asked, a little worried that someone was trying to break in. A second later, he had his answer. “Doesn’t he own a cell phone?” Justin grumbled.

Michael rolled his eyes and stood up from the floor. “I’ll go see what he wants.” He carefully navigated around the sketches surrounding them.

“I guess I could use a break,” Justin admitted, standing up and following Michael out of the storage room.

“I’m coming!” Michael yelled, the second he entered the shop.

The kicking immediately stopped, but the yelling didn’t. “Hurry up, Mikey!”

“I said I’m coming!” Michael went to the door, unlocked, and opened it. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Brian thrust one of the bags of food at Michael and walked inside. “I brought you dinner. Why the fuck did you clo…. Oh.” He hadn’t expected to see Justin. Just what the fuck were he and Michael doing together?

Michael didn’t want to kick Brian out, but he and Justin were in a creative bubble and he didn’t want Brian to burst it. “Thanks for dinner but…”

“Jesus, what are you, my stalker?” Brian asked.

 _Too late_ , Michael thought. “We’re working, Brian,” he tried to explain.

Justin looked at Brian as if he had two heads. “I’ve only seen you like once in the past month.” It occurred to him that Brian must not have been able to get him out of his head, much as he hadn’t been able to get Brian out of his own.

“Yeah, well…”

“Brian brought dinner!” Michael interrupted. The amount of animosity between the two men was frustrating. He almost wished they’d just fuck and get it over with already. Almost. If they actually did fuck, he was sure Justin would get hurt.

“I see that,” Justin spoke slowly. “For you two. I doubt there is anything in that bag I can eat.”

“Good, bye-bye then,” Brian said, waving his hand toward the door.

“Don’t listen to him,” Michael said, walking toward Justin. “He can leave. Or he can stay if he can actually behave. I’m sure there’s something you can eat that he’s brought.”

Justin ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “Nah, that’s all right. They probably use peanut oil to cook in and I’m not hungry anyway. I think I’m just going to go home. I’ve got an early shift at the diner tomorrow.”

“You’re sure?” Michael asked.

Justin nodded. “Yeah. Let me go grab my stuff. Do you want me to take the sketches or…”

“I’ll clean them up and put them somewhere safe,” Michael said, giving Justin an apologetic look.

“Kay.” Justin took off into the back to grab his things, silently fuming. He wasn’t angry with Michael. He just didn’t understand how anyone could be friends with Brian. The man was an arrogant prick. Just because Justin didn’t want to fuck him, scratch that, wouldn’t fuck him, he thought that was reason enough to act like a bastard.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Call me when you have time to get together again,” Michael said.

“I will,” Justin replied. “See ya.”

Michael locked the door and turned to Brian. “What the fuck is the matter with you?”

Brian dropped the noodles he’d been scooping onto a Styrofoam plate onto the counter. Michael was well and truly pissed which surprised him because he hadn’t got the impression that Michael was Justin’s biggest fan. “Is that a rhetorical question?”

Michael stomped up to the counter and glared up at his best friend. “Are you jealous?”

Brian snorted. “What do I care if you want to hang out with Justin? You’re my best friend.”

“I think you care that Justin wants to hang out with me,” Michael stated. “You’re jealous of me and it pisses you off.”

“What?”

“You want him and you’re pissed off that he doesn’t want you.”

“I can have any guy I…”

“Except him,” Michael interrupted. “And it’s driving you crazy.”

“What’s driving me crazy is this pointless conversation.” Brian shoved a plate toward Michael. “Get some food before it gets cold.”

“Not until you answer a question. And you have to be honest or I’ll know you’re lying and then you can just leave.”

Brian batted his eyes and tried to look innocent. “All right.”

“Are you more bothered by the fact that Justin won’t fuck you or are you more bothered by the fact that you want to fuck him and maybe you like Justin and don’t want to just fuck him?”

“First,” Brian sighed, “that was like three questions.”

“Then I’ll rephrase,” Michael said, playing along. “Do you want to date Justin?”

“I don’t even know him.”

Michael smiled. “You do!”

“I do not!”

“Yes, yes you do. If you didn’t want to, you would’ve said that you don’t ‘do’ dates, or some bullshit like that. But you didn’t.”

“Fuck you!” Brian threw a noodle at Michael.

Michael began spooning copious amounts of food on his plate. “So did you bring a joint?”

“Of course.”

Michael snickered to himself. If Brian got stoned then he might actually be able to talk him into answering more questions about his feelings for Justin. He hadn’t ever seen Brian turned down before, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened. It probably had but Brian ignored it and moved on to the next. There had to be something special about Justin if he made Brian Kinney lose his cool.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What are you doing back already?” Daphne asked, clicking off the TV. “I thought you were putting together comic book ideas with Michael.”

“We were,” Justin answered, toeing off his shoes. “Then Brian came by and interrupted the flow, so I left.”

“Well I’m glad you’re back, I’ve got something to tell you. Oh, and Anna called and said the electric is back on in our building so I can get back home and start researching my paper. You not having internet totally sucks.”

“Yeah it does,” Justin agreed. “But I can’t afford it. I’m lucky Trent lets me steal his cable. So what did you have to tell me?”

“He came over while you were gone,” Daphne said, grinning sheepishly. “This whole time he thought I was your girlfriend.”

“No way!” Justin gasped, sitting beside Daphne on the couch. “He’s gay, how could he not know that I’m gay? When he came over last week and we all watched that movie I was obscenely drooling over Ashton Kutcher the whole time.”

“He thought you were bisexual and that I had a kink for watching you flirt with other men. It was the whole me snuggling you thing coupled with the fact that he’s known you for a month and you haven’t tried to fuck him.”

“God, what is up with everyone assuming that just because they’re hot that I should want to fuck them?”

“He wasn’t saying it like he thinks he’s god’s gift or anything,” Daphne said quickly. “It was just an observation. I mean, you can’t deny it, Trent _is_ gorgeous.”

“That he is,” Justin admitted. “So why did he come over here?”

“He saw me answer the door to the pizza guy and figured you were here. He wanted to know if you wanted to go out to a club with him and his friends tonight. He asked me if I would mind my ‘boyfriend’ going out with him and his friends.” Daphne giggled. “That’s what got us talking about your sexuality and I set him straight, or not so straight I should say.”

Justin frowned. “It’s nice he invited me, but I hate clubbing.”

“You’ve never even gone, so how do you know?” Daphne asked.

“I just know. Besides, it’s too dangerous. I couldn’t even drink water there without thinking that someone might put something in my drink that could kill me.”

Daphne giggled and slapped Justin’s thigh. “Everyone knows that you don’t put your drink down anywhere and come back to it. Just stick to the rules.”

“Not tonight,” Justin said. “You told him I’d be gone, right?”

“Yeah,” Daphne said sadly. “I wish you’d go out. You’re not ever going to meet anyone unless you do. By the way, I let him know that you are available.”

“How nice of you,” Justin said warily. “Now when he starts coming over all the time wanting to get in my pants, I’ll have _you_ to blame.”

“I don’t think he’s like that. I think he just wants to be your friend, which is a shame.” Daphne stood up from the couch and started to gather her textbooks and laptop. “I’ve got to go. There’s cheese pizza in the fridge. I made sure I ordered from Lorenzo’s, so that you could eat it.”

“Thanks, Daphne.” Justin loved that dealing with his allergies was second nature to Daphne. “I’ll buy next time.”

Daphne kissed Justin’s forehead. “I’ll hold you to it.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“So you’re saying I have to date him to fuck him?”

“Isn’t that pretty much what he told you?” Michael asked.

Brian seemed to consider it. “I don’t think he ever said he wanted to fuck me or date me. I think.”

Michael laughed softly. “Poor, Brian Kinney.”

Brian sat up and looked at Michael with wide eyes. “Did he tell _you_ that he wanted to date and fuck me?”

“No.”

“Then maybe I don’t have to date him to fuck him. Maybe I just have to wear him down.” Brian took a drag from the joint while he thought about how he was going to do it when every time he was around Justin, he ended up saying something that made him turn tail and run away from him.

“Brian, to wear him down you’d have to make him weak in the knees for you and that’s just not going to happen. Not unless you get to know him first.”

“I don’t want to get to know _him_ , I want to get to know his body.”

Michael let out a frustrated grunt. “We’re going in circles about this. You are going to have to accept that Justin isn’t some twink that’s going to fall to his knees and beg you to fuck him. If you don’t want to get to know him, which is why people go on dates, than you are just going to have to move on.”

“I’m not some lovesick schoolboy, Mikey. I don’t need to move on. I like a challenge is all.”

“You like games,” Michael corrected. “You hate being challenged.”

Brian put out the joint and lit a cigarette. “No, I don’t.”

Michael laughed in triumph. “Yes, you do. That’s what pisses you off about Justin. He’s challenged you and you don’t even know it.”

“Well, you both can fuck off.”

“I’m not the one that is dying to fuck Justin. That’s you.”

“Do I look like I’m dying?” Brian asked. “I’m fabulous. I’m the most fabulous fag in…”

“You think Justin is the most fabulous fag in Pittsburgh,” Michael interrupted in a singsong voice. “That’s why you want him so badly.”

“Fuck talking about this with you, Mikey. You know I say shit I don’t mean when I’m high and you’re using it against me,” Brian said, standing.

“Correction: you tell the truth.” Michael grabbed Brian’s arm and pulled him back down beside him. “It wouldn’t hurt to take Justin out on a date.”

“That’s **not** going to happen.” Brian put his cigarette out and grabbed his jacket.

“Why not? What would be so bad about it?”

“I’d be leading him on. I’m not like that.”

“Yet fucking him isn’t leading him on?”

“Fucking is just that, fucking. It’s nothing more.”

Michael left his own beliefs about that drop for the time being. “Then you’re not ever going to have a chance with Justin. He challenges all your rules; it pisses you off, so you back down.”

“Did you just call me a fucking coward, Mikey?”

Michael shrugged. “If the shoe fits.”

“Why do you even care?” Brian asked, his temper flaring.

“The question is, why do you care?”

“Because there’s got to be something wrong with Justin if he doesn’t want to fuck me. And I intend to find out what that is.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” Michael asked, feeling hurt. “There’s nothing wrong with Justin. Just like there isn’t anything wrong with me, Ben or any of the rest of us human beings who know that making love can mean more to us than what a thousand fucks combined have meant to you.”

Brian grabbed Michael by the neck and kissed him. “Later, Mikey.”

“Wait, what are you going to do?” Michael asked, following Brian into the front of the store.

“I’m going to Babylon and do a couple guys.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. I mean what are you going to do about Justin?”

“I’m not going to _do_ anything about him.”

Michael felt defeated. “All right. See you at dinner tomorrow?”

“Yeah, if I miss another one your mother has threatened to cut off my remaining ball.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

Brian hadn’t heard the back door close or any footsteps on the steps but suddenly, Justin was there, standing beside him with his hands on his hips, his pretty face twisted with anger.

“Uh… what?” Wasn’t he supposed to be nice to Justin?

“In there,” Justin said, pointing his finger toward the house. “You were nice to me.”

“You’re pissed off because I’m being nice to you?” Brian asked, laughing a little.

Justin relaxed slightly. “What’s your angle?”

Brian snorted. “I don’t have an angle. I have to be nice to you in front of Debbie or she’d murder me.”

“Oh.” A sad expression crossed Justin’s face but he hid it quickly with a mask of indifference. “So should I expect your usual the next time I see you?”

“What’s my usual?”

“Being an asshole.”

Brian grinned. “Be more specific.”

“Well, it’s not asking me my life story over dinner, that’s for sure.”

“Deb’s made you a part of the family. I figured I should get to know you.”

“Every single time someone wasn’t talking to me, you were. Not that I minded too much, but then I started noticing everyone staring at you.”

“It’s a common occurrence,” Brian deadpanned.

“Then, Deb told me I should come out here and talk to you. That’s when I realized something….” Justin bit his lip, unsure if he should continue.

“What’s that?” Brian prompted.

“They were shocked that you so interested in me because you aren’t interested in anyone for more than a fuck.”

“Well you don’t want to fuck me, so that’s out. You’ve become friends with all my friends so what do you think I should do? Ignore you?”

Justin dug his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one while he considered that option. It might actually make things easier for him. He’d intended on leading Brian on and then… well now he didn’t know what came after that. “No. I guess we can be friends.”

“I’m glad you approve,” Brian joked. “So how is it that you can smoke cigarettes when you have a list of allergies that could kill you?”

“I don’t have plant allergies,” Justin told him. “Well I do, but no tobacco or anything like that. Of course, a new one could pop up anytime….”

“Like with the mustard.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“That’s got to suck.”

“You have no idea.” Justin threw the cigarette onto the lawn. “Are you gonna be leaving any time soon? I think everyone else is taking off.”

“Yeah, why?”

“Could you give me a ride home? Michael said I don’t live too far from you and my car is officially broken down. I sold it to a junk yard for fifty bucks.” Justin could take the bus home but he didn’t want to disappoint Michael with his ploy to get him and Brian alone together.

The wind picked up and Justin’s scent reached Brian, making him think twice about the whole friendship thing. Fuck that. If he was going to wear him down, then he’d have to be around him, wouldn’t he? “Yeah, I can give you a lift.”

Justin smiled. “Thanks. I know someone else would do it but apparently you’re the closest to me.”

“It’s no problem.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god!” Justin squealed in excitement.

Brian looked over at Justin and asked, “Are you trying to get me to cause a wreck?”

“I’m sorry,” Justin said, his voice still excited. He pointed to the newspaper in his lap. “They’re doing a Brando film fest next month at the Melwood! They’re doing his filmography so the movie they’re starting with is…”

“ _The Men_ ,” Brian filled in. “I know what a filmography is.”

Justin looked in shock at Brian. “You know that movie?”

“Of course I know that movie.” He smiled. “Next to James Dean, Brando is my favorite actor.”

“Me too!” Justin bounced in his seat. “God, I want to see this but there’s no way I’ll have off work or have all the money to go.”

Brian grinned. “I happen to know the owner and he’d let you in for free.”

“That’d be so cool but Deb wouldn’t be able to give me off every night and I can’t work afternoons because of school.”

“Maybe you can split your shift, work some before school and some after?”

Justin turned to Brian and asked, “If I could swing that would you come with me?”

Brian pretended to consider the question. “I might have meetings already scheduled for some of the shows but I’ll see what I can do.”

Justin fell against the back of his seat and sighed. “This is going to be great.”

Justin’s excitement infected Brian, encouraging him to express his own. “I have all his movies but watching them at home and watching them in a theater just isn’t the same.”

Justin nodded. “I know. The only movies I’ve seen of his in a theatre are the ones after “ _Don Juan Demarco_ ”, don’t laugh. I love that movie.” 

Brian did too. “The first one I saw was “ _The Missouri Breaks_ ”. My grandfather took me to see it ‘cause he was a big Brando fan. I couldn’t have been more than five but I loved it. He took me to see it twice more before it left the theatre. My mom didn’t think I should be seeing such a movie, which just made me like it even more. She was pissed but she wouldn’t ever stop her dad from taking me with him.”

“Want to know how I first knew that I was gay?” Justin asked.

“How?”

“I popped a boner when in the first seconds I saw Stanley with his muscles bulging in the white shirt,” Justin confessed, giggling. “My mom was sitting next to me on the couch and well, it hadn’t ever happened before so I didn’t know to think of gross shit to make it go away. So instead, I just ran up to my room and that afternoon I sorta figured out how to jerk off.”

Brian laughed softly as he pulled up in front of Justin’s apartment building. “All right, Stella, hop out.”

“Thanks for giving me a ride,” Justin said sincerely. “This was fun.”

“You’re welcome.” Brian wasn’t sure if having a constant hard-on for Justin was considered fun but he shook his head in agreement.

“So I’ll look online, find out all the movie times and call you after I talk to Deb about my schedule.” Justin bit his bottom lip nervously. “That is, if you weren’t just humoring me?”

Brian didn’t reply to that stupid question. “You don’t have my number,” he told him. A car beeped behind Brian, pissed that Brian was blocking the busy road.

“You can pull around that way,” Justin directed, “there’s a small lot.”

Brian put the Jeep in gear and pulled into the grimy parking lot. The building hadn’t looked so bad from the front, but from the side it looked like it was falling apart. “Which one is yours?” he asked, hoping Justin didn’t live anywhere near the largest crack in the bricks.

“It looks scary, but it really isn’t that bad. Heck, you live around here, right?”

“Yeah,” Brian pointed across the street. “The building to the right of the Irish pub, I’m the top floor loft.”

“Then you know that the neighborhood is coming back. My landlord is all about restoring the warehouse district. He’s had contractors out here every morning looking at that crack. He said they’re just waiting to find bricks that match it well enough before they fix it.”

“I hope they don’t wait too long,” Brian said grimly. “It looks like it’s about to fall down.”

Justin shook his head at Brian. “The inside is nice.” At Brian’s doubtful look, he said, “You can come in if you want. See for yourself.”

Brian would like to believe that Justin meant that he could come upstairs and fuck him, but he knew that wasn’t what he meant. “Not tonight. I’ve got places to be.”

“Oh, okay.” Justin gave Brian his cell phone. “Put your number in there.”

Brian punched in his number, saved it in contacts and handed the phone back. “Later.”

Justin smiled one last time at Brian and hopped out of the Jeep. “Later.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“You were test dating him,” Michael whispered with awe. “I thought about it all week and I decided that’s what you were doing.”

“Shut up.”

“I know ‘test dating’ when I see it and that was it.” Michael pushed Brian back into his seat and crossed his arms. “And you going to the movies with him, it’s not a good idea.”

“Why?” Brian slumped in his seat.

“He’s going to think it’s a date. No matter what, that’s what he’s going to think.”

“He’s not a girl, Mikey. He doesn’t even like me like that. Didn’t you say that yourself?”

“He asked me,” Michael confessed. “Don’t you dare tell him that I’m telling you this, but he asked me….yesterday at the shop he asked me about it and…”

“What did he ask you?” Brian was entirely confused.

“He asked me if you thought going to the movies with him was a date.”

Brian put his face in his hands as the subject of their conversation appeared from the back, finished with his break. “What?” he groaned.

Michael leaned over the table and spoke quietly. “He thinks that maybe you want to date him but that you are too afraid to call it a date. He’s not stupid Brian, neither am I. We all saw how you treated Justin at dinner. They all can’t wait to see how you’re going to act tonight.”

Brian grabbed his glass of water and quenched his dry throat. “So? What did you tell him?”

“I told him that no, you would definitely not think of it as a date. I didn’t want him getting nervous about it or expecting anything more than friendship with you.”

“Thanks,” Brian grumbled.

“What I don’t get is that if you can commit to spending a month with him at the movies, almost every single night, why can’t you just call it a date?” Michael asked, still keeping his voice quiet. “It would be the same thing as hanging out with him, except you might actually get what you want out of it and he might get what he wants out of it.”

“What he wants is a boyfriend and he isn’t getting that.”

“No, he doesn’t. He told me that he doesn’t want to jump into any relationship. But if the option were there… then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for you both.”

“You think that if I tell him it’s a date that, at the end of all of it, we might…” Brian stopped himself from saying ‘fuck’… that would ruin it all. Michael would freak out, tell Justin that that was the only reason he agreed to go to the movies with him and that would be the end of everything. “We might get to know one another,” he finished with.

Michael smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “You get it.”

“Uh… yeah.” No. Brian didn’t really get it at all. It was a lot of trouble to go to just to fuck someone. But then again, watching Brando movies wasn’t that much trouble at all. They were going to do that anyway. So what if he called it a date? It didn’t have to mean anything once he actually did fuck Justin.

“Then go on,” Michael said, nodding toward the counter. “He’s alone right now. Go ask him on a date.”

“But we already have plans for this Friday,” Brian said.

“So ask him to dinner first,” Michael suggested.

Brian nodded in acceptance of his fate. He could do it. He could go to dinner, say it was a date, and then take Justin to the movies. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

“Go,” Michael urged.

Brian shook his head. “Just leave it alone, Mikey.”

Michael huffed a breath of disappointment. “Fine.”

“Don’t be encouraging him,” Brian whispered. “Next time he asks about me just tell him that you don’t want to be caught in the middle.”

Michael took that to mean that, for Brian, there was something between him and Justin to be in the middle of. “All right,” he said, his smile reappearing.

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you really are stalking me?”

Justin stood outside Brian’s door with an easy grin on his face. He didn’t want to appear as though he knew that it was odd to show up at Brian’s door unannounced. “Uh… no. You told me where you lived, remember?”

Brian opened the door wide enough to allow Justin to step inside and closed it behind him once he ducked under his arm, sliding his clothed body far too sensually against Brian’s almost-naked one. “I don’t recall inviting you over.”

“You didn’t.” After Brian had left the diner earlier, Michael had stopped him, talked to him and gently informed Justin that Brian wasn’t trying to date him. It had been hilarious, but Justin had played it off as if he didn’t know that. Of course, he didn’t totally believe it. “I thought I’d see if you’d left for Debbie’s.” He kept his eyes on the huge windows and not on Brian’s towel-clad body. Remaining cool, confident, and unaffected by Brian’s sexual appeal was inherent to him staying ‘just friends’ with him.

“Well, as you can see I haven’t left yet.” Brian bit his lips and considered walking in front of Justin and ‘accidentally’ dropping the towel. It was obvious Justin was trying hard to ignore the fact that he was standing there in only a towel.

Justin took a deep breath and faced Brian but kept his eyes on his face. “Good. Then I can tag along with you?”

Brian decided against dropping the towel. “I guess. But I should warn you about something.”

“What’s that?” Justin put his hands in his belt-loops and teetered from heel to toe. “Wait, let me guess. Everyone at dinner is going to be trying to get us hooked up, right? They’ll be watching our every move.”

Brian smiled to himself as he walked back into his bedroom to get dressed. “Yeah, I think we’re their new project.”

Justin walked over to the sofa and turned his body so that there was no way he could see Brian through the glass doors. “Don’t they know you at all?” he asked seriously.

Brian slid his briefs on and momentarily wondered how Justin could resist sneaking a peak at him. “They do, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to get me to conform to their idealist way of life.”

Justin stopped himself from laughing at that remark. “Really? Then we should do something to make them stop trying to get you to conform.”

Brian pulled his black tank top on while informing Justin, “The only way to get them to stop is for you to fuck to me. Then, they wouldn’t think that they have something on me.”

This time, Justin laughed. “Brian, that’s not going to happen. You and I aren’t compatible.”

“I have a cock that can make almost any ass compatible,” Brian replied, only half-joking.

“I bet you do. But that’s not going to work.” Justin turned to see Brian walking down the steps, looking like sex on legs. He’d definitely be having some jerk-off fantasies tonight.

Brian took a seat beside Justin and began to put on his socks and shoes. “Given that you’ve known my friends for all of maybe two months, what do you think will work?”

“Give them what they want. Tell them we’re dating and at some point we’ll break up and you can show them just how wrong they were about you. Relationships don’t work for you and never will. Maybe then they’ll leave you alone.”

It probably would work, but Brian wasn’t willing to do anything of the sort. “No way. That’s too devious, even for me.”

“All right,” Justin sighed. “I guess we’ll just have to ignore them.”

“Besides, don’t you want me to date you?” Brian asked. “If we did what you suggest, wouldn’t that make it….weird for you?” It wasn’t that Brian cared if it were, he just wanted to make sure that this conversation wasn’t some pre-arranged plan inside Justin’s head.

“You don’t want to date me so that’s all that matters.” Justin was happy that he’d spoken those words as though he couldn’t care less.

Brian gathered his wallet and keys, giving himself something to do, other than slit his writs. He’d had enough talk of dating to last a lifetime. He never wanted to hear the word ‘date’ again.

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, is this a date?” Lindsay asked Brian as she walked out onto the back porch.

Brian turned and looked at the mother of his son as if she had three heads. “Have you gone mad?”

“It’s just that… we’ve all been thinking that you two…”

“Are friends, that’s it. Drop it.”

“Michael said that….”

“Whatever he said, he’s wrong. Justin doesn’t have a car and I live a block away from him so he walked over and asked me for a ride. That’s all this is.”

“But you’re going to the movies…”

“Justin likes Brando, I like Brando. That’s the only reason we’re going to the movies together next month.”

Lindsay looked doubtful. “It wouldn’t hurt if…”

“I’m not dating Justin. It isn’t because I don’t like him. It isn’t because he doesn’t like me. It isn’t because I think I’m going to get my wittle feelings hurt. I’m not going to date him because neither one of us wants to date the other. And let’s not forget that I don’t go on dates.”

“You’re sure?” Lindsay asked. “Because I think Justin does want to date you, even if he hasn’t said anything.”

“Justin doesn’t want to date me. He told me so.” Well, not exactly, but Lindsay didn’t need to know that.

“Oh.”

“Is it completely impossible for you guys to believe that I can become friends with someone that I haven’t known for half my life?”

“No, Brian, I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to see you happy. Justin and you have chemistry and I know you guys haven’t had sex, so I figured there might be something more between you two.”

“I am happy. Whatever chemistry you think you see, isn’t there.” Brian stormed back into Debbie’s house and found the rest of his friends all laughing. Justin had his hands over his flushed face and his giggles sent tingles to Brian’s dick. “Justin, are you ready?”

Justin dropped his hands and looked at Brian with a worried expression. “Uh…sure.”

“We can give you a ride if you don’t want to leave yet,” Lindsay spoke from behind Brian.

“That’s all right. I’ve got some school work I have to do.” Justin stood from the floor, walked over to Debbie, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for dinner. It was wonderful as always.”

“You’re welcome, honey.” Debbie looked over at Brian and raised one of her eyebrows.

Brian walked over to her and kissed her too. “Thanks, Deb.”

“Daddy, I can go with you,” Gus said, wrapping his arms around his father’s legs.

“Not today, Gus,” Brian told him, bending down to hug him properly. “I’ll see you this week, okay?”

Gus pouted. “Okay.”

“Bye, Gus.” Justin said, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Next time I come over, I’ll make sure to bring my big drawing pad and we’ll draw some pictures together.”

Gus’ frown turned into a huge smile and he hugged Justin. “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Were you and Lindsay fighting?” Justin asked, once they were in Brian’s Vette.

“Not exactly.” Brian couldn’t believe that Justin was so perceptive. No one else seemed to have noticed. “She was grilling me about you.”

“So ignoring her didn’t work.”

“It usually doesn’t.”

“Well, I’ll talk to her and make her understand that it isn’t just you that…”

“I don’t need you defending my honor.”

“Someone has to. From what I’ve been told, you don’t have much left.” Justin meant it as a joke and hoped Brian understood that.

Brian put his hand on Justin’s knee for a moment before he needed to shift gears. “It’s a good thing we aren’t dating. Cause that would’ve broken my heart and I would’ve broken up with you.” He began to laugh then, feeling much better now that he was away from eyes that tried to dissect his and Justin’s…whatever.

“Please, I would’ve broken up with you earlier when you stole my last bite of ziti.”

The entire ride to Justin’s apartment was spent discussing the many reasons for which they would’ve had to break up with each another throughout the four hours they’d spent together that day.

Brian didn’t bother pulling up in front of the building; he pulled around to the lot, wanting to see if the landlord had any work done to the building yet. He was shocked at what he saw. “Justin, that’s another huge crack!”

Justin tilted his head sideways and looked at the building from various angles. “No. I think that one was there.”

“Are you crazy?” Brian asked. “I would’ve noticed that there was a crack leading from the very top floor to the bottom level. You need to call the city and have it inspected.”

“I’ll talk to the landlord,” Justin said. “I really doubt the city will do anything about it.”

Brian wanted to shake Justin. “If that thing falls down…”

“It won’t,” Justin assured, opening his door. “Later.”

“Later.” Brian watched Justin enter in the side door and as it closed, he saw dust rain down from the new crack. If Justin wouldn’t call the city about it, he would.

TBC in Chapter 3


	3. Credence Chapter Three: “Just My Stalker”

**Credence  
Chapter Three: “Just My Stalker”**

_I am not putting the knock on dolls. It's just that they are something to have around only when they come in handy... like cough drops._ ~Sky Masterson in Guys  & Dolls

**May**

Justin put his messenger bag over his head to prepare himself for the onslaught of rain. He hoped that Brian was on time. He went outside and looked around to see if he could spot Brian’s Jeep or the Vette. He wasn’t sure which one he was going to drive. The rain came down in sheets and obscured his view, but he thought he spotted Brian’s Jeep across the street. He stepped out from under the awning and took a few steps toward the corner.

“Justin!”

Justin turned at the sound of his name and saw Brian standing against the window of the diner, a cigarette in one hand and a black umbrella in the other. “Hey!” He quickly slid underneath the shade, dropping his messenger bag to his side as his body pressed close to Brian’s. “I didn’t see you from inside.”

“Who could see through this rain?” Brian commented, throwing his cigarette to the sidewalk. ”Let’s go.”

Justin refrained from commenting about Brian opening the door for him and holding the umbrella over him while he climbed into the car. It was a sweet gesture, but then again, he knew that, coming from Brian, it wasn’t so much a ‘gesture’ as just a simple action.

Brian got in, placed the umbrella in the back of the car, and grabbed the box he’d placed in the back seat. “Here,” he grunted, “open it.”

Justin looked at the box in his hands, feeling very confused. “You got me something?”

Brian started the car and teased, “Well, if you don’t want it, I can take it back.”

“No, no I want it. I’m just surprised. It’s not my birthday or Christmas or…”

“Just shut the fuck up and open it.” Brian wanted to gauge if Justin truly liked it, so he waited before pulling out onto the road. They still had about an hour before _A Streetcar Named Desire_ played.

“You bought me a sweater?” Justin ran his hands over the Ralph Lauren black label V-neck. The cashmere was so soft he felt like his fingers would sink into it. “Why?”

The night before, Justin froze the entire time they watched the movie. He had then declared that movie theatres were always cold and when Brian asked why he didn’t bring a sweater with him if he knew that, Justin told him that he didn’t want to be seen carrying a sweater around in May. Brian solved that issue, because who could refuse to be seen carrying cashmere. “I’d like to hear the movie tonight instead of your teeth chattering,” he explained.

“That’s very considerate of you, Brian.”

Justin hadn’t said it in a condescending way, which sort of bothered Brian. Then, his eyelashes fluttered a little and his cheeks turned pink. Brian felt the need to say, “I don’t like to see my friends freeze to death.”

Justin took the sweater from the box and dropped the tag onto his lap. He gasped when he saw the numbers on it. “You often buy your friends $650 cashmere sweaters?”

Brian wanted to kill the sales associate. He’d specifically asked the man to take the tag off and told him it was a gift. “It was on sale.”

“Sure it was,” Justin said, his giggle making an appearance. “This is the nicest present anyone has ever given me. It’s just a shame that I’ll only get to wear it at the movies now that summer is almost here.”

“For what I paid for it, you better bring it with you every night.”

“I will.” Justin reached across the seat and touched Brian’s thigh, his long artist fingers giving Brian’s muscles a soft squeeze.

Brian wanted to shake Justin’s hand off but it felt too good where it was and he shamelessly let it stay there the entire ride to the theater. Instead of keeping his distance in his seat that night, as he usually did, Justin leaned against Brian throughout the whole movie. Brian could hardly focus on the movie, too engrossed in his own thoughts and fighting the urge to make out with Justin and jerk him off. He really wished he hadn’t known what Justin thought of Stanley Kowalski and his first foray into sex.

“It was so much better on the big screen,” Justin gushed as they exited the theater. “I’m so glad I got to see it like that.”

“Me too.” Brian wasn’t really in the mood to chat. He wanted to drop Justin off as fast as he could and go find someone to relieve his erection.

The rain had stopped while they were inside and now the streets and sidewalks sparkled with color from the streetlights and neon signs as they walked toward Brian’s car. Justin came to a sudden stop and threw his arms out to the sides, nearly hitting Brian who was a step behind him. Unbeknownst to Justin, Brian had been watching his ass the entire time. “I wish I could set up an easel right now and paint this.”

Brian looked around at the run-down buildings and dirty, wet streets and could not understand what would prompt Justin to want to paint such a thing. Justin faced him and looked so happy that Brian had to smile, too. “You want to paint in the slummiest area of Pittsburgh?”

Justin dropped his hands to his sides and shrugged. “It isn’t slummy. It’s inspiring.”

“Okay.” Brian pulled on Justin’s wrist to keep him walking. “Come on, Picasso.”

“Wait, wait.” Justin shuffled his feet and shook Brian off. “I want to take a picture with my phone so I can have something to paint from.”

“Cell phone pictures suck,” Brian told him. “If you’ll wait until we get to the car I have a camera in the glove box.”

Justin put his phone in his pocket and bounced. “Awesome!”

Brian wasn’t sure why Justin ran for the car. He had to wait for him to unlock it first. Once Brian finally got there, Justin gave him an annoyed expression but Brian ignored it and dug the camera out. “Hurry up. I’ve got somewhere to be.”

Justin made a grunting noise before flashing a grin and walking back down the block. Once Justin had taken at least a dozen pictures, Brian watching from the car, he got back in and demanded to take a picture with the both of them. Brian took the camera from him and held it out to get them both in the frame, smiling just a little bit.

“Sometimes I wish people could see things the way I see them,” Justin said when they stopped at a red light. He was looking out the side window while his fingers danced along the glass.

Brian cocked his head to the side and watched Justin until the light turned green. He knew exactly what Justin meant and that scared this piss out of him.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Is that can of soup that interesting?”

The man’s voice sent prickles of pleasure down Justin’s spine; he tried his hardest to ignore it as he responded, “Yup.”

“Are you on a diet or something?” Brian asked, amused at the thought. Even he didn’t go so far as to read labels on food to keep his shape.

Justin looked up at Brian worriedly. “Do you think I’m fat?”

“Your ass is the only thing on you that’s huge and that’s a good thing. I thought you were counting fat grams or calories.”

“No, I’m reading the ingredients. They stopped making the chicken soup I used to get and I have to make sure that there isn’t any celery in this.”

“You’re allergic to celery?” Brian had never heard of that.

“Yeah. You wouldn’t believe how many things have celery in them.” Justin placed the can back on the shelf. “Celery.”

Brian picked up a different brand, found celery in the list and put it back. “Why don’t you just make it from scratch?”

“I guess I could. I just feel funny making soup in the summer.”

“But it’s all right to buy canned? You have the weirdest rules about what you will or won’t do in the summer.”

“Some things are meant for the winter and some are meant for the summer,” Justin defended lightly. “I’m sure you have a collection of clothing that only sees a certain season each year.”

“I have a collection of clothing that will see one season,” Brian corrected, a curvy smile gracing his lips. He looked in Justin’s cart and surveyed the items. “Two boxes of condoms, white milk, chocolate milk, strawberry jelly, cream cheese, wheat bread and orange juice.” He moved the two boxes of Cheerios and grinned at the discovery. “Four bottles of lube?” He raised his eyebrows at that and heard Justin giggle nervously. “And baby wipes. Why baby wipes?”

Justin rubbed his hands over his face and tried to quell the embarrassment he felt. “I only have time to do laundry every two weeks. They make cleanup a lot easier and I don’t have to worry about going to the laundromat with crusty towels.”

Brian drew his lips into his mouth and nodded. “Makes sense.”

Justin peaked into Brian’s basket and saw two items. “Lube and Condoms?”

“Normally I buy in bulk online but they fucked up my order and sent me a hundred sheep skin condoms instead of latex.”

Justin wondered how long 100 condoms lasted for Brian but didn’t dare ask. “Are you done shopping?” he asked.

“I’ve got to grab some bottled water and then I’ll be through, why?”

“I have to drop these groceries off at my building but if you’re not doing anything before our movie tonight, maybe we could go to dinner first? I still have a gift card my mother gave me for my birthday to _Mallorca_.”

Since Brian canceled his reservation on the same date that he’d met Justin, he had yet to eat there again. “Your mom got you a gift card to _Mallorca_?”

Justin began pushing his cart toward the water & soda aisle. “You act like I’m supposed to be completely unsophisticated as well as have a two-year-old’s palate.”

“You’re the one with chocolate milk, jelly, and Cheerios in your cart,” Brian teased. “When I was your age, I was still scarfing down double-cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets.”

Justin stopped in front of the display with water bottles and put his hand on his hip. “Did you really just say, ‘when I was your age’? Because if so, please let that be the last time you ever say it or I will start teasing you about how old you are, Peter Pan.”

“It’s a deal, Lost Boy,” Brian agreed.

“Expensive restaurants don’t bat an eye when I tell them I have an allergy and ask them to not include an ingredient in the dish I’m ordering. You don’t know how many times I’ve gone to fast food restaurants and when they take my order they act like me getting what I want made-to-order is a hardship for them. Many times they wouldn’t make it right and I have to go back up and ask them for my money back because I’m worried that they won’t remake it, they’ll just wipe off what I didn’t want on it and give it back to me. I’ve had to threaten to sue them a few times just to get my five bucks back.”

“Well, I’ve been to _Mallorca_ dozens of times so if you want to tell me what foods you’re allergic to, I can recommend something you can eat.” Brian placed his basket in Justin’s cart and took over pushing.

“No need. The whole reason my mother got me a gift card for that restaurant is because I can eat anything on the vegetarian menu. I don’t have to order anything special there. That is a treat in itself. Even if people are nice about it and accommodate my allergy, I still have a worry in the back of my mind the entire time I’m eating that somehow a piece of something I’m allergic to accidently got added.”

“Is there anything you once were able to eat that you developed an allergy to?” Brian asked as they got in line at the check out.

“Peanut butter,” Justin answered without hesitation. “My mom used to make me grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I’d eat like three of them. God, my mouth is watering right now thinking about them.”

“Sorry I asked,” Brian, said genuinely. “My favorite sandwich is peanut butter and avocado.”

“Well, my mouth isn’t watering now. That sounds gross.”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“Fortunately for me, that won’t ever happen.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“God, that Paella Vegetariana was amazing. I don’t think I’ll need any snacks at the movie.” Justin rubbed his belly. “I think I’d puke if I ate anything else.”

“No skittles tonight?” Brian fake-pouted. He enjoyed stealing all of Justin’s favorite red ones.

“You can buy candy for yourself, Brian. I won’t tell anyone,” Justin joked.

“So what’s on tonight?” Brian knew but he was testing Justin’s movie knowledge.

“ _Guys and Dolls_. Which means the theater will probably be packed since it’s one of his more famous movies.”

“Just wait until _The Godfathers_ are playing. We’ll have to get to the theater an hour early if we want seats.”

“Probably. Oh, you know I’m going to have to miss _The Fugitive Kind_ , right? That’s what’s on the night of my opening. If I sell half of my paintings then I should make enough to buy a used car. You won’t have to cart me around all the time.”

“Well, it sucks that you won’t be able to see it, it’s one of my favorites.” He chose to ignore Justin’s remark about buying a used car. He was already living in a death trap, he didn’t want to think about him driving around in one too.

“You can see it and tell me what it’s all about,” Justin decided. “I’ve never even seen that movie.” There was no way Justin was going to ask Brian and make him obligated to come to the show. Sure, he wanted him there, but he didn’t want to tell Brian that.

“I suck at giving movie summaries. We’ll have to rent it.” Brian tried not to pout because Justin hadn’t asked him to go to his show. Practically everyone else had told Brian about it, but Justin hadn’t spoken much about the show and it made him think that there might be a reason Justin didn’t want him there.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What is it, Mikey? I’m busy.”

“That’s some greeting,” Michael said, walking toward Brian’s desk.

“What do you want?” Brian shut his laptop. Michael didn’t need to know that he’d been playing a game of Texas Hold ‘em while waiting on Jeffrey to bring him his lunch.

Michael took a seat in the chair in front of Brian’s desk. “I tried to call you but apparently you’re in meetings all day.”

Brian crossed his arms and gave his friend a blank look. “Do you think that I’m not entitled to a lunch break?”

“That’s why I came by now.” Michael smirked. “I want to be sure that you’re going to Justin’s art show tonight.”

“Did he tell you that I said I’d come?”

“No. He said that you were going to the movies.”

“I never said that. But, he also never invited me.”

“Maybe he didn’t invite you because he thought you’d turn him down.”

“Maybe he didn’t invite me because he doesn’t care if I go or not.”

“Of course he cares, and of course you want to go,” Michael spoke the obvious.

Brian sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I want to be there more than you know.”

Michael grinned. “I knew you did.”

“I was thinking of asking Justin on a date after the show.”

“You were?”

“Sure. Then I thought, I’d take him back to my loft, light some candles, and make sweet passionate love to him.”

Michael’s grin faded. “Brian, that isn’t funny.”

“Mr. Kinney?” Jeffrey appeared in the doorway, holding a brown bag and cup of coffee. “I have your lunch.”

Brian waved his assistant over. “Thanks, Jeffrey. Would you be so kind as to escort Mr. Novotny out of my office?”

Michael stood up and glared at Brian. “Thanks, but I know the way I out. And for the record, I’m only trying to help you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin opened his door to find Trent on the other side. “Hey.”

Trent held out a bottle of wine. “This is to thank you.” He kissed Justin’s cheek.

“No thanks necessary,” Justin said uncomfortably. “You wanna come in?”

“Can’t. I’m on my way to work. I wanted to wish you luck for your show before I go.”

“Thank you. Too bad you can’t come.”

“Well, I’ll go by and see your stuff sometime tomorrow.”

“Cool. I won’t be there though. I’ve got to work at the diner.”

“How long do you have before you start at the gallery?”

“I start around the middle of August. That’s when Lindsay’s assistant is going on permanent maternity leave.”

“Good, maybe with some regular hours we’ll be able to hang out more often.” Trent’s cell phone began ringing. “Hey, I gotta go.” Trent kissed Justin’s cheek once more before taking off down the hall.

Justin sighed with great relief and closed his door. He liked Trent, he really did, but Trent was no Brian Kinney.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What are you doing here?” Justin asked, wrapping his arms around Brian.

Brian stiffened for a second before relaxing into Justin’s hug. They hadn’t done that before. “The reel was damaged.”

Justin looked up at Brian and knew the man was lying. “It was not. The movie wasn’t slated to begin for another ten minutes.”

Brian shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t bear that group of teenage girls that are always there, giggling at us every night, to see me alone. They might think that we broke up and try to take your place.”

“Well, too bad, they can’t have you,” Justin said jokingly. _But neither can I_ , he thought.

“Brian, nice to see you here,” Jennifer said, walking their way. “Have you seen his work?”

“I just arrived, Jennifer.”

“Well, then I’ll leave Justin to give you the tour.”

“Mom,” Justin groaned. “I don’t need to give every single person we know a tour of my paintings.”

“Sure you do,” Jennifer teased, walking back over to Tucker who gave Brian a nod of acknowledgement.

“She’s always so embarrassing at these things,” Justin said, gulping the rest of the wine in his glass. “If she tells another critic that I used to draw on my diapers, I’m going to die.”

“Leave her alone,” Brian chastised. “She’s proud of you.” He added in a soft, envious voice, “You don’t know how lucky you are to have a mother like that.”

Justin had heard second-hand of Brian’s childhood and he felt guilty. “You’re right. I guess if it were my child having his first art show, I’d be all aflutter, too.”

Brian took Justin’s glass and placed it on a waiter’s tray before grabbing two fresh glasses and handing one to Justin. “Give me the tour and don’t leave anything out because I want to get my money’s worth.”

“The show is free,” Justin said, grinning while leading Brian toward his stuff.

“Ah, but the art isn’t.”

“Why? You’re planning on buying something?”

“Perhaps, if you’re good enough.”

“I’m good enough,” Justin assured. “But there’s only three pieces that haven’t been sold, so if you want any of them you’d better tell Lindsay fast.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“You look like shit,” Brian said as Justin put on his seat belt.

“Yeah, thanks.” Justin wiped the sweat from his forehead and put his face directly in front of the vent. “Thank god you have air conditioning.”

“Don’t you?” Brian asked, pulling away from the apartment building.

“Not in the hallways; and the elevator is broke so I had to walk down five flights of stairs,” Justin explained. He pulled down the visor mirror and looked at his reflection. “I can’t go to _Mallorca_ looking like this.”

“We’ve gone there almost every other night this month, which means they’ve been making a shit load of money from us.”

“From you,” Justin interrupted. They usually went to cheaper restaurants on the nights Justin paid.

“Either way, I doubt they’re going to have a problem with how you look.”

“Brian, let’s just go somewhere else. My face is red, I think I even smell.”

Brian did think that Justin smelled sweaty but he enjoyed it. However, he knew that Justin would be uncomfortable all night if he didn’t change. “Let’s go to my loft. I’ll order something in and you can shower and change clothes there.”

“But I don’t have anything but my sweater with me,” Justin said.

“I’m sure I have something you can fit into,” Brian said, turning around and heading toward the loft.

“What about food? I can’t just order from anywhere.”

“I’ll order from Lorenzo’s. You’ll eat their cheese pizza won’t you?”

Justin nodded, feeling a heat of another kind spread through him. He’d only made the comment about eating Lorenzo’s pizza once and Brian had remembered. “Thank you.”

Brian parked and turned off the engine. “No need to thank me.” They got out of the car and headed up to the building’s entrance. “I didn’t want to sit next to your rank smell all night.”

Justin laughed and pushed himself against Brian. “Yeah, right. You like the way I smell. You do.”

Brian pushed Justin away. “Back off or I’ll lock you out and leave you out here.”

Justin snickered to himself and allowed Brian the space to unlock the door. He’d just wait until they were inside the loft before he rubbed his sweaty body against him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian slid the loft door open, annoyed with Justin interrupting…absolutely nothing. “What are you doing here?” he asked, glaring at him.

Justin shoved past Brian and announced, “I’ve come to cool off.”

Brian closed the door and turned around to face Justin, blood pumped into his dick, his erection skyrocketing as he saw that Justin was shirtless. How in the fuck he’d missed that, he didn’t know. Justin’s pale skin was flushed and glistening, dots of moisture clinging to the blond treasure trail that began under the sexiest belly button Brian had ever laid eyes on. Brian visualized where the tufts of hair led, wondering if Justin was sweaty there too. “You look hot.” As soon as he spoke, he kicked himself mentally in disbelief that he’d actually said it aloud.

Justin pulled out the t-shirt from his backpack and wiped the sweat from his chest. “I know,” he replied, oblivious to the true nature of Brian’s observation. “It’s over 100 degrees outside.”

Brian felt relief realizing that Justin hadn’t taken his comment for how he meant it. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water for Justin. “Here.”

“Oh my god, thank you,” Justin said, his voice raspy.

Brian blinked rapidly as he watched Justin’s Adam’s apple bob up and down while he guzzled the drink. The moisture he felt leaking from his cock jarred him and he backed away from Justin and stood on the other side of the kitchen island. “What are you doing?” he reiterated.

Justin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, though his lips were still shiny pink and plump, taunting Brian. “I came to ask you a favor.”

Brian used the image of the time in college when he’d walked in on Melanie eating out Lindsay and his body’s reaction to Justin nosedived. “What?”

Justin wasn’t sure Brian would go for it but he figured it didn’t hurt to ask. “I need a model for a new piece I’m working on.”

Brian was flattered, but for some reason _Justin wanting_ him felt vastly different from the countless men and women who wanted him every day. “I don’t have a lot time to be lying around while you paint.”

Justin expected that answer. “I know. I’d probably just sketch you, you know? Maybe take a few pictures and I can go from there.”

Brian had planned to make a trip to the baths before he headed to the movies with Justin that night but those plans held little appeal now. If he was going to seduce Justin without the other man realizing it, posing nude was a good place to start. “All right, but you’ll have to do it here. I’m not going to your place.”

Justin’s excitement was clear on his face and in his voice, “Thank you! We can totally do it here.” He grabbed his bag from the bar stool and pulled out his sketchpad and camera. “Can we do it now?”

Brian shrugged and hid his smug smile with an expression of indifference. “Sure.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mr. Kinney, Mr. Taylor, glad to have you join us. We missed seeing you both the last week,” the host of _Mallorca_ spoke.

“Thank you, Lucas. I appreciate you reserving us a large table on such short notice,” Brian said.

“It was no problem at all. I’m happy you’ve chosen our restaurant for your celebration. Congratulations on your graduation, Mr. Taylor.”

“Thank you,” Justin replied.

“Is this your entire party?” the man asked, gesturing to the gang and Justin’s family behind Brian and Justin.

“We’re all here,” Debbie spoke up.

“Good. Then follow me this way.” Lucas led the group to a long table at the far end of the restaurant near the bank of windows that overlooked the river. “I hope this is to your liking.”

“It’s our usual spot,” Justin said, “only bigger. It’s perfect.”

“I’ll let you all get settled and send Juan over to take your drink orders in just a moment.”

“You guys eat here all the time?” Lindsay asked in awe.

“It’s Justin’s favorite restaurant,” Jennifer explained.

Melanie opened her menu and commented. “There aren’t any prices listed.”

“Just order what you want,” Brian told them. “I’ll be paying.”

“Brian, you don’t have to do that,” Ben said. “I can pay for Michael’s and my dinner.”

“And I can pay for Molly and Jennifer’s,” Tucker added.

Brian gave all of them an annoyed look and sat stiffly in his chair, awaiting other protests. He knew damn well that none of them could afford to pay for their own meals, and if they did, they’d complain about the price later.

Justin placed his hand on Brian’s thigh under the table and spoke up, “I’d appreciate it if you’d let Brian pay. His graduation present to me is buying my family and friends dinner at my favorite restaurant.”

Brian relaxed and patted Justin’s hand in thanks. He let it rest there until Juan came over to take the drink orders.

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, when have your lunches with Gus started to include Justin?” Lindsay raised her eyebrows and smiled as though she knew something Brian didn’t.

“Today was the first and barring any unforeseen circumstances, it will probably be the last.”

“Don’t go and do that. Gus likes Justin.” Lindsay pointed toward the end of the backyard where Justin was swinging beside Gus.

“I know that Gus likes Justin.” He knew that Justin liked Gus, too, which for some reason made Brian feel uneasy. “Justin usually works at the diner on Saturdays until one.”

“You know his schedule pretty well,” she teased.

“I need to know his schedule. He still doesn’t have a car, so I’ve been giving him a ride to work and picking him up for the movies. It’s too hot to be waiting outside for the bus.”

Lindsay grinned. “You’re generous, Brian. I’ll give you that.”

“It’s no more than I’d do for you or Michael,” Brian pointed out. His attention was diverted from Lindsay for a moment as he heard Justin giggling. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he felt stirrings of desire making themselves known.

Lindsay pretended that she didn’t see Brian staring at Justin as if he wanted to eat him and gave him a moment to gaze at the beautiful young man before she continued with her interrogation. “So, Justin has already made it up the ranks that quick?”

“Would you shut up?” Brian pushed out the retort, looking back at Lindsay. He hoped he hadn’t nodded ‘yes’ when he spoke because that had been his immediate answer.

“No. I enjoy watching you squirm.”

“Do you also enjoy watching me leave?” Brian threatened. “Or are you jealous that because Justin’s going to the movies with me, he’s stopped his weekly visits to Art Museums with you?”

Lindsay had only gone to one art museum with Justin. While there, Brian had called Justin’s cell and asked him to go with him to see the matinee of some Brando film they’d seen the night before. Justin had told Brian he couldn’t and Brian must’ve been pissed about it even though he didn’t let on to Justin that he was. She started to laugh as though Brian’s accusation was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “Oh, Brian. You really are falling for him if you’re still jealous about me spending an afternoon with him nearly a month ago.”

“I am not jealous.” Brian crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d appreciate it if you stopped insinuating shit about me and Justin every fucking time I see you. For your information, the only reason he’s with me today is because the electric is off in his building and they have people over there fixing it and ordered the tenants out while they worked. We were going to the matinee anyway, so when he showed up at my place this morning I figured he could tag along. It’s nothing more than that.”

“All right, Brian. I believe you,” Lindsay placated him.

Justin had been discreetly paying attention to the conversation Brian and Lindsay were having. He hadn’t heard a word, but he could tell from Brian’s body language that they’d probably been discussing him. Or, more accurately, Lindsay had been urging Brian to do away with his wild ways and date him. Brian’s friends thought they knew what they were doing, trying to push them together, constantly implying that there was more to their relationship than there was but it made Brian get defensive about it and spout reasons why he would never be in any kind of relationship.

For people that claimed to know Brian Kinney, Justin thought it was funny that they didn’t understand what Justin had realized early on. Brian couldn’t be forced into a relationship. Justin didn’t realistically include himself as a potential mate for Brian. He just wanted to prove to Brian that it was possible to enjoy doing all the ‘boyfriend’ things Brian claimed to hate, all without Brian realizing he was doing it. If someone were to get Brian into a relationship, that was how it would have to be done.

The problem with that was he had to struggle to keep his guard up and not fall for the man in the process. Justin knew that what he wanted, _needed_ , from a boyfriend was far more than Brian could ever offer him. He’d have to hold on to that truth, no matter how much he found himself lusting after Brian.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian hated Justin. Okay, so that wasn’t true. But he hated that Justin was making him feel like a desperate teenager who, out of obligation, took his girlfriend to a movie when all he really wanted to do was get her in the backseat and fuck her brains out. He loved _Don Juan DeMarco_ ; it was one of his favorite movies but he was barely watching it. His dick was painfully hard. Every time Justin would laugh or sigh, Brian’s cock throbbed.

_Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her._

“Only Johnny Depp could say something so cheesy and make it sound so hot,” Justin whispered into Brian’s ear.

Justin’s breath on Brian’s ear caused an electric current to race toward Brian’s groin. “Shh,” he said, only half joking. He was already fighting not to jump him, he didn’t need Justin whispering in his ear.

Justin laughed quietly and nudged Brian with his shoulder.

_You must not forget, my friend, that the power of your love, the power of love of Don Juan, is eternal and will not be denied._

Justin did the sighing thing again and Brian closed his eyes, seeing a flickering reel of dirty images. There were so many ways Brian knew he could draw out a similar, more pleasurable sound from Justin. He almost leapt from his chair when Justin mistakenly placed his hand on his leg instead of his own. Brian opened his eyes and looked over at his companion. Justin smiled at him, quickly moved his hand from his leg and rested it on his arm instead. Brian shifted in his seat, dislodging Justin’s light grip.

“I’ve gotta take a piss,” he said. He had to take a breather away from the combination of Justin and Johnny Depp or he’d come in his pants. All right, so Justin Taylor alone was the real reason he was going insane, but he couldn’t let himself believe that it was only because of him. He couldn’t admit that Justin truly had that much power over him.

“Get me more skittles while you’re out there,” Justin asked as Brian left his seat. He had to pee too but he would hold off until the movie ended.

“All right,” Brian whispered back. In the dark of the theater, he rubbed his erection and thought repulsive thoughts, hoping it would relieve the ache.

A few minutes later, Justin felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He discreetly took it out and saw the name on the display, ‘Trent’. He pushed it back in his pants; there was no way he was going to miss Johnny Depp to talk to Trent. Another minute later, the buzzing began again. Justin wished that he could turn the phone off completely, but that would require him hitting buttons which made noise and he didn’t want to be kicked out. When the vibration began again, Justin figured he might as well go to the bathroom and answer his phone. If Trent was calling so many times, it might actually be important.

Justin rushed into the bathroom, whipped his dick out, aimed it at the urinal and relieved himself. He heard a funny noise coming from the corner stall and figured it was probably a pair of teenagers messing around, all the more reason he needed to hurry. After flushing the toilet he walked over to the sinks, washed his hands and called Trent while he dried his hands. At the same moment that Trent picked up the phone, the lone stall behind Justin opened and he heard a familiar voice.

“Keep your day job.”

“Fuck you, man!”

“Hello, Justin?” A loud noise rattled through the line, almost drowning out Trent’s greeting.

Justin stared at the reflection in the mirror, slack jawed as he watched Brian walking out of the stall behind one of the theater’s ushers. “Brian?” He felt a surge of jealousy enrage him as he took in Brian’s flushed cheeks.

“No, it’s Trent! Can you hear me, Justin?"

The usher glanced at Justin with an evil smirk before bolting out of the bathroom.

“You forgot to wash your hands,” Brian called after him, unable to look at the destroyed expression on Justin’s face as he stood beside him to wash his own hands.

“The fucking building is gone,” Trent said. “It collapsed!”

Justin’s attention went back to the phone call. “What did you just say?”

“The building, it collapsed, Justin,” Trent said, his voice shaky and barely heard over the sound of sirens in the background.

“Oh my god!” Justin gasped, rushing out of the bathroom. “Are you kidding me?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“I wish I was. I’m standing here looking at it. It’s gone. The whole fucking thing has collapsed.”

“Oh god! This can’t be happening. It can’t!” Justin had tunnel vision and his knees buckled.

“Justin!” Brian had been right behind Justin and grabbed the man and pulled him upright. “What’s going on?”

The anger Justin felt toward Brian came roaring back as he felt the man’s touch; the feeling strengthened him. He pushed away from Brian and ran out of the cinema. “What the fuck happened?” he yelled into the phone.

“I don’t know. But it’s gone. The whole fucking thing is rubble!” Trent told him.

“What the fuck is going on?” Brian asked again, running up beside Justin.

Justin could barely face Brian. He just ordered, “Take me home now!”

“You can’t get too close,” Trent told him. “I’m about a block away. On the corner of Fuller and Tremont.”

“Fuck! I’ll be there in a minute.” He hung up his phone and practically ran to Brian’s car.

“Tell me what’s going on,” Brian said in a pleading tone he didn’t often use as he caught up with Justin.

“If you won’t take me home then I’ll call a fucking cab!” Justin warned.

“I’ll fucking take you,” Brian said, unlocking the ‘Vette. “But you need to tell me what happened.”

Justin hopped into the car and once Brian got in, he growled at him, “I’m not telling you shit. You don’t fucking care about me anyway, so what the fuck does it matter?”

Brian started the engine and peeled out of the parking space, gunning it for Justin’s apartment. He was completely lost and freaking out about what he should say or do. “Did something happen to your Mom or Molly?” he asked in a soft voice.

“No.” Justin doubled over on himself and felt the world spinning. “Pull over,” he gasped. “I’m going to puke.”

Brian made it into a spot that was reserved for buses only, Justin threw open the door and started heaving his guts. Brian’s concern grew even more as he heard Justin’s whimpering. He slowly reached out and put his hand on his back but Justin pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me,” he said, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of the black sweater. He tore it off and threw it onto the floorboard. “I’m done. You can drive now!”

Brian didn’t want to drive. He didn’t want to go anywhere until Justin told him who had called and what they had said to upset him so much. He knew that Justin was pissed at him for seeing him with the usher, which, logically, he had no right to be angry about, but something much worse had happened. “Tell me what is going on, Justin.”

“Drive me home and you’ll see,” Justin said cryptically, wiping the tears off his face.

A bus honked behind Brian, prompting him to weave back into traffic. Justin stared out the window in a daze for the next couple of blocks.

“Go up the alley by your building,” Justin directed in a scratchy voice as they neared the turn for Tremont. “We can’t get through.”

Brian listened to Justin’s directions, figuring that Justin also thought there was a wreck on Tremont, since the sounds of sirens were blasting through the air. As he pulled the vehicle to the end of the alley, he saw why it was that they couldn’t get through. He realized what the phone call must have been about.

In a flurry, Justin threw open his door and started running toward a crowd of people, many of whom were tenants of the building. He didn’t notice Brian running after him until he felt the man’s hand on his shoulder.

“Justin!”

Justin spun to face Brian and pushed on his shoulders. “Just go. This doesn’t concern you. I don’t concern you. We aren’t friends. We aren’t lovers. So just leave me alone!”

“I’m not fucking leaving you alone!” Brian ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Christ! What the fuck are you going to do?”

“Leave me alone, Brian. I don’t need you here.”

“Justin!” Trent grabbed Justin’s arm and pulled him into a hug. “Jesus. I can’t fucking believe this.”

“Trent! Is there… is there any way that anything has survived?” Justin asked, his tears spilling over again.

“I don’t think so,” Trent whispered. “Look at it.”

“I’ve lost everything,” Justin said, taking in the crumbled structure. “I’ve lost everything.”

Brian grabbed Justin around his waist and turned him to face him. “Not everything.”

“Who are _you_?” Trent asked.

“He’s just my stalker,” Justin spat, extracting himself from Brian’s arms. He grabbed onto Trent’s hand and walked with him closer to the group of people he recognized as his neighbors.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Michael!” Brian yelled for his friend as he entered Red Cape Comics.

“He’s in the back,” Hunter told him from behind the counter. He wondered what crisis Brian was in now, he looked like shit.

“Michael!” Brian yelled again, ignoring Hunter and the customers who were looking at him strangely.

Michael ran out from the storage closet. “What’s going on?” he asked, walking quickly toward Brian.

“You’ve got to go see Justin,” Brian said. “Now. Come on, I’ll drive you.”

“Why?” Michael asked, an icy chill zapping down his spine. “Did something happen to him?”

“That fucking shit building he was living in fell down!” Brian grabbed onto Michael’s arm and pulled him toward the doorway. “Let’s go!”

“Is he hurt?” Michael asked fearfully.

“He was with me at the movies when it happened,” Brian said, opening the shop door.

“Hunter, watch the store,” Michael called out before the door closed behind him.

“Thank fucking God he was with me and not in that piece of shit building.” Brian walked around to the driver’s side and got in the car. “You can hardly tell there was a building there,” he added once Michael got in beside him. “I don’t know if there are casualties, I didn’t stay long enough to see, but at least he’s okay.”

Before Michael could get his seatbelt on, Brian zoomed off. “Why aren’t you with Justin? Where is he?”

“A lot of the tenants are standing across the street from it, that’s where I dropped him off.”

Michael knew there had to be a reason Brian was avoiding his question. “What the fuck did you do? Tell me!”

“It doesn’t matter what I did. He doesn’t want me there but…”

“But he wants _me_ there to lean on? Come the fuck on,” Michael grit out. “Stop trying to bullshit me, Brian.”

Brian looked over at Michael and became acutely aware that he sounded more like Debbie than himself. This revelation wasn’t too shocking, but he realized he’d better tell Michael before Justin did. “I didn’t _do_ anything to Justin. To be clear, we are friends, that is all.”

Michael crossed his arms and glared at Brian. “Right.”

“We are! It isn’t my fault that seeing me with a trick made him realize how insane his rule about not fucking me actually is.”

“You ditched him in the theater to go fuck a trick and he caught you?” Michael shook his head and groaned, “Brian, you really are a prick.”

“Are you really that surprised?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I am. I thought you liked him.”

“He’s the one that doesn’t want to fuck me. I’ve made my intentions known from the beginning so don’t act like I’m the one at fault.”

“Well you didn’t have to fuck some trick while you were in the middle of watching a movie with him,” Michael pointed out. “Jesus, Brian, couldn’t you have at least waited until the movie was over?”

Brian couldn’t wait. He honestly couldn’t, but he would rather Michael think of him as an asshole than try to explain something he didn’t understand. He wasn’t going to tell Michael that the moment he got a glimpse at Justin through the crack in the stall door, his heart had constricted painfully and he’d pushed the usher away, wanting no part of the mouth sucking his dick. His thoughts were brought back to the present as he spotted large crowds of people milling about the sidewalks. “Look.” He pulled the car into the alley and pointed to his right at the collapsed structure.

“Holy fuck!” Michael gasped. “It’s completely demolished!”

Brian could see Justin still standing with Trent, Justin’s arm slung around the guy’s waist. “Make sure he calls his Mom and….”

“I’ll take care of him,” Michael said, opening his door. “Want me to call you later?”

Brian shrugged in answer and Michael took it as one before getting out. He watched as Michael walked over to Justin, tapped him on his shoulder and seconds later he had Justin clinging to him. More foreign feelings prickled around in his stomach and he found himself biting his lip, holding back….something. Something big, so big that Brian couldn’t wrap his head around what exactly it was.


	4. Credence Chapter Four: "Corollary"

**Credence  
**  
Chapter Four: “Corollary”

_If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances. ~Julia Sorel_

**June**

Justin felt like a total fool. He knew that he’d overreacted when he saw Brian with the usher. He obviously scared Brian away, acting like a jealous lover, when he had no right to be angry. There was no explaining his actions in any redeemable way; no apology he could make that would erase what he had said to Brian in his momentary anger.

For the last week, Justin had been staying in Ben and Michael’s guest room. As much as Justin didn’t want to accept help from Brian’s best friend, the spare room at the Novotny-Bruckner household held a lot more appeal than Daphne’s or his mother’s couch. However, as he came downstairs this morning for breakfast, he’d overheard Michael telling Ben that he was worried about Brian. Brian hadn’t taken any of his calls all week and Emmett had told him that Brian had been at Woody’s, fall-down drunk before nine o’clock each night. Then, Ben informed Michael that while he and Justin were at Lindsay and Melanie’s the night before, Brian had called Michael and left a message on the machine. Michael immediately went to hear the message and before Justin could be tempted to listen in, he slinked his way back upstairs, got dressed and discreetly made his way out of the house after calling Daphne.

Justin met Daphne at a café a block down from Michael and Ben’s house. He related to her what he’d heard that morning and added, “I don’t think I can stay there anymore. Brian’s pissed at me and I’m coming between him and Michael.”

“Didn’t Brian send Michael to your rescue the day of the collapse?” Daphne asked.

“That’s what Michael said,” Justin replied. “He wouldn’t elaborate as to why he did it.”

“I think that’s pretty obvious.” Daphne placed her hand on Justin’s arm and squeezed. “Brian didn’t want you to be alone.”

“Maybe.” Justin’s heart jumped into his throat for a second as he internalized the gesture but he quickly reeled his thoughts back to reality. “Even so, I’m sure he’s pissed at me now and is even more pissed that I’m staying with his best friend. He’s out getting wasted and trying to get Michael’s attention,” he assessed.

“Well, he got it,” Daphne said, “right?”

“I guess. I didn’t stick around but I’m sure Michael is going to go see him.”

“Well, if you really don’t want to stay there you know you can come stay at my place,” Daphne said. She didn’t know either Brian or Michael well so she wasn’t sure if she should encourage Justin to stay where he was.

“I appreciate you offering again, Daph,” Justin said, “but I found a weekly rate at a hotel I can stay at. I’ve got money from the sales of my paintings so I’ll be all right there until I can find an apartment.”

“Are you sure?” Daphne asked in a worried tone. Her friend had been through so much lately; she wanted to help in any way she could.

“I’m sure. To be honest, even though it’s only been about a week, I miss living on my own.” _And I miss Brian_ , Justin thought.

“You miss Brian, too,” Daphne said, reading the love struck expression on Justin’s face.

Justin gaped. “Have you suddenly developed the ability to read minds or something?”

“Only yours,” Daphne said, laughing. “After knowing you for so long I’d be worried if I couldn’t. Now why don’t you just call him?”

“I can’t call him. He hates me, believe me, I know he does.” Daphne didn’t understand because Justin had kept much of his relationship with Brian to himself.

“I bet he doesn’t hate you. He probably thinks you’re mad at him so he’s not going to be the one to call you. He doesn’t apologize for anything, right? That’s what you said, so I doubt he’ll make the first move.”

Justin took a sip of his coffee before mumbling, “He doesn’t have anything to apologize for.”

“Speaking from a friend’s point of view, what he did _was_ a shitty thing.”

“That’s the problem. You’re speaking as _my_ friend. You haven’t met Brian, so the only things you know about him are things I’ve told you, which isn’t fair to him. If you were really speaking from a friend’s point of view, the way I should have been seeing the whole thing that happened between us, you’d realize that he didn’t do anything wrong.”

Daphne shook her head slowly and sighed, “You really are into him. I mean, you’re defending him so whole-heartedly.” She couldn’t believe that her friend had fallen so quickly and seemed to have no idea how deep his feelings were.

“That isn’t why I’m defending his actions.” Justin couldn’t find it in him to deny how ‘into’ Brian he had begrudgingly become. “With a clearer head, I’ve realized that I behaved like an asshole and even when he tried to be there for me, I pushed him away.”

“Justin, I wouldn’t ever have done what Brian did to you,” Daphne said softly, placing her hand over her his.

“That isn’t true,” Justin told her, smiling a little. “I think you have forgotten that time you ditched me at the roller rink to make out with Darren Spencer.”

Daphne placed her hand over her mouth to hold in her immediate burst of laugher. “You’re like an elephant.”

“What?” Justin asked, horrified at the comparison.

“You never forget,” Daphne told him, her giggles subsiding. “That was different, I was fourteen.”

“Our friendship was just as mature then as it is now,” Justin said, grinning widely. “My point is that if it were you that had gone to the bathroom to suck some guy off, I wouldn’t have been pissed. I would have asked you how it was and probably cheered you on for having the balls to do it.”

“But…” Daphne took a drink of her coffee, unable to come up with any other defense for Justin’s actions. She knew that if Justin had done the same to her she would have had the same reaction he did. The only difference was that Justin obviously wanted more than friendship.

“I’ve fucked everything up. The whole reason we became friends in the first place wasn’t entirely innocent. It’s not as if Brian tried to be my friend, I tried to be his. I assimilated myself into his life, into his friends’ lives and…”

“You’re acting like being your friend is a horrible undertaking, but I assure you it isn’t,” Daphne interrupted, trying her best to be supportive. She’d never known Justin to get himself into such a dilemma. He was always thinking at least two steps ahead in almost every situation. He planned, achieved and moved on to reaching his next goal. Now he was totally, hopelessly, head over heels in love with Brian Kinney, not that she was going to point that out in those exact words. She was pretty sure Justin already knew and conjured bouts of denial within himself to feel relief that couldthat could only be momentary.

“For Brian, it probably was horrible. I kept swearing to him that I didn’t want him, I made comments about us being ‘just friends’ but it was all a lie. I implied that our relationship could be more than friendship in the ways that I teased him, touched him and I liked how he reacted to me. It was **vastly** different from the touching we do, Daph, which should’ve immediately made me stop. But I didn’t, I kept it up and it thrilled me, made me feel powerful every time I got the reward of knowing that Brian wanted me as badly as I wanted him. Knowing nothing would come of it didn’t stop me from teasing him, even if I didn’t always do it on purpose. Honestly, most of the time it came naturally to act a certain way with Brian.”

“Maybe it isn’t a good idea for you to be friends with him, not when you want him to be more than your friend and you know he doesn’t want anything but sex or friendship from you.”

“I thought that at first, but then we started spending time together and I was sure I’d be able to deal with my sexual attraction to him. I was doing just fine. We were getting closer, seeing each other every day, having fun together and I deluded myself into thinking that it’d be him.”

“What would be him?”

“You know, that maybe he could be ‘the one’.” Hearing himself say it aloud made Justin’s stomach clench with disgust for himself. Never had he acted so immature, so much like a high school kid with a crush, just hoping that if he was around the person he liked long enough that they’d miraculously decide that they liked him. “I actually made myself believe that I could get Brian to toss his rules aside for me. I thought he’d see how good things could be between us and maybe he’d consider…” Justin stopped himself as he realized how ridiculous the words ending that sentence sounded in his head. Brian wasn’t going to consider changing his whole way of life for him. “God, I’m such an idiot. This whole time I’ve been playing a game whose rules guaranteed that I’d lose. I knew from the start that I was attracted to Brian but that I couldn’t ever be with him. But did that stop me? Nope. I just had to play the game, play Brian and make him want me, knowing that I wouldn’t let him have me.”

“Justin,” Daphne sighed, hardly able to believe what her friend was saying. “Why did you do that?”

“At first, it was because I wanted to show the great Brian Kinney that he couldn’t have anyone he wanted. There was no way in Hell that he’d have _me_.”

“But you’re friends,” Daphne said, confused.

“We became friends and when we did, my little ‘prove Brian Kinney can’t have everyone plan’ somehow turned into, ‘show Brian Kinney that I’m just as irresistible to him as he is to me’. That spiraled into something else that it shouldn’t have and now here I am, a total mess.”

“You just… you had faith in yourself because you know as well as I do that Brian, as well as every other gay man on the planet, would consider himself lucky to be with you. You’re amazing, Justin, and you counted on your amazing charm to break Brian’s ridiculous rules.”

“Some good my ‘charms’ did me,” Justin grumbled. He recalled the words he’d uttered about him losing everything and even though he had so much support from his family and friends, without Brian, his statement still rang true in his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the fuck were you doing?” Brian asked in a drunken slur. “I called ya’ an hour ago.”

Michael closed the loft door behind him, letting out a deep breath of frustration. “I told you that I’d be a while.”

“What were you doin’ that was more important than watching Point Break with _me_?” Brian asked, pausing the movie.

Michael dropped down onto the sofa beside Brian and took the bottle of Beam away from him. “I had to run some errands. Unlike you, I have other responsibilities. I can’t sit around and get drunk in the middle of the afternoon.”

“It’s Saturday, I’m startin’ early.”

“So early that you told Lindsay you couldn’t pick up Gus today?”

“He’s better off without me, you know that.” Brian grabbed for the bottle of liquor but Michael kept it out of his reach. “Don’t be a fucker, Mikey.”

“You don’t really want this, Brian. You want Justin, but you’re not going to have him if you don’t call him.”

“And say what? I’m s…sorry I was getting a blowjob when you found out your apartment crumbled to the ground? I’m not sorry. He had no right being pissed with me!”

“Bullshit. You’ve been drunk every night this week. You’re upset that you upset him. Even if he reacted a little more strongly than he should have, you shouldn’t have been getting blown while you were seeing a movie with him.”

“It’s his fucking fault!” Brian insisted. “He teases me and then…”

“What?” Michael asked. “Then what? He doesn’t put out? Poor you.”

“We’re friends. I don’t fuck my friends. He doesn’t fuck his friends. But he wants more, I know he does.”

“And so do you,” Michael said, his voice soft. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting more from him.”

“He thinks so,” Brian grunted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Michael had never seen Brian actually pout before, it was quite startling. “I’m sure he just doesn’t want to be another notch on your metaphorical bedpost.”

Brian laughed, “Big word, Mikey. Did Ben teach you that one?”

“Make fun of me all you want. It won’t make the feelings you have for Justin go away and neither will this.” Michael held up the bottle of Beam. “If you get what you want and fuck him, I bet that they won’t go away even then. They’d probably get even stronger.”

“I’m not like you!” Brian shouted, rising from the couch for a moment before falling back down when the room began to spin.

“If you were, you wouldn’t be such a mess right now.” Michael stood, bent to give Brian a quick kiss and said, “Just do what _you_ really want to do.”

Brian glared at Michael as he watched him walk to the loft door, open it and slam it closed behind him, without another word. It took him a full minute of bitching Mikey out in his head for leaving him to watch Patrick Swayze by himself before he realized the man had taken the bottle with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sleepily, Michael opened the door and came face-to-face with Brian. “What are you doing here so early?”

“I’m on my way to work.” Brian dropped the bags he had brought with him on the porch in front of the door. “I thought he might need these.”

Michael looked down at the two large duffle bags and the messenger bag. “What the fuck are those?”

“Justin had them in my trunk and some of his shit that he left at my house,” Brian explained, backing away, prepared to make a hasty exit.

“But… you’ve had these for almost two weeks and didn’t say anything?” Michael asked, pissed off. “You could’ve told me when I came over and I would’ve taken them with me. He thought he lost everything.”

“I’d forgotten I had it all,” Brian said, narrowing his eyes at his friend. “Apparently, he forgot about all of it too.”

“Well, if you’re delivering it, you should take it to him.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian asked.

“The money from his show cleared the bank and he’s using it to stay at a motel.”

“He was saving it to buy a car!” Brian walked up to Michael and yelled, “You’re pissed at me for getting my dick sucked but you fucking kicked him out!”

Michael gently pushed Brian away from him, happy to see that Brian appeared to ‘fight’ for Justin. “We didn’t kick him out. He wanted his own space. We offered to let him stay as long as he wanted. His mother has been offering him her spare bedroom too, but he wouldn’t take it.”

“Where is he staying?”

Michael grabbed the bags and shoved them at Brian. “Take these with you. He’s staying at ‘InTown Suites’.”

“Where the fuck is that?” Brian asked, grabbing the bags.

“It’s in West View off the I-19.”

“What the fuck, Michael? The only shit in West View is cemeteries, sanitariums and halfway houses! How long has he been staying there?”

“Just since yesterday,” Michael replied, worriedly. “He took the four o’clock bus.”

“Why didn’t you drive him out there yourself?”

“Ben had the car and Justin was bound and determined to be alone. I didn’t know the area was bad.”

“What the fuck ever, Mikey. What’s his room number?”

“120. Should I call him and tell him you’re…”

“No,” Brian interrupted, walking down the steps. “See ya, Mikey.”

“Good luck,” Michael called back unsure of what he was wishing Brian luck for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pack your shit.”

Justin rubbed a hand over his face and peered out through his puffy eyes. “Brian?”

Brian placed one hand on Justin’s chest and shoved him into the ‘suite’. “You’re not staying here.”

“Huh?” Justin sneezed and groggily walked over to the box of Kleenex and grabbed one.

Brian shook his head as he observed Justin after he blew his nose. His puffy eyes were pink and his red nose had skin peeling from the tip. “Did you sleep well?” he asked sardonically.

“Ahh… no.” Justin’s head wasn’t clear, due to lack of sleep, an allergy attack and the biggest reason of all - Brian’s sudden arrival. “Why are you here?”

“Like I said, you’re not staying here.”

Justin gave Brian a strange look. “Actually, I am. I have the receipt to prove that I’m paid up for a week.”

Brian took Justin by the shoulders and steered him in front of the dresser mirror. “Look at yourself,” he demanded, staring into the dirty reflection. “You are allergic to this place, you can barely open your eyes and by the sound of the sirens that haven’t stopped blaring outside since I arrived, I’d bet they haven’t stopped since you’ve been here, it’s not safe.”

Justin sagged against Brian, feeling drained and foolish. “Aren’t you pissed at me?”

“Aren’t you pissed at the world?” Brian asked, rubbing his hands up and down Justin’s arms.

Justin shrugged. “My life sucks.”

“Well, whose doesn’t?”

Justin snorted and a bubble of snot appeared, causing him to jump away from Brian in embarrassment and grab for the tissues again.

Not entirely disgusted by Justin, Brian found it in him to laugh as he looked around and spotted a backpack and a small duffle bag. “Is this all the shit you have?”

“Brian, I can’t just leave. I paid $256 bucks to stay here.”

Brian reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet and counted out the cash. “Here,” he said, shoving it into the pocket of Justin’s shorts. “That’s the birthday present I never got you.”

“You didn’t know me then,” Justin told him.

“Whatever.” Brian hauled Justin’s bags onto the bed and flinched when the bed let out a loud groan. “Does it do that every time you move?”

“Yes,” Justin moaned. “Practically every time I breathe.”

“Do you have a shift at the diner today?” Brian asked, slinging the bag’s onto his shoulder.

“No. I don’t work until the weekend. I need time off to get all my shit together.”

“Good.” Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and pulled him with him. “Slip on your flip-flops so we can get the fuck out of here.”

Justin looked around the hotel room. “But…” The sound of a distant gunshot and louder sirens halted Justin’s protests. He quickly slipped his shoes on and followed Brian out of the hotel room and to the Jeep. “Where are we going?”

“No place special,” Brian said, unlocking the doors. “Now get in before we get shot.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t stay here,” Justin said for the twelfth time.

Brian handed Justin the keycards. “You are.”

“I can’t afford even one night here,” Justin insisted.

“Of course not.” Brian laughed. “But I can.”

“So you’re staying here with me?” Justin asked in a worried tone.

“Well there are two rooms,” Brian joked. “But no, this is just for you.”

Justin had stayed in one of the normal Westin guest rooms when he’d visited his grandmother a few years ago in Phoenix. The room had been luxurious and expensive, but this room, ‘The Luxury Suite’, was unlike any room he’d ever imagined staying in. “You can’t afford this.”

“I handle the Convention Center’s advertising,” Brian explained. “They provide me with two suites, and a couple of other guest rooms for my clients as part of the contract with Exhibition.”

“For your clients,” Justin prompted.

“Yes,” Brian admitted, “and for my personal use. Every now and then I come here and take advantage of their vast array of amenities and I suggest you do that as often as you can.”

“Brian,” Justin felt breathless as he took in the generous gesture. He backed up against one of the chairs and slid down into the seat. “I…”

A knock on the door interrupted Justin and they heard a man call out, “Luggage.”

“I’ll get it,” Brian said, walking over to the door.

The bellhop pushed the cart inside and asked Brian, “Would you like me to unpack for you?”

“No,” Brian spoke. “I think Mr. Taylor would like to do that himself.”

“Where would you like the luggage?” the man asked.

“In the first bedroom,” Brian directed, taking out a twenty-dollar bill from his wallet he handed it to the bellhop. “Thank you, Steven.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Kinney.”

Brian walked over to Justin whose eyes, despite being puffy, were wide with shock. “I’ve got to get to work. Order some room service, take a nap, get a massage and if you want, I’ll meet you for dinner at the Grille downstairs at six.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” the bellhop asked, emerging from the bedroom with the empty luggage cart.

“No thanks,” Brian replied, waving the man off.

Justin wanted to ask why Brian would do this for him, why he would so easily forgive him for the nasty way he had treated him, but he knew better than to ask. He couldn’t fathom that there would be a logical answer that Brian would admit to. Brian was taking care of him in a way Justin could only relate to the way a man would care for his partner. Was that what this was? Was Brian showing him that he wanted more? Justin had thought he was confused before but now Brian’s dramatic gesture had him feeling even more perplexed.

He wanted to meet Brian for dinner and thought maybe then he would have time to process everything and come up with a way to discuss it with the man, but he had made previous plans. “I can’t do dinner tonight,” he said regretfully. “I’ve agreed to meet with Trent.”

Brian tried to ignore the immediate kick in the gut feeling. “All right, I’ll see you later. Enjoy yourself.”

Brian was nearly to the door before Justin snapped out of it and bolted after him. “Wait!”

Brian hid his annoyance and asked, “What?”

“I’m going to Lindsay and Melanie’s for dinner with Trent.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Brian told him, opening the door.

 _Right, we’re only friends_ , Justin thought to himself, convinced that this was a one-sided lie. “Can we meet for dinner here tomorrow?”

Brian wanted to say no but he knew it’d make him appear petty. “I’ve got a meeting at six with a client, so say seven?” Yes, he knew the meeting was actually a dinner meeting, but he figured he could just eat something small; he’d talk to the client most of the time anyway.

Justin smiled and wrapped his arms around Brian. “Thank you.”

Brian tucked his hands behind Justin’s back and allowed himself a moment of embracing Justin’s perfect body before pulling away. “Later.”

“Later,” Justin replied, grinning while experiencing a level of happiness he didn’t think it was possible to feel after what he’d been through the last two weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Melanie walked around the hotel suite, her face showing the absolute shock she felt. “Is this new?” she asked, pointing to the laptop sitting on the desk.

“Brian bought me this,” Justin said, in awe. “I told him I’d pay him back once the settlement is decided upon.”

“That’s top of the line,” Melanie commented. “I can’t believe it and I doubt Brian will let you pay him back.”

“Well he’s going to have to let me or I’ll give it back to him.” He nervously bit his thumbnail as he saw Lindsay spot the closet he’d accidentally left open.

Lindsay skimmed her hand along the dozens of tags hanging from Justin’s shirts and suit coats. “There isn’t an item in this closet that cost less than fifty dollars! Justin, I know I’m in no place to tell you how to spend your money, but I thought you were saving your earnings from the show to buy a car.”

Justin walked around past Lindsay and closed the closet door. “I am saving for a car.”

“Brian bought you all that too?” Lindsay asked as the thought occurred to her.

“Yes,” Justin admitted quietly. “I don’t know why he did. I had some clothes I’d bought but he said… he said that he didn’t want me to be reminded of what I lost every time I opened my closet. That now, I’ve at least gained some style.” Justin smiled to himself as he thought back to that conversation and how out of character Brian had seemed when he called him to ask about the new clothing he’d found in the luggage. “I’m going to have him take a lot of it back though.”

“Except his gift,” Lindsay advised in a soft voice. “One of Brian’s favorite things in the world to do is give to his friends, even if he wouldn’t ever admit to it. You’d be better off graciously accepting his gifts than denying him the pleasure of giving them to you.”

“Brian can be very generous when he wants to be,” Melanie added.

Lindsay looked at her wife strangely. “Are you all right, Mel?”

Melanie shrugged. “Hey, he gave his rights over to us so we could raise Gus together, didn’t he?”

“He did,” Lindsay spoke with a hitch to her voice.

Melanie went on, “As generous as Brian may be toward his friends, I have to tell you, Justin, what he’s done for you is much different from the way he’s helped out his other friends. He could’ve put you up in any hotel, bought you a crappy computer to get you buy and given you a gift card to Torso.”

“You’re right, Melanie,” Lindsay said adamantly, giving Justin a smile. “Brian arranged for your absolute comfort.”

“There is only one explanation for this,” Melanie interrupted Lindsay. “I’m now jumping on the bandwagon with everyone else.”

Justin groaned as he realized what she was getting at. “No, please don’t.” Honestly, he felt like jumping on it right along with their friends, but he didn’t want to walk that dangerous path.

“Justin,” Lindsay sighed his name. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but there is no other explanation for Brian going so far to take care of you.”

“Just don’t say it,” Justin said. “Because it’s possible you’re wrong and I can’t afford to have hope. We’re friends and I almost lost that and I’m not going to fool myself into believing there is more to it.”

“But…” Melanie gestured around.

“No,” Justin said firmly. “Don’t. I mean, Melanie, you just said it, didn’t you? You two, you’re not even nice to one another, you’re not friends and yet, he gave you his parental rights so that you and Lindsay could raise Gus. He did something completely unselfish to help you and his son. It’s the same with me, that’s all.”

“Maybe,” Lindsay said, not entirely convinced but also not wanting to upset Justin.

Melanie nodded, understanding that it was possible that Justin was right in his assessment given Brian’s track record. “Well, whatever Brian’s reasoning, I’m happy he did this for you.”

“Me too,” Justin said insistently. “But I’m not going to start believing that it all means something more than Brian being friendly.”

Justin was glad the women didn’t know about all the other things Brian had bought him, or about the benefits of staying at the hotel. At first, he was going to tell them how wonderful it all was, that all of his meals were comped and that he could have a massage whenever he wanted, but he didn’t want to add fuel to their thoughts. The women wouldn’t keep them to themselves and it would only catapult the dangerous flaming desire he had burning for Brian Kinney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Brian,” Jennifer greeted as she walked through the entrance of Curtis, Tucker following close behind her.

“Jennifer,” Brian replied, “nice to see you.” He nodded at Tucker. “You too, Tuck.”

Tucker laughed. “Thanks, Brian.”

“Are you here with Justin?” Jennifer asked. When she had spoken to Justin that afternoon and invited him to dinner, he’d declined telling her that he had plans to have dinner with Brian.

“No, I’m just leaving and I’m on my way over to the hotel. I had a meeting with a client.”

“It went well I hope?” she asked.

“It did,” Brian answered.

“What you did for Justin is amazing,” Tucker said, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Amazing is an understatement,” Jennifer said, hugging Brian quickly before stepping away and laughing. “You didn’t have to do that for him, but I am thankful you did and so is he.”

“Well, it’s a part of the contract I have with the Westin,” Brian explained.

“And I suppose the iPod, laptop, software, clothes, and art supplies were also complementary of the Westin?” Tucker goaded. “You’re a generous _friend_ , Brian.”

Brian shrugged the man off. “I could afford it and Justin needed it,” he said simply. “If any of my other friends were in the same position, I’d do the same for them.”

“Of course you would,” Jennifer placated, patting Brian’s arm. “Well, we’d better go before they give our reservation away. It was good to see you; give Justin my love.”

“I will,” Brian replied with only a small grumble.

Tucker nodded at Brian, giving him an amused look as he passed him.

“Fucker,” Brian mumbled as he walked outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your mother said to give you her love,” Brian said, sitting down in the chair across from Justin. He’d given him a small peck on his cheek, barely refraining from grabbing Justin and demanding that they go to his room and dine on one another all night. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for dinner and conversation but he realized, scary, as it was, that Justin was different and if he had to wine and dine him for a while to get back to the way things were before, before they could move on to better things, then he’d do it.

Justin laughed. “How did you run into her?”

“I saw her at Curtis.”

Justin frowned. “You had dinner already?”

“I had a meeting with a client, remember? I rarely eat much during dinner meetings.”

“Oh, good,” Justin said, sighing with relief. Even though it wasn’t a ‘just friends’ kind of reaction, Justin took a secret joy in knowing that Brian preferred to dine with him. “So how did your meeting go?”

“I got the account,” Brian said as if it were the obvious answer. “What did you do today?” He felt stomach acid rise into his throat as he heard himself voice such a lame question. Brian couldn’t believe what he was saying and doing!

“I relaxed.” Justin was bubbling with nerves and couldn’t hold back any longer. “Why did you buy all that stuff for me?” Was it because you’re falling in love with me or was it just a friendly gesture? He wanted to ask that too but stopped himself by biting his lips and gripping the arms on his seat for a moment until the urge passed.

“You needed it.”

Justin felt the tension coming from Brian and let his question drop. “Thank you.”

“Did you have a chance to look over the menu before I got here?” Brian asked. More small talk that made his stomach clench and his inner fag scream, but as he looked at Justin’s bright smile, the way the expression made him feel did wonders for his inner fag and calmed him down immensely.

“I did and I ordered us a bottle of champagne while I was waiting. Is that all right?” Justin was sure that what they were doing had to qualify as a date because it felt just like what Daphne described to him. It was uncomfortable, exciting and his nerves sizzled under his skin, threatening to jump out of his body any second.

“Did you get an expensive one?” Brian asked.

“Of course,” Justin replied. “Anything I buy in the hotel is comped to the room and I know you would’ve bitched at me if I would’ve asked for cheap champagne.”

“It is,” Brian replied. “And you don’t have to worry about going overboard with expenses. I haven’t had any clients use your suite this year so they owe me.”

“After Trent left last night, I had a massage,” Justin said, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. “It was wonderful.”

Brian swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I did, especially after…”

“I have your champagne for you, Mr. Taylor.” A waitress pushed a bucket of ice and two glasses on a cart beside their table. “It’s already uncorked. Would you like me to pour?”

“Yes, thanks,” Justin replied.

Once the server finished pouring their glasses, she arranged the bucket of ice and champagne bottle on their table. “Are you both ready to order?”

“We are,” Brian said, not needing to look at his menu. He gestured to Justin to place his order.

Justin opened his menu and found the dish he’d chosen earlier. “I’ll have the Grilled Pesto Chicken.”

“Would you like your asparagus grilled or heated?”

“Grilled,” Brian, suggested. Out of all the dishes on the menu, Justin had chosen Brian’s favorite.

“That sounds good,” Justin agreed. “And for the side I’d like the corn salad, please.”

“An excellent choice,” the server said. “That is my favorite meal on the menu.”

“Mine too,” Brian told her. “I’m going to have the same thing.”

“Well you’ve made my job easy,” she said, taking their menus. “That will be out shortly. Can I interest you in our assorted bread basket?”

“Yes, please,” Justin said.

“Okay, I’ll come back with that in just a moment. Enjoy your champagne,” she said, before pushing the cart away.

“I picked your favorite dish?” Justin said, laughing. “What a coincidence.”

“Seems so.” Brian held up his glass to toast Justin. “To new beginnings.”

Justin clinked his glass with Brian’s. “That’s the perfect toast.” They fell into an awkward silence for a moment before Justin spoke, “I missed you.”

Brian could hardly deny the flutter in his stomach and the warmth that cascaded through him hearing Justin admit that. “Me too.” Brian didn’t think admitting something like that was so horrible once he’d spoken it, but the weight of the truth in the statement caused his heart rate to increase dramatically. He and Justin had spent so much time together, the time without him felt to Brian like a waste of time, which was a totally foreign feeling.

Justin reached across the table and put his hand on top of Brian’s hand. “I really am sorry for the way I treated you that day. You didn’t deserve it.”

Brian wasn’t too sure about that. “I wouldn’t have done that to Michael,” he found himself admitting. “If we were at a bar, out cruising, maybe, but…”

“Even so,” Justin interrupted, not wanting Brian to retreat because he was feeling uncomfortable. “I was wrong.”

“It’s all right.”

“You’ve been a great friend to me, Brian. And, you were right.” He wanted to say what was on the tip of his tongue, what had been on the tip of his tongue since Brian had shown up at the ratty hotel he’d stayed in.

“About?” Brian prompted, his thumb disobeying his better judgment and linking itself on top of Justin’s fingers.

“I didn’t lose everything,” Justin said, happy that he’d managed to speak the words confidently. He added for clarification, “And I don’t mean because of what you bought me. I have friends and family… and I have your friendship, it means a lot to me.”

Brian wanted to jerk his hand away and start gagging at Justin’s cheesy lines, tell him how stupid their conversation was. He wanted to rip on every word and make sarcastic remarks about it, but he couldn’t. Justin’s hand felt too good on his and Justin’s gorgeous, happy smile overrode his need to dismantle the sentiments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’d better get out of here,” Justin said before taking the last sip of his champagne.

“I guess so,” Brian agreed, looking around the restaurant in surprise. “We’re the only ones here.”

Justin stood up from the table and stretched, his t-shirt rising and exposing his belly button. “I can’t believe we sat in here so long.”

“Me neither,” Brian agreed, looking at his watch so his eyes would stop trailing over Justin’s body. “It’s almost ten o’clock.”

“Thank you for dining with us,” the waitress said, walking over to their table. “Please come again.”

“We will,” Brian told the woman. He placed his hand on Justin’s back and led him out of the restaurant.

They walked down the hall toward the elevators. Once inside the elevator, Justin stood near the buttons, his finger hovering over them. The grille was on the second floor and Justin’s room was on the tenth, so if Brian was going home he’d press the button for the garage first. “Wanna come up?” Justin asked. All through dinner, he had been thinking about talking to Brian alone in his room. If today was truly a new beginning, then he knew that he should be honest with him, no matter what came from his openness. “We can have a drink up there. The bar is completely stocked.”

Instead of an answer, Brian took Justin’s hand and together they pressed the button for the tenth floor. Brian had missed touching Justin. As agonizing as it was not to touch him wherever he wanted, even the smallest connection of their skin was torturously wonderful. Weeks without it had left him numb, but now, he craved it.

Justin longed for Brian to do more than just hold his hand but he didn’t know how to ask for more and, really, he knew that it wouldn’t be a good idea to tempt Brian. So he stood, almost perfectly still, staring straight ahead out the glass doors of the elevator as it rose to the tenth floor.

Brian had to force himself to keep his eyes riveted to the boring view in front of him. He had become steel-hard the moment he heard Justin’s soft intake of breath when he moved his hand and threaded their fingers together. He was convinced that if he only so much as looked at him once during the ride in the elevator, he’d be tearing off Justin’s clothes and never care about any protest on Justin’s part or the multi-million dollar account he’d surely lose for causing a scandal at the Westin. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting Justin and whatever half-assed plan he had of seducing him into submission for revenge had been tangled and shredded into unmendable pieces.

As soon as the elevator stopped, Justin let go of Brian’s hand and stepped into the hallway. When he realized Brian wasn’t following him, he turned around and asked, “You coming?”

“Tomorrow,” Brian said, the word barely registering to Justin’s ears.

Justin held out his hand to stop the doors from closing and gave Brian a confused look. “What?”

“I’ll take you on a date tomorrow.” Brian was surprised that his good conscience won out and allowed him to speak the words.

Justin laughed and regretted it the moment he saw Brian’s eyes narrow at him. “Tomorrow,” he said quickly, stepping closer to Brian. “I thought you didn’t want to date me.”

“You said the same thing.”

“Yeah, I guess I did and I had good reason for saying that.”

“What we’ve been doing,” Brian began, “is like dating?”

Justin struggled not to laugh at the nervousness in Brian’s voice and controlled himself not to jump for joy too soon. “Uhm, yeah. I guess it is.”

“Then tomorrow, I’ll pick you up at seven. We’ll go do… something.”

Justin didn’t want to ruin it, but he had to be sure that Brian knew what he was getting into. Spending time together as friends had never come with the prearranged definition of a ‘date’, so there were no expectations of a future with them as a couple. Justin had wanted it, he wanted to show Brian that they could be a couple, but still, he wasn’t too sure it would be possible. But he was more than willing to give it a chance. “Brian, you realize that if you date me it means more than just two friends going to the movies together, right?”

Brian glared. “Of course I fucking know that.”

“And just because we go on a couple of dates, it doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you,” he added.

Brian sighed with great annoyance, “Just don’t expect me to stop putting out for my other ‘dates’.”

“I can live with that.” Justin’s heart swelled and he smiled brightly before hugging Brian and kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow at seven.”

“See ya,” Brian replied, running his hand through Justin’s hair before the younger man stepped out of the elevator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What took you so long to get here?” Justin asked, grabbing Daphne’s arm and pulling her inside the hotel room.

“I left my date to come here,” Daphne replied, shaking off Justin’s grip.

“You didn’t really wanna go out with that guy anyway,” Justin reminded her.

“He’s housing you in a palace!” Daphne screeched as she walked down the entry hall and into the living room of the suite.

“He isn’t ‘housing’ me,” Justin griped, “and this is barely a palace.”

“It’s practically a penthouse suite.” Daphne walked over to the large bank of windows and looked outside at the deck. “It is the penthouse suite, isn’t it?”

Justin grinned sheepishly. “Brian does advertising for the hotel chain and this room is one of the bonuses in the contract.”

“Why haven’t I met Brian?” Daphne asked. “Ooh a bar!”

“Make me a double,” Justin requested as Daphne grabbed the bottle of Beam. “You haven’t met Brian because you’ve been too obsessed with ‘speed dating’.”

Daphne passed Justin his drink before taking a gulp of her own. “I’m not doing that anymore. I mean, I’ve been doing the ‘speed dating’ for like two years now and I’ve only gotten one semi-decent serious relationship out of it. Enough about me; tell me what the fuck happened with you and Brian.”

“He asked me out,” Justin revealed, “and I said yes.”

“Didn’t you say that Brian is a self-centered commitment-phobe and a notorious slut?”

Justin’s eyes widened in shock. “Were those my exact words?”

“Yes, darling,” Daphne said softly.

“Well, I guess that is true.”

“So why did you say yes if all he wants is to sleep with you?”

“That isn’t all he wants,” Justin replied confidently. “I know it sounds strange but I think with me it isn’t like that.”

Daphne gave Justin a look of disbelief. “I know you two spend a lot of time together, but do you really think you know him well enough to believe that?”

Justin shrugged. “I want to believe him.”

“Just because you want to, doesn’t mean you should.”

“You’re probably right,” Justin said, “but when I voiced my concerns, he was so… so different.”

“Different?”

Justin took a seat on a bar stool and held his glass out for Daphne to pour him another shot. “I can’t explain it.”

“Well, I want to meet him.”

“We’ll see,” Justin mumbled. “He’s met my mom, Tucker and Molly, so I doubt you’ll scare him off.”

Daphne smirked. “Whatever you say, dear, whatever you say.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the fuck? Of course he knew I was serious!”

“Calm down,” Michael said, passing the joint back to his friend. “I meant, does he know you’re serious about _him_?”

“I’m not planning on fucking marrying him,” Brian replied, giving his friend a horrified look before continuing, “dating isn’t even _that_ serious.”

“But it is,” Michael contradicted. “Believe me, to him it is.”

“The way you and Lindsay go on about Justin and what he wants, needs or thinks, you’d think that it was you who’d been dating him for the last month!”

Michael coughed on the inhale of smoke. Eyes watering, mouth dry he asked, “So you admit that you have been dating him for the last month and that you were in denial the whole fucking time?”

“Well…”

“No wonder he was pissed at you! He had every right to be!”

Brian grabbed the joint from Michael and elbowed him. “Would you shut the fuck up? We weren’t _actually_ dating. It’s just as I fucking told you it was. My fucking point is that if anyone knows what Justin thinks, needs or wants, it’s me.”

Michael raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Well, Brian I wish you luck and for both of your sakes’, I hope you’re right about that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian wasn’t sure why he had thought dating Justin was a good idea. He found himself thinking about ‘breaking up’ with him almost every hour. Then, Justin would say something completely hilarious or do something so sexy, that Brian would become so captivated, he’d practically forget his own name; and all thoughts of putting a stop on their dating would dissolve for the next sixty minutes.

This cycle left Brian feeling out of control but not so much that it bothered him. In truth, it was quite the opposite; he welcomed the occasional leap into enraptured insanity. The give and take between him and Justin felt natural and his occasional annoyance at how happy he felt about being with Justin rarely stole any of the fun. After a handful of ‘official’ dates with the blond, Brian had no choice but to admit that Justin made a lot of the shit he hated about dating, obsolete. He decided he _liked_ dating Justin Taylor.

Justin playfully kicked Brian’s foot under the table. “Hey.”

Brian jumped in his chair and narrowed his eyes at Justin. “That’s not the kind of ‘footsie’ I approve of.”

Justin laughed. “You suddenly went spacey. Don’t make me go all hetero and ask you what you were thinking about, Brian. Just tell me that I’m boring the shit out of you.”

“You weren’t boring me.”

“Good.” Justin concluded happily. “I don’t think I’m going to get dessert,” he said, placing his napkin on his plate. “What do you want to do after this?”

Brian smirked, thinking about how Justin had proven his previous thought right. Instead of bitching about him ‘daydreaming’ and ignoring whatever the fuck it was Justin had been talking about, he let it drop and changed the subject. “Everywhere we’ve gone I’ve been the one to choose. Why don’t you pick somewhere?”

“Everywhere we’ve gone has been places you’ve chosen because you knew I’d like them.” Justin smiled and his cheeks turned pink. “Why don’t we go somewhere you want to go?”

Brian checked his watch. “I think it’s too early for any of those places.”

“Oh, come on. There has to be something you like to do that doesn’t involve Babylon or Woody’s.”

Brian bit his lip and raised one eyebrow.

“Or the baths,” Justin added, laughing.

Brian thought for a moment and considered going to see Gus. He was due an extra visit and it would make Justin and Gus happy to see one another but it was almost Gus’ bedtime and he didn’t want to bear the munchers’ wrath nor their annoying pestering once they realized that he’d been out on a date with Justin. Finally, an idea hit him. “All right,” he said, raising his hand to signal for the check, “I know where we can go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, it was this or the gym,” Brian deadpanned.

Justin jumped up and down and hugged Brian. “This is awesome!”

“Have you ever played laser tag?”

“Once when I was a kid, but I wasn’t very good at it.”

“I’ll go easy on you,” Brian offered. He turned Justin around and clipped the vest straps together.

“You don’t have to go easy on me.”

“I took Michael here every year for his birthday until I started college. I’m pretty good.”

“You may have experience but I have youth on my side,” Justin teased. He looked down at himself and then up and down Brian’s body. “Though I have to admit, you look so much better in this than I do. You look like a natural born superhero.”

Brian grinned. “No wonder Michael didn’t complain about me taking him here.”

Justin grabbed his laser gun, pointed it at Brian’s crotch, and made a ‘zoom’ noise. “Target cited, ready to engage.”

“You’re such a dork.” Brian grabbed Justin by the elbow and pulled him toward the entrance to the dark maze. “If you get lost or scared feel free to surrender and I’ll help you find your way out, Goldilocks.”

“Just for that, I’m totally going to go commando on you the moment you come in,” Justin warned, disappearing behind the black curtain entrance.

Brian snickered to himself at Justin’s choice of words, his mind envisioned Justin ‘going commando’ and that was all that his neglected dick needed to betray his better sense and become hard as a rock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So you are actually dating him,” Lindsay said, waving Brian inside her house. “But you didn’t bring him.”

“He’s working,” Brian explained. He knew that he’d have to face the music at some point, but he’d hoped that his son’s presence would save him. “Where is Gus?”

“He’s changing into a pair of clean shorts; he got dirty helping me in the garden this morning.”

“Gus, hurry up!” Brian yelled up the stairs.

“Oh, stop being so anxious to leave,” Lindsay said, pulling Brian into the kitchen with her. “Tell me what happened to change your mind. I hear that almost every night this week you’ve been taking Justin out.”

“Not every night.” They hadn’t done anything on Tuesday because Justin had previous plans with Trent. Brian had no idea what the status on Trent and Justin’s relationship actually was and, truth be told, he didn’t want to know. It wasn’t as though Justin asked him about the men he fucked after their dates.

“So where did you take him last night?”

“You don’t actually think I’m going to start gossiping with you now, do you? Just because I’ve gone on a couple of dates with Justin doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a lesbian.”

Lindsay huffed and smiled proudly. “So you finally figured that out, did you?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brian griped.

“Brian, come on, just tell me about one of them. Pleeeeease? Where’d you take him? Did you have fun? Did he have fun? Have you taken him to the movies? Come on, come on, come on, tell me.”

“Fuck. No.”

Lindsay pouted. “You’re no fun and neither is Justin.”

Brian grinned, realizing that Justin hadn’t divulged any details when he’d gone to see Lindsay at the gallery yesterday. “We don’t need to tell you anything because it’s none of your fucking business.”

“But…but…”

“But…but…” Brian teased. “No matter what I told you, even if it was the most insignificant thing, you’d be calling the rest of the family and you guys would have us marching down the aisle in matching Vera Wangs…”

“Who’s marchin’?” Gus asked, walking into the kitchen.

“Me and you.” Brian said, walking toward his son. He dropped a kiss on his head and headed toward the door. “Come on, Gus. We’ve got to march our asses out of here before Mommy tries to torture me for information.”

Gus laughed at his father, not exactly understanding what he was talking about, but whenever that happened, it was usually something that was supposed to be funny, especially if he used a curse word. “Okay, Dada.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin ran his hands over his chest and pulled at the hem of the tank top. “Do you think this is too tight?”

Discreetly, Daphne wiped away the drool that formed in the corner of her mouth and cleared her throat. “Hmm?”

Justin surveyed himself in the full-length mirror and repeated, “Do you think this shirt is too tight?”

“It’s meant to be tight, isn’t it?” Daphne asked.

Justin shrugged. “I guess it is; it’s not like I picked it out.”

“Well, I think the man who picked it out wanted it to fit just like that.”

Justin regarded Daphne in the mirror and noticed her biting her lip. “What aren’t you saying? Do you think I look slutty?”

Daphne giggled, “I’ve just never seen you dress like this. You look hot!”

“So you don’t normally think I’m hot?” Justin asked.

“Oh, stop fishing for compliments. You always look hot, this is different, it’s….” she searched for the right word but couldn’t find one.

“Slutty?” Justin filled in, softly laughing as he said it.

“Desirable,” Daphne corrected firmly. “I’m sure Brian will approve.”

“Well, he bought it for me, so I’m sure he will. But, I think I’m going to change into something else.”

“Why?” Daphne asked, hopping up from her chair. “Looking desirable isn’t exactly a bad thing.”

Justin turned to face Daphne and held her eyes. “You know why it’s not a good thing.”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure no matter what you’ve worn on every date you’ve been on, he’s found you desirable.”

“I know you’re right, but this,” Justin ran his hands from his shoulders down to his hips, “is me teasing him.” He’d previously made a vow not to knowingly tease Brian anymore.

“You’re not going to tease him forever, are you?”

“God, I don’t fucking know!” Justin threw his hands up in the air, walked over to the bed and threw himself backward onto it. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with him.”

“You’re going to go to Woody’s and then go dancing.” Daphne fell onto the bed beside Justin and turned her face to look at him so they were nose to nose. “So, out of all the dates you two have been on, he still hasn’t tried anything with you?”

“Not even a kiss.” Justin abruptly sat up and put his face in his hands. “I think I scared him off.”

“Not quite yet,” Daphne joked, but they both knew she was serious. “I think he must really like you and he’s waiting for you to make the first move because he doesn’t want to fuck things up.”

“I’ve totally fucked myself over,” Justin laughed, lying back down beside Daphne. “I have to fix it. I have to just…”

*knock, knock, knock*

Justin looked over at the clock and gasped, “Holy shit! It’s already eight!”

Daphne giggled as she watched Justin practically fly off the bed and head toward the bathroom. “Well at least now you can’t change.”

“Go answer the door while I fix my hair.”

“Something tells me our roles should be reversed,” Daphne teased. She walked out of the bedroom and headed toward the door, preparing herself to meet the man she was sure her best friend had fallen for.

*knock, knock, knock*

“I’m coming,” Daphne called out. “Someone is impatient,” she mumbled before opening the door.

“You must be Daphne?” Brian accessed in a smooth drawl.

Daphne stepped backward and gripped the side of the door. “Uhhuh.” She wasn’t the most eloquent person in the world when faced with the most gorgeous man she’d ever laid eyes on, which was no surprise.

“Brian Kinney, nice to meet you.” He held his hand out and took Daphne’s limp one in his own.

“You…too, Brian.”

“So, can I come in?” he asked.

Daphne wiped the drool away from the corner of her lip. “Sure…yeah, uh… come in,” she stuttered, making room for Brian to enter the hotel suite. She shut the door behind him and followed Brian into the living area. “He’s still getting ready but he’ll be out in a minute.”

“Is he freaking out about his clothing or his hair?” Brian asked, taking a seat on the sofa.

Daphne laughed. “His clothes, he’s doing his hair right now.”

Brian nodded. “So is he wearing the purple, gray or black tank?” He knew quite a few of the tops he’d chosen were skin-tight and he’d suggested to Justin that he wear one for the occasion tonight.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Daphne replied, getting a hold of her desire for her best friend’s date. “You won’t be disappointed.”

Brian bit his lip, staving off the words, ‘he never could’. “Justin said you’re studying to be an English teacher?”

“Unlike Justin who has always known that he wanted to be an artist, it took me a year enrolled in college before I realized what I really wanted to do with my life. If I hadn’t changed my major, I would’ve graduated last month like him. It sucked that my last day this year of student teaching was the same day as his graduation.”

“I’m ready,” Justin announced walking into the living room.

Brian turned to face Justin and swallowed the spit that instantly formed in his mouth from the mouth-watering image before him.

“Ooh la la,” Daphne teased, “look at you.”

Justin tucked his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and gave Brian a shy smile. “Does this look as good as you thought it would when you picked it out?”

Brian smiled and nodded, speechless.

“You weren’t too hard on him?” Justin asked, sure that Daphne had been grilling Brian.

“I was nice!” Daphne defended with a laugh. “Wasn’t I, Brian?”

Brian finally snapped out of the dirty fantasies plaguing his mind and replied, “A perfect lady.”

Daphne grinned. “However, that doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass if you fuck around with my best friend.”

Brian snorted. “Noted.”

Justin grabbed Brian’s arm and asked, “So you’re sure I look all right? I don’t look too slutty, do I?”

“You’ll have men falling over themselves for a chance to get in your pants,” Brian said, appraising Justin once more.

Justin smiled nervously, “Oh.”

“But you’ll keep him safe, right?” Daphne gave Brian a firm look.

Brian couldn’t imagine letting Justin out of his sight looking the way he did tonight. He gave Daphne an affirmative nod. “Boy Scout’s Honor.”

“And remember, he’s allergic to Rosemary so he can’t have Spiced Rum.”

“I know, he’s told me,” Brian said.

“Oh, come on,” Justin groaned. “You two are acting like I’m an invalid. I can take care of myself. I’m probably not going to drink anything but pop or water.”

Brian laughed. “And wine at dinner, I hope.”

“Well that goes without saying,” Justin agreed, smiling.

“Well, I’m gonna go,” Daphne said. “Call me tomorrow?”

“I will.” Justin gave Daphne a hug.

“Have fun tonight,” Daphne spoke, walking toward the door, Justin trailing behind her.

“We will,” Brian replied for the both of them, his eyes glued to Justin’s ass. Why he had bought him a pair of jeans that would accentuate his ass and inevitably taunt him all night was beyond him. As Justin closed the door behind Daphne, he took the opportunity to readjust his throbbing cock. It was going to be a long, long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twice, Justin almost came in his pants on the dance floor of Babylon. He’d drank almost a bottle of wine at dinner and that left him loopy and relaxed enough to drink two beers at Woody’s. When they reached Babylon and Brian led him to the dance floor, his body was thrumming with energy and he felt every beat of the music. Other than the two dances he joined Emmett in, he remained pressed against Brian’s body, grinding against his heat and enjoying every moment.

Brian had been peppering kisses along his neck when the guilt crept into Justin’s mind and immediately Justin separated himself from Brian, claiming that he needed a bathroom break. When he returned from the bathroom, he found Brian leaning against the bar, drinking a bottle of water, his eyes watching him as he moved closer. Justin felt like he was the only man in the room, and as he stepped up beside Brian, he realized that tonight, to Brian, he was. 

The problem was, he felt the same way and it wasn’t right, not when he was leading Brian on when there would most likely be no future between them. It was a sobering thought and he was happy when Brian asked if he wanted to ‘get out of here’. Justin had urgently nodded his head, because it was time, past time, to tell Brian the truth. Of course, once Brian and he made it into his hotel room, Brian immediately thought it was for any reason other than to talk.

Brian pushed Justin against the door, effectively closing it behind him. “You want me to fuck you?” he asked in a throaty whisper.

Everything inside of Justin screamed ‘yes’ and as Brian licked along his collarbone, an almost unstoppable desire spiraled through his body. He wanted to grab Brian’s hair and force his mouth to meet his own so he could finally experience how it felt to passionately kiss a man. He wanted Brian to be his first for everything, he wanted it so fucking bad he ached with it every moment he was around him or thought about him. However, reality crashed through the lustful spell he and Brian were under and Justin knew that he had to stop it all now. He didn’t want to know what it would be like to kiss Brian when it would possibly be the only thing they’d share together. The caresses and kisses marking other areas of his body would take long enough to fade.

Justin slid out of the tiny space between Brian and the door and pushed away the need he felt to just say ‘yes’ to Brian. “I do, but we can’t.”

Brian turned around and followed Justin into the living area, his dick aching as he walked. “The whole ‘hard-to-get’ angle is getting a little old, Justin.”

“I didn’t take you up here so that you could try to seduce me.” Justin said, facing Brian again. He tried to not be angry about the cards he’d been dealt. He was usually so optimistic that he didn’t dwell on the things he couldn’t change, but right now, he couldn’t ignore the anger bubbling inside of him. It felt like something really was punishing him and he wished he could rectify whatever it was he’d done.

“I don’t have to _try_ to seduce anyone.” Brian caught the frustration and anger in Justin’s tone and it unnerved him more than the words had. He shouldn’t have to try at all. Justin was supposed to want him, it wasn’t supposed to be hard anymore. He’d proven that he wasn’t going to turn tail and run after they fucked, so he didn’t get why Justin sounded so upset.

“Right. Well you have been trying. Or at least you’ve wanted to seduce me. For months, you’ve wanted to get in my pants. That’s what all these dates have been about, haven’t they?”

Brian would never tell Justin that he’d wanted to get in his pants since the moment he saw him walk into the diner months ago. Sure, the dates had been sort of to lure Justin into giving up his sure-to-be tight ass. He got that right. But they’d also been about something else he couldn’t pinpoint. “I told you that it wasn’t. What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve shown you that I want…” Brian couldn’t speak the word ‘more’.

“Then what have you been doing, Brian? What do you want from me?” Justin didn’t know why he was doing it, but he couldn’t control himself. All the anger he felt he was turning on Brian.

“I’ve just been trying to figure you out,” Brian admitted. “You’re,” he drew his lips into his mouth and searched for the right word, “intriguing. We have fun.” He wanted to have more fun, if only he could get Justin to relax and stop being so uptight. He’d been in a weird mood all night but this sudden urge to talk when they should already be fucking was annoying the shit out of him.

Justin collapsed onto his sofa and looked up at Brian, who was making it impossibly difficult to quell the desire he felt for him by giving him a nervous, boyish expression. Justin hated himself even more as he realized how patient the man was trying to be while he was acting like a bi-polar freak. He realized that he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t have the talk with Brian. It would be easier if Brian left and they stopped being friends all together. He’d never have to explain a thing then. “Please, just go. Okay?” He was a coward, he knew that but he couldn’t find it in him to tell Brian now. He’d fucked it all up accusing Brian and making it seem as though it were Brian’s fault.

Brian wasn’t just going to leave, he wanted Justin too much, even if he lost a little of his pride in the process. “You just want me to leave? What the fuck happened between Babylon and here? What aren’t you telling me?” He wondered if he’d moved too fast tonight and kicked himself as he realized how stupid that sounded. He’d been playing cat and mouse with Justin for far too long. The fact that he actually worried about moving ‘too fast’, which let’s face it, wasn’t an expression that actually existed in his world, told him two things. One, he was acting like a lesbian and two; he was acting like a hurt lesbian. Fuck that! “Talk to me, Justin! I’m not just going to turn tail and run. Tell me what the fuck is going on. Do you want me or not?”

“You don’t get it.” Justin placed his hand over his erection that had yet to waver and pulsed in reaction to the rumble in Brian’s voice.

“You’re right, I don’t get it!” Brian yelled in frustration. “We haven’t even kissed, do you realize that? We’ve been on countless ‘dates’ and you touch me and rub against me and get me harder than I’ve ever been and then you say it’s time to go home and that’s that. Then, you fucking spend time with that Trent fucker and give him… what I should have.”

“Trent is my friend,” Justin protested. “That’s all. I haven’t given him or anyone anything! Especially not what I wish I could give you.”

“Then why won’t you? Have you just been dicking me around? Lure ‘Kinney the slut’ into breaking all his rules? Is that your game?”

“It isn’t a fucking game, it was really never a game,” Justin said. “I wanted to kiss you but I knew that would lead to me feeling things for you that I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to feel anything for you until...”

“How nice of you,” Brian spat, interrupting Justin. “To think I thought it was me that didn’t want this, but it was you.”

Justin wanted to scream, he wasn’t explaining himself at all. “I’d love to say, ‘yes, fuck me’, but I can’t. It’s not,” he paused and settled on, “healthy.”

Brian’s anger dissipated in seconds and fear spread through his body as he walked closer to Justin. He let out a deep breath as he squatted in front of him, ran his hand up his leg gently and asked, “Why not? Do you have… are you positive? Because… if that’s what it is, we can be careful.”

Justin held Brian’s hand and squeezed it, his heart thumping in his chest. “God no. But that’s one of the reasons why I can’t.”

Brian took a seat beside Justin, confusion lacing his features. “I don’t understand,” he admitted, “we both want it, but you won’t let yourself…”

“I can’t let myself,” Justin interrupted. “I don’t expect you to understand. You couldn’t. You’ve always been able to go after who you want, slap on a condom, fuck the guy and then leave, no problem.”

Brian felt his anger rising again as he wondered if Justin was one of those men that was afraid of anal sex and wouldand would only participate in frottage. “Look. You fucking know that if that’s all we were doing…”

“I’m not going to have sex until I get married,” Justin blurted out.

Brian’s mouth fell open as he processed what Justin had just said. As the realization hit him, he started laughing and propelled himself to stand. He could not believe that Justin had done this to him. “You’ve got to be kidding me! Wanting to hang out, maybe even become fuck buddies with someone is one thing. But you’ve got some hetero dream of finding your one and only! Well I hate to break it to ya, kid, but that’s not ever going to happen. You’re a fag and you’re never going to find another fag that’ll wanna live your hetero dream life.” Brian paused and laughed. “Mikey and Ben might wanna be Stepford queers, but what you’re looking for is way past that realm of bullshit. You ought to just go back to Breedersville and find yourself a little girl…”

Justin stood up and closed the distance between them, practically slamming his chest against Brian’s as he yelled, “You think I don’t know that would be easier? You think that I actually believe it’ll be easy to find one person who will accept me for who I am, love me and want to make a commitment to me, all without finding out how tight my ass is? You think that I actually believe it’ll be simple? Because I don’t! I know it’s going to be hard. Fuck! I know that it may never happen, but fuck you if you think that after all the time we’ve spent together you think I’m some breeder wannabe. I want cock, Brian. I want to know what it tastes like. I want to know what it feels like inside of me. I want to know what it feels like to be kissed, touched and fucked by a man. I want it so bad it’s all I can think about some days; it’s hard to think of anything else when I see you. When I know you want me. But I’m never going to be a normal fag. I can’t risk my life just for an orgasm. And I’m definitely not going to risk my life to make some asshole like you happy.”

“That was a nice speech,” Brian said. “Have you had that planned from the moment you agreed to go on a date with me? Is this your big fuck you to the ‘Slut of Liberty Avenue’?”

“Oh god,” Justin stepped back and turned in a circle before facing Brian once again. “You have such a huge ego. Me being celibate has nothing to do with you. And in case you forgot, you’ve been pursuing me as much as I pursued you.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Brian bitched, “believe me!”

“At first, I wasn’t getting into whatever this is with us with the intention of anything serious happening. I’ve always known that you wouldn’t be the one, you wouldn’t’ fall in love with me and you wouldn’t compromise your lifestyle to even begin to find out if you could. But I can’t compromise my life, either. I’m an asshole for not telling you before and I know you might not forgive me for not telling you the truth. I have no excuse, because I should’ve told you.”

“Told me what? You’re still not telling me shit!”

“I’m allergic to latex, polyisoprene and polyurethane. Which means, any condoms that protect against HIV could cause me to have an anaphylactic reaction. And that’s just from it touching my skin, I have no idea what would happen if it was actually inside my body and I bet that it’d be even worse. So yeah, I’m waiting until I can be with someone I trust, someone who is ‘the one’, because if I wouldn’t believe in ‘the one’, then that would make what all homophobes believe to be true.”

Brian was speechless. He tried to place his hand comfortingly on Justin’s arm but the blond shook him away.

“I wish I was straight because yes, it might be easier. But I have to believe that there will be a day that I’ll find someone that will want to be with me only. I have to believe that. I’ve done my research and the only way that I can have safe sex is if we do it raw. I’m not an idiot; I couldn’t just do that with just anyone so I have to hope that I’ll meet a man who will wait for me, fall in love with me and commit to me for life. I knew that you wouldn’t be that person, that you couldn’t be that person, so I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leading you on. But I couldn’t help it, Brian. I like you more than I ever thought that I would.”

Brian was struggling to understand what Justin was telling him and he wanted to say something, do something, but he was in complete shock. Of all the excuses he thought Justin would come up with to explain himself, he hadn’t imagined this one.

“My father told me that this was a punishment to me, that it was proof that I wasn’t meant to be gay and it was a punishment to any unnatural thoughts I’d ever had for men. I know that it’d be a little easier if I was straight, but I still wouldn’t be able to have sex with a woman and risk getting her pregnant or getting a disease. Either way, I’d have to be in a lifelong commitment. I tried to tell him that, but he didn’t want to hear it. He thinks that all my allergies are God’s way of punishing me.”

Justin’s father’s reaction hit home for Brian. “That’s what my mother told me about my cancer,” Brian said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“What?” Justin asked, worriedly.

“I had cancer and when my mother found out she told me it was God punishing me for being gay.”

“But it’s not,” Justin said firmly. He placed his hands on top of Brian’s and looked at him with a sorrowful expression. “I know that what I’ve done is horrible, Brian. I know you want me and I want you too, but it won’t ever happen with us. I know I don’t deserve to ask for your forgiveness for not telling you sooner, because I was leading you on. For a few weeks I let myself believe that it could happen between us, but I know that’s not possible. You and I want different things in our lives.”

Brian fought with the uncomfortable feelings creeping around inside him and gave into the one that was in the forefront of his mind. “I’ll call you,” he announced, jumping up from the sofa.

Tears clouded Justin’s vision as he watched Brian quickly bolt from the couch and heard the door to the suite close seconds later. He was about to lose it and go into a self-pitying hole when Brian’s parting words entered his mind again. He was almost afraid to believe them but he figured that at this point, he had nothing left to lose. He would wait for Brian to call.


	5. Credence: Chapter Five: "Weighing the Risks"

**Credence  
Chapter Five: “Weighing the Risks”**

_"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."- Dale Carnegie_

**July**

“Thanks.” Brian grabbed the folder containing the projected profit from the signed contract with ‘Pittsburgh Glass Works’.

For the second time in as many minutes, Ted wondered what had happened to Brian Kinney. “Uh…sure, Bri. If you want any suggestions on good investments for your take-home let me know.”

Brian nodded. “Will do, Theodore, now run along. I’m going to lunch.”

Ted left Brian’s office and quickly walked back to his desk. Once there, he flipped open his cell phone and dialed Michael.

“Hey, Ted.”

“Something is seriously amiss with Brian,” Ted whispered.

“What? I can hardly hear you.”

Ted glanced around and spotted Brian heading out Exhibition’s doors. He breathed a sigh of relief and spoke in a normal pitch. “It’s Brian. He’s… something is wrong with him.”

“I talked to him five minutes ago,” Michael said, “he’s bringing me lunch.”

“Well he’s not fine.”

“You’re going to have to tell me why you think he isn’t fine,” Michael replied worriedly.

“He’s been a raving asshole all week.”

Michael laughed. “Yeah, that’s cause for worry.”

“It’s been worse than normal. He’s biting the heads off everyone in the art department. No one can produce anything he wants and yet he isn’t explaining to them what he wants. But today it all just stopped.”

“You know how Brian is,” Michael defended, “things have to be his way or no way. It’s why he’s so successful.”

“If it were just the normal bitching it wouldn’t even faze me, but it’s not. It’s so much worse than usual and then today he just… he stopped.”

“Stopped?”

“Brian has stopped bitching completely. He’s been in a great mood all morning, even after his assistant spilled coffee on his suit during a proposal with a client. He calmly wiped it off and accepted Lyle’s apology and hasn’t brought it up since. He’s been saying please and thank you to everyone. Even to me.”

“Shit.”

“That’s not the only reason I’m worried. After the meeting with Frederick Glass, he completely dismissed him. The man is gorgeous and was obviously making a play for Brian but he acted as though he didn’t notice him and believe me, the guy was not subtle.”

“Something really is wrong with him,” Michael agreed.

“Do you think it’s the cancer again?”

“What? Why? Does he look sick?”

“I don’t think so. He’s been staying late every night this week so I doubt he’d be able to do that if he were. But maybe he is and just hasn’t started radiation again.”

“I think Brian would tell me if it came back.”

“Maybe he just found out and isn’t ready to tell anyone yet. It would make sense, wouldn’t it? That’s why he’s been an even bigger dick at the office.”

“Well that would explain him not going after that Frederick guy.”

“I can’t think of anything else to explain it. I doubt he and Justin are monogamous.”

“Justin.” Michael softly laughed. “That’s what’s wrong.”

“Justin?”

“He’s staying late at the office, isn’t tricking with a gorgeous guy and… now that I think about it, he hasn’t been at the diner any time I have while Justin is working. In fact, when he called to ask if I had plans for lunch, I suggested the diner because I figured we could meet up with Justin once he got off work at noon, but he said he wanted to pick up something and come to the shop instead. I haven’t seen them together all fucking week, not that I’ve seen much of Brian, but I figured it was because he was with Justin but if he was at work late…”

“Well whatever it is, you’ve got to do something. The staff is relieved with Brian’s sudden mood change, but I don’t know if they’ll be able to handle him going off the rocker Monday.”

“No, we don’t have that issue in stock but I can order it for you.”

“I take it Brian just walked in?”

“Right. I understand,” Michael went on in a cheery voice.

“Call me and tell me what you find out. Hopefully, you’re right and it’s only ‘boyfriend’ troubles.”

“Most likely,” Michael replied. “Bye.”

***

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Michael asked as he hung up the phone.

Brian placed the paper bag filled with Chinese food on the counter top. “Hello to you too, Mikey.”

“What’s going on with you and Justin?”

Brian rolled his eyes and groaned, “Don’t tell me he’s come to you to get me back.”

“I wasn’t aware he ever ‘officially’ had you,” Michael snapped back his reply. “But no one ever can have you, right? No more than once.”

Brian’s delirious good mood disappeared immediately. “What the fuck?”

“So you took him out on all those dates, you wooed him just so you could fuck him and move on? I thought he was more than just a conquest, Brian. I thought you two were friends.”

“Where the fuck are you getting this from?” Brian asked, growing more annoyed by each word that came out of Michael’s mouth.

“Don’t worry, Justin hasn’t said anything. In fact, any time I’ve seen him and asked about you, he had nothing but good things to say about you.”

Brian placed his hands on the counter top separating him and Michael and leaned over so their faces were only an inch apart. “What does that tell you, Mikey?”

“That he’s embarrassed and covering your asses.”

Brian huffed a breathy growl and backed away. “You’re fucking clueless.”

“Then enlighten me,” Michael said, wondering if maybe he had gotten it all wrong. He looked around the shop. “No one’s here but you and me, so tell me, what the fuck happened between you and Justin?”

“Fucking Justin! Everything is about Justin!” Brian yelled.

Michael had to try very hard to keep himself from smiling. “So, you can’t get him out of your head now that he’s out of your bed?”

“He’s never even been in my fucking bed!” Brian grunted.

“So is that why you broke up?”

“Fuck! We didn’t break up. I took him out to eat a few times, we hung out, we weren’t boyfriends, we couldn’t break up. Christ, you’re a drama queen.”

“So what? He didn’t want to fuck after a couple weeks of you hanging out and you dropped him?”

“Why is it always my fault?” Brian asked in a near whisper. “Why do you think it’s me?”

“Because…” Michael saw Brian’s mask slip for a moment and he saw despair in Brian’s eyes and his heart dropped into his stomach. “It was him?”

“Not exactly.” Brian walked behind the counter and took a seat on the stool. He’d been thinking about Justin and what he’d confessed to him almost non-stop. However, he wasn’t sure if he should reveal it all to Michael; it wasn’t exactly his story to tell.

“What is it? Tell me. I’m sorry for accusing you…”

“Sorry’s bullshit.”

“Whatever. It’s not, not when it comes from your best friend.” Michael smiled down at Brian hopefully. “Tell me what happened. I know you really liked Justin or you wouldn’t have ever ‘hung out’ with him, you wouldn’t have come and got me the day his building collapsed, so that he wouldn’t be alone. You wouldn’t have set him up in the swanky hotel and bought him…”

“He can’t have sex,” Brian said, interrupting his friend. He waited for Michael’s open mouth to close before he continued. “Not until he gets married.”

Michael snorted. “You’re shitting me, right?”

Brian slowly shook his head. “Afraid not.”

“What the fuck do you mean he can’t have sex until he’s married? He’s got some fucking unbreakable moral code or some shit?”

“No. He’s got some moral code for his life. He… look, I don’t want you to run off blabbing this shit to anyone. He doesn’t… he shouldn’t have to deal with everyone behaving differently with him, because they will if they know. It’s hard enough for him.”

“What?” Michael asked, confused. “I won’t say anything to any of the guys or my mom, just tell me.”

Brian took a deep breath and looked away from Michael’s stare as he revealed, “Justin is allergic to every kind of condom in existence.”

“Holy shit!” Michael gasped, falling back into the stool behind him. “You’re serious?”

“Completely. And that's as far as I'm discussing this with you.” Brian grabbed the food bag and started taking items out. “Let’s eat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So, you're totally in love with Brian,” Trent assessed.

Justin cupped his hands together and splashed a huge wave of water into Trent's face. “I said I didn't want to talk about him anymore.”

Daphne swam up behind Justin and attempted to dunk him but Justin evaded her. “You can't just tell us this big huge story and then expect us not to ask you questions.” She turned to look at Trent and pointedly said, “Of course he's in love with him.”

“I like him, that's all.”

“But you **told** him, so that can't be all,” Daphne said, playfully pushing Justin.

“What do you want me to tell you? I've talked enough about Brian. He said he'd call. He hasn't called. I'm not going to sit around and pine after him, awaiting the day that my telephone rings. The odds that Brian Kinney is going to give up fucking for me are slim to none.”

“Say what you will,” Trent said. “But while we were eating lunch, on Brian's expense account might I add, you checked your phone like a dozen times.”

“I did not!” Justin gasped.

“You so did,” Daphne laughed out.

“Like every five minutes,” Trent said. “Seriously.”

“Oh god,” Justin groaned, knowing he couldn't deny it.

“You know what I think?” Trent asked.

“I don't want to know,” Justin said. Swimming over to the ledge of the pool, he hoisted himself out.

“I do, I want to know,” Daphne replied, teasingly, following Justin out.

“All right,” Trent got out of the pool and looked around to make sure none of the other swimmers were close to them. “So, I think you shouldn't sit around and wait for him to call. I think you should go after him.”

Justin threw his wet towel at Trent. “Yeah, right. He's been avoiding the diner and _me_ since I told him. I'm not going to throw myself at him. He's not likely to want to be with me in any capacity so give me one good reason why I should stalk him?”

“Because, like you said, you can't sit around pining after him,” Daphne said.

“Yeah, and I'm not,” Justin protested. “I was checking my voice mail because I'm waiting to hear from Lindsay about the gallery job.”

“Lie to yourself all you want,” Daphne said. “But Sweetie, you can't lie to us.”

“Whatever.” Justin slipped on his sandals. “You ready to go back?”

“I'm ready for you to do as you promised and get us each a massage,” Trent said.

“Only if you promise to stop talking about Brian,” Justin bargained.

“We will,” Daphne agreed, glancing at Trent.

“Yeah, as long as you agree to my plan,” Trent said.

“What fucking plan?” Daphne and Justin asked in unison.

Trent ran his fingers down the center of his chest and stopped at the waistband of his swim trunks. “Make Brian jealous with this.”

“With you?” Justin asked. “Why would he be jealous of you?”

“Because, we'll make him think we're together,” Trent clarified.

“And you can show Brian what he's missing. He's met Trent before, right?” Daphne asked.

“Yeah, briefly,” Justin answered.

“You told me that Brian was totally jealous of me; that he thought we were fucking,” Trent added.

“Or something like that,” Justin said. “But I pretty much told him we weren't.”

“Yeah, well I think he'd believe that I want you, and that's enough to make him jealous. Make him think that maybe it isn't so hard for you to find a man that would want to be with you only. If he saw us together...”

“I'm not going to manipulate Brian. If he doesn't want me, then I'm going to move on.”

“But you should at least try,” Daphne said. “Just see if he gets jealous, maybe that will make things clearer for him.”

“Come with me to Babylon tonight,” Trent suggested. “We'll dance and grind and drive Brian mad with lust. He'll be calling you before the week is out.”

Justin shrugged his shoulders. “Fine, but I don't think it'll do any good and I don't want to go tonight. It hasn't been that long since he said he'd call.”

“Then next weekend,” Trent said. “We'll have something to celebrate anyway, right?”

“What?” Daphne asked, clueless.

“Melanie said the settlement money should be deposited by next Wednesday,” Justin explained.

“So soon?” Daphne asked. “I thought that crap could go on for months or years even.”

“Melanie and her team of bulldog lawyers reached a settlement with the tenants and the complex owner. The insurance settlement is a separate lawsuit, that one will probably take longer but the owner wanted to settle quickly. He's in the process of building a huge apartment complex downtown and he doesn't want any bad press affecting the project, so he was willing to settle for an undisclosed amount as long as all of the tenants agree not to talk to the press.”

“Oh shit!” Daphne gasped. “Well you'd better disclose it to me. How much are you guys getting?”

Trent grinned and whispered the sum into Daphne's ear.

“Holy shit!” she yelled, her words echoing loudly around the pool room.

“Shh,” Justin giggled, grabbing Daphne's arm. “Come on, before you get me kicked out of this hotel.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what did you have to say about it?” Ben asked. He'd come to visit Michael after his last lecture and found him a total mess about Brian.

“He didn't want to talk about it and frankly, I didn't either. I mean, what the fuck was I going to say? I couldn't encourage him to just give everything up and have unsafe sex with a kid he just met.”

“He and Justin didn't _just_ meet and Justin isn't exactly a kid. You were all for Brian and Justin dating...”

“Yeah, but they're not going to be dating. They're going to have sex, _raw_ sex.”

“Under the circumstances, don't you think that's what 'safe sex' is?” Ben asked.

“But Brian... he's never going to do that. He's not just going to stop fucking everything that moves to possibly get into Justin's pants. I mean, that's not what it'll be. Justin won't have sex until he gets married. He wants to be sure the man he 'gives himself to' is going to be the only man he's with for the rest of his life and I doubt that will be Brian.”

“So, you don't think Brian can do it. That's why you're upset?”

“I'm upset because I thought that Justin might be the one for Brian, but now, Brian's never going to give him a chance to be more than just friends. He won't trust himself enough to do it and he's not going to jump through hoops to get laid.”

“Maybe not to get laid,” Ben agreed, “but maybe to be with the person he loves.”

“I don't think that Brian thinks Justin is worth taking that chance,” Michael said softly. “Or maybe, he doesn't think he's worth Justin taking the chance.”

“It's overwhelming,” Ben said. “You've got to break it down for him. Make it look less scary. Maybe then he'll take a chance.”

“Wise Professor, please tell me, how do I do that?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin, I thought Brian was coming with you?” Jennifer asked, looking behind Justin where he stood on the condo's steps.

Justin had forgotten that tonight's invitation to dinner included Brian. “Oh, I forgot.”

“Well call him,” Jennifer suggested, leading Justin into the house.

Justin took a deep breath and told his mother, “I can't.”

“Why not?” Jennifer motioned for Justin to follow her into the living room. “Did you two break up?”

“We were **not** together, Mom. We were friends.” Justin plopped down onto the couch and looked up at his mother who had her hands on her hips and was staring down at him with a sour expression. “What?”

“Don't lie to your mother, dear, it isn't nice.”

“Maybe we were,” Justin said, exasperated, “but we're not now.”

“So you broke up?” Jennifer pressed, sitting beside Justin. “What happened?”

“I told him about my allergy,” Justin confessed. “I told him why I'm still a virgin and why I will remain one until I meet and marry the right man.”

“And Brian freaked?” Jennifer asked, she'd figured that he would when he found out.

“Yeah. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, but it wasn't good either. I haven't seen him since I told him. He said he'd call me but he hasn't.”

“Maybe he just needs some time to take it all in?” Jennifer suggested.

“Daphne and Trent want me to try to make him jealous. They think I should show him what he'd be missing but honestly....” he trailed off and wiped his hands over his face. “Honestly mom, I don't want to know that I'm not worth it to him. I'd rather not know. I'd rather just sit around hoping that one day he'll call and tell me I am. How pathetic am I?”

Jennifer wrapped her arm around Justin's shoulders and kissed the side of his head. “You're not pathetic. Life just isn't easy for you, honey. I wish it was and I wish I knew exactly what to tell you. I would like to think this is a good idea but it’s never good to manipulate anyone. However, I have also seen you two together and I do think there is something there so maybe Brian does need that push. Maybe just this once it’s okay and your friends are right. Make him jealous; show him what he's missing, even though I think he may already know, it might be easier on you to just go for it.”

“You really think I should?” Justin asked.

“If he’s who you want,” Jen stated, squeezing Justin close. “Now you tell Brian the next time you see him that I don't appreciate him not calling and canceling tonight. I made his steak just the way he likes it.”

“Maybe you can wrap it up and I'll drop it by the loft on my way home. He'll probably be at Woody's or Babylon by then.”

“So you're going to avoid him?” Jennifer asked.

“For now. I told Daphne and Trent that I'd give Brian until next weekend to call. If he hasn't by then, then I will go with their plan, I have no idea what else to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian looked around Red Cape Comics and then at Michael. “We alone?” he asked.

Michael placed the day’s earnings in the safe and popped up from behind the counter. “Yeah, can you turn the sign to closed and lock the door?”

Brian did as asked, grabbed the joint he'd rolled out of his cigarette pack and hefted himself onto the counter.

“Brian, I think that maybe Justin’s as scared as you are by his little revelation.”

“What ?” Brian lit the joint and took a deep hit.

“Well… I know that men seem to fall at your feet begging you to fuck them but Justin isn’t going to do that. You need to get that through your head. No matter what you do, he’s not going to fall for your charms, abandon all conscious thought and let you fuck him.”

Brian sucked almost half of the joint down and allowed the pot to calm him. “It isn’t me, Mikey. I’m not… I didn’t… I _know_ he’s not going to abandon shit and I’m not going to ask him to. He wants to be fucked, believe me, and no matter what you may think I know that he wants it to be me that fucks him.”

“This is an instance where you arrogance fucks up your life and any chance you might have at…”

“At what?” Brian asked, but didn’t wait for Michael to answer. “There’s nothing he can do about this. He won’t ever be fucking me and he won’t be fucking anyone else until he finds himself some nice little boy to settle down with and I may be arrogant but I’m not stupid. I’m not a little boy who wants to play house for the rest of my fucking life.”

Michael felt stunned by Brian's tirade and it took him a full minute to process everything he'd said. “A nice little boy? You really think with his attitude that he's going to find a nice little boy?”

“Or whatever the fuck.” Brian shrugged his shoulders and took another drag. “How the fuck he’s going to find any gay man that will love him enough to go without sex and pledge monogamy on the off chance that they’ll hit it off and get married is beyond me.”

“That’s fucking horrible for him that he has to deal with this shit,” Michael groaned. “But… you know, you are right, in a way.”

“Jesus, Michael, I figured you’d at least be positive about this, maybe even be a little encouraging for Justin’s sake,” Brian laughed and handed Michael the joint. “After all, you know all about being a stepford fag.”

Michael jumped up onto the counter beside Brian and replied, “Yeah well I think that maybe this shit with Justin is beyond you.”

“You’re a big help.” Brian yanked the joint away from Michael's lips before he could even get a full hit.

“This isn't beyond you, it stops with you. I think that you are probably the **man** who Justin needs. You should put some of your arrogance into something worthwhile.”

“You make no sense at all.” One minute Michael was behind him, backing him on how wrong he and Justin would be together and the next, he was making Brian Justin’s Mr. Right. “That’s not going to happen. That isn't and can't be me. There’s nothing I can do to make any of it worthwhile… whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.”

“Why not? You like him, don’t you?”

Brian nodded and rolled his eyes while blowing his smoke into Michael's face.

Michael waved the smoke away and grabbed for the joint. “You dated him, you really actually dated him.”

“I did not.”

“ _Yes_ you did.”

“We went out together...”

“On dates,” Michael nudged Brian's shoulder with his own. “Stop acting like what you two were doing wasn't dating. This is me, your best friend, you can't lie to me. Admit that you took him out on dates.”

Brian was feeling buzzed, blissfully buzzed and because of this he was much more open-minded than he was when sober. He hadn't even really been that forceful with his denial and wasn't really in the mood to deny what he and Michael knew was in fact the truth. “All right, whatever.”

Michael took that answer as an admission and continued, “So if you dated him, that means you think you two might have a future. You still think it, you're still imagining a future with him or we wouldn't even be having this conversation.”

“Yeah, well, whatever I'm thinking about us, _thought_ about us, had nothing do with the little white picket fence life that Justin needs.”

“That’s not what he needs. He needs someone he can trust, someone to love him.”

“Someone who will be monogamous,” Brian added. “Only one of those is me.”

“You're falling in love with him?” Michael didn't mean it as a question, it was more of a statement, but for Brian's benefit he worded it as one.

“He can trust me,” Brian said, sticking his tongue out.

Michael took the joint away from Brian. “You've had too much of that.”

Brian grabbed it back and growled, “Or not enough,” he spoke, taking another long toke of the joint.

Michael figured there was nothing left to lose, Brian was in a weird state and he didn't know how else to continue the conversation without getting lost in his bullshit, so he decided he'd just go with the direct approach. “It's already beyond dating. You can tell yourself you don't believe in love, you can say that you haven't known him long enough to be falling for him, but I think you just don't understand that what you feel for him is love.”

“Fuck off,” Brian half-giggled, and hopped down.

“You are falling for him, you're not even denying it,” Michael sing-songed. “You’re falling in love.”

“Fuck off, Mikey. I don’t do…”

“You do love. You totally do love for Justin.”

“Fuck you.”

“You want to be the one for Justin, but you don’t think you can do it. But you know what? I bet you could. And just imagine what it’d be like if you really did fall completely and hopelessly in love with him and could do it raw with him.”

“Jesus!” Brian slumped down to the floor, and put his hands over his face while groaning, “That's never going to happen.”

Michael jumped down and sat beside Brian. “Why? Why won't it happen?” Now he was getting somewhere. Now he could take Ben's advice and give it to Brian.

Brian took his hands away from his face and stared at Michael pointedly. “I can't give him what he needs.”

“Does it have to be all or nothing? Can't you and Justin compromise?”

“Compromise?” Brian shook his head. “On what?”

“Monogamy.”

“How can we compromise on something that isn't even up for negotiation?”

“Look, I know you don't want to be reminded of it, but during the cancer and radiation treatment and recovery, it took you almost seven months before you were able to trick.”

“Good to know you were keeping count,” Brian groused.

“Yeah, well, who wasn't? You heard the rumors.”

Brian remembered all of them. “Yeah, I remember. And I also remember how those rumors stopped.”

“You made it known that you had a hot piece of ass in Maryland that commuted here to fuck your brains out. A guy so hot that it rendered every man in Pittsburgh totally useless.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And then of course you dumped him when he started to get too clingy.”

Brian grabbed a cigarette and lit it. “You got a point, Mikey? I don't have all night.”

“You know what I'm saying. If you lived without fucking for six months, you could do it again. You know you could.”

“Yeah, well,” Brian grabbed his dick. “I don't have to live without it.”

“You're right. You don't have to live without sex. I bet there's a thousand, hell with your experience, there's probably a million ways you and Justin could have sex without penetration.”

“He doesn't want to have any sex until he gets married,” Brian reiterated.

“Is that what he told you?” Michael asked.

Brian thought for a moment. “Not exactly.”

“Well, I think you need to talk to him. You need to figure out if there can be a compromise.”

“There's that word again, Mikey. Only, you don't get it. There can't be one. I'm not going to be monogamous.”

“Why not? Jesus. You know you can do it. Isn't Justin worth it? Being with him feels better than being without him, right?”

“You're such a romantic twat, Mikey. Here you are, pushing me to have something you and Ben never could have. Why?”

“Because I want you to be happy.”

“So what? I just agree to be monogamous?”

“You could have a trial period, just like you did before. Tell him you'll give it six months, six months with only him to see where things go and at the end of the six months...”

“We break up.”

“Or you marry him.”

Brian snorted. “That won't happen.”

“If you're so sure of that, then what's the risk?”

“My dick.”

“If you have Justin taking care of your dick, I don't think it'll be at risk.”

“If Justin agrees to this shit.”

“The only way you'll know is if you talk to him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what have you and Brian been up to lately?” Lindsay asked the question Justin knew she'd been dying to ask since he first walked into her office twenty minutes ago.

“Working,” Justin deadpanned.

Lindsay sighed and relaxed in her chair. Giving Justin a small smile she asked, “What'd he do?”

“Nothing. We're fine.”

“I haven't seen you two together in a while. In fact, when Brian picked Gus up last Saturday, Mel asked about you and he said you had to work. I went to the diner for lunch that day and didn't see you there.”

Justin airily spoke, “He must've got the time I worked mixed up. It’s not like we keep tabs on each other.”

“I didn't mean to upset you,” Lindsay explained in lieu of an apologetic expression.

“You didn't upset me,” Justin replied. “This meeting is business right, not personal?”

Lindsay nodded. “Yes, but...”

“Then can we please keep it to business?” Realizing he was bitchy with his tone, Justin added, “I know you care for Brian and me, but we're still new and I'd like to keep our relationship to ourselves.”

Lindsay nodded. “You're right. There's just something about you, Justin.” She smiled and shook her head a little. “And there's something about you and Brian... it just works.”

Justin ignored his sudden, racing heart and asked, “What do you mean?”

“You and Brian fit. I don't know how to explain it. It's something I never would've imagined, really, because we both know how Brian can be.” Lindsay shrugged. “Nevertheless, he isn't that way with you, is he?”

Justin felt bad that he was sorta, kinda. actually lying about his and Brian's relationship to her and it made him feel horrible to hear her be so supportive about it. He answered honestly, “I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that, but I think you do.”

“He's more mature with you,” Lindsay went on, thinking that Justin really knew exactly what she was saying. “I've known Brian for a long time and there's this role he's developed for himself, sometimes he's playing it and other times he's being played by the creation. The whole 'hat is wearing him' kind of thing.”

Justin nodded, intrigued with Lindsay's assessment of Brian. “Right.” He'd thought the same way about Brian at times but he wasn't sure if he was just being hopeful when believing that Brian really could be more than he portrayed.

“He's stepped outside of that role a lot in the last couple of years, but it shows up every now and then and I'm so used to going along with it that it's easy to forget that, deep down, Brian can be a different person. When I've seen him with you, he is that person.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Justin asked, a little rattled at his friend's words.

“Because I know Brian and I know that there will be a time when he'll do something cruel, something awful to you. You'll think you can't trust him, you'll think he's the biggest asshole in the entire world, but if you want him, you'll have to go after him and not let him get away acting like a total shit.”

Justin felt a little ashamed of himself for being so irritated with Lindsay asking about him and Brian. She seemed to honestly want the best for them and the hope he had that Brian would want him came back full force. He gave the woman a bright smile. “Thank you, Lindsay. Brian's lucky to have you as a friend.”

Lindsay reached across the table and touched Justin's hand. “Whether or not you and Brian work out, we're friends too.”

Justin squeezed her hand. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

Lindsay reached for the papers Justin had brought her and cleared her throat. “I'm going to take these and go over them with Mr. Bloom. That way we can get them filed and your insurance coverage will begin as soon as you start work next month. Why don't you go have a look around the gallery while I do that and I'll come and get you when Mr. Bloom is ready to meet with you.”

“That sounds great,” Justin said. He stood from his chair and gathered his messenger bag. “Thanks again, Lindsay, for everything,” he said, walking out of her office door, feeling lighter and more joyful than he had since he revealed the truth to Brian.

Ten minutes after Justin began touring the gallery he found himself staring at a painting that gave him even more hope in Brian. He had sold the Ugly Naked Guy painting! The piece he'd told Justin that if he ever did sell it, Justin would have to paint him something to replace it. He looked at the date the museum had acquired it and it listed two days ago. Brian sold it, knowing, in all likelihood, that Justin would see it and would have to then make good on his promise.

Justin clutched his hands in anticipation, his eyes closed and with the crashing arrays of emotions inside of him, his creativity bloomed as he imagined the perfect work of art he would create for Brian. Whether or not Brian would ever want to be with him, Justin felt the fire burning within him to give the man a replacement he'd never want to sell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael handed Justin the check and cash for his and Ben's lunch. “Keep the change,” he told him, turning to go.

“Wait a second,” Justin said, stopping his friend. “You realize that you handed me a fifty and your dinner was like ten bucks, right?”

Ben's eyes widened but he said nothing when he felt Michael discreetly pinching his hip.

“You look like you're tired,” Michael deadpanned, “and the diner hasn't been busy so I thought...”

“You thought?” Justin asked, handing Michael the change. “What?”

Michael sighed, handed Justin a five-dollar bill and pocketed the rest of the money. “I thought you could use the money.”

“I don't need the extra money. I received my settlement a couple days ago.”

“You did?” Ben asked. “Congratulations. That was a pretty fast process, from what I've heard things like that can take years.”

“Justin explained to Ben and Michael the process of his good news. “I’m so relieved.”

“So why are you working here?” Michael asked. He wanted to ask how much Justin received but knew that it wasn't appropriate. He made a mental note to ask Brian about it, that is, if he and Justin did actually get back together, which at this point didn't look like that would happen. Brian had been avoiding his calls since their conversation and he hadn't caught him once at the diner or at Babylon.

“I couldn't just quit on your mom. I start my job at the gallery soon anyway.”

“Well how about getting a drink with us at Woody's after your shift?” Michael asked. He was certain that if he could just get Brian and Justin in the same place, Brian wouldn't be able to resist Justin.

Justin shook his head. “I can't. I'm meeting Trent and Daphne at the hotel for a late dinner but if you're going to Babylon later, I'll probably see you there.”

Michael looked up at Ben with the most pathetic puppy dog expression he could muster. “Babylon, tonight?”

Ben had planned a nice, romantic night alone with Michael but he could see that deteriorating by the second. He could see the wheels turning in Michael's head though and figured that it was for a good cause. “We'll be there,” Ben replied.

The moment they were outside of the diner Ben asked, “What are you planning?”

Michael smiled. “I am going to make sure that Brian is at Babylon tonight.”

“I don't think we should force Justin on him,” Ben said, warily.

“Well, I think he's had too much time to sit around and think about this. He's been avoiding my calls, avoiding all places he might see Justin, he's avoiding making a decision about it and it needs to stop.”

“So if he's avoiding all of that, how are you going to get him to go to Babylon tonight when he wasn't there all last weekend?”

Michael smiled. “I have my ways.” He batted his eyes and changed his voice to a child-like tone, “Brian, we haven't been out together in weeks. Don't tell me you're too old to go dance with your BEST friend on a Friday night.”

Ben laughed, “That's not going to work.”

Michael grabbed Ben's hand and turned them around so they were walking in the direction of the loft. “Oh yeah? Watch me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours and four clothing changes later, Brian was starting the Jeep's engine. From the passenger seat, Michael looked in the back at Ben and gave him a pointed smirk.

“Woody's better not be doing Karaoke this Friday too or I'm leaving you both there,” Brian warned.

Michael innocently asked, “Is that why we didn't catch you there last week?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Do you never check your voice mail?” Before Michael could answer, he elaborated, “I left you a voice mail telling you that I'd be in LA all week. I take it from the five hundred messages you left me, that you never checked it last Friday?”

Michael felt foolish and laughed dryly. “Guess not.” He smiled as he realized that Brian wasn't avoiding Justin at all and he hadn't really had to pull out the puppy dog eyes to get Brian to go out tonight, he'd easily agreed to go. He hoped this meant that he'd made a decision about what he was going to do about Justin.

TBC in Chapter 6


	6. Credence: Chapter Six: "Pucker Up"

**Chapter Six: “Pucker Up”**

_A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous._ ~Ingrid Bergman

**August Part 1**

“Justin, you’ve changed shirts like nine times,” Daphne pointed out, falling back onto the king sized bed.

Trent echoed Daphne’s move and winced when he looked at the time. “It’s almost midnight. By the time you decide on what you’re going to wear all the hot guys will have left and we’ll be forced to dance with trolls.”

“Leave me alone.” Justin turned back and forth in front of the mirror, ignoring his friends and pretending to critique his skin tight baby blue tank. He knew he was delaying the inevitable but he almost wished he could just fake sick and stay home.

In the reflection, Daphne caught Justin’s expression of doom. She sat up and demanded, “Tell us what’s really going on. You know damn well you look like liquid sex in that outfit so what is it?”

Trent once again mirrored Daphne’s position. “Yeah, I thought you said you weren’t nervous about seeing Brian because he may not even be there.”

Justin gave up and turned to face his friends. “But if he is… then… then you want me to make him jealous and I don’t think I can do that.”

Trent scoffed. “Look at you! You’re fucking gorgeous. Every man in Babylon is going to be jealous of me.”

“And the women too,” Daphne added, “even if they’re gay. Stop acting as if you don’t know how hot you are. You’ll make everyone, including Brian, if he’s there, turn green with envy when they see you dancing with Trent.”

“But I don’t want that,” Justin confessed. “I’ve been thinking about this all day and I don’t want to make Brian jealous.”

“Why the fuck not?” Trent asked, lighting a cigarette. “He deserves to see what he’s missing after ignoring you.”

“He won’t be able to ignore you tonight,” Daphne said, eyeing Justin provocatively.

Justin blushed and rolled his eyes. “If that’s true, then I don’t need him to see me and Trent humping on the dance floor to get his attention.”

“Yes. You do,” Trent countered. “He needs to understand that you can have _anyone_ you want and he should feel lucky you want him!”

“But I can’t have anyone I want. Not really; and I don’t just want anyone. I want Brian and I don’t want to manipulate his barbaric instincts into wanting a relationship with me. Jesus, you guys, do you understand how fucking nuts this is? Brian Kinney is the one who can have anyone and he doesn’t have rules about monogamy; he doesn’t believe in it so why would he consider doing it for me?”

Trent grabbed Justin’s arm, pulled him so he sat between him and Daphne, and handed him his cigarette. “Calm down.” He waited for Justin to take a few drags and watched as his friend visibly relaxed. “First. Stop with this pitiful bullshit inferring that you’re not good enough for Brian Kinney. Second. Realize that **you** are far, far better than any man Brian could ever fuck. Third. Brian Kinney is so lucky that you even spend two seconds thinking about him.”

“And fourth,” Daphne said, rubbing Justin’s shoulder, “you’re strong, confident and you don’t second-guess yourself, so you are going to promise me that you’re not going to do that again tonight. You are going to promise me that you’re going to walk into that club like you own the place and no matter what happens you’re going to walk out of it the same fucking way.”

Justin laughed and felt a little more empowered with his friends backing him up. “Fine. But the plan is off.” He stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray and declared, “I’m ready.”

“Why is the plan off?” Trent asked, following Justin into the living room of the suite.

“Yeah?” asked Daphne. “We get that you don’t _need_ to make Brian jealous to make him want you but…”

“Because if we do get together, I don’t want it to be because I manipulated him. I lied to him enough already, even if it was a lie by omission. He may not ever admit it, but I hurt him by not telling him the truth right away. I’ve been paying for that for the last month. I want Brian on my terms but I also want him on his terms. I don’t want to be in love with him six months from now and be wondering if the only reason he decided to be with me is because he really wanted to or because I made him jealous and he didn’t want anyone to play with his ‘toy’ on his playground.”

“You’re sure about this?” Daphne asked.

“Because if you want to enact the plan at any point all you have to do is say the word and you’ll have an instant boyfriend,” Trent offered.

Justin opened the door to the suite and ushered his friends out of it before giving them both a bright smile. “I’m positive that won’t be necessary. If Brian’s there, I’ll talk to him without any help from anyone. He can’t hide from me forever.”

“That’s the spirit!” Daphne yelled.

Justin giggled, pressing the button for the elevator. “Shh… people are sleeping.”

Trent mocked, “It’s not like they’d kick you out. Hey, that’s one way to get his attention if he isn’t there tonight.”

The elevator doors opened and Justin pulled his friends with him, silently praying that he wouldn’t need to do anything that drastic to get Brian’s attention.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael watched in shock as Brian danced with Emmett. “Things are getting weirder and weirder.”

Ben sighed. “What?”

“Brian!”

“Of course,” Ben teased.

“Have you _ever_ seen Brian ask Emmett to dance?” Michael asked.

Ben thought about it. “Now that you mention it, no.”

“And have you ever seen Brian only drink two beers in three hours?”

“You counted?” Ben asked. He saw Michael give him an annoyed expression and answered, “To the best of my knowledge, no.”

“And have you ever seen him go without fucking or getting sucked off by at least one stud in the same time period?” Michael persisted.

“No, and I know what you’re getting at, but he probably just has jet-lag.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Brian doesn’t get jet-lag. Even if he did, he wouldn’t get cock-lag.”

Ben laughed, “How creative.” He kissed Michael’s cheek. “Stop worrying about Brian and Justin.”

“I’m not worried exactly, I’m just curious because I think Brian has made a decision. He hasn’t been avoiding Babylon because he’s had work at Exhibition or because he’s been avoiding Justin. It’s because he made that decision and he isn’t tricking.”

“Well whatever the decision is, we need to stay out of it.”

“Of course, that’s been my plan all evening. I don’t want Brian to run when he sees Justin.”

“If he comes,” Ben said, glancing at his watch. “It’s after 12:30. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve said nothing to anyone about him coming.”

Michael looked at his toes for a minute. “I just didn’t want to spoil it.”

“Forcing Justin on Brian isn’t a good idea, even if Brian made the right decision.”

Michael smiled. “No one could force them. Brian just needed a tiny shove and Justin will be here, I’m sure of it.”

Ben planted a long wet kiss on Michael’s lips and whispered in his ear, “Just don’t get your hopes up.”

Michael wondered where his positive-thinking fiancé went and was about to ask him when he saw Brian and Emmett returning to the bar from their excursion on the dance floor. At the same time, Ted arrived, waving Brian down, most likely to tell him about the latest Babylon crisis.

“Oh my god, did you see the new guy cruising Brian?” Emmett asked, bouncing up to Michael and Ben.

Michael shook his head. “Which one?” He’d seen quite a few newbies cruising his best friend.

Emmett pointed out the tall, muscular blond man dancing uninhibitedly. “Look at him. Isn’t he hot? God, what I wouldn’t give to wrap my legs around that waist.”

“So why don’t you go after him?” Michael asked.

Emmett sighed dramatically. “Do you have to ask?” He pointed at Brian who was now walking up to the bar, Ted trailing behind him.

“What?” Brian asked, annoyed by his friends staring at him.

“I was just telling Ben and Michael about that blond who was eyefucking you while we danced. Why aren’t you in the backroom fucking him right now?” Emmett boldly asked.

“You can have him,” Brian grunted.

At that moment, as if completing the unspoken thought in Brian’s head, ‘ _I have my own blond,_ ’ Justin Taylor walked into Babylon, Daphne and Trent flanking him as they headed directly toward them.

Brian stared at Justin, his entire body sizzling with heat as their eyes met and Justin flashed him a blinding smile. A tight feeling constricted in his chest and though Brian would say it was something else that caused him to turn away from Justin, the truth was he started to panic about his decision. He practically leapt over to the far end of the bar, leaving his friends to greet the new arrivals as he demanded a shot from the bartender.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael, doing his best not to worry about Brian’s asinine departure, pasted a smile on his face and hugged Justin. “I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”

“Justin had to change shirts like a thousand times,” Daphne spoke up.

“Shut up,” Justin laughed. He gestured to his friends. “This is Daphne and Trent.” He then pointed to his newer friends. “This is Michael, his boyfriend…excuse me, his _fiancé_ , Ben. And this Emmett and Ted.”

After everyone said hello, Daphne asked, “Who wants to go dance?”

“This happens to be my song,” Trent said, grabbing Daphne’s hand.

“You’re done working, right?” Emmett asked, grabbing Ted’s hands.

“Until the boss determines otherwise,” Ted replied, allowing Emmett to pull him along.

Michael glanced back at Brian and then back to Justin and Ben. “Let’s dance.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“You want another, Mr. Kinney?” Scott, the bartender asked.

“Not right now.” Brian let out a deep breath when he heard his friends say they were going to dance. He needed some time to collect himself before he did something stupid like run away. Michael knew that Justin was going to be there and hadn’t said a word to him, which meant that he was meddling and it didn’t piss him off as much as it aggravated him.

He needed time; time to figure out what exactly he needed to say to Justin. He didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding about where he saw their possible relationship in six months’ time and it wasn’t obvious to him yet how to get that across to him. He wanted every word mapped out in his head before he said a thing and Justin being here tonight complicated his plans. The only thing that was clear to him was that before he’d seen Justin he hadn’t been one-hundred percent sure about his decision, but the moment their eyes met, all his doubts faded. Now that he was certain of his decision, he was terrified of facing Justin.

“I know you said you’d call me but I thought I’d come and say hi anyway.” Justin had caught the enormous grin and the light in Brian’s eyes when they first saw one another. The smile left his face in a split-second; in place of it, a look of desperation Justin hated seeing. Brian had turned away, retreating to the bar to avoid him. Mostly, Justin was sure Brian was avoiding whatever feelings had prompted the smile he’d given him, the same feelings he felt upon seeing Brian.

The hand on his back made him stiffen as he slowly turned to face Justin. “Hi.” Brian felt like a fucking idiot when he heard how wobbly his voice was. How the fuck he’d let Justin get to him like this, he didn’t know.

Seeing the turmoil on Brian’s face, Justin knew he had to diffuse the situation. “My first day at the gallery is next Monday,” he said, trying to give Brian an out from the inner dialog Justin knew was going on in his mind.

Brian wanted to push Justin away and pull him closer all at the same time. Justin’s scent always intoxicated him, but after so long without smelling him, it was even more pungent. He struggled to reply, “That’s good.”

Justin smiled. “Yeah, it is. I’ll never have to serve food again!”

Brian finally composed himself enough to say in a clear voice, “Let’s drink to that.” He waved down the bartender. “Scott, two shots of whiskey, top-shelf and make sure you completely clean the glasses.” He watched as the bartender grabbed a half-empty bottle and stopped him. “Open a new one,” he ordered loudly. “I don’t want to take the chance that you’ve mixed that shit with something else.”

“I just opened this tonight,” Scott explained. “I’m the only one that’s been at my station.”

Brian slammed his hands down on the bar. “Scott, I said to open a new fucking bottle!”

“Sure,” Scott said, grabbing one from the stock under the bar. He made a point to grab two of the brand new glasses from the stock cabinet and washed them thoroughly. “Doubles?” he asked, placing the glasses in front of his boss and the beautiful blond twink accompanying him.

“Single is fine,” Brian replied in a slightly happier tone. He picked up his shot and raised it in the air, “To never serving food again.”

Justin held his glass up. “To never serving _diner_ food ever again, ‘cause I don’t mind cooking.”

Brian laughed at Justin’s edit and nodded while clinking his glass. “To only serving food when you want to.”

Justin gulped his whiskey, coughing from the burn.

Alarmed at the coughing Brian placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders and asked, “Are you okay?”

Justin looked up into Brian’s eyes, so filled with concern and fear. “I’m all right,” he assured him, “just the burn of the liquor.”

Brian’s hands fell to his side. “Good. You want another?”

Justin shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to make him open up another bottle,” he joked. “You know, I could’ve just drunk a beer. You didn’t have to cause the bartender the trouble of having to open a new bottle for me, though I do appreciate that you did it.”

Brian snorted and gestured toward Scott who was flirting with one man beside them. “He is my employee; it’s my job to cause all of my employees at least a little bit of trouble every night.”

“Oh my god!” Justin gasped, looking around them and seeing Babylon with new eyes. “You own this place?”

Brian smiled proudly. “I bought it earlier this year after the previous owner ran it into the ground and got caught fucking around on his taxes.”

“How did I not know you owed Babylon?” Justin asked.

“I don’t know,” Brian said, shrugging.

Justin thought about all the other places Brian liked to go and asked, “Do you own the diner, Woody’s and the baths too?”

“No,” Brian said, amused. “Well… actually where Exhibition is now used to be a bathhouse.”

Justin giggled but abruptly stopped when he heard the beginning of his favorite song. He looked out onto the dance floor to his friends. He wanted to dance, but he wasn’t confident enough to ask Brian to join him and he didn’t want to leave him at the bar either.

Justin didn’t have to worry, Brian was extremely observant and saw Justin’s expression go from happy and then change to indecisive. “Come on,” he said, realizing there was no point in putting Justin off. “Dance with me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian could tell that Justin was nervous dancing with him. The only time he seemed relaxed was when he wasn’t in Brian’s arms and was dancing by himself. After the third song, Brian realized that Justin was holding back because he had no idea what Brian’s boundaries were. He knew he needed to assure Justin, but he didn’t want to do that here at Babylon in front of all their friends. As the song ended, Brian was about to pull Justin off the dance floor when Trent invaded their space.

“So, Brian, I wanted to thank you for dinner,” Trent said, confusing the fuck out of Brian.

“What?” Brian asked, instinctively pulling Justin closer to him as Trent put his hands on Justin’s back and started grinding against him.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Trent and Daphne joined me for dinner at the Grille tonight.”

“It was delicious,” Trent said, licking his lips. He gave Brian a challenging look and taunted, “I wish I had a Sugar Daddy that could set me up the way you have Justin.”

“No matter what I tell people, they still think you’re keeping me,” Justin explained.

Brian’s first thought was, ‘I am’, but he quickly abandoned that and said smugly, “Hate to break it to you, Trent, but you’re not pretty enough to snag a Sugar Daddy.”

Justin giggled and turned to face Trent. “That isn’t true,” Trent said, pulling Daphne closer to them. “Is it?”

“What?” Daphne asked.

“Brian said I’m not pretty enough to be a kept boy!” Trent whined dramatically.

Daphne snorted and pinched Trent’s cheek. “Don’t listen to him.”

Brian leaned down and whispered in Justin’s ear, “I’m going to get a drink.”

“Okay,” Justin said, giving Brian another one of his blinding smiles.

Brian turned for the bar and grabbed his aching crotch, adjusting himself in his tight pants. He needed to get a drink before he grabbed Justin and forced him to his knees in the backroom.

“Will you get me a drink too?” Daphne asked, coming up beside Brian as he reached the bar. “I hear you own the place.”

Brian nodded. “What will you have?”

“Just a bottle of water.”

“You want me to buy you a drink but all you want is water?” Brian asked, confused.

“I can handle paying five dollars for a shot, but not for a bottled water,” Daphne explained.

“Understandable,” Brian said, waving Scott down. “Three bottles of water.”

“I take it the other one is for Justin?” Daphne asked, looking back to where her friend was dancing provocatively with Trent.

Scott handed them their waters and both Brian and Daphne took long drinks, surveying the crowd around them. “So, is it? Is the other one for Justin?” Daphne asked again.

Brian hadn’t heard Daphne’s question because his entire attention was focused on Justin and the annoying friend who currently had his hands squeezing the most perfect ass Brian had ever seen. He gritted his teeth in anger and glared in their direction.

“They’re only friends,” Daphne said. She thought Brian looked like a wolf about to pounce on his prey. “That’s all they’ll ever be, not like you guys,” she said, grinning widely as Brian looked at her.

“What makes you say that?”

Daphne sighed as if the fate of the world was entirely on her shoulders. “You know why I say that. I shouldn’t… no, I don’t have to explain that to you, Brian.”

“They’re practically fucking with their clothes on!” Brian almost put his hand over his mouth as he realized what he said aloud. He looked at Daphne and saw her dark eyes sparkling with amusement. “You think this little game he’s playing to make me jealous is funny?” he asked.

Daphne shook her head. “We told Justin he should come here tonight and try to make you jealous, show you what you’re missing.”

“And I guess you’re going to tell me he’s obviously succeeded.”

Daphne frowned. “No! You see, Justin planned to come here with Trent and make you so jealous that you couldn’t see straight!”

“Well he certainly isn’t abandoning the plan now, is he?” Brian asked, pissed off the moment he spoke because he should’ve just told her that he wasn’t jealous.

“Well Trent may not be abandoning it, but Justin did. Back at the hotel he told us that he didn’t want to do that to you. He doesn’t want to manipulate you into liking him, into wanting to be with him. He wants it to be entirely your decision whether you want him or not. He wants you to decide for yourself if he’s worth it, so that dancing he’s doing with Trent is as innocent as it can be. Justin wouldn’t go back on his decision about that, he was adamant about it. I assure you.”

“You think _that_ is innocent?” Brian asked, his eyes watching every thrust of Justin’s crotch against Trent’s ass.

“He’s having fun. I bet you dance with Michael like that all the time.”

“I _never_ dance like that!”

“Because you can’t,” Daphne said. Brian looked down at her angrily and she smirked, “Good, I finally have your attention, now can you stop thinking with your dick for like two minutes?”

“Just get to the point,” Brian said, barely restraining himself from charging onto the dance floor, throwing Justin over his shoulder and taking him home.

“He didn’t have to make you jealous to date him, to make you want to be with him, to make you want to break his rules for him. I saw your face when we came in, he already has you, doesn’t he?”

Brian bit his lip, the overwhelming urge to confirm Daphne’s words wreaking havoc inside of him.

“You don’t have to say anything, Brian.” Daphne grabbed the unopened bottle of water from the bar and handed it to Brian. “Just don’t make him wait to long. He doesn’t give up easily but he’s so torn up about what happened. He’s hurting over you and I know you don’t want that.”

As if in a daze, Brian followed Daphne back onto the dance floor, clutching the bottle of water tight in his hand when he spotted Justin push away from Trent and walk over to him. “Is that for me?” he asked, wiping the sweat from his hairline.

“Yeah,” Brian responded, his voice gruff. He stood completely still in the mass of his friends and other dancing men as he watched Justin drink. He’d never seen anyone as beautiful and perfect as Justin. Brian didn’t think it looked like Justin was hurting, but he knew how to hide pain and he figured Justin probably did too and hated thinking he was causing him pain when he could, hopefully, stop it.

“What?” Justin asked, goosebumps breaking out on his skin from Brian’s stare.

Out of the corner of his eye, Brian saw Michael smiling at him, giving him a look that could only be interpreted as, ‘go for it’. He remembered Michael’s words, his friend telling him that he was worth it, that Justin was worth it and he knew that Michael was right, so what the fuck was he waiting for. “I’ve got work early,” Brian told him, grabbing his hand. “Do you want to share a cab with me?”

“What?” Justin asked confused. “Now?”

“Yeah, now.”

“Uh…well… I…I have work early too,” he admitted. Justin wasn’t sure what Brian wanted to gain by sharing a cab with him, but he was sure it wasn’t just having someone accompanying him halfway home. “Let me say goodbye to Daph and Trent.”

Brian grabbed Justin’s water bottle and finished it, desperately needing the substance for his dry mouth. “Okay, I’ll be out front waiting.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin had come outside right as Brian managed to hail a cab down. As soon as they both got in the back, there were no words spoken other than telling the driver their destinations. They sat close, just a hair away from touching. They occasionally glanced at one another, but would look away when the intense longing they felt became too much.

Brian let out a relieved breath when they reached the hotel. “I’ve got it,” Brian told Justin when he tried to pay.

“Oh, um…okay, thanks,” Justin said, sliding out of the car. He was somewhat disappointed that Brian hadn’t said a word to him, but then again, he knew he could’ve been the one to start the conversation and hadn’t because he’d been afraid of where it would lead.

“Keep the timer running,” Brian told the driver, handing him a one-hundred dollar bill.

Justin turned back in surprise as Brian closed the cab door behind him. “You don’t have to walk me up, it’s not like this was a date.”

Brian shook that statement off. “I’m going to anyway.”

“Oh, okay…” Justin said nervously. He almost tried to stop Brian again once they got to the elevators but when he saw the look of determination on Brian’s face he thought better of it and pressed the button.

The elevator seemed to take forever as Brian stood as far away from Justin as he could, collecting his thoughts and his courage to do something that seemed so fucking trivial for everyone else. And that was the problem, Justin wasn’t just anyone.

An agonizing thirty seconds later, the doors opened to Justin’s floor and he slowly walked to his door, perfectly aware of Brian’s eyes on him the entire time they walked. His hand shook with nerves as he slid his keycard in and opened the door. “You coming in?” he asked, holding it open for Brian.

Brian said nothing, just crossed the threshold and closed the door behind him.

“Do you want a drink or something? The bar is stocked, but I think Daphne and Trent probably drank some of the vodka before we left.”

“No, I don’t need anything to drink,” Brian said. Though his mouth had gone dry from staring at Justin in the elevator, he knew that there was only one thing that could quench his thirst.

“Well… uh… how is work going? Michael said you were gone for…”

Brian grabbed Justin into his arms, slamming his lips against Justin’s, effectively cutting off his rambling. His knees weakened when Justin moaned, opening his mouth, his tongue touching his as he slipped it inside. He fell back against the door, shoving his hands into Justin’s hair, guiding his head, tilting it to the side, as he swabbed the recesses of his mouth with his tongue.

He felt Justin humping against his leg, felt the straining erection rubbing against his thigh through his jeans while Justin whimpered and moaned, kissing Brian expertly. Brian’s cock was demanding attention like it never had before but he knew he couldn’t deviate from his plan. He moved his hands between their bodies and slowly pushed Justin away from him. “Fuck,” he gasped, taking in deep breaths.

Justin stood against the wall, his fingers touching his swollen, tingling lips, his blurry eyes wide with amazement, dark with lust.

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and pulled him over to the sofa. “Sit,” he whispered, before sitting on the other end, afraid to be too close to him. Never had one kiss affected him so much. It was unbelievable how Justin kissed him, it felt like he’d coaxed an orgasm out of his mouth. He never would’ve imagined that _that_ mindfuck of a kiss was the very first for Justin. “The whole fucking cab ride I wanted to…” Shit. He realized as he began to talk that his entire body was shaking the way it did after he had a really intense orgasm, yet his dick was still uncomfortably hard, leaking his underwear, trapped in his blue jeans.

“What?” Justin asked in a whisper so husky it was unrecognizable to him. One kiss, just one kiss did this? Surely not everyone felt this way when they kissed or the world wouldn’t be able to operate. Justin almost wondered if he’d injected some kind of drug, because he certainly felt drugged and Brian looked as fucked up as he did. His eyes were glassy, his face was pink, his lips dark red. He looked…ravaged, which is what Justin felt like Brian had done to him. And really, that was just proof that it was their kiss, because neither one of them had been fucked up before that.

“I didn’t want it to….in the back seat,” Brian said, realizing that his brain wasn’t cooperating and he was probably making no sense at all.

“Huh?” Justin asked, also on the brink of incoherency. “It?”

Brian gave up on distancing himself from Justin and slid closer to him, placing one hand on his neck and staring into the dark blue eyes. It was insane how Justin’s touch made him come undone but it also calmed him. He found his thoughts easily and spoke them. “Your first kiss,” he explained, watching Justin’s eyes dilate in surprise. “I wanted it to be perfect and for us to be… alone.”

Justin didn’t know that it was possible to swoon unless you were some nineteen fifties schoolgirl, but he was sure that’s what was happening as Brian leaned in to kiss him again and his vision blackened.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t know… it might be an allergic reaction but I don’t know where he keeps his pen!” Brian screamed at the 911 operator. “Just fucking get here already!”

“Brian?” Justin opened his eyes and looked around, feeling giddy and peaceful all at once.

“Justin!” Brian almost dropped his cell phone as he crouched down beside the sofa. “Are you all right? Are you having a reaction?”

Justin sat up. “What?”

“Yes, he’s awake,” Brian spoke to the woman on the phone.

“Who are you talking to?” Justin asked.

“I called 911, you fucking passed out!” Brian explained, surveying Justin for signs of stress.

“Oh my god!” Justin gasped. “Tell them not to come. I just… I fainted.”

“Yeah, I know. You might be allergic to my saliva,” Brian said in a desperately sad voice.

“No,” Justin said, trying not to laugh. He grabbed the phone from Brian and put it to his ear. “Hi, this is Justin and I’m just fine now.”

“Are you sure, sir? Your boyfriend said you have a history of allergic reactions and…”

“I _know_ what an allergic reaction is,” Justin explained to the woman, blushing furiously, “and this wasn’t one.”

“Are you sure sir?” the operator asked. “If you have a history of allergic reactions it might be best if I send an EMT out to look you over.”

“There’s no need,” Justin said adamantly.

“Sir, you have to understand, you lost consciousness, if it wasn’t an allergic reaction it could be something worse. I really don’t want to take a chance with your healthcare.”

Justin asked Brian, “How long was I out?”

“Just a minute,” Brian admitted, sighing in relief, “but I couldn’t wake you up. I tried shaking you and calling your name but you weren’t responding.”

“I’m okay now, **really** ,” Justin said firmly to both, Brian and the operator. “I’m sorry he had to call you. I promise I’m all right, I don’t need an EMT to assess me.”

“I’m sorry, Justin, but I think it’d be best if I radio dispatch and have them check you over. It may be serious.”

“It wasn’t serious,” Justin told the operator. “I think I know what it was and it isn’t serious. I’ll be just fine.”

“If you know what it is, sweetie, than you need to tell me so I know for sure you’re going to be all right.”

Justin groaned and felt his body heat from utter embarrassment. “Please,” he said softly, “don’t make me tell you in front of _him_ ,” he whispered.

Brian understood that Justin was embarrassed of passing out but to have Justin say that he didn’t want to talk about the reason in front of him made him angry. “Why the hell not?” he asked.

“Oh god,” Justin groaned. “You’re going to laugh,” he said to both Brian and the 911 dispatcher.

“Justin, believe me, in twelve years doing this job there isn’t much that can shock me. Just tell me, sweetie,” the operator said softly.

Brian dropped down to his knees in front of Justin. “This could be serious,” he said, his anger lessening as he saw how nervous Justin was. “I’m **not** going to laugh at you.”

“I passed out because of the kiss,” Justin admitted, his voice tiny. “I swooned from the overexcitement.”

Brian’s jaw fell open and he stared at Justin in wonder. He couldn’t believe that was possible. People didn’t actually _swoon_ , but from the look on Justin’s face he could tell he was being serious. “You passed out from me kissing you?” Brian asked.

“Yes,” Justin said softly, his eyes on Brian’s still puffy lips. He told the operator, “I’m sorry he had to call, but really, I’ll be fine.”

“That must have been some kiss,” the woman said, unable to keep the awe out of her tone. “Well, your boyfriend did the right thing and if he’s able to make you pass out from one kiss than I’d say he’s a keeper.”

“Yes, I think so,” Justin agreed, placing his hand over Brian’s and giving it a squeeze. “Thank you for the help.” Justin ended the call and handed the phone back to Brian. He gave him a sheepish look and muttered, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sure you’re all right?” Brian asked, getting up to sit beside Justin. Brian had always known he was a great kisser, but to know just how good, filled his chest with pride.

“What?” Justin asked, feeling unnerved by the look on Brian’s face.

“I just can’t believe I made you pass out from a kiss,” Brian said, a little bit of laughter in his voice.

Justin rolled his eyes and pushed playfully at Brian’s shoulder. “Tell your ego to take a hike,” he warned, grinning. Yeah, it was an amazing concept to him too; he couldn’t deny Brian’s power.

Brian smirked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Justin gave Brian a mock glare. “You’d better not, or it won’t happen again.”

Brian licked his lips. “Yeah, right, like you could stay away now?”

Justin shrugged, realizing it was definitely time to concede. “Yeah, guess not. That is, if you don’t want me to…stay away, I mean.”

“No, I don’t,” Brian admitted, leaning in and kissing the side of Justin’s mouth. The sexual chemistry between them was still there but the scare Justin had given him had taken a nosedive, which was a good thing because Brian had to stick to his plan. He stood up from the sofa and said, “It’s getting late.” He glanced at his watch, realizing that Justin was working the early shift, which meant he’d only get about five hours of sleep. He had an appointment at the same time that Justin’s shift started and as much as he wanted to stick around, Brian knew he’d see Justin soon. “I’ll see you later.”

Justin felt torn between begging Brian to stay and demanding him to tell him when they’d meet again but he didn’t want to jinx the perfect night they’d shared. It already had enough drama in it. “Okay. Later.”

Brian gave Justin a small smile before walking over to the door. After a small wave, he left the hotel room. The moment he got into the elevator, his knees to weakened and he grabbed for the railing as the thinking, ‘ _If that’s what one kiss is like with us, what’s it going to be like to fuck him raw in six months from now_?’ It took Brian until he slid into the back seat of the cab, which had waited for him, to realize the true depth of his thought.

“Where to, buddy?” the cab driver asked, giving Brian a smirk in the rearview mirror. He was certain that the flushed look on his passenger’s face was most likely because of the quickie he’d probably gotten from his hot blond companion.

“The corner of Fuller and Tremont,” Brian said, letting out a deep breath, determined not let his fears get the best of him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian walked into the nearly desolate diner looking around for Justin. He knew that he could’ve called him, but Justin didn’t answer his phone while he was working. He didn’t want to leave a voicemail that Justin might not get until he was off work and he wanted to be sure that he had Justin all to himself tonight.

“It’s awfully early for you to be in here on a Saturday,” Debbie spoke, popping up from behind the counter and startling Brian.

Brian took a seat on one of the many unoccupied stools. It was ten o’clock and the diner was always slow on Saturdays. “I had an early appointment,” he told her.

Debbie took out her order pad and asked, “Coffee and toast?”

Brian shook his head, glancing around the almost empty diner. “Is Justin on break?”

Debbie clucked her tongue. “So you didn’t come for brunch?”

Brian grimaced and said, “Spare me the lecture about how I’m corrupting him. Where is he?”

“Frank scheduled too many waiters today so I called and told him not to come in. He didn’t seem to mind, sounded like he had a late night by the groggy sound of his voice. Know anything about that?”

“Jesus,” Brian bitched, “what, did Mikey show up here at the crack of dawn and tell you Justin and I left Babylon together last night?”

Debbie smacked her gum and laughed. “No, you just did.” She put her hands on her hips and gave him a stern look. “Don’t mess around with him, Brian. I know you two have chemistry, everyone can see it, but he’s not like you. He’s worth more than just a roll in the hay, ya’ got me?”

Brian slid off his seat and backed away from the counter. “I don’t need you to tell me that, Deb,” he said, leaving her speechless and bolting out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian gave the room service attendant a fifty-dollar bill as the man opened Justin’s hotel room door. “Enjoy, Mr. Kinney,” he said, leaving Brian to push the cart into the room. Brian kicked the door closed behind him

A few minutes ago, he’d called Justin and woke him up, telling him that he needed to get up, get showered and meet him downstairs in a half hour. Justin had no idea that Brian was in the hotel and had already ordered breakfast. Brian didn’t get off the phone until he was sure Justin was in the shower, which is where he still was. Brian had to work quickly if he was going to have everything prepared for Justin’s surprise. He quickly placed their plates, silverware, napkins and glasses of juice on the small table in the living area. Then he retrieved the DVD he’d brought with him and put it into the player, turning on the TV and letting the screensaver for the DVD play.

He observed the table he’d set and placed an envelope in front of Justin’s plate. Walking over to the bathroom door he opened it, stuck his head into the steamy room, and called out, “Justin! Let’s go!”

Justin screeched when he heard Brian’s voice. He opened the shower curtain and saw Brian’s face laughing at him. “You scared the shit out of me! How did you get in here?”

“I have my ways,” Brian said ominously. “Hurry up in there.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Justin shut the curtain and looked down at his erect dick. He’d been in the middle of jerking off when Brian appeared in the doorway. “You’ll have to wait until later,” Justin spoke to his cock, grabbing for the shampoo. He washed his hair as fast as possible, excited to see Brian. The man hadn’t told him where they were going but Justin trusted that wherever it was, it’d be a good surprise.

Brian was pacing in front of the table. He kept his thoughts far away from Justin’s naked, wet body only feet away and concentrated on his pitch. When the water shut off, he sat down in his chair at the table, angling himself toward the bathroom door. A few minutes later, Justin opened the door, clad in a white terry-cloth robe, his hair wet and sticking up in complete disarray, his face pink from the hot water. Brian’s mouth watered and his brain went to mush.

“We’re having breakfast here?” Justin asked, seeing the array of food on the table.

Brian snapped out of his lustful yearnings and replied, “We are. So… go get dressed.”

Justin walked further into the room. “I don’t need to get dressed if we’re eating here,” he said. “God, that looks good. I’m…”

“You do!” Brian said, standing from his chair. He placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders and took a deep breath, smelling Justin’s aftershave and lemon shampoo. “I won’t be able to eat this,” he said, motioning to the food, “when you look like this.”

Justin gave Brian a slow smile and leered at him. “Really?”

Brian backed away from Justin and sat back down, refusing to look at him. “Hurry up.”

Justin dashed into the bedroom, practically skipping along the way, his heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t give a shit what he was going to wear and chose the first things he found in the closet, a pair of dark blue jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. Walking back into the living room he noticed for the first time what was playing on the screen, the memories of the day at the movies surfaced, and he looked at Brian curiously, “Don Juan De Marco?”

“We need to finish it,” Brian said, his words husky. “After breakfast?”

Justin nodded and sat down across from Brian and noticed the other man wiping the sweat from his brow. “Are you all right?”

“Peachy,” Brian answered, hating how nervous he was. He gulped his glass of orange juice, wishing he’d thought ahead and poured vodka into it.

Justin reached for his napkin and noticed the envelope sitting in front of his plate. “What’s this?”

“Open it and see.”

Justin picked it up, saw the envelope had the Exhibitions logo emblazoned on the front of it, and asked, “This isn’t a check for me consulting for fifteen minutes on that Jewelry ad, is it? Cause I think the perks I get at the hotel more than cover what I did for Exhibition.”

Brian had forgotten about that. The suggestion of a font change gave the ad a completely new look, one that sold the clients and consequently drew him a substantial profit. He made a mental note to remember to have Ted cut Justin a check for that. “It’s not business,” Brian replied, wondering why he’d put the damn thing in an envelope in the first place.

Justin tore the envelope open, took out the sheet of paper inside and began to read it. He went over it three times to be certain of what he was reading. He was glad to know that Brian was clean but he didn’t understand why he was showing him the test results. “What exactly is this for?”

“Proof.”

“Proof? What do I need proof of your tests for?”

“Eat your eggs before they get cold,” Brian said, taking a bite for himself. If he and Justin were both occupied with eating he felt like he could get through this a lot easier. It would be like a business meeting, not some heart-to-heart. “I don’t want you to worry, when you’re with me,” Brian explained.

Justin put his fork down and sighed. “Brian, just because you’re clean that doesn’t mean we’re going to start fucking.”

“Keep eating,” Brian said, sitting up straighter. “I know we’re not going to fuck.”

Justin almost whimpered and asked, ‘ever?’, but kept that to himself. “Right.”

“I haven’t had sex with anyone for almost two weeks.”

Justin swallowed around his eggs and gave Brian a surprised look. “Seriously?”

“Yes, I was testing myself to see if I could do it.”

“Uhuh.” Justin wasn’t sure how to respond and didn’t want to start guessing as to what Brian was trying to say. “Just tell me what’s on your mind,” he encouraged, “you’re confusing me.”

“You want a boyfriend who is monogamous, right?” Brian asked.

“Yes.”

Brian concentrated on cutting up his omelet, unable to look at Justin as he said, “You have one.”

“What?” Justin gasped.

Brian glanced at Justin. “Six months. Six months from the time I took that test will be January twentieth.”

“Okay,” Justin said, still not understanding. “What is six months from now?”

“We do this thing,” Brian elaborated, “hang out, be boyfriends, date, whatever you want to call it. For six months and then… depending on what we want we either can call it quits or…”

“Or?” Justin prompted and reached for his glass of juice. He gulped it, washing down the egg that seemed to be stuck in his throat.

Brian reached across the table, took the glass out of Justin’s hand, and placed it on the table. He held Justin’s hand and said, “I want you and I like you, more than… more than I thought I could like someone. I know you want to fall in love and get married and I don’t know if I want that with anyone but…”

Justin felt Brian’s hand shaking and moved his own so he could place his on top and squeeze Brian’s hand. “But what?” he whispered.

“But… if I’m going to do that...”

Justin blinked rapidly and almost made a move to pinch himself, wondering if he was truly awake. He didn’t know what to say to Brian.

“In six months from now, if things aren’t working out then we break up, hopefully remain friends or whatever. Or maybe, maybe we’ll be where I know you hope we’ll be. We’ll get tested together and then if everything is okay, we can… have sex… _raw_.”

Justin was sure that this was all too good to be true. “You’re going to be monogamous for six months?”

“Yes,” Brian said, his voice firm.

“But we can’t have sex during that time,” Justin explained.

“We can’t fuck but we can do other things.”

“Brian,” Justin softly spoke, “I want to believe that you can do it but…”

“You trust me to order you breakfast, not even asking if anything I brought you has the shit you’re allergic to in it. You started eating it without a thought. If you can trust me with your health, then you need to trust me with…” Brian paused, sucking in a deep breath as he realized he’d backed himself into a corner. No matter what the fuck he said to finish that sentence he’d come off sounding as if he was reciting some cheesy love ballad.

“My heart?” Justin filled in and started to giggle when the ‘caught’ look on Brian’s face told him he’d hit the mark. “Oh, Brian, that sounds like some corny love song.”

Brian popped a piece of bacon into his mouth and sat back in his chair, laughing with Justin. It was good to know that despite Justin’s propensity to want certain things from Brian that he’d never thought he’d be able to give him; Justin was also as adverse to over the top romantic sentiments as himself. Doing away with all the bullshit and getting right to the point he looked into Justin’s eyes and said, “I trust you.”

Justin saw the vulnerability in Brian’s eyes and he knew how much courage it must have taken him to say that. To propose a monogamous relationship with him was something Justin never expected. He knew he’d been hoping for it, but it seemed so implausible that now that Brian was promising this to him, he could barely believe it to be true. One thing he knew about Brian Kinney was that he wouldn’t suggest it if he didn’t have every intention of going through with it, so there was only one thing to say, “I trust you, too.” Justin began to bite his lower lip and his eyes darkened as he struggled to say what needed to be explained to Brian.

“But?” Brian asked.

“I told you, I’m not going to have sex until I get married. If that’s in six months from now or a year… that’s what it is. I know you don’t understand why I’d want that too, but…”

“If you trust me now why wouldn’t you trust me then, if we were both clean and monogamous?”

“Because I’m not going to have sex with someone that isn’t in love with me! I thought you understood this!”

“You don’t make any sense,” Brian grit out between clenched teeth. He’d turned himself inside out coming to grips with the fact that if he wanted Justin and didn’t want to let him go. That meant that he’d have to dispose of many of his rules and rethink his views on relationships, but now Justin wanted even more from him. “You need to compromise. Think of all that I’m compromising for _you_!”

“What are you saying?” Justin asked angrily. He stood from the table so fast the chair he’d sat in went flying backward. “I suppose you want me to be grateful to you for finally realizing that you could get something more out of life than a couple memorable orgasms and thousands of forgettable fucks? Well, I’m not. I gave you a reason to grow the fuck up and take a chance at having a **real** life.”

Not one to be outdone on dramatics, Brian stood up quickly too, annoyed when his chair hit the armoire behind him before lurching forward and pounding the backs of his knees. Spurred on by the shot of painful adrenaline he asked, “So you think I need to be saved or something? Sorry to disappoint you but I do just fine on my own. I don’t need anyone telling me the correct way to live my life or what I should or shouldn’t believe in. You don’t know the universal cure to happiness so don’t pretend that you do!”

“I’m not trying to _save you_ , Brian and I don’t know what’s best for you but I know what is best for me. I know that together both of lives are better, whether you’ll ever admit to that or not. But just like you, I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do or what to believe. I’m not going to compromise my beliefs and needs for you or anyone. And I won’t feel bad about asking you to understand them. It’s true, you’ve compromised a lot, but Brian, those rules you had were a prison you built around yourself to protect you from getting hurt and if what you said was true before, than there’s no need to have me scale any walls to get to you because you trust me enough to let me in.” Justin had lost much of the anger he felt as his rant had turned to a passionate plea of understanding. “Brian, what you’re compromising isn’t just for _me_. It should be for you and I think you know that. I wouldn’t want this with you if you can’t admit that, at least to yourself. I don’t want to be someone chaining you up and leading you into a relationship you don’t really want.”

“That’s what marriage is!” Brian exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the table. “It’s chains and empty promises people tell one another to make themselves feel better about being locked up because otherwise they’d be in solitary. That’s a fate worse than death.”

“Can we stop with the prison metaphors?” Justin asked.

“You started it,” Brian quipped, smirking a little bit, “and yes, let’s end those before you tell me that the lifestyle I’ve been accustomed to has me already on death row.”

Justin almost laughed, but didn’t because he realized that perhaps Brian knew how true his words were and that spoke volumes to him. “To me, marriage is freedom. It’s the knowledge that no matter what happens, for better or worse, in good times and in bad, I’ll have the man I love beside me.”

Brian wasn’t sure how this conversation had gotten so out of control. He didn’t expect to be debating marriage with Justin. “It seems to me that we’ve reached an impasse,” he stated ominously.

“No, Brian. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing right now. We can’t know what we’ll want six months from now. I bet you wouldn’t have thought you’d ever suggest monogamy six months ago.”

“Definitely not,” Brian admitted.

“So, we should just take this a day at a time and see what happens.”

Brian took a few moments to mull over what Justin told him before nodding. “All right. I can accept that.”

Justin’s eyes twinkled as he replied, “Good, I’m glad we could come to an agreement about something.”

Brian grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “The movie can wait until later. Now, I’m not into giving presents but I figured what the hell.” He grabbed the gift bag he’d brought with him and had hidden under the throw pillow on the sofa. “Here.”

Justin took the black bag and pulled out the item inside. “ _500 Ways to Make Love Without Penetration_ ,” Justin read the title of the heavy book. He had no idea such a book existed and with so many different ways, he didn’t know it was possible.

“They’d sell more copies if they’d just title it ‘500 Ways to Fuck Without Actually Fucking’,” Brian snarked.

Justin laughed. “Would you like me to put a post-it over it and make it say ‘fucking’ so as not fuck with your delicate sensibilities?” He was relieved to know that coming out of such a heated discussion he and Brian were both able to let it rest and move on without any awkward pause.

Brian ignored that and grabbed the book, flipping to the page where he’d folded a corner over. “I thought we could start with this?”

Justin read the page title and gulped. “Something tells me you’d be a better teacher than this book.”

Brian threw the book onto the couch and grabbed Justin, his hands massaging Justin’s ass as he rubbed their groins together. “Do you think we can get through that whole book in six months?”

Justin slid his hands from Brian’s back around to his waist, his fingers shaking as he grasped his belt. “I think we should try.” He wanted to do everything, but after passing out from a kiss, he wondered how he’d be able to handle it. Of course, people had sex all the time and didn’t pass out, so that was encouraging, but this was his first time for everything. He’d never even been naked in the same room with another man before. His mouth watered as he slid his hand under Brian’s shirt and got a peak at the golden skin above Brian’s waist.

Brian tilted Justin’s chin up and held his eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked, growing serious for moment. He would be doing much more than just the page he’d bookmarked and wanted to be sure that Justin was ready for it, because he wasn’t going to stop until they were as fucked out as they could possibly get without actually fucking.

“Yes, will you…will you teach me?” His whole body was shaking with equal parts need and embarrassment.

In answer, Brian gave Justin a kiss that rivaled the one they’d shared last night. Thankfully, this time, Justin didn’t pass out. Instead, when Brian tried to end the kiss, Justin gripped Brian’s hair, pulling their faces together and dominating the kiss. He sucked and nipped on Brian’s lips all the way into the bedroom.

To Be Continued in Chapter 7


	7. Credence: Chapter Seven: "Crest"

**Credence  
**  
Chapter 7: “Crest”

 _"Love is the emblem of eternity, it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."_ ~ Germaine De Stael

**August Part 2**

If anyone asked Justin to define beauty only five minutes ago, he would have told them that it couldn’t possibly be defined, because beauty meant something different to every person. He would’ve drawn parallels between art lovers and people who only see what they want in a canvas, picture, or person. To one, the most beautifully painted portrait could be nothing but imitation, not worthy of the word ‘art’. The painting may not evoke any feeling at all to anyone but the person who painted it. It was the same way with beauty and it could be found in every smile your lover gives you or every gum-littered, shimmering sidewalk your feet step upon. Justin knew better than anyone that an artist could not make anyone feel what he wanted the viewer to feel, no matter how extraordinary his techniques may be. And what bothered him most of all was that some of the most acclaimed art was purely superficial beauty to the viewer and likely hated by the artist.

Despite Brian’s high opinion of his own magnificence, Justin didn’t think he had the full grasp on the vastness of his splendor in Justin’s eyes. Before Brian undressed, Justin knew things about Brian that few who ever gazed at the gorgeous man had been privy to.

Justin realized that beauty was much more than what was projected from the surface; that it was an entity in and of itself, a flowing current of chemistry predetermined in Brian’s genetic makeup that encompassed everything about the world that Justin had ever admired in his life.

Justin appraised Brian’s naked body with an artist’s eye but also with the eyes of a young man who was falling in love. Brian’s skin was a golden honey color that glowed in the sunlight coming from the windows. His skin tone worked to define all of his muscles, but the color lightened around his pelvis, the creamy hue appearing to highlight his auburn pubes surrounding the large, tumescent cock. Justin’s mouth watered both from the sight of Brian’s body and the intoxicating scents surrounding him. Justin could taste him, even though Brian was standing a few feet away from him. The scent of arousal, need and what he could only describe as ‘Brian’, was tangible to his taste buds.

Suddenly Justin began to worry that he might have a weird taste to his skin. He’d heard about men’s bodily fluids tasting different depending on diet and if they were on any medication or took drugs. Justin took four different allergy pills a day and he wondered if that would cause his skin to taste funny. He would almost chance a lick of his arm if Brian wasn’t staring at him so....

Fuck! Justin didn’t know how to describe the look Brian was giving him. He wanted to sketch Brian’s expression, his entire body, but he knew it wasn’t the appropriate time to dash off and grab his pencil and sketchpad. He took a mental picture and hoped he’d remember him at this moment accurately. He would draw the first man he had ever seen naked and likely draw him over and over again, striving to create the perfection he saw before him, a two dimensional image never being as good as the model before him. Brian was the epitome of beauty to his virgin eyes.

In high school, Justin had peeked at the other boys as they changed in the locker room, how could he not? But he’d never seen any of them hard and none of them had the body or the cock of a man. Not even in Justin’s life class at PIFA had he been fortunate enough for his instructor to choose a male model who disrobed and showed his cock. They’d always had a sheet draped over their crotch prior to the students entering the studio, because his professor had been adamant about the students learning to paint draping the way the masters had. So often he’d find himself getting hard, his pre-come wetting his boxers as he focused on the crotch of the model, painting the folds of material carefully, much more detailed than the others in his class. His professor had been impressed. But it had been agonizing for Justin, because he’d suffer from fantasies of the material slipping from the model’s body to reveal the mysterious flesh that created the mound under the sheet.

Justin didn’t need a fantasy or an over-buff ‘lay-for-pay’ model. And it wasn’t so unfortunate in retrospect, because Brian Kinney was the most gorgeous and sexy man he’d ever laid eyes on and to see every part of his body, for it to be the first body of a man that he was allowed to appreciate and salivate over, it made the wait more than worthwhile. But it also made Justin feel completely inadequate. Brian was beauty defined and he... well... Justin didn’t even have the experience of any man seeing him naked to know what they thought. When he looked in the mirror with his clothes on, he thought he was hot, but naked all he saw a skinny, pale virgin.

“Your turn,” Brian encouraged after standing for long minutes, waiting patiently for Justin to get his fill of looking at him.

Justin flushed and took a few steps away from Brian, feeling overwhelmed as he realized that for page 101 to happen, he’d have to get naked too.

“I want to see you too,” Brian spoke in a soft voice. He had thought about undressing Justin himself, but he wanted the act to be a conscious decision on Justin’s part. “Take your clothes off.”

Brian saw Justin’s fingers shake as he gripped the bottom hem of the white t-shirt he wore. Brian stepped closer to him and grabbed his hands. “Hey, calm down.”

“I’ve never been naked in front of another man,” Justin confessed, staring into Brian’s eyes which had changed color to blue-green. This color Justin had only seen reflected in the man’s eyes a few times, usually in the daylight when the sun was shining on them and Brian was laughing or other times, when he was amused or surprised. Justin didn’t think this would have been a shock to Brian but his expression showed that it was. “And after seeing how beautiful you are… I think… I can’t imagine how I could compare. How I’ll measure up to the men you’ve been with.”

“Those men were forgettable.” Brian had been the aggressor in many a man’s firsts when it came to sex acts. There were some that he’d never forget and many more that he’d forgotten so fast that he didn’t even boast to his friends about them. He wasn’t one to go after virgins though. Sure, they held their appeal at times, but he generally wasn’t into being patient with tricks, and helping a chicken earn his wings often resulted in Brian holding back his sexual appetite and feeling unsatisfied in the end. Despite everything he’d done, he’d never been with a virgin who had absolutely no experience with sex. Usually, to gauge if the untouched twink was worth the trouble, he’d start them off by making them suck his cock. It was a test and if they passed he’d give them a fuck they’d never forget. If they failed, he’d give them a hand-job and send them on their horny way.

Brian wanted to take things slow; he knew that Justin needed them to be that way. He just wasn’t sure he could give him that. Then, the thought of being inside of Justin crossed through his mind and he knew that if he ever wanted that experience he couldn’t scare Justin away by behaving like a sex-crazed asshole for his first sexual experience.

“You’re not going to think the same thing about me when we’re finished, are you?” Justin asked uncertainly.

With Justin, Brian felt like everything was new and that didn’t only apply to sex. Maybe that was the reason Brian knew he could wait for Justin to be comfortable, let Justin have the time he needed to gain confidence and be patient as Justin experienced his first time revealing himself to Brian. “You already aren’t, this...” Brian gulped in a deep breath and then pushed the words out upon its release, “What we’re doing... what we’re about to do, is only going to cement that.” He knew that Justin had needed that reassurance, especially because he knew about Brian’s sexual history, but just speaking that way to Justin was making him doubt doing this. He was sure that Justin deserved someone who didn’t have to force words like these out of their mouth.

Justin’s stomach flip-flopped and he felt like he might throw up and worse, his dick did not respond well to his embarrassment and began to flag. Brian’s words should have made him feel better but the ‘about to do’ part was what his mind focused on. He could read the directions in the book a million times and he would still be an inexperienced virgin. He was so scared that he wouldn’t please Brian.

Brian could see that, despite his words, Justin looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His hands were shaking and he stared at Brian with a fearful expression. It was up to him to calm Justin and show him how great sex could be and before things had started it seemed like he wasn’t making progress. Brian had never felt inadequate when it came to sex, but that was because sex had never been like this. He took Justin’s hands away and brought them to his mouth and kissed them. “We’ll go slow, all right?” He held Justin’s hands until they stopped shaking, then took two steps back to give Justin a little space. “Taking your clothes off for me shouldn’t strip you of your confidence. Now, please, stop me from saying more lesbianic shit, which you are entirely responsible for, and get naked so my mouth can get busy doing something worthwhile.”

Laughter bubbled up and out of Justin’s mouth and he momentarily forgot how embarrassed he felt. He quickly pulled his shirt off, the cool air in the room making his nipples immediately harden. Then, he unzipped his jeans, bent over and slid them down his legs before stepping out of them. Standing upright he turned toward Brian, his hands covering his crotch, one of them fondling his dick.

“Jesus, Justin,” Brian released the words in one hot breath, “you’re beautiful.”

Justin smiled, felt a little more confident and dropped one of his hands, using the other to stroke his cock, his yearning for Brian winning out over his bashfulness.

“Why were you hiding your dick?” Brian asked, his eyes widening as he saw Justin’s cock grow to its full length.

Justin looked down at his cock and was happy it was now at its full length, his nerves had gotten to him and he’d softened when it was time for him to undress. “No one wants their first to see them soft,” he explained.

Brian rolled his eyes. “You’ve got a big dick, even soft I bet it’s bigger than most guys wish theirs could be.”

Justin let go of his cock so Brian could get an unobstructed view. “Glad I meet with your approval.” He spoke that much more confidently than he felt, a feeling of disbelief settling upon him as he realized that he was standing naked in front of a naked man who desired him.

Brian had to wipe the saliva away from the corners of his mouth as he walked around Justin, pausing behind him for long minutes to stare at his ass. Justin was pure perfection. His body type was the complete opposite of his own, with the exception of having a thick long cock that almost matched his length. Justin’s skin was porcelain-pale, his upper body nearly hairless with the exception of a thin treasure trail running below his perfect belly button down into a thick nest of untrimmed pubes. His legs were a little bony, dusted with golden curls that Brian was sure could only be seen because of the sunlight. His chest was more sculpted than Brian had thought it’d be and he realized how far from ‘twink’ Justin really was.

He had to stop himself from appreciating the bubbly globes of Justin’s butt too much. It was too tempting because he desperately wanted to throw him on the bed and beg Justin to allow him to fuck him. With as hard and needy as he became looking at Justin’s ass, he wasn’t as in control of his libido as he’d have liked to be. No one, not the best fuck he’d had left him feeling as out of control as Justin was making him feel. He felt pulled in two directions, wanting to run and wanting to stay exactly where he was.

He stopped in front of Justin, pushed him backward onto the bed and stretched out on top of him, letting their erections rub together. Kissing Justin’s mouth was so toe-curling, Brian understood why Justin had passed out when he first kissed him. He felt lightheaded himself and pulled away before he came all over Justin’s belly. “You ready?” he asked, his voice almost unrecognizable to him. Him asking, _caring_ about the answer sent warning bells off in his head.

Justin felt overwhelmed from the contradicting emotions inside of him. He forced his mind to concentrate on all the good sensations and spread his legs wide. “Yes.”

Brian kissed Justin again and wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, stroking them in tandem while his tongue searched for more and more of Justin’s taste. “Feel good?” he asked, pulling away from Justin’s addictive mouth.

The touch, taste, and smell of Brian caused Justin’s brain to short-circuit and he couldn’t form words. It was too good. So good, he couldn’t believe he’d denied himself this and managed to moan something that sounded like the word yes but he couldn’t be sure.

“All right,” Brian said, sliding backward to kneel on his haunches in between Justin’s legs. He looked down at Justin’s cock, grasped the heated flesh and his stomach growled, surprising him. He laughed at himself and looked back up; smiling at Justin to see if he’d heard his stomach’s noises. He’d hungered for sex many times but hadn’t ever had a true physical expression of his yearning to taste any man’s cock.

Justin grinned wide, his teeth reflecting the sunshine, his flushed chest heaving as he fought the need to come and wished he’d known this was going to happen because he would’ve jerked off a few times so he didn’t embarrass himself and come like an overeager teenager. Brian’s eyes darkened to a honey-brown color and Justin felt goosebumps bloom on his skin.

A warm wave of emotion starting in Justin’s chest spread through his body as he memorized Brian’s expression. No one had ever looked at him like this, so possessively and aroused. He felt like he was coming and yet he wasn’t. He was lightheaded because he had stopped breathing, only realizing it when he heard himself gulp in a breath of air. He watched, fascinated as Brian’s head bowed and his face brushed against his cock, his nose sniffing Justin’s groin, and one last coherent thought passed through Justin’s brain before Brian’s mouth moved to capture his leaking cock, ‘ _I love him_ ’.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian cracked his eyes open when he heard a funny sound Justin was making and looked down to see Justin’s cheeks were moving and his puffy lips were pursing. “What are you doing?”

Justin swished Brian’s come around in his mouth and then swallowed it. He sighed and crawled up to lie beside Brian, his cheeks blushing. “I was tasting you.”

Brian let out a half-hearted laugh. He was exhausted. It was hard to believe that giving and receiving three blow jobs could tire him out, but he supposed it was all the kissing, licking and discovering in between the blowjobs that had done the job. “So, what do you think?” he asked, running his hands through Justin’s hair only to be stopped when he encountered a crusty knot.

Justin dislodged Brian’s fingers. “I love it!” He said it with enthusiasm but still he could feel a fresh blush creep upon his cheeks.

Brian pulled Justin closer, the shy announcement unnervingly endearing. Justin placed his head on his chest and Brian was well aware that to an outsider what they were doing might be considered cuddling, but he knew what it was. Conserving body heat in between rounds of sex. As soon as he thought it, he called himself a liar. “We really should take a shower.”

“I know.” Justin lifted his face off Brian’s chest and felt a little bit of the dried come on it transfer onto his cheek. “But I’m too tired,” he said, placing his head back down and kissing Brian’s nipple.

Brian was amazed to feel his cock stirring just from the tiny, innocent kiss. “You’re a great cocksucker,” he praised.

Justin winced at the seemingly derogatory term but knew it was just Brian being Brian. “You know, of all the times I’ve been called that I didn’t think it’d ever be such a great compliment.”

“That thing you did with your tongue at the end… did you learn that from watching porn or something?” Brian asked.

“Nah, I was just experimenting,” Justin mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

Brian took Justin’s hands away from his face and asked, “How can you still be shy?”

Justin felt like an idiot and didn’t want to answer so he ignored the question and changed the topic and asked, “So, what grade do I get, Professor Kinney?”

“Definitely an A+,” Brian said, a little amazed at the truth of that. It wasn’t the blowjobs he was grading, it was the overall experience and though he would never admit it aloud, there was a distinct possibility that they could’ve cut out the orgasms and he would still feel just as satisfied.

Justin saw a splotch of dried come near Brian’s pelvis and scooted down to lick at it. “Mmm…”

Brian sat up on his elbows. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning you up,” Justin said, before going back to lick away the last remnants of Brian’s release. He carefully studied Brian’s body looking for other spots and found a shiny patch on his ribs.

“You’re a come slut already,” Brian whispered, the affection in his tone soothing the crude words. He wondered how he’d gotten so lucky to have met someone who was such a perfect mixture of sweet and nasty. “What did you like the best?” he asked, seriously wanting to hear Justin’s answer. He wanted to know how to turn him on, how to please him and if there was anything he didn’t like.

Justin gulped. “I can’t answer that.”

Brian ran his hand up and down Justin’s arm and settled his hand over Justin’s. “You can, and tell me the truth.”

“Oh god,” Justin groaned. “I really don’t think I can.”

“Justin, tell me.”

“Okay, okay.” Justin thought for a few minutes. “I really liked the first time when you pulled out of my mouth and came all over you. It was so hot watching you rub it into your skin, watching you lick it off your fingers.”

Brian was surprised. “Really?”

“Oh Jesus, I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No, I was just surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because I was expecting you to say something about your own orgasm, not mine,” he laughed.

“Well I did like them, more than liked them,” he confessed. His conscious mind ruled by desire, Justin grasped Brian’s twitching cock and started to pump it.

“What else?”

“The second time, when we did the sixty-nine and you shot all over my face and hair, I loved that. But I loved the last time the best, holding your thighs down so you couldn’t control how I was sucking you, so you couldn’t pull your cock out of my mouth before you came. I loved feeling you throb in my mouth.”

Brian jerked upright, grabbed Justin under his arms and flipped them both over so Justin was squashed beneath him. “Was there anything you didn’t like? Be honest.”

“No, nothing,” Justin gasped. “It was exciting, all of it. So hot!”

Brian slid to the side and roughly pushed Justin’s legs up toward his chest. “ _You_ are so hot!”

A flash of fear went through Justin as his leg muscles strained and he saw the wild look in Brian’s eyes. But he trusted Brian and held his breath, waiting to see what the man had planned.

Brian’s hands parted Justin’s cheeks and he licked each one. “And now I’m going to feel how hot you are.”

“Oh God!” Justin yelled as Brian’s tongue poked inside of his hole without preamble. “I guess… we’re skipping ahead chapters.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Brian moaned.

Justin didn’t know if Brian was answering his question or voicing his pleasure, but he really didn’t care because Brian’s tongue was doing amazing things and that was enough to turn his mind to jelly.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, wake up, Sunshine.” Brian shook Justin’s shoulder. “Get up.”

Justin whined, “I don’t wanna.”

Brian laughed. “Wake up and I’ll give you a rim job,” he taunted in between kisses along Justin’s chest.

Justin’s eyes popped open immediately and he gave Brian a sleepy smile. “Really?”

“Yup.” Brian stood up beside the bed and held his hand out. “In the shower. We’ve got to get clean first.”

Justin pouted and drew the covers over himself. “I’m tired.”

Brian pulled the duvet off, bent down and kissed Justin while palming his morning wood over the blanket. He stood back up and grinned deviously as Justin groaned at the loss of contact. “Get up and I’ll take care of you.”

Justin reluctantly sat up and climbed out of the bed to follow Brian into the bathroom where the shower was already on and steaming up the air. “Sex is hard work,” he said, his throat feeling a little scratchy. He supposed that’s what happened when you had a nine and a half inch cock down it. He wondered if the feeling would go away and if not if he would get used to it. He wanted to ask Brian, but felt too embarrassed to ask him and decided to ask Daphne instead.

Brian pulled Justin into the shower and kissed along Justin’s collar bone while moving him into the warm spray. “It’s _hard_ work but worth it in the end.” He licked a stripe up Justin’s neck and settled a sucking kiss behind his ear, a place he’d learned drove Justin crazy.

“Ohhh,” Justin moaned and his knees weakened. “Don’t make me pass out again,” he warned. He wondered, not for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, if he’d be able to stick to his morals and not allow Brian to have sex with him until they were married. Not that he was sure he wanted to marry Brian, but he could almost imagine it.

Brian laughed, his lips now sucking on Justin’s stomach, he murmured against his wet skin, “Debbie would kill me if you busted your head open and I had to take you to the emergency room on your last day at the diner.”

Justin laughed half-heartedly. “Well, it wouldn’t be much different than the first day we met.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael breezed past Cynthia, who was gathering her things to leave, and entered Brian’s office. “Why are you avoiding everyone? Ma says she hasn’t seen you in a while, Lindsay said you stopped by to see Gus last Sunday, but no one has seen you since and you’re not answering any of our calls.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Chill out, Mikey. As you can see, I’m alive and well.”

Michael put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes, giving Brian an expression that was much like Debbie’s when she was about to weasel information out of him.

“What? Is there is something in particular that you wanted?”

“Ma said that Justin showed up on Sunday looking…what were her words? Oh yeah, ‘sublimely happy’.”

“I wasn’t aware your mother used adjectives that didn’t reference gay stereotypes,” Brian teased. He was actually surprised that Michael hadn’t shown up at Exhibition or his loft sooner.

Michael ignored that remark because he really couldn’t defend it. “The last time any of us saw you, you two were headed out of Babylon together. And Ma said you showed up at the diner Saturday morning looking for Justin.”

Brian pointed to one of the leather seats in front of his desk. “You might want to sit down for this.”

Michael’s face paled and he stumbled into the seat. “What’s going on?”

Brian leaned back and casually said, “Justin and I are official.”

“What?” Michael yelled.

Brian smirked. “Jeez, Mikey. Calm down, you’re gonna scare the employees.”

“Oh, shut up. Cynthia was leaving and no one else is here. So, tell me just what the fuck you are doing using the word ‘official’. What does that mean? Official fuck buddies? Official members of the NRA. What?”

Brian couldn’t help but grin smugly. “Official boyfriends,” he said smoothly. “Though I don’t really care for that term.”

Michael’s mouth hung open and his eyes got glassy.

“Close your mouth, Mikey. It shouldn’t be so shocking since you’re the one who pushed me into it.”

Michael grinned proudly. “Yeah, right. You don’t ever do anything unless you really want to do it. Jesus, Brian. I mean, I hoped for you two… but I didn’t think…”

“Didn’t think I’d have the balls to do it?” Brian asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or didn’t think that Justin would want me?”

Michael was surprised that his friend asked a question that was so out of character. “Oh, I knew he wanted you, there was never any doubt about that. But I didn’t think you had the nerve to admit that you wanted him. That you wanted him even with his demands.”

“We’re working on that shit,” Brian said. He was determined to show Justin that the man could trust him and that he didn’t have to be married to lose his virginity. It would be a slow process, but Brian was sure that once Justin realized how good they could be, without a meaningless marriage binding them together, that would be enough for him. What he could possibly offer Justin in the future could be enough to sway his beliefs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, **we** , as in me and Justin, are working on it. Our relationship isn’t anyone’s business but ours. So, now that you’ve done your part, you can stay out of it. And when you go blabbing about us, make sure that the rest of the gang knows to do the same.”

“Holy shit! You said the word ‘relationship’ and the world didn’t cease to exist. Holy crap!”

Brian turned off the light on his desk, grabbed his keys and briefcase, and stood up. “Shut the fuck up, already.”

Michael followed Brian out of his office. “So, are you two going to Babylon tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Brian replied. Justin had called him on his lunch break at the gallery and told Brian that he’d been reading through ‘the book’ and had marked a half a dozen pages that he wanted to get through before the end of the weekend.

“Well, whatever you and Justin are doing, don’t forget about Ted’s birthday dinner at Ma’s on Sunday.”

Brian winced. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll be there.”

Michael batted his eyes. “You mean, you don’t have to check Justin’s schedule first? Oh, wait, you guys probably coordinate them…”

“Fuck you.” Brian playfully punched Michael’s arm and then shoved him out of Exhibition’s front door.

“Hey,” Michael protested. “I was going to say you coordinate them to maximize your opportunities for orgasm. You are still Brian Kinney, even if you do have a boyfriend.”

Brian glared at his friend. “Shut. Up.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. You totally coordinate your schedules for real and it isn’t just so you two can engage in…whatever the fuck kind of sex you are engaging in?”

Brian turned a sweet smile on his friend. “So, you want a ride?”

Michael shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got the car. Besides, knowing you, you might just want to throw me out of your car and kill me to keep your secret.”

Brian shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

“See you Sunday, Brian,” Michael said, standing on his tip-toes to give Brian a kiss goodbye. He started walking away and called back, “So, are you and Justin going to buy Ted a gift together?”

“Fuck off!” Brian hollered back. The fact that they probably would, didn’t bother him as much as Michael’s know-it-all attitude did. “Some best friend you are!”

“Your best friend is Justin!” Michael turned to yell back.

Brian had no answer for Michael, because the statement had left him speechless. Michael had grown up and Brian hadn’t even realized it. Brian’s whole world was changing and he figured it was about damn time he did some growing up too.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Fucking Daphne,” Justin bitched, shoving his phone into his pocket.

Brian looked over at Justin. “What’s she done now?”

“She’s found this fucking website with glass dildos and she’s ordered one for me,” Justin said, slumping into the car seat.

Brian laughed. “That’s my girl!”

“Oh, shut up. What would your reaction be if Lindsay started buying you dildos?”

“Uhh…” Brian shuddered. “That’s different. She’s a lesbian and has a lesbian’s eye for phalluses. Daphne, she appreciates cock.”

“Well, she’s going overboard. I never should have told her about the blindfold. Now she thinks I’m into all kinds of kinky shit.”

“A blindfold isn’t exactly kinky and neither is a dildo. Every gay boy should have one.”

“I know,” Justin said, his face flushing. “It’s just that…”

“What?” Brian asked, pulling the Jeep into a parking space in front of Debbie’s house.

“This is so not the time for me to tell you,” Justin said, adjusting his cock in his pants. “We’ll never make it inside if I do.”

Brian raised one eyebrow. “Really?”

“Well, actually, you may just think I’m an idiot so… let’s just forget this conversation now.”

“Oh, hell no,” Brian said. “As soon as we get back to the loft you are telling me.”

Justin turned an even darker shade of red. “Don’t make me.”

“I’ll give you time,” Brian said in a taunting voice. He reached over and cupped Justin’s dick. “But I’m not going to let you come until you tell me.”

“Jesus Christ!” Justin’s head rolled back. “Fuck! I’ll tell you now.”

Brian smiled and unzipped Justin’s pants. “Good boy.” He fished out Justin’s hard cock and stroked it.

Justin looked out of the car windows. “Brian, maybe we shouldn’t. Anyone could see us.”

“We’re late,” Brian said. “Everyone else is here.”

“Someone could walk by,” Justin said breathlessly.

“Tell me,” Brian said, his thumb digging into Justin’s piss slit. “Tell me.”

Justin put his hands over his face and mumbled something indiscernible.

Brian grabbed his hands. “Tell me so that I can hear you.”

Justin sighed. “I don’t want to use a dildo.”

Brian sprang back into his seat. “What? Why ever not?”

“Because, the first time I feel a cock inside of me… I want it to be real. I want it to be…” Justin was stopped from speaking the last word ‘yours’, as Brian moved and suddenly deep-throated him.

Brian quickly deep-throated Justin’s cock three times, pulled back to settle his cockhead in between his lips and sucked hard. He felt Justin’s dick pulse against his tongue, heard him let out a long deep groan as his hands gripped his hair and a second later come flowed into Brian’s mouth. He sucked on the head of Justin’s cock until Justin’s pelvis stopped bouncing around, licked his cock clean and tucked him back in his pants.

“I’m so sorry,” Justin said, horrified.

Brian shrugged and kissed Justin deep and slow before breaking for air. “No need to apologize, Sunshine. You did exactly what you were supposed to do,” he said, laughing.

Justin’s eyes widened. “Yeah, except... Brian, I didn’t give you any warning. Hell, you barely had my dick in your mouth before I shot. This is so embarrassing.”

“You have got to stop being embarrassed about sex and never apologize for getting off. You came so fast because I turn you on, right? Because talking about me being inside you one day, it made you ache.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Why wouldn’t I like that?” Brian asked curiously. “Why would you be embarrassed about wanting me and enjoying the feel of my mouth on you?”

“I guess when you put it like that, it doesn’t seem so bad. But I should’ve at least warned you,” Justin insisted.

“Remember what you said the other day about feeling me throb right before I came? That’s what you do too only that’s not what tells me you’re about to come.”

Justin licked his lips and asked, “What is it?”

Brian placed two fingers on Justin’s mouth. “You make this groaning noise that’s totally different from any other sound that comes out of your mouth, every time, right before.”

“A groaning sound?” Justin wasn’t sure he liked that he groaned weird.

“Yeah, you can’t control it and don’t you dare start holding it back.” Brian pinned him with a serious look. “Promise?”

“Okay,” Justin said, but still knew he would be self conscious the next time he came. “Promise.”

“Now that you’re sated for now, before we go inside I want you to tell me why dildos are out of the question.”

“What? I told you already.”

“But why? Why is that important to you?” He didn’t understand it.

“I... I guess it’s just that I want the whole experience, you know? When I lose my virginity, I want the sensation to be completely new.”

“A real cock and a dildo are two completely different sensations,” Brian assured.

“I’m sure, which is why, when I have something inside of me for the first time, I don’t want it to be fake.”

Brian sighed in defeat when he saw the firm look Justin was giving him. There would be no budging on this, he could tell. He mentally crossed off the long list of toys he’d hoped to introduce Justin to. “You know you might enjoy your first time more if you were more familiar with being entered.”

Justin squirmed. “Brian, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I’m just stating facts here. It’ll hurt, no matter how careful the man you’re with is. It hurts just a little bit every time, that’s one of the reasons men where butt plugs.”

Justin flushed. “Brian, I am **not** ever wearing one of those.”

Brian refrained from rolling his eyes. He knew that whether Justin was with him in the future or not, after he lost his virginity, he’d be even more adventurous than he already was. “Whatever, that’s not my point. I just... I don’t want you to feel any more pain than you have to and if you let me use some toys on you, you’d be much more comfortable the first time.”

Justin shook his head. “I appreciate you saying that, but it’s my decision. I’m sure you or whoever the man may be,” though Justin couldn’t imagine it being anyone but Brian, “he’ll make me feel so good that the pain becomes secondary.”

A knock on Justin’s window startled them and cut off any further conversation about that topic.

Michael stood outside the car waving. “Ma sent me out to get you two!” he yelled.

“We’re coming!” Brian yelled back and watched Michael retreat.

“Oh my God! They know what we were doing in here. Everyone is going to know what we’ve been doing because you’re with me and you wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t put out,” Justin said, moaning.

Brian was startled by Justin’s statement. “What?”

Justin realized what he said sounded really shitty. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just... it’s just that everyone knows you love sex and they’ll be thinking we had sex. They’re going to know. They’re going to know what we did and they’re going to look at me and they’re going to wonder what we did and...”

Brian laughed and covered Justin’s blubbering mouth with his own and kissed him until Justin relaxed. He held Justin’s eyes with his own and said, “Fuck what anyone thinks but me and you.” He pecked him on the lips and gripped his shoulders. “Understand?”

“Yeah,” Justin spoke breathlessly and smiled. “Yeah,” he repeated in a determined voice.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael walked out on the back porch and found Brian and Justin beside one another smoking. “You know, Justin, with all your allergies I’m surprised you can do that.”

“Me too. It was quite a risk the first time. I’m an idiot.” Justin shrugged and flicked the end of the cigarette into a bucket of sand. Something about the way Michael was looking at Brian made him realize that the man wanted to speak to him alone. He kissed Brian’s cheek. “I’m going to go color with Gus.”

Brian swatted his ass as he turned toward the house and stared after him until he disappeared behind the door. “So, what’s up, Mikey? You’re not going to join the party inside and start giggling about me and Justin, are you?”

“No,” Michael said and grabbed Brian’s lit cigarette from him. He took a deep drag and then said, “I wish this was weed.”

Brian took the smoke back. “You wanting to get high means you don’t want to talk about Ben’s rimming technique.”

Michael laughed. “No, not today.”

“Sooo?” Brian prompted, sounding annoyed, but he was truthfully a little worried.

“Have you told Justin about what Lindsay and Mel asked you last Sunday?”

Brian glared. “What the fuck? They come whining to you about my refusal, to see if you could convince me?”

“Not exactly,” Michael muttered. “I get why you don’t want to do it. Too many changes in your life right now.”

“And, I have a kid,” Brian added, “one is enough. One is more than I wanted.”

“But you want him now, you didn’t know you wanted to be a father until you were one,” Michael said.

Brian shrugged. “Well it didn’t happen that fast, but yeah, something like that.”

“Well, I guess I don’t think I want to be one either. I mean, Hunter… he’s a lot of responsibility and he’s a teenager. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do with a baby.”

“Whoa. Did the lesbians ask you to be the donor?” Brian asked loudly.

“Shh!” Michael hissed. “The last thing I want is for my mom to find out. God, she’d probably sneak into my house and steel a condom full of my jizz to give to the girls.”

Brian laughed. “Michael, when have you ever filled a condom?”

“Shut up, I can top too. And, as you know, Ben does bottom on occasion.”

Brian nodded. “So? You turn them down?”

“I talked to Ben about it and he agrees with me about the responsibility and how a baby really doesn’t fit into our lives. You know?”

“Michael, what do you want?”

“I don’t know. After seeing the way they were about Gus’ rights and how you practically had to go to court to keep them, that was a big mess I don’t want to go through.”

“That’s one of the reasons I told them I wouldn’t do it.”

“Well, they told me that things have worked out for the better with you and Gus and they know that now. So they say they’d do the same thing for me. They’re not the same people they were then, no one is.”

Brian nodded, wondering how many times in the last month people had acknowledged how much he changed and he wondered if he truly had. “So, you want to do it?”

“I want to say yes but I think that might be because I want to say yes for them and for my mom. But then I think, she has Hunter, and she spoils him like she would a grandchild; and Gus, he’s like her own too, you know?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Ben and I, we’re just getting by with our bills. We spent all our savings on fixing up the house and there’s still a lot of shit that needs to be done. When we bought it last year the inspection guy told us the roof would only last a year or two more and that it could cost us ten grand to get it done. But we figured we could save that by then. But with Hunter going to college next year…”

“Doesn’t he get free tuition at Carnegie since Ben works there?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, he would, except he doesn’t want to go to Carnegie. He wants to go out of state, to U MASS with Delilah. They might not even be together by then, but he still might want to go there. He’s worked his ass off at school and he’s made so much progress. He even says he’s going to apply to Harvard just for the hell of it. So what if he gets in? It’s not like we could tell him not go. We’d have to find the money to allow for that to happen.”

“Mikey,” Brian said softly, “you don’t have to convince me of your reasons for not wanting to father a kid. It’s okay to say no.”

“I know they’d tell me that I wouldn’t have to financially support the kid if I told them all that. But I don’t want to just be a sperm donor and have the privileges of being a dad to a child I couldn’t at least help with financially. It wouldn’t be right.”

“And if you had the money?” Brian asked.

“I still don’t know if I’d say yes,” Michael admitted. “Ben and I have been talking about letting Hunter run the shop for us before he starts school and spending a month next summer in Tibet. If there was a baby around or on the way, I wouldn’t want to be away like that.”

“Michael,” Brian said firmly, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder and looking him square in the eyes, “you don’t want to do it.”

“I don’t want to disappoint the girls,” Michael said softly.

Brian brought Michael into a tight hug. “Join the club.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian came back inside to find Justin helping Lindsay with the dishes. “I thought you were going to color with Gus,” he said, wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“Gus fell asleep while you two were out smoking,” Lindsay replied for Justin.

Brian nuzzled Justin’s neck. “Hurry up with those dishes.”

Lindsay slapped Brian away, leaving a wet handprint on his shirt. “You could help, you know.”

Brian backed away. “I think I’ll leave that to the ladies.”

“Fuck you,” Justin grumbled.

Lindsay smiled at Justin. “It’s nice to see Brian so happy,” she said once the man had left the room.

“So you’ve said,” Justin replied. He and Brian had barely made it through the door before their friends had bombarded them with everything between questions about their sex life to taunts about Brian Kinney finally taking the plunge.

Justin looked over his shoulder and saw Brian demanding to shuffle the deck of playing cards, saying that he’d played with the group of cheaters far too many times to know that they liked to hide the aces. “I didn’t picture Brian as a card player.”

“It used to be the ending to every night we’d get together for dinner here. Debbie’s a genius at poker.”

“Used to be?” Justin asked.

“We all stopped playing when Brian got cancer. During his chemo treatments he wasn’t able to stay awake long enough to play. It was the only day any of us got to see him during all that, unless he was well enough to see Gus. Then he’d call me out of the blue and demand that I bring him over right away and usually we’d end up leaving shortly after because he’d start to feel sick again.”

“How did he get to his treatments if he didn’t see any of you guys? He didn’t drive himself, did he?”

“He hired a driver to take him and worked from home. But Debbie would show up at his loft every Sunday and try to drag him over here if she thought he was well enough to come. There were quite a few times that he wasn’t. Michael and Ben would leave here early, always pretending like they had to get back early because Hunter had school. But really it was because he’d be falling asleep by seven o’clock.”

“He didn’t let any of you take care of him?” Justin asked sadly.

Lindsay had finished rinsing the last dish, but kept the water running to cover their voices. “He was too proud of his image, you know? It’s like… he didn’t want any of us to see him weak. And we all knew that, so we tried to ignore the big elephant in the room, which wasn’t easy, but it’s what he wanted. It was what he needed.”

Justin’s heart physically ached for Brian. “How did Debbie get him to come on Sundays if he was so against you guys seeing him?”

“I don’t exactly know,” Lindsay admitted. “I think Brian probably saved all his energy for those days, because he’d always look a thousand times better than he did when I’d stop by with Gus.”

Justin dried his hands on a washcloth and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I hate that he was alone.”

Lindsay turned off the water and placed a comforting hand on Justin’s arm. “He isn’t anymore. And, contrary to what it might have seemed like when you two walked in here and we were grilling you both… we’re damn glad he isn’t. We might tease him about it, but Justin, it really is about damn time Brian accepted love into his life.”

Justin turned toward the living room and looked at the group sitting at the table. Some of them were laughing and some of them were bitching at Brian while moaning about losing. Brian was smiling deviously at all of them as he grabbed the poker chips from the center of the table and slid them toward himself. And as Justin glanced at each person’s face, their attention on Brian, he told Lindsay in a near whisper, “I think he did that before I came along.”

Lindsay shook her head. “But yours, Justin, that’s something for him alone and Brian wouldn’t have even thought it was possible for him until you came along.”

Justin wanted desperately for Lindsay to be right, but he couldn’t allow anyone’s hopes get in the way of reality. “I’d like to think you’re right, Lindsay, but this is only the beginning.”

“I know,” Lindsay conceded, “but it’s what it’s the beginning of that really matters.”

Brian must have felt their eyes on him, because he looked up from stacking his poker chips and smiled sweetly at them both. But then his eyes locked with Justin’s and he gave him a smile of another kind, a promise… and Justin’s stomach flip-flopped. He was in deep with the man. It was terrifying. Because he wanted Lindsay to be right, that what she had hinted at could be possible. He wanted it to be the beginning of forever and that sappy thought would most likely taunt him for a long time coming.

TBC in Chapter 8


	8. Credence: Chapter Eight: "Deeper & Deeper" Part 1/2

**Credence  
**  
Chapter 8: “Deeper & Deeper”

 _We all want to fall in love. Why?_  
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.  
Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. ~From-‘The Mirror Has Two Faces’

**September**

Justin grabbed Gus’ luggage from the Jeep as Brian helped Gus out of the car.

“I had a real good time,” Gus said. “Can we go to New York again?”

“If that’s what you want to do for your birthday next year, we can,” Brian said.

They had spent the last four days touring New York City, mostly from a child’s perspective as Brian and Justin’s birthday gift for Gus. Friday, they went to the Children’s Museum of the Arts. Brian hadn’t thought he’d have any fun there, but Justin and Gus’ excitement and wonder pulled him in and he found himself engaging in all the activities they did, some without any encouragement from them. Saturday they went to The Museum of Natural History, Sunday was spent touring Central Park and visiting the zoo there and this morning they’d gone to the Museum of Modern Art. Gus had heard Justin say that he’d never not made a trip there while he visited New York and that this trip would be the first. Being a budding artist himself, Gus, forgoing a trip to Brooklyn’s Children’s Museum, had declared that their final day’s itinerary would take them there.. Justin had felt bad and tried to persuade Gus out of his choice, but Gus was adamant about seeing a museum he often heard his mother talk about and knew that his new favorite person, Justin, loved. Gus had a great time there, alleviating Justin’s worries. Brian found that his son wasn’t the only one getting an education on the art they saw and understood why the Bloom Gallery had hired Justin. The man not only was a talented artist who knew about art, he had a passion for it and conveyed it with stories about artists and their works in a way that would interest anyone. Once they’d toured all of MOMA, Gus and Brian both having a new appreciation for art and sore feet, it was time to return to the hotel, get their luggage and fly home.

“That’s what I want,” Gus said, pulling on his father’s hand to stop him. He quirked his finger and jerked Brian’s wrist again.

Whenever Gus was going to tell a secret, this is what he would do, so Brian bent down and turned his head so Gus could whisper in his ear.

“Will Justin go with us next year?” he whispered.

Justin had stopped behind Gus and Brian and pretended not to listen to the secret conversation, but it was a quiet night and he easily picked up on Gus’ question. He couldn’t see Brian’s expression so no matter what he answered, Justin was sure that it would only be to appease his son.

“Is that you want?” Brian quietly asked.

“I want Justin around forever,” Gus said and hugged Brian. “Can you marry him?”

Brian looked behind him and from the look on Justin’s face he knew the man had heard them. He stood up and took Gus’ hand, leading him up the path to Lindsay and Melanie’s front porch. “Justin and I haven’t known one another long enough for that.”

Justin relaxed, knowing that Brian had given Gus his honest answer. The trouble was, had Gus asked him that question, he would’ve had to lie so that Gus wouldn’t get his hopes up. Spending four days straight with Brian and Gus had only made his feelings for the man strengthen. He knew that Brian acted a lot different when it was just the two of them alone, but with Gus, he was even more open and unguarded. Justin was deeply in love with Brian. If Brian proposed to him and Justin believed that Brian really wanted it, he would marry him tonight.

The front door of the house opened and Lindsay and Melanie came out onto the porch. “You’re home!” Lindsay declared.

“Good to see he’s back in one piece,” Melanie drawled.

Brian glared. “Your weekend of muncher debauchery has come to an end.”

Melanie glared back. “And now I suppose your week of....”

“Mel,” Lindsay cut her wife off. “Did you have fun?” she called to Gus.

“We had so much fun!” Gus yelled excitedly, dropping his father’s hand and making a run for his mothers.

Justin followed behind Brian and up to the porch, laughing a little as he heard Gus begin to rattle off the things they’d done together, barely breathing in between sentences. They all went inside for a few minutes to talk about the trip, Melanie constantly praising Justin for being such a good role model for her son and how pleased she was that he was so happy. This made Justin feel uncomfortable as he continuously had to tell her that Brian had just as much to do with Gus’ happiness, if not more, than he did. By the time they left, Justin was quite pissed off.

Brian could tell that Justin was agitated and knew the reason why but could do little about it until they left. “Don’t worry about it,” he told him, starting the Jeep and heading for the loft.

“How can I not worry about it? Scratch that, how can _you_ not worry about it? Sure, you two trade barbs and usually they seem more in good fun than malicious but she was just so...”

“Cunty?” Brian filled in and laughed.

“How can you laugh?” Justin asked in a serious tone. “ _You_ gave her your **child**. You support him financially far better than you should have to given that they both have good paying jobs. You do so much for Gus and not just this weekend and she was such a bitch.”

“She’ll be sickeningly nice to me the next time she sees me,” Brian told him casually, “just watch.”

“How do you figure that?”

“You weren’t the only one who was pissed at her bullshit. Lindsay hides it well, but she was fuming. It’s not a big deal and I’m not going to waste my time thinking about it. Besides, she was just taking out the shitty news she received today on me.”

“What shitty news?” Justin asked. “You took Gus to New York and he came home happy and excited, what’s shitty in that?”

“Remember the phone call I got from Michael before we were boarding the plane?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“A little while ago Mel asked him to give her his sperm and today he gave her his answer.” To be clear, he added, “He turned her down and he said she cried. I’ve seen Melanie cry twice in all the years I’ve known her. She was taking it out on me because, as she told Michael, she thinks I talked him out of it.”

“But you didn’t, did you?”

“I don’t own anyone’s sperm but my own, what Michael or anyone does with theirs is none of my business. Michael talked to me about it, yeah, but I didn’t talk him out of it.”

“Still Brian, she had no right to be like that after everything you’ve done for them.” Justin recalled what Melanie had said to him when she’d come to the hotel and noticed everything that Brian had bought him. Melanie was well aware of all Brian had done for her and Lindsay, but she’d allowed her disappointment about Michael’s decision to get in the way of remembering that. Perhaps Brian was right and there was no need to get worked up about it and there was nothing he could do to change any of it, but he was determined that he would never forget all Brian had done for him. Even more, he was determined to show Brian how much he appreciated him just because of who he was.

He had been planning a surprise for the man for a long time and it was almost finished. But that would only be the first of the surprises he began to plan for his boyfriend. He loved Brian and accepted him for who he was, but he also loved who he knew Brian could be and he wanted to be the man that could show Brian that he deserved as much happiness as he was constantly assuring his friends had in their own lives.

~~~~~

  
Ben held the leveler above the top two canvases and declared, “It’s perfect.”

Justin surveyed the work and nodded. “It is. Thank you for helping me. That weird curve in the wall threw me and I couldn’t figure out how to get all four of them to hang evenly.”

Ben began putting away his tools in his toolbox and replied, “No problem. I needed an excuse to get out of the house anyway.”

Justin walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Want a beer?”

“Just a bottle of water is fine,” Ben said, placing the toolbox on the island counter top as he took a seat.

“I have no idea how Brian hung that ugly naked guy painting. You were the only one I could think of to call that I knew wouldn’t spoil the surprise for Brian. When you told me what you were in the middle of doing, I was surprised you came.” Justin handed Ben a water bottle and took the cap off his beer. “So, are Michael and Emmett driving you crazy with wedding plans?”

Ben nodded. “It isn’t so much the planning that’s driving me nuts, it’s the money. I want Michael to have the wedding of his dreams but every time they get together, there’s a new something that he wants or needs. We’ve got a crew coming in a few days to put a new roof on our house and that’s going to cost almost ten grand. Emmett has waved his planning fee, but everything else isn’t cheap. If it were legal, I’d just insist on us eloping.”

“It’s that bad?” Justin asked.

Ben sighed. “He’s turning into groomzilla. We’d planned to place the order for the greenery and flowers with Emmett today. We were all set to use Christmas Cactuses for the reception centerpieces on the tables, Poinsettia and white Kalenchoe for the aisle decorations and Holly and Ivy boutonnières. They’re all fairly cheap but then Emmett showed us sample arrangements that looked very elegant. As we were about to fill out the order form with Emmett, Michael kept second-guessing our choices and then he said that last night he had a dream and that instead of us using the flowers we’d agreed upon, he wants to use all white flowers. And not just any white flowers. He wants white roses, white lilies and...” Ben trailed off. “I can’t remember the names of the other ones. Emmett was immediately excited at the prospect until he started calculating the costs and at that point Michael turned his puppy dog eyes on me.”

Justin laughed softly. “I take it puppy dog eyes usually make you give in?”

“You have no idea,” Ben said. “I don’t care what our wedding looks like as long as Michael is happy, but the extra cost of the flowers he wants to use would put us over our budget four thousand dollars.”

“Four thousand dollars?” Justin couldn’t believe that flowers were that expensive. “Just for flowers?”

Ben nodded and frowned. “It was so hard to tell Michael that we couldn’t up our wedding budget. I asked them to find somewhere to cut out the four thousand from other wedding expenses, he started hyperventilating, telling me everything else was perfect already and that’s when you called.”

Justin grinned. “No wonder why you were so eager to come help me.”

Ben glanced at his watch. “It’s been about and hour.” He threw his empty bottle in the trash, grabbed his sweater and toolbox. “Hopefully they’ve figured it out by now.”

“Well you know where I’ll be if they haven’t and you need to get away,” Justin said, walking Ben to the loft door.

Ben glanced over at the four canvases and then back to Justin. “I think when Brian gets home and sees his surprise; you’re not going to want to be disturbed.”

Justin slid the door open for Ben and smiled. “I just hope the client signs with him so he’s in a good mood and will appreciate them.”

“Either way,” Ben assured, “he will. He’d be crazy not too.”

“Good luck,” Justin said, giving Ben a quick hug.

“You too.” Ben gave a small wave before getting on the elevator.

Justin shut the loft door behind him and looked at the clock on the microwave. He had no idea how long it would take Brian to schmooze the client, but he hoped it wouldn’t be much longer. He hated that his Saturday plans with Brian were derailed when the client had called to request a sudden dinner meeting while they were in the midst of acting out page 43, titled: ‘Tongue Wrestling’. Though it’d given him time to get the canvases into the loft to surprise Brian, he was anxious for Brian to come home and see them and even more anxious to pick up where they left off, and then some.

***

Justin was having a bowl of Cheerios for a snack when he heard the door being unlocked. He watched as it slid open and Brian strutted in. Dressed in a pin-striped gray suit with a deep purple tie and shirt, he was stunning. He dropped his briefcase, spun and closed the door and faced Justin, giving him a devilish smirk. Justin let out a deep breath. “You got it!”

Brian shrugged. “Was there any doubt?”

“Of course not.” Justin pushed his bowl away from him and slid off the barstool to greet Brian properly. He kissed him but pulled back just as Brian was about to unbutton his jeans. “Wait, wait,” he said, taking his hands. “I have a surprise for you.” He turned Brian toward the group of canvases, each cell a part of one large painting.

Brian’s eyes widened as he saw the abstract painting. “You painted it yourself?” he asked, walking closer to the canvases.

Justin bit his lip and spoke nervously, “Yeah. Do you like it?”

Brian appraised the painting and nodded slowly. “How did you do this?”

“Ben came over to help me hang it up because I wanted it to be a surprise,” Justin explained. He couldn’t read Brian’s expression or the tone of his voice and wondered if he’d let his ego get ahead of himself.

“That’s not what I meant,” Brian said, crossing his arms. “How did you paint this?”

“I had Daphne take pictures of me and painted from them. Could you immediately tell it was me? Ben couldn’t tell because he said he could tell it wasn’t you and figured I’d hired a model for it. I didn’t tell him otherwise.” He was terrified that he’d made the wrong decision and that every single person that walked into the loft would know that it was him. He had hoped that the abstract style would throw everyone off.

Brian looked at Justin and raised his eyebrow. “You really have thrown away your inhibitions, young grasshopper.”

Justin began to panic. “Brian, can you really tell it’s me?”

“Of course _I_ can tell that it’s you, but you don’t make a point of showing anyone else your naked body, do you?”

“No, of course not,” Justin said. “You’re the only man that’s seen me naked for any length of time.”

Brian smirked at Justin’s admission even though he walked around every day knowing that.

“Trent’s seen me in my swim trunks and when I showed him the painting yesterday he didn’t even guess that it was me. Just like Ben, he thought I’d hired a model to sit for it.”

“I doubt any model you could hire would have an ass as perfect as yours.” Brian asked, “But Daphne knows?”

“Well I had to have someone take pictures, but she’ll never tell anyone. So you don’t think that anyone will know it’s me?”

Brian moved behind Justin and molded the smaller man’s back to his front. He dipped his head and spoke softly, “No.” He laughed softly. “I’m just surprised you’d be so open to this. I always heard artists hate painting themselves.”

“I don’t mind painting portraits of myself, but this was definitely me stepping out of my comfort zone. I couldn’t have done that without you, you know.” Justin may have had confidence before he met Brian but he allowed the restrictions from his allergies to dictate a lot of things in his life that they shouldn’t have. Brian showed him that he could still take risks and Brian made him feel safe when he took them.

Brian hadn’t ever thought he’d be considered ‘safe’ for anyone, but Justin’s words rang true to him, only in the opposite manner. As he thought about it, Justin had done the same thing for him. He’d taken many risks in his life, but going for it, with Justin, that was a risk that really mattered and even though he had moments where he freaked out about having a boyfriend, those moments grew fewer the more time he spent with the man. Brian knew exactly how Justin felt, though he’d never dare to articulate it the way Justin had.

“You want to know what I’ve named it?” Justin asked.

“Let me guess,” Brian said in a high pitched tone, “exposition in four ways?”

Justin laughed. “No. It’s called, ‘Risqué Safety’.”

“Appropriate.”

“So you like it?”

“I love it,” Brian admitted.

Justin smiled and his heart raced. He knew that Brian said he loved the painting, **not him** , but it was a painting of him, of his naked body so at least that was Brian admitting he loved his naked body, well at least the back side of him.

Brian unbuttoned Justin’s jeans with one hand, his other sliding inside his pants, his fingers dipping into the crack of Justin’s ass. “When we first talked about replacing the ugly naked guy painting, I knew you’d paint something beautiful for me, but I didn’t know it’d be you.”

Justin’s knees weakened and he reached up to put his hands behind Brian’s neck to hold himself up as Brian began stroking his cock over his underwear. “I’m glad... you like it,” he stuttered.

Brian playfully bit Justin’s earlobe and then licked and admitted, “I more than like it, Sunshine.”

***

Justin screamed into the pillow as Brian’s cock pushed through his tight slippery thighs and up against his balls. Brian’s hand pulled his hair and his mouth bit the back of his neck. Justin came without tugging his cock, his body rocking and swaying as his cock jerked against his belly, spraying come onto his skin and the tangled sheets below him. He fell onto the mattress and moaned as his dick twitched from over-stimulation, just from touching the sheets. He was exhausted and didn’t want to move, but he wanted to watch Brian come too.

He turned his head and opened his eyes, looking behind him to see Brian, still on his knees, his eyes focused on his back, hand jacking his red cock at a merciless pace. Brian’s eyes flickered up to meet his and at that moment he began to come, grunting low and deep as he aimed his silky emission onto the back of his legs and Justin loved it. Jerking off and feeling his own come on his belly, chest and hand could never compare to the satisfaction he felt from Brian coating his skin, hot creamy evidence to the pleasure Justin gave him.

Justin closed his eyes and fell asleep, waking hours later to Brian shaking his shoulder and telling him, “Mel’s on the phone, she says it’s urgent.”

“Time is it?” Justin mumbled, rolling away from Brian.

“It’s after ten, wake up and talk to Mel,” Brian said.

Justin’s eyes opened and he pulled at the crumpled sheets to cover his naked body. “Mel’s here?” he asked worriedly, looking out past the bedroom and wondering why Brian had let her in the loft when he knew he had slept naked.

Brian laughed. “No, she’s on the phone,” he said, his hand waving the device in front of Justin.

Justin looked at the phone as if it were an alien form of technology. “That’s not my phone!”

Brian sat down on the bed beside Justin and rolled his eyes. “It’s mine, she tried calling yours but it’s on silent. Are you coherent enough to talk to her? She said it’s important.”

Justin turned his head and Brian’s lips looked so delectable as he spoke to him he couldn’t help but pull him closer and taste them.

“Now is not the time to start fucking!” Mel’s voice yelled loud enough for both Brian and Justin to hear.

Justin laughed and grabbed the phone from Brian. “Sorry,” he told the woman in a sleepy tone.

“It’s fucking upside down.” Brian moved the phone correctly in Justin’s hand and wondered if he’d managed to fuck Justin’s brains out without actually fucking him.

“Mel?”

“I’m here. Sorry for waking you but it’s an emergency.”

Justin gasped. “What happened?”

“Nothing bad,” Melanie told him. “The landlord’s lawyer left a message on my cell’s voicemail Friday afternoon while I was at lunch with a client but for some reason it didn’t come in as a new message until this morning. As of noon tomorrow, your accounts will reflect the deposit of the settlement and as per the agreement; you need to sign the last of the papers with a notary present within twenty-four hours of the deposit. I’ll need you and Trent to do that tomorrow morning.”

“But I’ve got work tomorrow morning,” Justin said worriedly.

“Don’t worry about work,” Melanie interrupted. “I told Lindsay, it’s my fault and I really thought we’d have more notice about the exact deposit date. She knows and she says she’ll be fine without an assistant for a few hours. I’ve already spoken to Trent and he’ll be there. It shouldn’t take more than an hour and then you’ll be walking out a very, very rich man. Well, technically, you’re a rich man right now; your bank account just won’t show it until tomorrow morning.”

“Holy shit!” Justin was definitely awake now. He bounced on the bed and told Brian, “I’m fucking rich!”

“So I can retire and you can support me for the rest of our lives?” Brian drawled.

“Not even ten times what I got with this settlement would be enough for that,” Justin said and kissed Brian. “Melanie, thank you so much for doing this,” he said, going back to the call. “What time and where should I meet you tomorrow?”

“Nine o’clock at the court house. We’ll be on the second floor in conference room 205; it’s all the way at the end of the hall. If you have any trouble finding us, give me a call on my cell phone, okay?”

“Will do.” Justin’s heart raced as all the spending possibilities entered his mind. “Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome. It was a pleasure to do this for you and Trent. It’s rare to have a case like this resolved so quickly, but their documented negligence, thanks in part to Brian’s pictures of the building, along with them wanting to keep this as quiet as possible worked in our favor. I’d better let you get back to Brian, I’m sure you’ll want to celebrate with him,” she said.

“I definitely do,” Justin told her. “Bye.” He closed and tossed the phone aside before launching himself at Brian, kissing all over his face. “She said your pictures really helped, you know. How am I going to repay you?”

Brian pushed Justin away from him and got out of bed. “In the shower, you on your knees, my dick in your mouth,” he mock ordered.

Justin scrambled happily out of the bed and dashed into the bathroom.

***

“Justin, wait up,” Melanie called.

Justin turned and stopped on the courthouse steps and faced Melanie. “Did I forget to sign something?” he asked as she walked closer to him.

“No, I just needed to talk to you about something.” Melanie sat on the step beside Justin’s feet and motioned for him to sit. “If you have the time.”

“I guess. Lindsay said I didn’t need to go in until eleven.” Justin sat down feeling hesitant about doing so. He still hadn’t gotten over how rude she’d been to Brian and though he was fine speaking to her client to lawyer, he wasn’t sure he was ready to speak friend to friend without confronting her about her behavior.

“I know you and Brian were upset with me for the way I acted when you dropped Gus off. I wanted to apologize.”

“It took you long enough,” Justin said. At the look of shock on Melanie’s face he added, “It isn’t me that you should apologize to.”

“It is,” Melanie said. “If you talked that way to Lindsay I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut. It was disrespectful and rude and I’m sorry. I didn’t have a good day and I let things that I realize now had nothing to do with Brian, get to me and I took them out on him.”

“I heard about Michael turning you guys down,” Justin admitted. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It was really disappointing, it still is. But, as Lindsay was quick to remind me the moment you two left, it wasn’t Brian’s fault and I shouldn’t have taken it out on Brian and put any of you through that. I really did mean all the things I said to you though, you’re amazing with Gus and he really loves you.”

“And Brian?” he prompted.

Melanie nodded. “He’s a good father. I might not have thought he was at first, but given his past can you really blame me? The last couple of years he’s proved that he is indeed a good father and he did what he had to do to be a constant in Gus’ life when Lindsay and I were having problems.”

“Are you going to apologize to Brian?”

Melanie sighed. “I will, but I’m sure he won’t want to hear it.”

Justin grimaced. “Don’t sell him short. He _is_ human.”

Melanie smiled at Justin. “You’ve definitely helped him show that human side more often. And I think maybe I’ll stop by Exhibition today and apologize.”

“That sounds like a good idea, though he’s going to be catching a two o’clock flight and will be gone on business for a few days. You might want to go now, I just hung up with him and he’s having an early lunch so I don’t think you’ll be disturbing him.”

“Right, I forgot. Lindsay said he called Gus this morning before school to say goodbye to him.” Melanie hugged Justin before standing. “I’m going to get going. We should have dinner together sometime this week.”

“Okay,” Justin said, happy that Melanie was making the effort to apologize. He had no idea how Brian would react, but he knew that even if Brian wouldn’t admit it, it would mean something to him. “I know Gus wants to come swim at the hotel again, maybe you and Lindsay can bring him and we can eat at one of the restaurants there?”

“That’s a great idea. Just let Lindsay know when it’s good for you.”

“I will,” Justin said, walking the opposite direction. “Thanks for everything, Mel!”

“You’re welcome.”

As Justin descended the last stair of the courthouse he caught sight of Trent leaning against a shiny black BMW car parked in the lot.

“I was wondering when you’d come out!”

“I did, years ago,” Justin joked, running over to him. “When did you get this?”

“Yesterday, after Melanie called me and told me the check cleared. I wanted to surprise you so I didn’t say anything inside.”

“It’s beautiful,” Justin admitted. “But how did you buy it yesterday?”

“I didn’t, my step-dad loaned it to me to test drive for a few days to see if I like it enough to buy it.”

“Ahh, the perks of having a step-dad who owns a car dealership.”

“My dad said he expects you to come see him soon,” Trent said. “He’s promised to sell you a car at cost. If you hadn’t gotten me in touch with Melanie, there’s no way I’d have gotten the settlement so quick.” Trent grinned and clicked the unlock button on his keychain. “So, you want to ride to work in style?”

Justin smiled. “Yes, Jeeves, I believe I do. But first, if you’re not in any hurry, can we make a pit-stop?”

“Where?”

“To the mall of course,” Justin said. “I’ve still got a little over an hour before I have to be at work.”

“The mall it is,” Trent agreed. “The question is, how much money can we spend in an hour?”

“Far too much I’m sure,” Justin giggled.

***

Melanie, Lindsay and Justin sat at a table near the indoor pool, wrapped in towels and sipping iced tea while they watched Gus and his best friend swim.

“I hope you don’t mind that we brought Eli with us,” Lindsay said. “When we first made plans I’d completely forgotten that I told Gus he could have Eli spend the night tonight.”

“It’s really fine,” Justin assured. “It’s good he’s got someone to swim with or he’d be convincing me to stay in with him the whole time.”

Melanie laughed. “He told me that you and Brian took him swimming every night at the hotel in New York. He loved it.”

“We loved it,” Justin said. “Brian and I both love swimming, we probably would’ve stayed in the pool until it closed every night if Gus wasn’t so wiped out from all the activity. He’s the one that actually wanted to go up to the room and get ready for bed every night.”

Lindsay shared a smile with Melanie, took a deep breath and asked, “Have you ever considered having children?”

“Of course,” Justin said, “but I don’t think I’ll want one for a long time from now.”

“Oh?” Melanie said. “Why’s that?”

“I’m young and...” he stopped himself from adding ‘in love’. “I... I want to enjoy being young. I’ve had to work really hard with school and trying to support myself. Now that I’ve got some money to make things a little easier, I think I’m going to relax for a while and enjoy my career and friends without all the stress I’ve been under since I graduated high school.”

“Well... would nine months or so be a long enough time for you to relax?” Lindsay asked.

Justin almost spilled his cup of tea all over himself as he suddenly understood where this conversation was going He placed it back on the table and looked away from the women. “I... don’t really know.”

“Well maybe you could think about it?” Lindsay implored.

“What’s there to think about?” Justin asked in a tight voice and looked back at Gus and Eli, wondering why he’d asked such a thing.

“What Lindsay is trying to say is that we’d like for you to father my child,” Melanie said.

Justin blinked slowly and swallowed. “Uh...”

“You don’t have to answer right this moment,” Lindsay said. “This is just something for you to give some thought.”

Justin carded his fingers through his wet hair and groaned. “Lindsay, Melanie, I really like you two and I love Gus but I’m not ever going to have children of my own.”

“But you said you’d thought about having children,” Lindsay softly spoke, confused.

“Yes,” Justin admitted. “I have thought about having a child, one day. But if I did, I’d either like to adopt or my partner, whomever he may be, if he wanted a child too, would be the one to provide the DNA to a surrogate, not me.”

“But Justin, you’re talented, smart and gorgeous,” Melanie said. “Why wouldn’t you want to pass on your DNA?”

“I know you guys know about my allergies,” Justin explained, “but you don’t know all of them and if you did, you’d understand why I wouldn’t want to risk having a child that would likely have all the same ones, if not more.”

“I have an allergy to beets,” Lindsay said, “but Gus doesn’t. Your children might not have any allergies at all.”

“My mother and grandmother also have allergies. They’ve gotten worse with every generation, though my sister lucked out and doesn’t have any. My mother’s allergies are mainly skin allergies, but my list of allergies surpasses anyone’s in my family. They’ve limited my life and experiences. They’ve made it difficult for me to have friends and relationships. There might be something wrong with my genes and I’m not going to pass them along knowing that there’s a good chance my child could have allergies that would limit their life more than mine have limited my own.”

“So you have more than just food allergies?” Melanie asked.

“Yes, quite a few more,” Justin said. “I also have allergies to vaccines, medication and certain fibers and materials. My mother had a hell of time getting me registered at school after they realized I couldn’t have the last dose of the polio vaccination.”

“But aren’t there substitutes now for those types of things?” Lindsay asked.

“Nothing my doctors have been willing to try. I’ve had too many reactions to drugs that have left me sick or in the hospital for weeks.”

“So you could actually catch polio?” Melanie asked worriedly.

“Yes and any other disease that people are vaccinated for after the age of six.”

“Honey, I’m sorry Melanie and I asked, it must be hard to talk about this. We didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t know,” Justin said, “and I’m honored that you would want me to father your child. I’m sorry I can’t do it, but you’re not hurting me. I’ve had a long time to deal with it and it doesn’t mean that I can’t have a child. As I’m sure you both know, a child doesn’t have to be your blood for you to love him like he is.”

“Yes,” Melanie said while Lindsay nodded.

“Does Brian know about this?” Lindsay asked carefully.

Justin shook his head. “He knows what I’m allergic to, he knows every one of my allergies but the whole me not fathering a child thing has never come up. Besides, he has a son so it really shouldn’t affect him.”

Lindsay shook her head. “No, you’re wrong. Before Melanie had a procedure done, we weren’t sure she could carry a child. It definitely affected me because I love her and I was sad that she wouldn’t experience what I had.”

“But it’s different and not only because you’re women and she would’ve missed out on carrying the baby,” Justin told her. “Brian and I aren’t partners. If we ever did get married, then maybe we’d discuss this stuff but for now, there really isn’t any need.”

Lindsay grinned. “Justin, just because you two are in the early stages of your relationship, that doesn’t mean you’re not already partners. You have done what no other man has managed to do.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Tied a ball and chain to his leg?”

“Yeah right,” Melanie said. “Like Brian would allow that. Justin, something to keep in mind about Brian Kinney is that he doesn’t ever do anything he doesn’t really want to do, no matter what he might say. You got him believing that sharing a future with someone he can love and care about is preferable to...”

“Being alone?” Justin huffed.

“To being without you,” Melanie finished her statement. “Because being alone, being a stud, or going out in a blaze of glory, that holds no draw to him, but being without you, that’s a worse prospect than the others and I think he knows that.”

Lindsay nodded. “She’s right. Don’t sell your relationship short on our account; I’m sure you must know just how deeply Brian cares for you and that you’re not the only one thinking about your future together.”

Justin gave a silent nod in acceptance of what his friends were saying but he still kept himself guarded. He knew they had good intentions and it was nice that they thought he was special enough to be the man in Brian’s future, but they weren’t around to see the scared look Justin would catch Brian giving him whenever they’d get a little ‘too close’. They weren’t around to hear the cheesy declarations of Brian’s feelings one moment, only to hear him make sarcastic cutting remarks the next. Then again, Mel and Linds also didn’t know that Brian Kinney had gone monogamous and given up not only tricking but fucking altogether(just a suggestion) to take a chance on _them_. Justin didn’t think any of Brian’s friends knew about that and he wasn’t in a hurry to tell anyone.

***

“Sweetie, are you sure this is what you want to do?” Jennifer asked.

“Mom, I’ve paid off my student loans, medical bills and bought a car. I’ve got a great job, a hot boyfriend, and wonderful friends and family. My life is almost complete. All I need now is my dream house!”

Jennifer hugged Justin close and kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re so happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this, if ever.” She held him at arm’s length and looked into his shining blue eyes. “You’re in love, for the first time, aren’t you?”

Justin’s cheeks pinked and he turned away from his mother, not wanting to tell her the truth because if he did, if he spoke the truth aloud, he might not be able to control himself from speaking it to Brian. He knew that if he did, it would push Brian away. Resolved not to answer, he turned back to face her and changed the subject to the reason for his visit to her office. “So, do you think you can find me a house?”

“You can’t just avoid my question, no matter how much you think if you do it’ll make it the answer, which we both know is ‘yes’ less true.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Mom, the house?”

Realizing she would not get an answer from Justin, Jennifer asked, “You’re certain this is what you want to do with the money? Wouldn’t buying a condo or…”

“I talked to Ted and he told me that with the real estate market being what it is, I should definitely invest in a house, specifically, one that I plan to live in for at least ten years. This way, I’ll likely be able to recoup any investments I may make with upgrades, if I do decide to sell one day. If I buy a condo and want to move within the next five years to something bigger, he doesn’t think I’ll see much profit from my sale, if any at all.”

Jennifer looked at her son in a new light. “You really have grown up, Justin. I’m proud of you.” She took a seat behind her desk and grabbed a pen and paper. “Take a seat and tell me what you’re looking for.”

Justin sat down in the chair and propped his feet up on his mother’s desk. “Well, I definitely need a studio. So whatever house we find, it’s got to have a space that’s private and has great light, or the option for me to make something into a studio.”

“Like more than one garage or a large attic space?” Jennifer suggested.

“Yup.”

“What else is important to you?”

“I don’t want anything that I have to do any extensive renovations to. I want it to be ‘turn-key’, with the exception of a studio space if need be and upgrading fixtures or whatever; that kind of thing.”

“With the budget you have, I’m sure we can find some amazing homes. What about number of bedrooms?”

“At least five.”

Jennifer blanched at Justin’s quick and surprising answer and hesitantly wrote it down on her notepad. “Why five?”

“Well, I’d like one large master and… listen, before you say anything, Brian and I… I have no idea what will happen in the future, but if something big does happen, I’ll want to have a place for Gus if Brian decides to live with me.”

Jennifer’s eyes widened and she forced herself not to grill Justin about those comments. “Number of bathrooms?”

“I want one to be on the first floor, if there aren’t any bedrooms on the first floor, that’s a must. Remember how you always hated sending guests upstairs to use the restroom?”

“Yes I do. That almost made your father and I not buy the house, but the backyard was so beautiful, I thought it’d make up for it.”

“So, one bathroom at least on the first floor, a master bath ensuite and at least one other bathroom.”

“What about flooring? Do you have a preference?”

“I’d like wood floors throughout the house, except for maybe the kitchen and bathrooms. There, tile would work, but that’s something I guess I could fix. If the bedrooms have carpet, as long as it’s nice carpet, I could deal with it.”

“What about your backyard?”

Justin grinned widely. “I want land!”

“You, my little recluse, want land?”

“Yes. Because I want tennis courts, stables and a pool.”

Jennifer laughed and asked, “Are you serious?”

“Why not? I can afford it. I love swimming and playing tennis. Plus, I’ve always dreamt of having my own horse because they’re like the only animal that doesn’t make my allergies go nuts. Those summers I took riding lessons were the best I ever had. I want stables or big enough land if I decide to buy a horse one day. So you’d have to be sure about zoning and all that because only some zones allow for horses.”

“So you don’t want something here in Pittsburgh then? Because we’ll have to go outside of the city for sure, possibly out of state, to find you enough land for those things.”

“Out of state?” Justin asked.

“Yes, such as West Virginia. It’s about a half an hour from the suburbs of Pittsburgh.”

“It’s an hour from Pittsburgh, Mom. I’ve been there. Does your license even allow for you to sell in West Virginia?”

“Of course,” Jennifer said stiffly. “I know my job, Justin. I wouldn’t suggest it if it didn’t.”

“Sorry,” Justin muttered and dropped his feet down to the floor. He sat up straight and asked, “There really isn’t anything in Pittsburgh that has a lot of land?”

“There may be,” Jennifer said. “I’ve seen a few listings for some properties but the land is what people are buying, not the house and you want both.”

“I do.” Justin thought about his recent morning routine. “I used to catch the early bus for work, just to be sure that I’d show up on time and to do that, I had to leave the hotel an hour and a half before I started work. Now that I have a car, a commute that took an hour wouldn’t be a problem, so out of state, as long as it’s no more than an hour from the gallery, could work.”

“Darling, the last thing I want is for you to live far away, so I’ll do my best to find what you’re looking for as close to me as possible,” Jennifer told him, laughing. “Have you thought about the style of house you’d like?”

“It doesn’t really matter to me, as long as it isn’t some kind of eye sore. I do love Mel and Lindsay’s house, which is a remodeled Victorian,” Justin told her. “But I also love the Tudor style.”

Jennifer’s thoughts immediately went to the large Mansion two clients contracted her to sell two days ago. The clients had remodeled the home, but they’d divorced before they ever lived in it and it had sat empty for three years. Included in the home was custom furniture now covered by sheets, just waiting for someone to live in it and reveal its beauty. It was near Morgantown but it more than fit Justin’s needs list. However, she wanted to look for closer properties first before she showed him that listing. “All right, this is good to go on for now. I’ll put some listings together that fit your criteria and we can start viewing them on Thursday, will that work?”

“That’s perfect, as long as we can do that after work.”

Jennifer flicked through her appointment book and asked, “What’s your schedule like on Thursday?”

Justin’s schedule rotated with Lindsay’s and two other salaried employees. “I can be here at 2:00.”

“That’s perfect.” She wrote it into her appointment book and looked at her schedule for the tomorrow evening. “Why don’t you and Brian come over for dinner tomorrow?”

Justin sighed. “I can make it, but Brian’s out of town and won’t be back until next Wednesday.”

“For business?”

“Of course,” Justin said, laughing. “You don’t think he’d take a two-week vacation and leave me here, do you?”

“He’ll be gone for two weeks?” Jennifer fearfully asked.

“A little over two weeks, actually. He’s acquiring some new clients and schmoozing some others. It’s no big deal.”

“It can be hard on a relationship when one partner is gone for,” she paused and made quotation marks, “business.”

“Brian isn’t Craig,” Justin said bluntly. “He’s not on a ‘business retreat’ fucking his secretary. I trust him.”

“I know he isn’t,” Jennifer said firmly. “I was making a general statement that had nothing to do with your father. I am just worried about you. Distance isn’t easy for couples, especially new couples. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I appreciate you caring, but I’m a big boy, Mom. Most men my age have had more than one boyfriend by now.”

“Which is why I’m so worried. Brian’s been with…”

“He’s never been in a relationship,” Justin interrupted, standing up and grabbing his backpack. He was done with this conversation. “None of the other shit matters.” He walked over and kissed his mother’s cheek. “When Brian gets back we’ll figure out a date for dinner.”

Jennifer felt flustered by Justin’s quick goodbye. “What about dinner tomorrow night?”

Justin leaned against the doorway and sighed. “I’ll come but only if you promise not to start bugging me about my relationship with Brian.”

“Justin, I didn’t mean to upset you. I know you think that all those men Brian was with don’t matter, but they do.”

“Mom,” Justin spoke warningly.

“Okay, okay,” Jennifer said. “I’ll drop it.”

Justin nodded. “What time tomorrow?”

“Six?”

“All right, see you then.”

***

Brian rolled his eyes as he listened to Ted’s side of the phone call with who he was sure was Blake.

“I know, I miss you too,” Ted cooed. “Just two more days and I’ll be home. Uh-huh. I love you too. Bye.”

Brian glared at Ted as he pocketed his cell phone. “Are you finished playing the part of lesbian?”

Ted laughed. “Please, you’ve called Justin no less than three times a day since we’ve been gone. I’m willing to bet that there were many other calls than those.”

“Not one of our conversations involved that lovely-dovey bullshit.”

“Right, well, just because you don’t say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’, it doesn’t mean you don’t think it.” Ted took his shot glass from the bar and downed it. “So, I haven’t failed to notice that no matter where we’ve been, you haven’t taken a single trick to a backroom or back to the hotel.”

Brian glared. “I don’t pay you for your tired observations, Theodore.”

Ted grinned. “Nice way to avoid answering the question.”

“What question?” Brian signaled the bartender for two more shots.

“Right, I guess I didn’t ask appropriately.” Ted watched Brian actually squirm in his bar stool and was certain this was the most fun he’d had the whole business trip. “Are you and Justin monogamous?”

“I’m surprised Michael didn’t blab my and Justin’s personal business to anyone who would listen.”

“Michael likes Justin,” Ted said, “which is saying something.”

“What exactly?” Brian was fairly buzzed and he was having a hard time following the fucked up conversation.

“Michael has moved on, he really truly has and he wants to see you happy.” Ted grabbed one of the shot glasses and raised it in toast. “To Michael.”

Brian shrugged, figured ‘what the hell’ and clinked his glass to Ted’s before drinking the whiskey. “If you must know, and Theodore, you’d better not utter a word of this,” he warned.

“My lips are sealed,” Ted said excitedly.

“Justin is allergic to condoms,” Brian said.

“Holy shit, you’re fucking raw?” Ted gasped.

A few men surrounding the bar glared at Brian. Brian flipped them the bird and leaned closer to Ted. “We’re doing everything except penetration… for now.”

“No shit.” Ted sat back in the stool and shook his head, a look of wonder on his face. “You really like him.”

Brian tilted his head to the side as if to say, ‘duh’.

“Shit, Blake and I are monogamous and it can be tough going on a trip like this to actually stay that way, but for you…”

“I’m doing just fine,” Brian said. The truth was he felt like he was being tested with every breath he took. Every single man he saw, whether they were his type or not, made him hard. As the days of the trip wore on, the only things keeping him from not fucking everything up was the nightly phone sex with Justin and the drive not to fail at his goal.

“So, you said, for now,” Ted pressed. “What exactly does that mean? Do you plan on fucking raw?”

Brian was buzzed, but not enough to divulge the truth of what ‘for now’ really meant. “Perhaps,” he replied with a mysterious tone.

Ted patted Brian on the back. “Well, good for you.”

“Huh?”

“You’re finally realizing that,” he gestured around the small bar filled with some of the hottest men he’d ever seen, “that all this, is meaningless compared to who you have waiting for you at home.”

Brian didn’t necessarily agree with Ted, but he didn’t care enough to get into that. He looked at his watch. “Let’s go.”

Ted chuckled. “Hot date?”

Brian instantly thought about the picture text he’d received from Justin right before they’d gone into the bar. He’d sent him two shots, one of his cock, hard and dripping pre-cum and another of his finger near his lips, shiny with pre-cum. The message had read: **Wish I was tasting you. Can’t wait for you to cum home. Talk to you midnight.**

Ted slid from his stool and threw a few bills on the bar top to cover their drinks. “No need to answer,” he told Brian. “The answer is written all over your face.”

***

Justin cleaned the drops of come he’d missed from Brian’s cock and gently tucked him back into his pants. He stood up and kissed the dazed man, sharing the last bit of the come stuck on his tongue.

Brian gripped Justin’s ass and spun him around, slamming him back against the stall door, causing a loud bang to reverberate around the bathroom.

“Sir?” a voice said from outside. “Are you all right in there?”

Brian cringed and covered Justin’s mouth with his hand. “I’m fine,” he spoke in a hoarse tone of voice.

Justin poked his tongue out between his lips and licked at Brian’s fingers.

Brian jerked his hand away just as a moan threatened to escape his throat. He teasingly glared at Justin.

They stared at one another, doing their best to stay totally silent until they heard the bathroom door open and close.

Justin grabbed some toilet paper from the roll and fished his cock out of his pants to wipe the come off. Brian grabbed the tissue from him and tossed it to the ground before sinking to knees and sucking up all the liquid he could find on Justin’s dick and covering his pubes. He gripped Justin’s thighs and swirled his tongue around the thickening shaft…

“Excuse me?” A deep male voice said before knocking on the bathroom stall door.

Brian’s eyes widened in alarm and he bolted to his feet, shoving Justin’s immediately soft dick back into his pants. “Yes?”

“Sir? This is airport security. We had a report that someone sounded like they were hurt. Are you and your companion all right in there?”

“We’re fine,” Brian said. “We’re just changing clothes.”

“And I tripped,” Justin added, “trying to change pants without my feet touching the disgusting floor.”

“For further notice, it would be more appropriate if you were to use separate stalls.”

Brian mouthed, ‘Stay here’, to Justin and slipped out of the stall, holding it closed behind him and encountering a familiar face. “Derek?”

“Ah, Brian,” the security guard chuckled. “Changing clothes? That’s the best you could come up with?”

“Come on out, Justin,” Brian said, glaring at Derek.

Justin came out of the stall, his face completely red from embarrassment. “Hi,” he said awkwardly.

“He’s a little young for you, don’t you think?” Derek asked Brian, raising his eyebrows.

“He is standing right here,” Justin said testily, sizing the man up.

Brian laughed. “Derek, this is Justin, my…”

“Your boyfriend?” Derek filled in, sounding shocked.

Justin jabbed Brian’s side with his elbow and held his hand out. “Yes, his boyfriend. And you are?”

“Derek Niles.” He shook Justin’s hand. “I worked as a security guard at Vangard and Ryder. I was Brian’s look out quite a few times,” he chuckled.

“Why aren’t you working there any longer?” Brian moved over to the sink and began to wash his hands, Justin following him to do the same.

“Gardner couldn’t afford me,” Derek said. “He’s putting up a good front, but for the last six months Vangard has been in hot water.”

“I’ve heard,” Brian told him, “but I didn’t think it was so bad he couldn’t afford security.”

“He’s still got Denny working for him, but he laid off me and two other guys. You’ve corralled most of his big accounts and the smaller ones can’t afford a big advertising campaign with the way the economy is. I spoke to Denny last week and he said Vance has been handing out pink slips like they’re candy.”

“So he’s going under?” Brian asked in a smug tone.

Derek looked at Brian with a wide grin. “You know more about this than you’re letting on, don’t you?”

“I’ve spent the last two-weeks flying all around this damn country picking up all the clients that Vangard dropped and stealing a few that had yet to drop him.”

“Good for you, Brian.” Derek turned to Justin. “You’re dealing with one clever man.”

Justin slid his hand into Brian’s and kissed the side of his mouth. “Don’t I know it.”

“Except for all that,” Derek spoke, pointing to the stall. “You two are lucky it was me. If it were any of the other officers you’d likely be being strip-searched or in a squad car.”

“We’ll be clever enough not to do it again, here,” Justin assured him.

Derek laughed. “Or just be clever enough to actually bring your luggage with you next time so that your excuse actually works.”

“Duly noted,” Brian quipped. “So, how’s the pay here?”

“Less than what I made at Vangard,” Derek groaned, “but it’s the only offer I got that came with benefits.”

Brian took out his wallet and handed Derek his business card. “I can do better than Vangard and give you full benefits. Give me a call.”

“Thanks, Brian, I will.”

Brian walked out of the bathroom with Justin and whispered to him, “That was hot.”

“We almost got busted,” Justin said. “It was worth it though.”

“Damn right it was.”

***

“Where did you park?” Brian asked, looking around for the Jeep.

Justin pointed to his new vehicle two rows down. “That dark blue Nissan Murano is me.”

Brian pulled his suitcase behind him and followed Justin toward the vehicle. “You bought a mini-van?” Brian asked in horror.

“It’s not a mini-van,” Justin said, laughing. “It’s a fucking SUV!” He figured that maybe it did sort of look like one from the front. “As if I would ever buy a fucking mini-van!”

“Thank god!” Brian said, following quicker. “I thought I was going to have to call a cab because there’s no way in hell I’d ride in one.”

Justin clicked the button for the trunk and stood back as it rose all on its own. “Awesome, isn’t it?”

“When did you buy this?” Brian asked. It wasn’t any car that he’d ever buy, but it seemed to fit Justin.

“A couple of days after you left. I wanted to surprise you,” Justin told him, placing the suitcase he carried into the trunk. “Your Jeep is safe and sound in the parking garage.”

Brian picked up his other suitcase and placed it in the trunk. “Decent trunk space for your canvases,” he commented.

Justin kissed Brian quickly and grinned. “That’s exactly why I bought this one.” He handed the keys to Brian. “Can you drive? I hated driving around the airport. If you hit someone, I don’t think I’ll be as mad as if I did it.”

Brian laughed, took the keys and they both got into the car. “So, what else have you been buying while I was away?” he asked, starting the engine.

Justin put his hand over Brian’s to stop him from putting the car in reverse. “Quite a lot of stuff,” he said waggling his eyebrows. “But my biggest purchase was a house.”

“What?” Brian gasped, staring at Justin, his mouth hanging open.

Justin leaned over and took advantage of Brian’s open mouth, kissing it until the other man finally managed to get over the shock of his words and started to kiss him back. He sat back in his seat and confirmed, “I bought a house and unless you’ve got jetlag, I want to show it to you.”

Brian blinked a few times and nodded. “No jetlag, just shock,” he mumbled. “Give me directions.”

“After exiting the lot, go south on P-W 29.”

“It’s not in Pittsburgh?” Brian asked, his stomach flip-flopping.

“Not exactly,” Justin said mysteriously. “But don’t worry,” he paused and patted Brian’s shoulder, “it’s not that far away from you… oops, I mean Pittsburgh.”

Brian glared menacingly and pulled a strand of Justin’s hair. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to act like a twat when I’m about to drive your brand new shiny car through the worst traffic in Pittsburgh.”

TBC in chapter 8 part 2


	9. Credence: Chapter Eight: "Deeper & Deeper" Part 2/2

Chapter 8 Part 2

 

“....and you wouldn’t believe the perks that come with the house,” Justin rambled. “Oh, turn into here!”

Brian turned the car into the long driveway Justin indicated and grimaced at the site of the house before him. “Christ, don’t tell me you’ve become a member of the country club,” Brian groused.

“Shut up,” Justin said, too happy to care about Brian’s immediate dislike of the house. He was sure once he gave Brian a tour, the man would be singing a different tune. Once Brian parked he opened his car door and scrabbled out. His excitement to show Brian his purchase had him bouncing on his toes as he waited for his boyfriend to join him. After a minute of waiting and no move from Brian to get out of the car, he walked around to the driver’s side and opened the door. “Come on, let’s go.”

Brian couldn’t believe Justin was subjecting him to this. He wasn’t going to be a resident of the community so he didn’t see why Justin wanted to give him the tour of the country club, something he most definitely did not consider a perk. He got out of the car anyway and tried not to show his annoyance because he didn’t want to ruin Justin’s happiness. If he pissed Justin off, it would only elongate the time between now and the point where he’d help christen Justin’s new digs.

Justin looked over his shoulder at Brian as he stopped in front of the door. “Keys?” he asked, holding his hand out.

Brian handed the car keys to Justin and at that moment it clicked. This was not a club house. He slowly spun around, taking in his surroundings more carefully. He’d thought that there was probably a parking lot around back where the circular driveway broke but no, it looked to end right in front of a garage. There weren’t any other vehicles and as he gazed up at the house he didn’t see light coming from any of the windows. The building was a residential house and it was now Justin’s home.

Justin watched Brian’s reaction as he looked around the front of the property while he opened the door. He’d never seen Brian look awed but he definitely appeared that way. “Surprised?” he asked, pushing the door open all the way.

Brian faced Justin and shook his head. “You bought this house?”

Justin jingled the keys in answer, then grabbed the lapel of Brian’s coat and pulled him over the threshold. “It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” he boasted, looking around the elegant entryway.

Brian knew the sum of money Justin received for the settlement far exceeded the price of the house and car but he couldn’t believe that Justin had bought this home. “It’s big.”

“Such a size queen,” Justin teased, unzipping and tossing his coat on the small bench beside a closet. “The heat’s on,” he said and closed the front door behind Brian. “Make yourself at home.”

Brian shivered as he took his jacket off and placed it neatly on top of Justin’s coat. The house was warm, but the temperature didn’t cause the goosebumps on his skin. Justin’s seemingly polite comment to him made him feel uneasy. He followed Justin around the downstairs, making appropriate observations when required but with every room Justin showed him, his anxiety level rose. The house was a mansion, most rooms were bare or had sheets covering furniture that Justin would reveal before asking his opinion on placement or room color. The empty rooms Justin had ideas for he’d go on and on, revealing his imagination to Brian. The ones Justin didn’t know what to do with, he would ask for advice and Brian found himself giving one word suggestions but rarely elaborated.

Justin showed him the enormous backyard, with a tennis court, stables, an outdoor pool and the indoor pool. Every new space Justin showed him, Brian found it harder and harder to say anything appreciative of Justin’s buy. He couldn’t reconcile this home being as perfect for Justin as he continued to declare that it was and it made Brian wonder if he really knew Justin at all.

Upstairs, Justin opened the door to the spare room across from the top of the staircase. “Have a quick look,” he said, stepping aside for Brian to peak in. “Almost every other room up here looks the same. I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do with most of them. But one day I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

Brian couldn’t resist asking, “Then why did you buy this place?”

“You’ll see.” Justin smiled and grabbed Brian’s hand, pulling him along. “This is going to be my studio,” he told him. He opened the door to the room and didn’t flick on the light because the floor to ceiling windows running along the back wall let in enough light to fill the entire space. “This is actually supposed to be a second master suite,” Justin said, holding his arms out to the side and spinning around. “But I’m going to use it for a studio.” He began pulling open drawers from the dark wooden built in unit that flanked one of the walls. “I think I’ll have to buy a ton of more art supplies to fill up all these drawers.”

“You’re going to kill these hardwood floors with all the paint you’ll spill,” Brian warned.

“I’ll put tarps down where I paint,” Justin laughed. “And I won’t have to worry about trailing paint throughout the house because I have my own bathroom in here to clean up in. Plus, there’s a huge closet to store all my canvases.”

Brian had thought that Jennifer was a sensible woman. He couldn’t believe that she’d even showed Justin this place, let alone ‘let’ him buy it. Justin could’ve found a house an eighth of the size and it would still be too big for just him. That was the real problem Brian had with the mansion, the size. Justin may have said he didn’t know what to do with all the extra rooms but there had been a wistful tone to his voice when he said that one day he’d figure it out. Brian had a sinking feeling in his gut that what Justin wanted to do with the rooms would include making them into children’s bedrooms.

“Come on, the last thing I’ve got to show you is the master.” He once again grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him along with him. “It’s a little bigger than the studio and it has a closet big enough to be a room on its own.”

“Which I’m sure you’ll have filled with dowdy clothing in no time,” Brian remarked.

Justin abruptly stopped walking, dropped Brian’s hand and ran both down his body. “I just bought this,” he said worriedly. “Doesn’t it look good on me?”

Brian sighed and kicked himself for being such a downer. Whatever his opinion was of Justin’s house, he didn’t have to express that by making shitty comments about his sense of style. It was obvious that when Justin had money, he knew how to dress himself. Today he was wearing a long sleeved light blue Armani Exchange shirt, a pair of tight fitting, dark diesel jeans, and black clip boots. The ensemble was sexy and tasteful and didn’t necessarily say ‘teenybopper’ like the clothing Brian had first seen him wear.

When Brian didn’t answer him, Justin paled as he stared his boyfriend. “You do, you think this dowdy!”

“No,” Brian said and quickly kissed Justin. “I don’t. Fuck, I was just kidding, all right? I’ve got jet-lag or something.”

“Oh, shit. You’ve been on the road working for weeks,” Justin said. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have brought you here today.” Brian had seemed quiet and less opinionated than normal, but Justin had figured it was because he was shocked and maybe a little in awe of the house. He leaned in and hugged him. “We can leave if you want. I can show you the master another time.”

“No.” Brian figured they were already here so he might as well see the last room. “Go ahead and show me now.”

Justin didn’t like how unenthused Brian sounded. “Are you sure?”

Brian nodded and took Justin’s hand. “Lead the way.”

Justin knew there was something wrong with Brian and didn’t think it was only jet-leg. He just didn’t know what it could be. Maybe once they were back at his hotel or Brian’s loft, wherever they were going for the night, he’d figure it out. “All right.” He showed Brian into the master bedroom and was happy to see Brian smile when they entered. “What do you think?”

“It’s definitely big enough to fit a king sized bed,” Brian said, scanning the room. “They used the same panel ceiling as the one in the living room.”

Justin grinned slyly at Brian. “Well not exactly.” He walked over to the built in book case and picked up the remote for the room. “One of these turns on the ceiling fan,” he said, clicking the button. “Another for the recessed lights.” He pushed the button to make that one work and then pulled Brian with him to the center of the longest wall. He handed the remote to Brian. “Click the last button,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“They didn’t put a fucking TV in the wall or something did they?” Brian asked. “That’s so tacky.”

Justin giggled and bounced. “Just press the button.”

Brian pressed the button and looked across the room at the wall in between the doors for what he guessed was the bathroom and closet, expecting it to somehow move and reveal a space for the television.

“Look up,” Justin said, putting his hand on Brian’s chin to encourage him to do so.

Brian looked up and could hardly believe what he was seeing. The wood panels on the ceiling were retracting to the left, revealing a mirror in between each rectangular wooden frame. “Holy shit!”

Justin laughed and kissed Brian. “Cool, isn’t it?”

Brian shook his head as the panels continued to move, finally stopping when six large mirrors were revealed. “Definitely not the same ceiling as the one in the living room.” Immediately he began imagining fucking Justin under the mirrors, or Justin riding him or...

“So, where should I put the bed?” Justin joked.

Brian tossed the remote to the side and pulled Justin against his body. “This is really why you bought the house, isn’t it?”

Justin jerked his hips back and forth, stimulating his cock against Brian’s thigh. “I didn’t even discover this until today before I came to pick you up. I don’t think my mother had any idea. I’m sure she just thought that the remote was for the lights and fan and that was it.”

“You know,” Brian drawled, cupping Justin’s ass, “I think I like your new place.” Justin smiled so brightly at his comment, Brian felt ashamed of himself for all his prior pessimistic thoughts. In all the time he’d known Justin he’d never seen him so happy about anything that wasn’t kiss or sex related. “I think it’s going to take a long, long, long time to christen this house,” he murmured while placing kisses along Justin’s neck.

Justin gripped Brian’s hair in his fist and turned his face so their lips were inches apart. “Then I think we should get started, right here.”

Brian closed the distance between their lips and a few minutes later they were naked, Justin squirming beneath Brian as they grinded their cocks against one another’s. “I want you...”

“You’ve got me.” Brian stopped moving for a moment.

“That’s not what I meant,” Justin said, laughing and moaning all at once. “I want you to help me...” Brian suddenly separated their bodies, spun around so his knees straddled his head and Justin’s could hardly think, let alone talk with Brian’s perfect leaking cock brushing against his lips. He felt Brian’s mouth suckle on the head of his prick. Justin moaned and Brian’s dick descended into his open mouth.

TBC in Chapter 9


	10. Credence: Chapter 9: Part: 1  "Throw Me A Line So I Can Anchor My Pain"

**Credence  
Chapter 9: “Throw me a line, so I can anchor my pain”**

_Things keep coming and I keep wondering_  
I start feeling the walls close in  
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling  
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break  
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break  
Carry on just a pawn and the same old song  
I'm still holding on  
The fabric is about to fray ~Selected Lyrics taken from “Strong Enough To Break” ~Hanson

**October**

“So what do you need help with?” Trent joked, gazing at the mountain of kitchen utensils and appliance boxes on the island counter top.

Justin defended his purchases, “I had to buy stuff to fill up all these cabinets.”

“So you won’t be having a house warming party then?” Daphne huffed.

“I hadn’t thought about having one. But if I do, it’ll be a while. I still have most of the house to decorate.”

“You should have a pool party,” Trent suggested.

Justin shrugged. “A pool party in November?”

“You do have an indoor pool,” Trent reminded him.

“You could have a fun luau theme,” Daphne added excitedly.

“Between work, working on the comic with Michael and furnishing the house, I don’t think I’m going to have time to plan some big party. I was thinking a small dinner or something,” Justin said.

“If you really think it’s going to take a while to furnish your mansion, you should just hire a decorator,” Trent said.

“No way,” Justin said. “I want to do this on my own. I don’t want this place to like a showroom or something. I want each and every room to reflect _me_ , not what someone else thinks is style. I don’t care if it takes me until next year to have it finished, not that it will, but the housewarming party isn’t at the top of my list.”

“You could always hire Emmett,” Daphne said. “Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it and you’ll have all the free time you want to spend with Brian.”

“That’s why it’s going to take so long for you to get this place furnished,” Trent chuckled. “You and Brian are going to be so busy fucking one another on every piece of furniture you buy…we should just kiss our dreams of a party goodbye and hope you’ll have it finished by spring.”

Justin blushed and shared a look with Daphne. He thought that Trent was aware his virgin status. He could’ve sworn he’d mentioned it to him, but obviously he hadn’t and he felt uncomfortable talking about his non-sex life with someone who could and did have any guy he wanted. “If I agree to have a luau themed pool party after Thanksgiving, will you please shut up about me and Brian? Can we please get back to unpacking the kitchen?”

“It’s going to take a week to unpack this shit,” Daphne said. “I’m beginning to regret agreeing to help,” she joked.

“Luau party,” Trent reminded her. “Be nice.”

Daphne grinned. “Oh, right. This is exactly how I love spending my mornings!”

Justin laughed. “Shut up. I promise to return the favor when you buy your first house.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“Hey, neither one of you came to help me when I moved into my place!” Trent said.

“You didn’t ask,” Daphne told him. “Plus, you used that Hunky Moving Men service and ended up fucking one of them. I doubt you would’ve wanted us there.”

“Wait until you see the stuff I bought for the media room,” Justin said, once again hoping to get his friends working instead of just standing around talking about sex. The sooner they were finished, the quicker he’d see Brian and get the blow job the man promised him over the phone that morning. He walked to the counter, grabbed the box of glasses and began opening it. “It’s going to feel like you’re watching a movie in a real theater.”

“Justin, we don’t have to help you set up any of that, do we?” Daphne asked. “Because you know I suck with electronics.”

“I’m no good with them either,” Trent added. “It took me forever to figure out how to hook up my new computer.”

“You should’ve just bought a laptop,” Justin said.

“I already had one of those,” Trent said.

“Well, don’t worry, I won’t make you guys hook up any of that stuff,” Justin told him, “the electronic company is going to set it all up for me. They won’t be coming until next week though.”

“Well if you do need help, don’t forget that Tristan is apprenticing as an electrician,” Daphne said.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Justin told her.

“So where do these plates go?” Trent asked, picking up two boxes of black plates that had a pale blue geometric design on them.

Justin pointed to the upper dark wood cabinets. “Coffee cups and glasses will go in the first one by the sink, plates and bowls in the cabinet beside that one.”

“What about these baking bowls?” Daphne asked.

Justin pulled out the two largest drawers under the island. “I think all the baking stuff can fit under here. Why don’t you do the glasses and I’ll do all that stuff so I remember what all I got.” He’d splurged at the kitchenware store, buying hoards of supplies, some of which he wasn’t sure what he’d use them for, but he was sure that if he did have a party there, Emmett would be happy he had bought it.

“Fine with me,” Daphne said, trading places with Justin.

“I can’t believe you bought this place,” Trent said. “When you said you were going to buy a house, I thought that was a big deal, but this place is huge. Even after we unpack all this shit you’re going to have empty cabinets.”

“Well then I’ll just have to buy more things. I’m sure I’ve missed something, plus I love to cook and I’ve always wanted a chef’s kitchen.”

“I doubt you’ve forgotten anything,” Daphne teased. “It looks like you bought out the whole store.”

“I did not!” Justin said. “There were a lot of things I wanted to buy that Brian told me I didn’t need.”

“You shopped with Brian?” Daphne asked, surprised. “I thought you said he didn’t seem to like the place.”

“I think he was just shocked. We’re going shopping for the master bedroom tomorrow and then I can officially move out of the hotel room and into my new home.”

“Whoa, hold on a second,” Trent said, slamming the cabinet door shut. “Is Brian moving in here with you?”

“No,” Justin answered. “But when he’s here, a lot of the time is going to be spent in the bedroom, so I want him to like it.”

“But it’s _your_ bedroom,” Trent said. “If you two break up you’re going to want to throw away everything that reminds you of him.”

“That’s ridiculous. Brian has great taste and I’m not planning on letting him have all the say. I told you, this place is mine and I want every room to reflect that. Whatever input he does have, there’s no way I’d appreciate it less if we broke up.”

“That isn’t the point,” Daphne said. “If you’ve got Brian shopping with you for things for your home... don’t you think it’s a little weird that you haven’t asked him to move in?”

“We haven’t been together for very long,” Justin said. “If I asked him to move in, he’d freak out. You know this is Brian Kinney we’re talking about, there’s no way he’d want to live together this fast. Even if I were ready for it, he isn’t.”

“You want him to move in with you,” Trent concluded.

Justin shrugged. “We haven’t even spent a night here together.”

“You’re evading answering the question,” Daphne pointed out. “Do you want him to move in or not?”

“I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t have some clout to why I want him to help me decorate the place, but as of right now, the only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t want to do anything to scare him away.”

“But for you, it’s not too early,” Daphne said, “you want him here.”

“Yeah,” Justin admitted, his heart aching. “I want him here.” He hated the nights he spent alone in his bed at the hotel and was fairly certain that when he had to spend his first night alone in his new home; he would hate it even more. But he couldn’t ask Brian for that type of commitment yet, no matter how much he wanted it.

***

“...so instead of the crimson ties, we’re going to wear fuchsia ascots instead. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

“Sounds good, Mikey.”

Michael burst out in laughter. “Brian, I’d just love to see my best man wearing a fuchsia ascot!”

“It’s your wedding,” Brian drawled, “do what you want.”

Michael sighed. “Brian, what is wrong?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Something is _very_ wrong if you’re not trying to stop me from making my wedding into one big ass fashion tragedy.”

“I learned a long time ago that you can dress yourself and that you refuse to learn anything about fashion from me.”

“Brian,” Michael stared across the booth at his friend.

“What the fuck to you want me to do, plan your god damn wedding? Isn’t that what you have Emmett for?”

“Jesus, you must really be fucked up about something if you have yet to comment on me suggesting wearing fuchsia ascots.”

“Well why the fuck are you asking for my opinion on them when you obviously know that it’s a horrific idea?”

“I was hoping it would get your attention because you haven’t listened to a thing I’ve said all morning.” He looked down at Brian’s sandwich that only had one small bite taken. “You’re not eating, you’re not saving me from a fashion crisis, so what are you thinking about and don’t say ‘nothing’ because I know that something is going on with you.”

Brian really didn’t want to talk about it with Michael because he knew that his best friend was currently dreaming of wedded bliss with Ben and probably wouldn’t find anything wrong with what Justin had done. It’d been a week and he hadn’t worked it out on his own though, so he figured he might as well get it over with and let Mikey lay into him for being an emotionally unavailable asshole. “Justin bought a house.”

Michael nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Brian glared. “Have you seen the house?”

“Of course. I _was_ at Ma’s yesterday when he showed everyone the pictures.” Michael grinned. “Are you pissed that he’s going to live so far away? Has the moving put a dent in your sex life?”

“No,” Brian admitted. They’d been non-fucking like rabbits every day since Justin showed him the house.

“So are you mad that he spent a fortune without consulting you?”

Brian shook his head. “It’s Justin’s money, he can do with it what he wants.”

Michael’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit, you are mad that he bought it without consulting you. Why? Were you hoping that you and Justin would buy a place together?”

“We’ve only been together a few months,” Brian said.

“So you don’t deny that you’d like to live with him,” Michael said. “Are you afraid that he doesn’t want you to or something?”

Brian rubbed his hands over his face and groaned. “Whether or not he wants me to move in with him isn’t the problem.”

“Well, fucking tell me what the problem with him buying a house is. I don’t get it.”

“The problem is that he bought a fucking mansion, not a house. The point of us dating is to see if we have a future together, right? So, shouldn’t I have been consulted before he bought a god damn house he’s going to want to live in for the rest of his fucking life?”

“Did he say he wants to live there for the rest of his life?” Michael asked. “It might just be a starter home. I know the hotel is wonderful, but Brian, you couldn’t have expected that he’d want to stay there for the next couple of months... or however long it would take you to realize that you want a future with him and actually ask him to move in with you.”

“As you said, you saw the pictures. A mansion like that isn’t a starter home and he did say it was his dream house. The house has eight bedrooms, Mikey. Eight. He’s using one for a studio and one is the master, but what the fuck is he going to do with the other six?”

“Maybe turn one into a media room and use the rest for guest rooms?”

“So, he’s going to have five guest rooms? That’s what you’re suggesting?”

“He’ll probably have an at-home gym or something, won’t he?.”

“Justin doesn’t go the gym so I doubt it, but even if he did, that still leaves four bedrooms.”

“Well if you did move in with him, then you’d have a place for Gus,” Michael suggested. “That would be nice.”

Brian nodded, not exactly comfortable with the idea but it was something he knew that Justin would do whether or not they moved in together. “Four more.”

“Four, you said...”

“I forgot about the downstairs bedroom.”

“Jesus, Brian. I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him what he’s planning?”

“He doesn’t know. Or he _says_ he doesn’t know.”

“Well, you’ve always wanted a playroom,” Michael said, grinning deviously.

“Three.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s Justin’s house, not mine. You’re the one dating him, so I think you would know better than I what he’d do with the spare rooms. So tell me, what do you think he’s going to do with them and why is it making you upset?”

“He has three spare rooms, three rooms that he’s going to want to fill up with kids.” Brian crossed his arms over his chest. “Why else would he have wanted to buy a house so freaking big?”

“Maybe he just wants options. Oh, hey, you’ll need an office.”

“There’s an office and a library and I won’t need one because I’m not living there.”

“Brian, I don’t know what you want me to say and I don’t understand what is so wrong with Justin having spare rooms that he might one day make into a bedroom for a kid. Would it really be so bad if you lived there?”

“What’s horrible is that he went and bought himself a palace that is designed for a family.” Brian felt cheated by Justin taking over the planning of their future. “We had an agreement, that we would find out where this thing with us went together and now he’s made this big commitment all on his own.”

“Brian, that probably wasn’t his intention when he bought it. Ted saw it and he did say it was a great investment, which that alone might have been why he bought it. You’re upset about something that you don’t even know Justin wants. It’s just like before. You’re getting ahead of yourself and you’re thinking ‘all or nothing’ and it’s freaking you out. Go talk to him instead of brooding about it.”

“Talk to him? That’s your advice?”

“Why does that seem like such a foreign concept? After this long together, I’m sure you’ve talked about things that aren’t about sex.”

“Of course we have.”

“And how did that go?”

Brian shrugged. “Fine.”

“Then go do it again,” Michael encouraged. “Justin probably doesn’t understand that what he did hurt you or upset you. It doesn’t make you less of a man to admit that him buying his dream house without talking to you about it makes you think that he doesn’t care about the expectations you have for your future together.”

“I don’t know what I want for our future so what’s the point of telling him that?”

“You didn’t say that you don’t want a future with him,” Michael said gently. “. I know you said you’d give it six months or whatever, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t know what you want before this time is up, does it? You may not know what you want for the two of you but you know what you want for yourself, right? Because you said a lot of bullshit, but you didn’t say, not once, that you _don’t_ want a future with him. Because you do.”

Brian slumped in the booth and nodded once. “I want Justin.”

Michael was confident that he knew what was really hurting Brian about Justin’s big purchase. “Are you scared that maybe you want to live in that dream house with him and because he didn’t talk to you about it, it might mean that he doesn’t want you to live with him?”

“Why wouldn’t he want to live with me?” Brian scoffed.

Michael grinned. “That’s the right attitude, Brian. Why wouldn’t he? Now get out of here and go talk to him.”

“Talk...” Brian muttered and slid out of the booth and dropped two twenties on the table.

“You don’t have to pay for my lunch,” Michael said. “I do have money, even if Ben’s worried about me spending it all on the wedding.”

Brian leaned down and kissed Michael briefly before tapping one of the twenties. “That’s the consultation fee.”

Michael laughed and handed Brian back one of the bills. “I don’t think best friends are supposed to charge their friends for advice.”

Brian sat back down in his seat and asked softly, “Do you remember when you said that Justin was my best friend?”

“Yeah,” Michael said in a wistful tone. “I wasn’t lying. That’s what you two became before you ever got together.”

“You and Ben were like that?”

“Yeah.”

“So... if we... if Justin and I...”

“What, Brian?” Michael asked, seeing a dozen emotions cross Brian’s face in just a few seconds.

“Never mind.” Brian shook his head and stood up. “I’ve got to pick up Justin. Later, Mikey.”

***

“Where are we going?” Justin asked. “Isn’t _Weisshouse_ furniture in the other direction?”

“I want to drive around for a while first,” Brian said.

Justin felt goosebumps rise on his arms from the serious tone in Brian’s voice. “Why?”

Brian glanced at Justin for a moment and then looked back at the road. “We need to... talk.”

“Um, maybe you should park then?” Justin suggested.

Brian nodded. He slowed the car down and swung the BMW into a McDonald’s parking lot. He parked the car and took his seatbelt off so he could look at Justin. As soon as he looked at his boyfriend, his breath caught and he felt panic rise inside of him.

“What do you want to talk about?” Justin asked, wringing his hands.

Brian hated that he was making Justin so nervous but he needed to get his thoughts out or they’d continue to drive him crazy. “You want a future with me, right?”

Justin hadn’t expected that question to come out of Brian’s mouth, but it was an easy one, so he quickly answered, “Yes.”

“I mean, that’s what this,” Brian gestured to the two of them, “us being together is about?”

“Yeah,” Justin said, “to see if we could work... I guess. I mean, we _do_ work. At least I think we do. Do you not think we work?”

Brian sighed. “Right now I’m not sure.”

Justin’s heart plummeted into his stomach and he tried to think of what had gone wrong between last night’s dinner at Debbie’s and now. Had he said something stupid at dinner that had pissed Brian off? “You’re having doubts.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then tell me what you mean. You’re really freaking me out. Tell me,” Justin pleaded. “Have I done something to make you start second-guessing us?”

“Yes,” Brian admitted. “And you’re... you’re the most confusing person I’ve ever met!”

“Me?” Justin wondered. Brian was the most confusing man he’d ever met; he didn’t know it was mutual.

“Us, being together now, it’s about us making a…” means we both have...” Brian almost said commitment but he wasn’t ready to use those words. “We both think that we could be together... later on.”

“So what did I do? Was I being too boyfriendly at dinner last night?”

“What? No!” Brian said, surprised that Justin would think such a thing. He didn’t know what ‘too boyfriendly’ actually was, but Justin hadn’t ever crossed any line he might’ve drawn. “It’s the house.”

“Oh.” Justin had thought Brian had warmed up to the house. He’d even pointed out details about things he liked when he’d shown their friends pictures.”What about it?”

“You didn’t just buy any old house, Justin. You bought a fucking palace fit for a prince. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I wasn’t aware that you thought it was wrong for me to want to buy my dream house,” Justin said softly, hurt. “I didn’t know you didn’t like it... At first I was a little worried because you weren’t very enthusiastic about it, but I thought it was because of the jet lag and surprise. You’ve been helping me think of ways to decorate it and have seemed excited about it. You should’ve said something sooner. We don’t have to go shopping together.”

“I do like the house,” Brian said. “At first, I didn’t think I would, but... that damn palace... it fits you. You belong there, there isn’t anything wrong with you wanting that place.”

Justin sighed. “But you don’t think you belong there, is that it? Or is it that you don’t belong with a guy whose dream is that house?”

“You should’ve wondered about that before you ever bought it.”

“Why?” Justin truly didn’t understand. “I mean, you don’t want to move in with me, do you? I thought you would think it was too soon for that.”

“What if I did want to live with you?” Brian asked. “I would have no say in where we lived because you are now the prince of your dream castle and whether I like it or not, that’s where you’ll be.”

“Brian, if we were to get married …” Justin saw Brian flinch but he wasn’t going to tiptoe around the subject. “And… and you really didn’t like living there, I’d sell it without a second thought. All you’d have to do is say the word.”

“And take you out of a home you love?” Brian scoffed. “No, you won’t put that on me.”

“I’m not trying to put anything on you. I might love that house, but it’s just a fucking house, Brian. If you wanted to live with me and it didn’t fit you, then it couldn’t fit me either because I wouldn’t want you to live somewhere you weren’t happy.” Justin grabbed one of Brian’s hands and drew it against his chest. “You’ve got my heart beating so fast because I’m really scared you’re breaking up with me and that’s the last thing I want. If you want to move in together, you’re all I need. I love you a lot more than I love that house and I’d be willing to look for our own house together.”

Brian hadn’t expected to feel relief the first time Justin said ‘I love you’. He’d known the words would come one day, whether Justin really meant them or not, because Justin was a romantic twat who usually had no trouble expressing things that Brian could barely manage to think about. Still, he expected that when that time came he would feel trapped, but he didn’t. Against his hand he could feel Justin’s heart rate accelerate when he said it and feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest, he knew that Justin was probably freaking out about his confession. “It isn’t that I don’t like the house itself,” Brian explained, “who wouldn’t want to live somewhere like that?”

“You don’t,” Justin whispered, tears stinging his eyes. “Brian, I’m sorry.”

“Right now I don’t... I don’t want to move in together right now. But you weren’t thinking about the fact that I might want to, one day. You weren’t thinking about what I would want when you bought it.”

“I just didn’t think it was a big deal because if you didn’t like it, then we didn’t have to live there, but I was hoping you would. That’s all. I’m not sure I understand why you’re angry if you don’t even want to move in together.”

“You want us to live there and that house stands for things that I might not ever want with you.”

“Like what, marriage?” Justin saw Brian nod and he felt like he was falling off a cliff. “Brian, a future with me, it would include marriage at some point. I’m sorry, but I thought I was clear about that. I’m not saying that I’m not willing to bend a little on fucking if I think I’m ready for that... before marriage. But I thought you understood that I would want that in my future with whomever it was I decided to lose my virginity to.”

“It isn’t just marriage,” Brian said. “I know where you stand on that and I wouldn’t be with you right now if I thought that was completely out of the question for us. It wasn’t very long ago that I thought having a boyfriend was out of the question for me. It’s the other things that house and all its extra rooms represent that I have a problem with.”

Justin wiped his tears from his eyes and shifted his body away from Brian’s to look out the window. “Just drive me back to my car,” he whispered. “You aren’t making any sense and we’re talking in circles. You are freaking out about the house even though I told you...” He tried to keep himself from crying and felt like a fool. “I told you the house doesn’t mean anything because...”

Brian reached out and placed his hand on Justin’s knee. “You said you loved me.”

Justin shuddered from Brian’s touch. “I meant it and maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but just because we only admitted that we wanted to be together a few months ago, it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t already falling for you. Please, Brian, just make me understand why you’re so upset about that damn house when I said I would give it up in a heartbeat.”

“When you bought the house, were you imagining you and me living there together?”

Justin nodded slowly. “You don’t have to tell me how stupid I was for doing that. I already feel like a dumbass now that I know how you really feel about it.”

“You don’t care how I feel.” Brian could hardly believe he had just spoken something so lesbianic sounding. “Fuck, listen… were you imagining me and you raising kids there together?” he persisted. “Did you imagine what they’d look like? Did you imagine you and I decorating their bedrooms together and playing the roles of Pa and Pa? Is that what kind of life you imagine we’ll have there?”

“Why the fuck are you asking me this shit?” Justin asked, angrily, pushing Brian’s hand off his knee. “Just take me back to my fucking car, Brian. I don’t want to hear you stomp on my silly little fantasies, all right? I get it. You don’t want a life with me in that house because you think it’s too Stepford or too breeder for you. You don’t want to consider a life there with me because it’s not just the house you don’t like, it’s the idea you have of _me_ and this idea just proves that you don’t know me at all!”

“You’re still avoiding my question! Did you imagine you and me being Pa and Pa, filling those spare rooms up with kids?”

“What does it matter what I imagined?” Justin cried.

Brian was growing more aggravated by the moment and wished Justin would just stop avoiding the question and admit what he was so sure was true. “Did you go through each fucking spare room and imagine blond little yous tucked in their little miniature beds snuggled under _Pottery Barn_ blankets sleeping soundly while you and I...”

“No!” Justin had enough and slammed his hands onto the dashboard. “In one of them. In _one_ of them I imagined a room for Gus. In one other I imagined a child we’d raise together. I did. I’m sorry if that fucks with what you want for your future because you seem to think you’re a shitty father, but I don’t think you are. I think we could be amazing together, no matter what we decided to do with our lives and just like the house, if it didn’t fit what you wanted then it wouldn’t be right for us together. But you’ve found a loophole to get out of any future with me because you’re scared that I want some big breeder-like family with you. The idea of me even having a kid is so off the radar, so far down the line, it isn’t even funny. And when I did imagine it, the kid wouldn’t look like me; they’d look like you because I’m not stupid enough to have a kid that might have allergies that will stop them from being with the person they love the way I want to be with you. I thought I was lucky to find someone like you who was willing to take the risk with me, but I was wrong.” Justin grabbed Brian’s hands and looked him in the eyes. “I get it, okay? I get it. You don’t want me and you don’t want this and you don’t want a marriage or a future with me at all and we’re not moving in the same direction, so it’s best that we part ways and stop all of this now.”

“You’d give up that easily?” Brian asked, dropping Justin’s hands.

“You formed all these ideas in your head about that stupid fucking house! Granted, I should’ve told you about it, asked your opinion on it, because yes, I want you to live there with me. But that’s not a reason to break up. Brian, you’re terrified that you might want the same things I do and you’d rather be a coward than accept we’re getting closer, that you may actually want the same things I do. You led me to believe that you liked the house, that you liked the idea of being there with me, but really all this bullshit was there boiling inside of you and instead of being a man and talking to me about it right away, you talked yourself out of us and you’re blaming it on me!” Justin jerked the car door open and stepped out. “Go do whatever it is you’d prefer to be doing. I’ll call a cab and go get my car. I’ll get my things out of the loft while you’re at work Monday and leave your key with Michael. This is what _you_ want. You don’t know me at all and I’m not sure you ever wanted to, Brian. So what’s there to give up?”

Brian jerked when the car door slammed shut but he couldn’t find it in himself to move or speak or do anything more than focus on taking deep breaths so he could continue breathing. He watched Justin’s retreating form and only turned away when he saw him enter McDonald’s. Justin was right, he was a coward and he was blaming him for some fantasy Brian had projected onto him. This wasn’t Justin’s fault. Brian was an emotionally stunted asshole and he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing dating anyone, especially someone as perfectly different from him as Justin. Since he met Justin, Brian’s life had been better. He’d grown because of him, but none of that mattered now because he’d screwed them both by letting his fears consume him. He’d fucked things up for good and instead of getting out of the car and going after his man and admitting to his fears, admitting that he was wrong, he did nothing but drive away.

“It’s better this way,” he whispered to himself, hoping that one day soon he’d believe it.

***

An hour later, Brian was driving around the outskirts of Pittsburgh with his music blaring, trying to drown out the voice inside his head that kept telling him to give in and go find Justin before it was too late. Justin was so angry with him and Brian had no idea how to fix things. He’d tried to talk to him and ended up fucking things up. If he tried again, he didn’t think things would go any different.

The feel of his cell phone vibrating in his jeans alerted him to a call and he quickly turned the stereo down before answering the foreign number. “Hello?”

“Brian?”

“Jennifer?” Brian hoped like hell that Justin hadn’t run to his mommy and cried about what he’d done to him. He didn’t think Justin would do that but it seemed convenient that he was getting a phone call from her when she’d never called him before.

“Yes. Oh shit, Brian. Were you with Justin? Will they not let you see him?”

“With Justin? I left him about an hour ago at...”

“So you weren’t with him?”

Brian began to panic. “With him, where? What happened?”

“Allegheny General called me a few minutes ago. He had an allergic reaction and went into shock.”

“What the fuck did he have a reaction to?” Brian felt as though all of his blood turned to lead and he had to pull over to the side of the road when the feeling of vertigo encompassed him.

“The nurse I spoke with said it had yet to be determined. He had just arrived and she didn’t know much about his condition, just that he’d stopped breathing once. They got him breathing again but since then he hasn’t woken up. Brian, I’m in New York at a realtor convention. I’m going to try to get the next flight out, but he needs someone there with him. If he wakes up alone….”

“He won’t.” Brian took a deep breath, forced himself to calm down and said, “I’m on my way there right now.”

“When you get there, will you tell him that I love him?”

“Yeah,” Brian muttered.

“And call me and let me know how he’s doing. I’ll call the admitting desk back and let them know you’re coming and have permission to see him. Tucker’s waiting for Craig to pick up Molly and then he’s going to pick me up from the airport and we’ll come straight there.”

Brian wasn’t sure Justin would want to see him when he woke up, but there was no fucking way he could tell Jennifer that. “Okay. Should I call Daphne or Trent, let them know what happened?”

“No and I think Justin would appreciate you not calling any of your friends. He gets so embarrassed when this happens and he would hate having worried so many people. We’ll see who he wants to call once he wakes up. Until then, take care of him and don’t forget to call me with updates, okay?”

“All right.”

“Thanks. Bye, Brian,” Jennifer spoke tearfully before hanging up.

TBC in Chapter 9 Part 2


	11. Credence: Chapter 9: Part: 2  "Throw Me A Line So I Can Anchor My Pain"

***

(Chapter 9 Continued)

“A worker found him in the bathroom in one of the stalls passed out and turning blue. I called McDonald’s to find out what he’d ordered and it wasn’t anything on his list of allergies. All he had was a strawberry shake, and a ranch chicken wrap, so we’re guessing at what it could be at this point. Many people have allergies to strawberries but from the condition of his skin, we believe that it may have been the ranch dressing used in the wrap because the reaction wasn’t the same as it would be if it was something purely ingested. Then again, we can’t really predict how Justin’s body will react to things he’s allergic to, so it might also be the lettuce, cheese or chicken. We’ll have to run some tests to be sure once he wakes up.”

Brian paced beside Justin’s bed as Dr. Benton explained what he knew of Justin’s allergy attack. Brian felt sick thinking about Justin alone in the bathroom, struggling for breath and not being able to speak, or get help and tell anyone what was wrong. Guilt clung to every fiber of Brian’s being. He hoped like hell it wasn’t the strawberries because that was one of Justin’s favorite foods and he would hate for Justin to never again get to taste something he loved so much. There were too many things Justin had to give up already.

“After the first injection of epinephrine the EMTs had to inject adrenaline to get his heart going. He woke up for approximately thirty seconds before losing consciousness again. At that point the swelling in his throat had receded and they were able to secure a clear airway and get him bussed here. After arrival, we pumped his stomach right away and started clearing out his system. His entire body had a rash and his extremities were grossly swollen. We started him on a round of antibiotics because his skin had split in several places and was secreting puss. He’s going to be in quite a bit of pain when he wakes up. It’s going to be difficult for him to move for a week or so. The rash isn’t as bad as it was with his last reaction, but the swelling is much more severe. Even so, he’s already much better than he was when he was first admitted.”

“Is he sedated?” Brian asked.

“No, but the pain medication he doesn’t have an allergy to is pretty strong so it can cause him to be sleepy. Right now we just have to wait for him to wake up.”

“So you don’t know when he’ll wake up again?” Brian asked fearfully. “Does that mean he’s in a medicated coma?”

“No, he’s just sleeping. He could wake up in thirty seconds or sleep for another thirty hours. At that point we’d be a little worried that his body isn’t recuperating but all his vital signs are normal now and he’s able to breathe on his own. It just takes the body some time to regulate after such trauma and once it does, I am confident he will wake up and be perfectly fine after his skin heals.”

Justin had the softest skin Brian had ever touched. Seeing the rash that covered his skin now, Brian wondered how it could ever look the same. Thankfully, he knew Justin’s skin looked worse when he had the reaction to mustard and he’d inspected every inch of his skin and hadn’t found any lasting marks. He hoped that would be the case this time too. Even if there wasn’t a permanent reminder, Justin would be in a lot of pain once he woke up and until he healed. It wasn’t fair that Justin had to go through this and Brian knew that it was his fault.

A man’s deep, hacky cough coming from the other side of the curtain separating the room brought Brian’s focus off the red blotches on Justin’s face. “You’ve got some sick guy rooming with him?” Brian asked the doctor, disgusted. “What if he catches something? His body is most susceptible to viruses after shock!”

“Mr. Kinney, we’re preparing Justin his own room now. He’s only temporarily placed here because...”

“I don’t give a shit about your excuses,” Brian growled in a deep tone. “You need to go find out if that damn room is ready. He’s been here for over an hour; there’s no reason that a room isn’t ready for him. If he catches a bronchial infection because you have him rooming next to...”

“I’ll go check right now,” the doctor said and added, “though this hospital does require our patients to wear masks when they’re infectious and still in the admitting rooms so I assure you, Justin will be fine.”

Brian crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the doctor until the man left the room. He turned back to look at Justin and his expression changed to one of despair as he walked back over and sat in the chair beside the bed. “I’m not one for death bed confessions and the doc says you’re going to be all right, so this isn’t going to be one of those, but you should know, when your mom called me, I was so fucking scared. I don’t want you out of my life and you were right, I was being a coward. You deserve more, you deserve better than me, better than what I’ll ever give you. But I’m a selfish bastard and I don’t want you to be with anyone but me. I just don’t want you to be unhappy and I don’t want you to settle for me just because you think it’ll be too hard to find another man who you can trust. I want you to trust that I want whatever it is you want in the future, but it’s going to take some time. So, if you don’t mind my tantrums, I won’t mind your queen outs and we can figure it all out when you wake up.”

“Mr. Kinney?”

Brian kissed Justin’s forehead before turning. “You ready to move him?” Brian asked.

“Yes,” the nurse said and walked closer. She held out her hand, “I’m Theresa and I’ll be looking after the transfer of Justin to his overnight room and I’ll also be monitoring him until my shift ends tonight.”

“You can call me Brian.” He shook the woman’s hand and appraised her small stature. “You have other people that are going to help you move him?” he asked.

“Of course, the team is upstairs waiting for us.” Theresa removed a small Ziploc bag from the roll cart beside the bed and handed it to Brian. “That’s his keys, cell phone, wallet and whatever else he had in his pockets and jacket. We had to discard all of his clothing because the doctors had to cut it off of him due to the swelling.”

“Thanks.” Brian folded the bag and stuffed it on the inside pocket of his jacket.

Theresa walked over to the roll bed Justin was lying on. She walked to each side, unlatched the breaks and then clipped a belt around his torso and legs. She began to push the cart toward the doorway. “If you want to take a break and make some phone calls, it’ll be a few minutes before he’s all set up in his room. He’ll be in room 207.”

Brian didn’t want to leave Justin, but he needed to call Jennifer and update her. “Thanks. I’ll do that.”

***

After calling Jennifer and giving her an update and finding out she was just about to board her flight, he considered going against what Jennifer had said and calling Michael. However, he knew that if he told him, soon Debbie would know and then everyone else too. There was nothing any of them could do by just sitting in the waiting room or worrying at home. He was only allowed to see Justin due to Jennifer’s absence, he wouldn’t be able to give anyone else clearance to do the same. It pained Brian to know that once she arrived he’d have no say in Justin’s care and might even be asked to leave.

He spent the time waiting for her arrival by alternating between cigarette breaks and sitting beside Justin’s bed staring at him and willing him to wake up. He was conscious of each sound the machines measuring Justin’s life made. He turned the television on to keep himself from thinking too much about a stall in a beep or from watching each drip of the I.V. because it had driven him panic crazy after the first hour. He still couldn’t give all of his attention to the news program he watched because his brain was too preoccupied with fear.

He knew that physically, Justin would be okay after a few days. Mentally, Brian wasn’t so confident. Justin more or less broke up with him and he might not even want to see him. But Brian _wanted_ to be there. He wanted to talk to Justin, to ask forgiveness for his assumptions and... Well, he figured that he would start with that and go from there. The shit between them would be the least of Justin’s worries when he woke up.

Brian occasionally talked to Justin while he waited, but mostly he just held the tips of his swollen fingers, the only parts on him that didn’t contain the rash and willed him to wake up. The door clicked open and Brian turned toward it and sighed in relief when he saw Jennifer walking in, Tucker right behind her.

“We spoke to the doctor in the hall,” Jennifer said while rushing over to Justin’s bedside. She kissed Justin’s nose. “The doctor is waiting for Justin to wake up and he’ll have a specialist come in and look at his skin and do another skin allergy test. He said the blood work was inconclusive for showing any new allergies but he wants to be sure as his skin seems to react different when he touches some allergens as opposed to ingesting them.”

“He still hasn’t woken up,” Brian told her. “But he’s made some noise and wiggled around a little bit.”

“He’s probably in pain, even knocked out from the meds.” Jennifer stood back and shook her head as she wiped away her tears. “He had to be so scared. This is the first time he’s had a reaction all alone.”

Tucker wrapped an arm around Jennifer’s waist and kissed her. “He’s safe now.”

Jennifer looked at Brian and declared, “You look like crap.”

Brian shrugged off the comment and stood up from his chair beside Justin’s bed. “I’m gonna go have a cigarette,” he said, testing to see if Jennifer would expect him to come back.

“I think I’ll join you,” Tucker told Brian and kissed Jennifer’s cheek. “Let you have some time alone mothering him.”

Jennifer nodded and took a seat in the chair Brian had vacated. “Not that there’s much I can do for him.”

***

“You don’t have to worry about Jennifer kicking you out of his room,” Tucker said, breaking the silence between him and Brian.

Brian couldn’t believe he’d managed to be so transparent. “Did she tell you that she wanted me there with him?”

“She called you first. She could’ve called Debbie or me or any of Justin’s friends, but she called you.” Tucker said. “I think you know that Jen likes you and wants you in Justin’s life, as long as you make Justin happy of course,” he added in a lighter tone of voice.

“And what if I don’t?” Brian challenged.

Tucker eyed Brian worriedly. “Did something happen with you two today? Is that why you weren’t shopping together?”

“What do you know about that?” Brian asked.

“Justin called our house phone, I picked it up and when I talked to him he sounded upset but he didn’t say why. He asked to speak to Jen but then remembered that she was out of town and hung up right after that. A half hour later Jennifer called to tell me she’d gotten a phone call from the hospital. I haven’t told her about Justin calling because I didn’t think it was a big deal but...”

“It isn’t any of your business,” Brian interrupted, tossing his cigarette as he walked away. “You’re not his father.”

Tucker grabbed the sleeve of Brian’s coat and pulled him back to face him. “Whether Justin wants to claim me or not, I’m as close to a real father as he’s going to have. I love Jennifer and those kids are a part of her. I love and care about them the same way I’m sure Justin loves and cares about your son.”

Brian shook Tucker’s arm off him and gave him a deathly glare. “I don’t care who the fuck you are. I’m not gonna...”

“Brian, I’m not asking you to tell me why Justin was upset today. I just want you to answer one question.”

Brian shrugged. “What?”

“Did Jennifer do the right thing, calling you? Or should I have come and waited with him instead?”

“That’s two questions.”

Tucker rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh. “Fine, please answer them both then.”

“I don’t know,” Brian admitted.

“To both questions?” Tucker asked and saw Brian nod in answer. “Jennifer’s pretty certain that Justin is in love with you.”

“He told me.”

Tucker grinned for a moment but then frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys who despises those three little words.”

Brian lit another cigarette and offered one to Tucker before sitting down on the concrete bench. “Are you gonna recite our conversation word for word to Justin’s mommy?”

Tucker laughed. “Brian, unless you tell me something that is going to harm my family there’s no reason for me to say anything. Jen and I have a great relationship. We’re best friends, but no spouses tell one another every single thing.”

Best friends. Brian noticed how easily Tucker had grouped that word with the word spouse, as if it was natural. When he and Justin had only been best friends, he’d loved and hated it equally. Before, Justin had been the first person he wanted to tell things to, whether it was telling him a dirty joke, telling him about his day at work or telling him about an online Burberry sale. After they became a couple none of that changed like Brian had been afraid that it would and things only seemed to get better until he allowed his bullshit to fuck it all up.

There were some things Brian couldn’t talk to Justin about, things he would never tell him because he didn’t want Justin damaged by them. But these things, the deepest secrets he could never tell, they were things that held him back. Acknowledging this made Brian extremely angry because these secrets and memories, he didn’t want them to touch him either. He’d allowed them to and he’d given them power to control his life, his emotions and his future. It was time for that to end.

“So, when Justin said them, did they scare you and you two fought? Are you one of those guys that hate hearing those three words?” Tucker asked again.

“Before _he_ said them,” Brian confessed, “I didn’t know what they meant.”

***

Justin woke up a few minutes after Brian and Tucker got back into the room. Jennifer had gestured for Brian to take a seat beside Justin’s bed and Brian had placed his hand in Justin’s, which Justin had gripped onto tightly as he woke, gasping and coughing.

“You’re in the hospital,” Brian said quietly, once Justin had gained control over his breathing. “But you’re going to be okay,” he promised.

Justin’s eyes widened and he looked around the room and met his mother’s concerned gaze. “Mom… y… you’re… here?”

Jennifer approached Justin and sat at the foot of the bed. “Of course I am. I got a flight back and…”

“I almost died, right?” Justin asked, closing his eyes while he tried to process what had happened to him. The last thing he remembered he was slapping the door of the bathroom stall, feeling burning pain throughout his body as he desperately tried to take a breath and call for help. Tunnel vision encompassed him and the worst fear he’d ever experienced followed him into a black abyss. He’d had a near death experience, which for him, wasn’t something new. But in the moments before he blacked out, this time he wasn’t only focused on the fear of death, of what came after life, but was focused on the life he would be leaving if he died, more importantly, the man he loved and would leave behind.

Brian saw the tears running down Justin’s face and wanted to gather the man in his arms but he knew that would only cause him more pain. “Yes, you almost died,” he affirmed in a grave voice. “But you didn’t, you fought it and you’re all right now.”

“I feel groggy,” Justin said, opening his eyes and focusing on Brian again.

“That’s because the pain medication made you sleep, honey,” Jennifer informed him.

“Are you in pain now?” Brian knew that Justin was, but he hoped that the meds would still be in his system enough to dull it some.

“Yes,” Justin said. Every single part of him hurt but he knew that the more pain medication he took, the longer it would take for the grogginess to go away and he needed to have a clear mind for what was to come. “I need some water.”

“Here,” Jennifer said. She walked over to where a pitcher and cup sat on the table beside Justin’s bed and poured him a drink.

“Thank you,” Justin said, accepting the cup of water and drinking it slowly. He handed it back to his mother and asked, “What has the doctor said?” He looked down at his skin and flinched at how grotesque it was. “I want to leave as soon as possible.”

“As soon as you’re feeling better,” Brian said.

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Tucker said, quickly leaving the room.

Justin slowly, painfully turned to face Brian. “Help me sit up?”

Brian looked at Justin and tried to assess where he could touch him. His hands weren’t as swollen as they’d been when he was first moved to the room, so he grabbed both and helped pull him upright while Jennifer pressed the button on the bed to shift it up.

“Fuck,” Justin groaned as he adjusted to the position.

“How much pain are you in?” Jennifer asked, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

Justin looked up at his mother and felt guilty for putting her through this. “Not too much. I just itch a lot. I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Brian moved from the chair to sit beside Justin on the bed, gently wiped away his tear tracks and kissed him soft and slow. “I’m really fucking glad you woke up.” He kissed him again and only pulled away when the door to the room opened and Dr. Benton, Nurse Theresa and Tucker walked into the room.

Theresa administered more pain medication through the I.V., even though Justin protested at first, she assured him that it was a low dose that would take a little while to affect him. Then, Dr. Benton examined him and updated Justin on his care. He was afraid that if he touched Justin’s rash while examining him that he might irritate it, so he told Justin that he would call for a specialist that would see to the rest of his recovery.

Justin was relieved that the doctor didn’t want to start poking him, but Brian wasn’t happy. He didn’t like that Justin’s care was being passed to someone else and wondered why the specialist wasn’t put in charge of his care in the first place if Dr. Benton didn’t know how to properly care for him. He remained silent though because he knew that Justin wouldn’t appreciate him telling the doctor off when he could speak for himself. It was an entirely different situation when Justin was still sleeping.

After the doctor and nurse left the room, Jennifer did everything she could to be sure that Justin would be okay when she left. Justin was very apologetic the whole time, telling her how sorry he was for ruining her trip to New York. In less than a year, he’d ruined two of his mother’s trips. As soon as he could, he’d arrange a trip for his mother and Tucker to take together and while they were gone, he vowed that he would do nor eat anything that might cause him any danger. If that meant him spending two weeks holed up in his apartment eating only bread and drinking only water, he’d do it. No matter what Jennifer told him, Justin felt guilty that his mother had to drop everything to come home to deal with his medical emergency. He finally assured her enough that he’d be fine and got her to agree to go home and come back in the morning.

“Take good care of my son,” Jennifer said as she bent down and kissed Brian’s cheek.

“I will, Mother Taylor,” Brian said in an overly sweet tone but his expression was serious, meaningful.

“Bye, Justin. I’m glad you’re okay,” Tucker said. While Jennifer had Justin’s attention, gently hugging and kissing Justin goodbye, Tucker stared at Brian with a daring look on his face. “See you, Brian.”

“Justin, make sure you call me if you need anything.”

“I will, Mom.” Justin was reluctant to let his mother leave because he knew that as soon as she did, he would be forced to confront Brian and he was scared of the consequences the conversation would likely produce.

Brian squeezed Justin’s hand in his sweaty one; he hadn’t let go of it since the moment Justin had grabbed it when he woke up. “I’ll take care of him.”

Justin smiled the best he could manage as his mother took Tucker’s offered hand and they both walked out of the room, closing the door behind them. Justin felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest as he extracted his hand from Brian’s grip and forced himself to speak, “No, you won’t.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Don’t start this ‘I’m a man, I can take care of myself’ sanctimonious bullshit.” He allowed the emotions he felt when Jennifer told him Justin was hospitalized to be what was most present in his mind and influence his next words, “You were hurt and you need someone to take care of you until you can do it yourself. Even if you didn’t need me, I’d still want to take care of you.” It surprised him that it was actually easy to tell Justin that he wanted to be there for him. Still, Brian knew that alone wouldn’t be enough to solve the problems he’d created between them that morning.

“Brian, before you say something else you’ll be embarrassed about and regret saying to me later, I need you to clear something up.” He grabbed for the cup of water from the table and took a few more drinks, hoping that his voice wouldn’t sound so weak if he lubricated his throat a little more.

“What would that be?” Brian asked.

“We did have a fight this morning in McDonald’s parking lot, correct?”

“Are you having a hard time remembering stuff?” Brian reached up and began to carefully move Justin’s hair around, his fingers gently checking for any bumps on his head. “Did you hit your head when you passed out? The doctor didn’t say…”

“I’m okay,” Justin said, his eyes fluttering shut unwillingly. He loved when Brian played with his hair, desperately wanted the intimate touching to continue but he had to stop it before he let things go so long that he would be unable to talk this out with Brian. He jerked Brian’s hands away from him. “I remember everything. But you’re acting like you don’t!”

Brian had gone through so many different emotions since their conversation that morning, but now he felt something completely new. He doubted that Justin’s feelings for him, doubted that he would be able to make up with him. He stood up from Justin’s bed and backed away, wanting to give the man space. He would have to gather his nerve and tell Justin what he needed to hear. “Justin, after what happened to you I…”

“What happened to me hasn’t changed anything, Brian. It hasn’t changed how I feel and I don’t believe it’s changed how you feel, either.”

Justin was right and he was wrong. It didn’t change how Brian felt; it only made his feelings stronger, more urgent. “Maybe we should talk about this after you’ve had some rest,” Brian suggested. He wasn’t running from it, but he also wanted to be sure that Justin would be able to take in what he had to say without the pain and lethargy getting in the way.

Justin smiled sadly. “Why? Do you think that because I’ve got some drugs pumped in me that I’m not capable of carrying on a conversation with you?”

“I didn’t say that,” Brian said. “But once you’re not in so much pain, you might not be so…”

“The physical pain I’m in doesn’t hold a candle to my emotional pain, Brian. You _hurt_ me. You can’t think that I’m just going to forget about what happened. You said things that I’m not just going to forget.”

“I know I did, but what I said….” Brian walked closer to Justin and looked into his eyes. “I don’t know how start and I’m… I’m fucking confused because this morning just didn’t go how I’d planned.”

“Yeah,” Justin grit out, “it didn’t go how I wanted either. I am, after all, sitting in a fucking hospital bed after yet another near death experience.” Brian’s eyes widened and Justin could see fear in his expression. “But I’m alive now and I remember what happened, perfectly. We broke up. We’re still broken up. I’m sorry if you’re confused.”

“I haven’t forgotten either but not five minutes ago you had your tongue down my throat. Now you’re picking a fight with me and telling me we’re not together anymore so yeah, I think I have every right to be confused.”

“First of all, you kissed me in front of my mom and Tucker. I kissed you back because it felt good to be comforted by you, it felt good to be alive. I’m sorry about that, I shouldn’t have used you for comfort but I wasn’t thinking too clearly and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me having this conversation with you while my mom and Tucker were in the room with us.”

Brian felt like a complete idiot and he was beginning to realize that no matter what he said, Justin was too angry with him to believe any apology he might make.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Justin asked, his voice shaking. The pain he’d been doing his best to keep at bay reappeared like a tsunami, overtaking his body in one big rush and he wished he’d told Teresa to give him a full dose so that he didn’t have to feel anything at all. “Bri…” It hurt to move but he knew he had to sit up more or he’d choke on his own vomit. Pain medication always made him queasy. He used all the energy he had to grab the bars on the side of the bed, propelled himself to sit up and as soon as he did, he threw up all over himself.

“Oh fuck!” Brian rushed over to Justin, grabbed the bed pan from under the bed and placed it on Justin’s lap, though there really was no point because Justin barely noticed it was there and managed to hit the pan only once.

“Oh god,” Justin gasped for breath and reached for Brian’s hand, unable to stop the need to do so. He coughed and threw up more and more, feeling panicked as the constant heaves caused him to be unable to draw a good breath. “Brrrriiiian...help me...” he sobbed.

“Shh... don’t cry,” Brian soothed, silently praying for the vomiting to stop so Justin would no longer be in pain. “I’m here. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Justin sucked in deep breaths as his stomach gradually began to settle. “I don’t wanna do this. I hate doing this.”

“You’re all right now.” Brian felt guilty and helpless. “It’s okay, just take slow deep breaths.”

“I hate this,” Justin moaned and flopped back against the bed once his dry heaves stopped.

“I know,” Brian commiserated. “But they had to pump your stomach and apparently, puking up bile is a common side-effect. I’m going to call for a nurse,” he said, pressing the button and calling for someone to come into the room. He took the bed pan away, grabbed some paper towels and began to clean Justin’s smock off. “We’ll have someone help you take this off.”

Justin blinked up at Brian and whispered, “No. I don’t want...” he cleared his irritated throat. “I don’t want anyone to see me naked. Just you. You’re the only one who… who has.”

Brian refrained from reminding Justin that because all he was now wearing was the hospital gown, that this meant an orderly or nurse had likely already seen him naked. “I’m sure there’s a fresh smock somewhere,” Brian told him and began hunting around the drawers under the bed and finally found one. “Can you sit up again?” Brian was afraid to touch Justin too much because of the swelling and rash.

Justin gripped Brian’s hands and slowly sat up, wincing from the movement and breathless from the pain he felt. “Th… thanks,” he wheezed.

“Anytime, Sunshine,” Brian spoke softly, untying the gown. He slowly slid it off Justin’s body, being extra careful not to drag the material across his skin any more than necessary. He pushed the soiled bedding aside and then helped Justin get into the fresh hospital gown.

Theresa and an orderly came in moments later and took Justin’s vitals while changing the bedding. The nurse assured Justin that the skin specialist would be coming to see him soon, gave him a glass of cool water and then left room.

Everything Brian had imagined saying to Justin that he hoped would smooth things over between them evaporated from his mind as he looked at Justin lying in the bed. He was there because of him. Justin had gone into McDonald’s, a place he never ate at, took a big risk, likely because he wasn’t thinking clearly due to their fight and now… now he was in pain that was so severe it was causing his whole body to tremble. Worse, he’d told Brian that the emotional pain he felt trumped the physical! Brian hated himself for that and he realized that if he made Justin feel shittier on the inside than what Brian could see before him, it was obvious to him that he was no good for Justin and no matter what he hoped for, Justin needed to be with someone else, someone who wouldn’t hurt him the way he had. It didn’t matter how he felt or what he wanted, not anymore.

“I could feel it,” Justin said, “coming on. I didn’t want my mom to know that I was in so much pain. She worries so much and…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Brian said.

Justin wiped away the tears streaming down his face; his heart felt like it was being pulled from his chest as he stared up at Brian, once again wanting to take comfort from him but he denied himself of it because it was obvious that it was something he would have to get used to. “I can’t forget about what happened. What you said today… you can’t say that you didn’t mean it, can you?”

Brian gulped and resolved himself to what was about to happen. This was what needed to happen so that Justin would move on and find the person who deserved him. Justin’s health was something so fragile but his heart was more so and Brian had crushed it beyond repair, at least, from him. “No, no I can’t.” He was lying to Justin. He never thought that he would lie to the man, but he told himself that it was better this way. It was better to let Justin go.

“Then you should go,” Justin said. This time there were no tears that fell as he closed his eyes. “Please, just go.”

“Justin…” The words, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said’ wanted to claw their way out of Brian’s mouth but he wouldn’t let them. He couldn’t deceive Justin into thinking that he’d ever be enough for him. “If you need anything….”

“I won’t,” Justin said, barely holding back a sob.

There it was, the truth, Justin did not need _him_. “Later.”

“Later.” Justin heard Brian cross the room, listened as the door opened, clicked shut and then he cried. He was too needy, too big of risk and he couldn’t do again to Brian what he’d done to him today. He’d believed that Brian might love him, but now that Brian had a taste of what a life with Justin might be like for the future, the pain and worry Justin had seen in his eyes when he woke up, was something he couldn’t allow the man he loved to ever feel again.

***

Justin spent three days in the hospital and was cleared of any new allergies. It was a relief but also disappointing because it confirmed that he’d done something completely idiotic and ate something that he shouldn’t have, simply because he hadn’t researched the ingredients beforehand. McDonald’s used a different kind of ranch dressing in their wraps than what was in the sauce dips. The dip contained both celery and mustard seed; he’d spilled an entire container on his hand after opening it and had ingested his entire wrap before the reaction came on. He had gone to the bathroom to use the restroom and that was when he began to feel it.

It had been two weeks since that morning and Justin had a hard time even passing a McDonald’s without breaking into a sweat and reliving those minutes of terror he experienced before blacking out. Physically, he’d healed faster than after his previous hospital stay, thanks to the skin specialist who gave him safe creams and vitamins that helped his skin renew itself at a faster pace.

Emotionally he was a total mess, depressed like he’d never been before but trying his best not to appear that way to his family or friends and especially not to Lindsay. He felt bad enough that he had to take time off work so shortly after starting and wanted to appear as the happy employee she’d hired, no matter how shitty he really felt. From the look on her face as she sat beside him at lunch, he could tell no matter how ‘okay’ he tried to appear, his time was up and she was going to talk to him about Brian whether he wanted to or not.

“Gus misses you,” she said, sitting across from him at the table in the small kitchen where all the employees ate their lunch.

Justin was surprised that she started with that. He’d expected her to insist on knowing exactly what happened between them, as every other friend had asked for details. He didn’t tell anyone, saying it was none of their business and as far as he knew, Brian hadn’t told anyone else the details of their break up either. He felt like an asshole as he thought of the little boy he’d grown so close to probably wondering why he was suddenly not around. “I’m sorry… I promise I’ll come to see him soon. I just wasn’t sure if…”

“We’re friends,” Lindsay interrupted. “No matter what happens with you and Brian. And everyone else feels the same way. Especially Gus.”

Justin blushed in shame. “I’m sorry. I’ll come to see him, if you really think that would be okay.”

Lindsay smiled. “Of course it’s all right. He’s been asking to see your house, Emmett happened to mention that you had a pool and that’s all he’s been talking about.”

“I really hope I haven’t hurt him by not being around,” Justin said. “I told myself that if Brian and I were to break up that I wouldn’t let that get in the way of mine and Gus’ relationship and now I’ve gone against what I promised myself. It’s just that I’ve been…”

“Justin, you only came back to work a few days ago. You’ve had a really rough time lately and I told Gus that you were sick and that because you were moving too, you were very busy. He isn’t hurt and I know you would never intentionally do such a thing. I just wanted you to know that he misses you and wants to see you soon.”

Justin sighed with relief. “How about Saturday? You and Mel can come out to the house and…” He stopped talking when he saw Lindsay’s smile turn into a frown. “Oh shit, I forgot, Brian will have him Saturday.”

“He will,” Lindsay said and put her hand on Justin’s. “But he won’t have him all day. How about we come over in the afternoon?”

“That sounds good,” Justin agreed. “But, just so you know, I still haven’t furnished everything. I was going to have Emmett help me plan a party but now I’m not too sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Lindsay asked.

“I know you say that everyone still wants to be my friend, but don’t you think that’s going to be awkward?”

“Justin you were our friend before you and Brian dated and you’re still our friend. As far as your relationship with Brian is concerned, I’m not going to pry, but I just want to remind you that I do know him, perhaps not as well as you grew to know him, but if you need to talk about anything I’m here to listen. Objectively.”

“Thanks,” Justin said. “Daphne, Trent, my mom, they say the same thing but they don’t love Brian like I…” He took a bite of his sandwich to stop the words he was about to speak from coming out of his mouth.

Lindsay laughed. “Like you love him? You know it’s okay to still love him, even if you are broken up for now.”

Justin swallowed his bite and pointed out, “It’s not just for now. We’re not compatible, Lindsay. We want different futures and even though I thought we could compromise on some things… there are some things we can’t and that isn’t going to change.”

“Fine,” Lindsay said. “But please continue what you were going to say.”

“Oh, just that… Mom, Daphne and Trent like Brian, but even though I haven’t given them details about why we broke up, they blame him. So I can’t talk to them about it, because they just don’t understand that it wasn’t only him. It was me, too. But to them, I can do no wrong. I don’t think I really want to talk about it. I’m not ready. But if I do, I couldn’t talk to them. And I know you love Brian, but you’re not immune to his faults either; still, I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

“You wouldn’t,” Lindsay said reassuringly.

“And you don’t think Brian will feel awkward having me hanging around with all you guys?”

“If he did, that’d be his problem,” Lindsay said. “But you know Brian isn’t a petty man. In fact, I think that if you two really don’t end up together then you’ll have no choice but to become friends once again.”

Justin couldn’t imagine that happening but he wasn’t going to say that to Lindsay. “No, Brian isn’t petty, but it might hurt him, me being around all the time. And I don’t want to do that.”

“It would hurt him if you didn’t.”

“I just don’t think I’m ready to hang out with the gang just yet,” Justin admitted.

Lindsay nodded. “We understand, believe me. So whenever you are ready you know we’ll be here.” She stood and kissed his cheek. “I’ll talk to Mel about Saturday and let you know tomorrow, okay?”

Justin felt better as he imagined seeing Gus again. “That sounds great.” He loved Gus just for who he was, but it would be nice to be around the little version of the man he loved when he couldn’t yet be around Brian. He was sure that Brian and everyone else probably thought the reason was because he was angry with Brian because of their break up, but it had nothing to do with that. Justin wasn’t sure he could be around Brian because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from begging Brian to come back to him and he knew that wouldn’t do either of them any good.

***

Ted bumped his bottle of water against Brian’s shot of Beam. “You know, I haven’t failed to notice that even though you’re a free man, you’re not…”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brian interrupted and downed his shot.

“Brian, it’s been two weeks since you and Justin broke up,” Michael said. “Maybe you should…”

“Give him time,” Ben said, putting his hand over Michael’s mouth.

“Two weeks isn’t long enough to mourn no longer having Sunshine in his life,” Emmett said.

“Technically, it’s been two weeks and three days,” Ted added.

Blake took a cue from Ben and put his hand over Ted’s mouth. “Shh… you’ve already been fired once tonight and I’m really counting on that bonus you’re promised so we can finally take a vacation.”

“Would you all shut the fuck up about Justin?” Brian growled. “We’re fucking not together anymore and it was a mutually agreed upon decision. Neither one of us are crying in our beers about it. In fact, he’s doing just fine as I’m sure you all know since he had dinner at Deb’s tonight with you. I’m fucking fabulous, as I’m sure the trick who had my dick down his throat while you were all too busy shoving Deb’s lasagna down your throats can tell you, so you need to get the fuck over it and stop talking about it!” He then turned to get his shot glass filled up. “Another,” he told the bar tender.

“Haven’t seen Justin around,” the bartender said.

Brian said nothing to the man but mentally wrote the name ‘Steven’ on his mental check list of employees up for a reevaluation this quarter. After taking his shot, he ordered another beer and turned back around to face his annoying friends but was surprised to see all but Ted were headed to the dance floor.

“You may be fooling all these tricks and even the guys,” Ted said. He leaned closer and spoke near Brian’s ear so only he could hear him, “But you’re not fucking any of them. Humping them fully clothed on the dance floor is not fucking and I know for a fact that you’re still faithful to Justin.”

“Fucking stalking me, Theodore?” Brian growled.

“No, but you’ve forgotten that I wasn’t at Deb’s tonight. I was here, supervising the install of the new lights and I’ve been here since. You walked in only a few minutes before the guys so…”

“I didn’t necessarily say it was this fucking backroom,” Brian bitched.

Ted rolled his eyes. “Brian, stop. Just fucking admit that you’re still faithful to Justin and admit to yourself why that is.”

“What the fuck business is it of yours? Is your sex life so boring that you have to be obsessed with mine?”

“No,” Ted said, nonplussed. “My sex life, my _raw_ sex life is so fucking fabulous that I just can’t help but hope that my friend gets to experience a fraction of the pleasure I experience when I make love to Blake. Whatever happened with you two, you need to fix it. I don’t think anyone else wants to tell you because they think you already feel guilty about whatever occurred with you and Justin, but Blake told me that Justin isn’t fine. He said he’s putting on an act and at dinner everyone was blind to it but him. He even caught Justin looking at the door a few times as if he was hoping you’d walk in.”

“It’s over,” Brian said adamantly. He walked into the throngs of dancing bodies, picked a man he’d been eying the entire time Ted had been talking in his ear and dragged him by his belt loops into the back room.

TBC in Chapter 10


	12. Credence: Chapter 10: "Definitely Sure That I'm Not Sure"

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 **Credence**  
Chapter 10: “Definitely Sure That I’m Not Sure” </b>

 _I am just another fool and I have to keep telling myself that_  
I am just a hypocrite and I have to keep calling you one  
And I forgot to bite my tongue as my assumption is the mother of all mistakes  
So I assume the role, open my mouth and clumsy words escape  
So why you wanna be there when you could be here, you are slipping away ~Selected Lyrics from _Violins_ by Lagwagon

**November**

“Justin, wait!” Jennifer rushed down the stairs.

Justin held up his pack of cigarettes. “I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” he told her. “I’m just going out for a smoke.”

“Then I’ll go out with you,” Jennifer said, grabbing her coat from the closet.

Justin groaned, “I guess I was wrong when I thought I’d gotten through an entire Thanksgiving dinner without hearing a lecture.”

Jennifer smiled and followed Justin outside. “I don’t think that Tucker’s parents want to hear what I have to say to you.”

Justin lit his cigarette. “That bad?” he asked, cringing.

“No,” Jennifer said, taking a seat on the stoop beside Justin. “I just want to know why you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” Justin said. When he saw his mother’s stern face he sighed and admitted, “All right, I have… but not really.”

Jennifer laughed. “Sweetie, what does that even mean?”

“It’s not like I’ve singled you out, that’s all.”

“So, I should feel better knowing that it isn’t just me you’ve been avoiding but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you’ve been avoiding your friends too?”

“I’ve seen my friends,” Justin said. “I just haven’t felt like going out dancing.”

“At Babylon,” Jennifer said.

“Not everything is about Brian.”

“Of course not,” Jennifer said softly. “But it probably feels like that for you right now.”

Justin tossed his half-smoked cigarette and turned toward his mother. “At first, all anyone wanted to talk about with me was Brian. Once I told them I wasn’t ready to talk, they all just stopped mentioning him all together.”

“They probably feel awkward,” Jennifer said.

“I have talked to Lindsay about it, but she doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know that Brian and I can’t really…” he paused and chose a cleaner version than what he had been about to speak, “make love.”

“You do know why you’ve been avoiding me, don’t you?” Jennifer asked, wrapping an arm around Justin’s waist.

Justin shook his head and felt tears forming in his eyes. “No.”

“Because even though I am angry at Brian for hurting you, you know that I will tell you the truth because I know the whole truth.”

“And what is the truth?” Justin asked.

“You have never given up on any of your dreams, Justin. If you really want things to work with Brian, and I believe you do, then you’re going to have to stop thinking that Brian is sacrificing who he is to be with you and believe that who he really is, is the person he’s brave enough to be, because of you.”

Justin looked at his mother with a confused expression. “I don’t think that. I even told Brian…”

“You may have told him one thing,” Jennifer said, “but if you really believed it, you wouldn’t have broken up with him at the hospital.”

“I didn’t break up with him at the hospital,” Justin told her. “Remember, I told you, we’d already broken up before and the only reason he was there acting like a boyfriend was because he was scared. I’m sorry for fooling you while you were there but I didn’t want to embarrass Brian. Besides, me being hospitalized didn’t change him, it didn’t change how he felt… or should I say, how he doesn’t feel.”

Jennifer turned and took Justin by the shoulders and stared into his eyes. “Justin, I’m going to tell you something and I’m going to say this with all the love I have for you…”

“This sounds like a lecture,” Justin whined.

“You are the fool, Justin and I think you may have embarrassed Brian more by allowing him to think all was forgiven for those few minutes me and Tucker were in the room than if you’d pushed him away. It was an emotional day and I know that you went through hell and you probably weren’t thinking clearly, but you have to look at it from Brian’s point of view.”

Justin pushed Jennifer’s arms off his shoulders and stepped down the stairs, infuriated. “I can’t believe you’re on his side!”

“I’m not,” Jennifer said, standing up. “I’m on your side and I want you to be happy.”

“You called me a fool,” he pointed out.

Jennifer nodded. “You’re a fool in love,” she said. “That can do a lot of damage to one’s common sense. I’m speaking from experience here.”

“Because of dad,” Justin said.

“This conversation isn’t about me and your dad. This is about you and Brian. I just want you to think about how Brian must have felt, how relieved and happy he must have been the moment you opened your eyes, how ecstatic he probably was when you kissed him back. From what you’ve told me and what I’ve observed, Brian had probably been working out a plan on how to get you back the entire time you were sleeping.”

“Oh, fuck,” Justin said, walking back over and sitting beside Jennifer. “That day when we fought in the car, he said something like… ‘this conversation isn’t how I planned’… and I just thought he was saying that sarcastically but he probably really had planned what he was going to say and something had gone wrong and then… then at the hospital, if he planned to say something to me then too, I ruined it. I didn’t even give him a chance, mom.”

“You can’t force him to stick up for himself in the ways that matter,” Jennifer said. “That isn’t your fault.”

“What do I do?” Justin asked, turning toward his mother, tears streaming down his face.

“I can’t tell you what to do but I know where you need to start,” she said softly, rubbing his back. “You need to make Brian realize that you aren’t settling for him because he’s the first guy that you trust to be monogamous, to wait for you. You need to accept that there could be other men, that it doesn’t have to be Brian, but that you’ve chosen him for reasons that don’t only revolve around what you can or cannot give to him in your sex life.”

“I do know that,” Justin said. “But you’re right. I didn’t let Brian know that and now everything is so fucked up.”

“But you can fix it,” Jennifer encouraged.

“He won’t want to talk to me. He isn’t ever around any of the guys when I am and I don’t think he wants to talk to me. Trent told me he hasn’t seen him at Babylon all week and you know what that means?”

Jennifer shrugged. “That he’s not felt like dancing?”

“No,” Justin whispered. “He’s probably decided to find tricks elsewhere.”

“At a bathhouse,” Jennifer said, shocking Justin.

“Oh god!” Justin covered his face.

“Honey, it’s not like I don’t know about these places, but what makes you so sure that Brian maybe hasn’t been doing the same thing you have?”

“I doubt that Brian has been wallowing in self pity and putting his emotions on canvas.”

Jennifer laughed and wiped the tear tracks from Justin’s face. “He’s probably been putting his emotions into his work, but he is human, so the wallowing in self-pity part just may be accurate. You need to talk to him.”

“But what if I’m right?” Justin asked. “What if he has been with other guys?”

“If he has, is that something you could forgive?”

“I don’t know. On one hand, I don’t think I’d have any right to be upset about it, but on the other hand… if he has been with other guys then it doesn’t it mean that he’s thrown away everything we had?”

“I don’t know the answer to that,” Jennifer said regretfully. “But maybe it just means that you’ll have to start over.”

***

Michael opened the front door and found Brian standing on his front porch. “Brian.”

Brian brushed past Michael, shoving a six pack of beer into his hands. “Where’s the nutty Professor? I picked him up a little something too,” he said waving a bottle of wine.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Michael said needlessly as Brian was already making his way there.

“Professor,” Brian greeted, “I hope tonight’s wine selection is to your liking.”

Ben glanced over at Michael and then to the bottle of wine in Brian’s hand. “Sauvignon Blanc,” he said, taking it from him. “That’s my favorite.”

“As you said at last night,” Brian told him. “So, what’s for dinner?”

Ben looked down at the food he’d just prepared and then over to the two place settings at the table. “After last night’s Thanksgiving feast, we decided to eat light tonight, just a salad and…”

“Looks good,” Brian said, leaning down and plucking a piece of spinach from the bowl and putting it into his mouth. “Tastes good too.”

Michael gave his fiancé a desperate look. “Uh… Brian, it’s Friday so shouldn’t you be at Woody’s or…”

“Tricks can wait,” Brian said, draping one arm over Michael’s shoulder and the other over Ben’s. “At least until I’m done enjoying this wonderful meal with my friends.”

Michael extracted himself from Brian’s hold and plopped the beer on the counter. “You’re spoiling us with your company,” Michael said.

Brian smiled smugly. “Of course I am.”

“You do know that there’s tofu in the salad,” Michael said.

“So that’s what that stuff is,” Brian joked. “I _was_ listening when Ben said he was trying tofu in a new dish for dinner tonight. That’s why I picked out the wine he said went best with it.”

“So you actually plan on eating it?” Michael asked.

Brian shrugged. “Why not?”

“Uh… well, Ben and I were actually going to…”

“Oh, gotta piss,” Brian said, cutting Michael off and darting from the kitchen.

Once Michael heard the door to the bathroom upstairs close he turned to Ben and gave him an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry, I know you planned this romantic evening but it looks like that’s going to have to wait.”

“Just like the night before last,” Ben said, amused. “And the night before that.”

“He’s behaving so strangely,” Michael whispered.

“I’m disappointed that we’re not having the night we planned, but it was nice to taken out on Wednesday to Morton’s, we’d never be able to blow money on a place like that, but it sure did taste good.”

“It was good,” Michael agreed, “but it was weird. Never in all the years that I’ve known him has he ever invited our whole group out to dinner together.”

“You’re forgetting Justin’s graduation,” Ben said.

“Right,” Michael whispered. “Something is wrong. Seriously, seriously wrong. First, he invites Ted, Blake and us to the loft on Tuesday for pizza, and then Wednesday he invites the whole family to Morton’s. Yesterday he was one of the first to arrive at Ma’s and he stayed until all the dishes were washed and put away. That was two family dinners in two consecutive nights and now he’s going to eat tofu?”

Ben laughed. “I’m not sure why this sounds so strange to you.”

“You _know_ Brian,” Michael said. “He listened to you talk about tofu and wine. He’s being attentive and buying you expensive wine and now that I think about it, it isn’t just you he was being attentive to. Brian was on his best behavior last night and he had in depth conversations with every single one of us without even cracking a single joke. Plus, it’s not just this week and it’s not just us. Melanie mentioned that on Monday he took Lindsay, Gus and her to dinner at Mel’s favorite vegetarian restaurant!”

“Maybe he’s just choosing to live a healthier life,” Ben said. “Inside and out.”

“Going out for a smoke,” Brian yelled out as he stomped down the stairs.

At the sound of the front door closing behind Brian, Ben had to laugh and said encouragingly, “One step at a time.”

“I know what’s wrong with him,” Michael said softly, giving in to Brian staying, he opened a beer.

“Babe, I’m really not sure why Brian spending time with his friends is something to worry about,” Ben said, beginning to put together an extra place setting.

“I guess it isn’t something to worry about,” Michael conceded. “But it doesn’t mean that he’s turned over a new leaf.”

Ben popped the cork on the bottle of wine and asked. “So, Professor of Brian Kinney, what does it mean?”

“It means… he misses Justin.”

“Well of course he does,” Ben said. “He loves him.”

“I know… but I didn’t think this would be his reaction to them breaking up.”

“As annoying as this reaction may be,” Ben admitted, “it’s better than the alternative. So you know what this means?”

“That he’s gone off the deep end?” Michael asked.

Ben smiled. “It means he’s growing up.”

Brian came back inside a few minutes later and sat down. “So,” he said, “wanna go to a movie tomorrow night? The new Clooney film looks fucking great.”

Michael almost choked on his beer. “You want to go to a movie on a Saturday night?” He’d never seen Brian in love and therefore, he’d never seen him post-breakup crazy and wondered why just once Brian Kinney couldn’t react to things like a normal human being?

Brian sipped his wine and nodded. “It’s not like I have anything better planned, in fact, I should call Ted and Em, see if they want to come too.”

Michael was positive they had somehow entered an alternate universe of some kind. “Actually, Brian, tomorrow…”

“Sounds great,” Ben cut off Michael and smiled at his fiancé. “I’ve been wanting to see the new Clooney film and so has Michael.”

Later, after Brian left, Michael asked, “Why did you tell Brian we’d go?”

“Because, we’re his friends and he needs us right now. Not that we ever will, but I’d hope that if we ever broke up he’d be a good friend to you too.”

Michael nodded. “He would be,” he said confidently. “But the problem is, none of us are who he really wants. He wants his best friend.”

“Then we’ll all just have to step into that role until they’re back together.”

“You think they’re going to get back together?” Michael asked, shocked. “You heard what Justin said a few weeks ago, he and Brian are over.”

“Yet he’s still drawing RAGE,” Ben pointed out, “and RAGE is still JT’s hero.”

“Sure, but that’s different. The story in this issue was figured out before they broke up.”

“Or maybe, art is still imitating life,” Ben suggested.

“Maybe, but whether or not they get back together, I’ve got to figure out a way to get Brian acting like Brian again.”

“And how are you going to do that without Justin around?”

“I don’t know… I’m going to call an emergency meeting with the guys and Mel and Lindsay and see if they know how we can fix Brian.”

“Maybe it doesn’t need fixed,” Ben said.

Michael sighed. “He can’t just go on like he has been.”

Ben didn’t understand why Michael didn’t see what was so plainly obvious to him. “Michael, he loves Justin. Love makes you act crazy, or don’t you remember getting up on that stage singing to me to get me back?”

“I do,” Michael said, kissing Ben slowly. “Even if he is **Justin** fiably insane, he needs my help to snap him out of it.”

***

“Teddy, you made it!” Emmett yelled, from the chair he’d pulled up at a booth.

Ted glanced at Blake and asked quietly, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather pretend we don’t see them and go home?”

Blake playfully pushed Ted toward the booth where their friends were. “Michael said it was an emergency and everyone needs your help.”

“Saturdays are supposed to be my day off,” Ted mumbled. Blake had gotten a call from Michael asking them to meet at the diner for brunch while he was showering off the hot fudge Blake’s tongue had missed last night. “I don’t want to be balancing anyone’s stocks when instead I could be in bed with you.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Michael said, scooting closer to Ben so his friend could sit down.

“Good morning to you too, Michael.” Ted gave Michael a kiss and then looked over at Lindsay and Melanie who both had funny looks on their faces. “So what is the emergency?” he asked, sitting beside Melanie while Blake sat beside Michael. “Did you all invest in a stock that went belly up and now you need my advice on…”

“This isn’t about stock,” Michael said.

“Unless you count how little he’s been making use of his condom stock,” Emmett said.

Ted sighed and concluded, “This is about Brian.”

“Of course,” Melanie grumbled.

“Em, tell him what we’ve talked about,” Michael prompted.

“Brian has gone insane and each one of us has had proof of this right in our faces but we failed to address it. But now it must be addressed.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m grateful,” he said, “but he actually let me use the loft last night so me and Drew could celebrate our three month anniversary. That was after he took us both out to lunch to celebrate it.”

“Brian, celebrated your three month anniversary?” Ted asked. He wasn’t sure what he was more shocked with, Brian celebrating the date or Emmett and Drew being back together for so long. They seemed to be constantly on-again, off-again.

“He did,” Emmett confirmed.

“He had lunch with me and Gus at the café near the park three times this month,” Melanie said, exasperated.

“And he’s come over to tuck Gus into bed just about every night since they broke up,” Lindsay added.

“And there’s the dinners,” Michael said and looked at Ted. “I know he’s taken you and Blake out quite a few times and he’s had dinner with me and Ben every night except Monday, when he took Mel and Lindsay out. Now he wants us all to go to a movie together, did he call you about that?”

“Yes, he did,” Ted said. “But we’ve got tickets to the opera tonight.” Ted realized that Brian’s overly polite parting on the phone last night, after being turned down was startling odd. “He said he would ask you.”

“He did,” Emmett said. “But Michael called me before he could so by the time he got to the loft, Drew and I were ready with an excuse. After talking, Michael and I decided that we shouldn’t encourage this odd behavior from him.”

“We’re still going to the movies with tonight,” Michael said. “But afterward, I’m going to do what I can to get him to talk.”

“He misses his boyfriend,” Ben said gently. “He’s growing up and instead of burying himself in work, going out on all night booze binges and fucking any ass he sees; he’s choosing to spend time with his friends. I think that’s something to be encouraged.”

“Sure,” Melanie conceded, “if we weren’t talking about Brian Kinney. Fucker came over for breakfast this morning and cooked for us!”

“Brian cooked for you?” Ted asked in disbelief. “I didn’t even know he knew how to cook.”

“Of course he can cook, he always grills at Debbie’s,” Lindsay said.

“Fucker cooked the best omelet I’ve ever had,” Melanie told them, shuddering. “I enjoyed his company. I _actually_ found myself liking him today! That just isn’t right.”

Everyone laughed and Ben admitted, “I suppose that is a bad sign.”

“He actually said he didn’t have any better plans tonight,” Michael said slowly. “He’s seriously fucked up if he doesn’t have a single thing he’d rather do than sit in a movie theater with Ben and I watching George Clooney. He doesn’t even think George Clooney is hot!”

Emmett gasped, “Then he really is nuts.”

“This is very out of character for him,” Ted admitted, which was the understatement of the century. “But what can we do to help?”

“Em and I talked a lot about this last night,” Michael said.

“A few weeks ago, when we were all at Babylon and teasing him about him not tricking, we left him at the bar with you and then…” Emmett paused dramatically. “I was in the backroom and who do I see, but Brian with a trick at his feet. But before the trick could even take Brian’s cock out to blow him, Brian pushed him away and left out the back door. He hasn’t been seen in the backroom or at the baths since. So we thought you might know why that was. You said something that bothered him didn’t you?”

There was no way that Ted was going to tell them what had been said, it wasn’t anything he thought would make Brian turn to celibacy anyway. “We were talking about work,” he lied. “You saw how upset he was, I wasn’t going to make it worse by saying anything about Justin. Maybe he’s just realized what we all know to be true, that he isn’t going to find what he really wants in the backrooms or in the baths.”

Michael felt like an idiot as he processed what Ted had just said. There really was nothing wrong with Brian. Maybe, at least a little bit, he was acting like a normal person. Sure, he’d gone to extremes to curb his libido by spending his waking hours constantly occupied with activities that did not involve sex, but he and Ben were the only ones privy to why exactly that was and he couldn’t tell his friends the reason.

“If he’s saving himself for Justin, why doesn’t he just grow some balls and go after him?” Melanie asked.

“Because that wouldn’t be Brian,” Michael said in despair. “Besides, I don’t think he’s even consciously saving himself for Justin.”

“Probably not,” Emmett said in a sad tone. “I’ve heard of things like this happening before.” He leaned closer and whispered, “Brian is so in love with Justin that he can’t get a hard on for anyone else.”

The whole table erupted in laughter with the exception of Michael and Ben.

“If that is true, is it really something we should be laughing at?” Ben asked. “I think we’re all concerned about the wrong thing here. We should be talking about a way to get them back together.”

“How can we even attempt to do that when none of us knows what went wrong in the first place?” Ted asked.

Michael did know but he didn’t know a thing about the details. He knew it had to do with the house Justin bought but he didn’t feel right telling anyone else. He’d have to try to talk to Brian alone and see if he could get Brian to tell him the details. For weeks he’d tried to get Brian to tell him, but nothing he said worked. He’d have to figure out a way to get him to open up.

“As far as I know, they haven’t seen one another at all,” Lindsay said.

“So we have to get them together,” Emmett told them. “And I know the perfect way to do it.”

“Which is?”

“Justin’s party, of course,” Emmett said.

“You think he’s going to invite Brian?” Blake asked. He’d remained quiet for most of the conversation because he didn’t know Brian like the rest of them did, but he just couldn’t imagine Justin inviting his recently ex-boyfriend to his party.

“We’re supposed to get together tomorrow and finalize the plans and I’ll see what I can do about having him add Brian’s name to an invitation,” Emmett said.

“What about tonight?” Blake asked. “Are you and Ben really going to the movies with him?”

“I think maybe I’ll convince Brian to have a movie night at the loft, just him and me. Maybe if he gets high enough he’ll lose the ability to talk.”

“We weren’t even invited to the movie,” Melanie grumbled.

“Because Brian knows we have tickets to a play tonight,” Lindsay reminded her. “Justin’s agreed to have Gus spend the night again.”

“It’s nice he’s still hanging with Gus even if he and Brian aren’t together,” Ben said.

“It is,” Lindsay said, “but I know Gus wants to see them together again as much as we do.”

“So tonight,” Michael said, “I’ll go over to Brian’s and do whatever is necessary to get him out of his funk and at the very least be open to the idea of going to Justin’s party.”

“Good luck with that,” Ted said.

“Are you underestimating my superpowers?” Michael asked.

Ben tilted Michael’s face toward him and kissed him. “I have faith in you and all of your abilities, Zephyr.”

The bell above the diner’s door jingled and Brian walked in carrying a wiggling Gus in his arms.

“Mommy!” Gus exclaimed and Brian put him down. “Mama!” He ran toward the booth where his mothers and uncles sat. “Hi!

“Hi, sweetheart,” Lindsay greeted, kissing Gus. She looked up at Brian and asked “What are you two doing here?”

The friends at the table all looked at one another, grateful that Brian hadn’t walked in a few minutes before and caught them talking about his relationship.

“The boy wanted lunch,” Brian told them.

“It’s a little early for lunch,” Melanie said.

Brian helped Gus off with his coat and commented, “You’ve all eaten.”

“It was brunch,” Michael said.

“I’m surprised you were even hungry after breakfast,” Brian commented.

“It was a sudden thing meeting up together,” Lindsay explained. “Michael called us just after you left with Gus and Mel and I only had a cup of coffee and shared a salad.”

Mel asked, “Linds, are you ready to go?”

“Sure,” Lindsay said and told Brian, “we’ll see you at the loft in an hour?”

“Why don’t you just wait till the kid eats his lunch and you can take him from here?” Brian suggested.

“Well, Justin is supposed to meet us here after he gets off work and we’ve got some errands to take care of. Justin is taking Gus to the children’s museum and babysitting for us tonight,” Lindsay said hesitantly. “He was going to have ice cream with Gus first, which is why he’s meeting us here.”

“So what’s the problem?” Brian asked her. The prospect of seeing Justin made his body heat rise but he tried to play it cool. He glanced at his friends at the table and noticed they were all staring at him with funny looks, no doubt expecting him to want to bolt at the mention of Justin.

“Well… I guess I just thought…”

Debbie cut into the conversation, “Brian, if you need to, you can have lunch with Gus and leave him here. I’ll keep an eye on him until Justin arrives.”

“Thanks, Deb,” Brian told her genuinely. “But I’m sure I can manage to pass Gus along to Justin when he gets here.”

“All right then,” Melanie said, and slid out of the booth. She gave Gus a big hug. “Be good for your Daddy and Justin, okay?”

“I will,” Gus assured.

“We’re leaving too,” Ted said, anxious to get back home. He and Blake hadn’t ordered a thing but that was all right, they still had leftovers in the fridge from Thanksgiving.

“Us too,” added Michael, “I’ve got to get to the store. Tell Justin we all said hi.”

“Sure,” Brian mumbled.

“Grandma!” Gus said. “I want a cheese sandwich, please?”

“Well, kid, I’ve got to get my apron on first and then I’ll come take your order.” She told him as everyone said their goodbyes.

Brian took Gus’ hand and led him to the back booth, Debbie trailing behind. “Deb will you get Gus some crayons?”

“Of course,” Debbie replied. She tied on her apron, grabbed her order pad, an activity sheet and a small box of crayons. She brought them over and handed them to the little boy. “There you go.”

“Thanks!” Gus said and immediately began to dig into the crayon box.

Eyeing Brian worriedly Debbie asked, “Are you doing all right? You look nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.” Brian rolled his eyes. “I’m annoyed.”

“With who?”

He waved his hand toward the door, indicating the friends who had just left. “Justin’s on his way here and now they think we’re going to have some ridiculous romantic reunion if left alone.”

Debbie smiled softly and ruffled Brian’s hair. “Shame you don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“I’m not delusional. I’ll have the blue plate special and water with lemon.”

Debbie knew that pressing Brian would do no good and let the subject of Justin drop. She wrote down the order and asked, “Cheese sandwich for Gus?”

“And fries?” Gus asked, batting his eyelashes.

“Sure,” Debbie said.

“Justin is gonna have ice cream with me,” Gus told her.

“After you eat lunch,” Brian reminded his son.

“Look, he’s here!” Gus said excitedly, pointing toward the door.

Brian turned and saw Justin standing completely still with a deer in the headlights expression. His cheeks were flushed pink from the cold and his hair was windblown, but he was still gorgeous. Lindsay obviously hadn’t had time to call and tell Justin the change in plans, but he couldn’t be too shocked walking into the diner and seeing him there, it is where they met. He offered a smile and that seemed to be the greeting Justin was looking for because he smiled back and then started walking toward them.

“Justin!” Gus happily proclaimed. “Daddy’s here too!” he explained, as if Justin was blind.

“I see that,” Justin said. He gave Debbie a kiss hello and slid into the booth beside Gus and gave him one too. “I’m supposed to meet Lindsay and Melanie here in a little while but thought I’d get lunch first.”

“You look tired,” Debbie said, concerned.

“I had to be at the gallery a few hours earlier than usual so that I could help with a delivery.”

“Do you like my picture?” Gus asked.

Justin looked at the sheet. “What are you drawing?”

“You and Daddy,” Gus said, and shoved the activity page toward Justin.

There in the blank space was two stick figures, one drawn with yellow hair and one taller one with brown hair. “It’s very good, Gus,” Justin praised, taking off his coat and gloves.

“Thanks. And I’m gonna draw me too,” he said, taking the sheet back.

“What’cha want for lunch kiddo?” Debbie asked Justin.

“The blue plate special on Saturdays is still grilled chicken breast and mixed steamed vegetables?” Justin asked Debbie.

“Sure is, Sunshine,” Debbie told him. “And not to worry, I’ll make sure Sam knows he’s preparing your meal and is real careful with it.”

“Thanks, Deb, I appreciate it.”

Debbie ruffled Justin’s hair. “Gotta make sure ya’ stay healthy. I’ll go get the order in and come back with your drinks.”

Brian smiled in satisfaction when Justin met his eyes and a flush darker than the pink on his windblown cheeks proved how affected he still was, just from sitting across from him. “You just missed the gang,” Brian said. “I told Lindsay you could just take Gus from me when he’s done with his lunch. She said you’re taking him to the museum and then watching him for the night?”

“Yes,” Justin replied, “we’re going to have a sleep over at my house again.” He turned to Gus and asked him, “We’re going to have tonight, aren’t we?”

“Yup!” Gus answered, too intent on coloring his picture to say much else.

“You’ve had Gus overnight before?” Brian asked.

“Yup, he’s spent a few Saturday nights with me. It works out well because I have the early shift on Saturday at the gallery. I pick Gus up in the afternoon and drop him off with Lindsay when I go in for my shift on Sunday. This is the last week we’ll be doing that though ‘cause Sydney has hired two more employees so Lindsay and I can have our weekends off. But I’ll still probably take him on Saturday nights if he wants to come over.”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Brian said. He felt a little jealous because there were very few times he’d had his son spend the night at the loft. He realized though that it wasn’t because he didn’t want him there, it was because at the loft, Gus didn’t have any space of his own. He had no doubt in his mind that Justin had probably decorated a room just for his son.

Justin was surprised that Lindsay or Gus hadn’t told Brian about him spending time with his son. “Are you okay with that?”

“Of course,” Brian said. He tapped on the table beside Gus to get his attention. “You didn’t tell me you’ve been having sleepovers with Justin.”

Gus put his crayon down and told Brian, “Mommy said not to cause talking’ bout Justin makes you sad.”

“Well she was wrong,” Brian said, keeping his eyes on Gus. No way did he want to look at Justin and see the man’s reaction to Gus’ words. “So tell me, what’s so fun about staying with Justin?”

“The pool,” Gus said and gave Justin a big smile. “And his studio.”

“I have a big canvas that Gus has been helping me prepare,” Justin explained.

“Yup,” Gus affirmed, nodding. “And we camp out too.”

“Who’s going camping?” Debbie asked, appearing beside their booth with a tray of drinks.

“Me,” Gus said and clapped at the large glass of chocolate milk Debbie placed before him. “Thank you, Grandma.”

“You’re welcome, Gus,” Debbie said, placing Brian and Justin’s drinks in front of them. “Though, it’s a little cold to go camping,” she said worriedly.

“He’s spending the night at my house,” Justin explained. “I have a tent that I set up in the living room and we roast marshmallows in the fireplace and watch movies.”

“It’s so fun,” Gus said. “Daddy, you gonna come now that you are happy with Justin again?”

“I can’t tonight, buddy,” Brian said, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“Next week?” Gus persisted.

“How’s your chocolate milk taste?” Debbie asked, trying to help out the two men who looked extremely uncomfortable.

Gus’ thoughts diverged and he took a big drink of his milk. “Mmm… mmm good!”

“Deb, orders up!”

“I’m coming!” Debbie said and smiled at Brian and Justin. “I’ll be right back.”

Before Gus could ask any more questions about he and Justin, Brian pointed to Gus’ drawing and told him, “You better finish that before the food gets here.”

“Uh-huh,” Gus said, picking up his crayon again and drawing. “I have to draw my shoes.”

“And the laces,” Justin reminded him. “Now that you can tie your own shoes you can’t forget them.”

“Justin taught me to tie my shoes,” Gus told Brian. “He showed me the bunny loops.”

“He picked it up really fast,” Justin added, smiling proudly.

Brian suddenly found Justin’s allure overwhelming and he felt like if he had to stare at him another second he might say or do something completely stupid. “I’m gonna have Deb put my food in a to-go container.”

Justin sighed. “Brian… you don’t have to go.”

Brian glanced at his son and then back to Justin. “I do.”

Debbie walked over to their table, the tray loaded with their food. “Who’s hungry?”

“I am!” Gus said.

Brian asked, “Deb, can you…”

“Keep an eye on Gus for a minute?” Justin interrupted. “I need to talk to Brian about something.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Brian said. He took out his wallet and placed two twenties on the table. “I’ve got to go.”

“No, Daddy,” Gus protested. “I wanna give you my picture.”

“Tell you what,” Brian said. “I’ll come by your house tomorrow and you can give it to me then, okay?”

Gus pouted. “Will you tuck me in tomorrow and read me a story too?”

“I will,” Brian promised, leaning over the table and kissing the top of Gus’ head. “You have a good time with Justin, okay?”

“Okay,” Gus sighed.

Brian slid out of the booth and told Debbie, “Just give my dinner to someone else, hell… just set it here, Justin will probably eat it anyway.”

Justin looked grief stricken. “Brian, please, if I did something to make you want to leave, please…”

“You didn’t,” Brian cut Justin off. “Bye sonny boy,” he said, forcing a smile he didn’t feel.

“Bye, Daddy,” Gus said in a sad voice.

Brian ignored the disapproving look Debbie gave him as he walked past her. He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t just sit there and watch Justin and his son together, all the while feeling like an outsider in his own life and he only had himself to blame. He just hoped that with a little more time things would get easier because he wasn’t the type of man to run away from anyone or anything. But Justin Taylor had broken all of his rules and this was just one more thing he’d caused Brian to change about himself. He’d officially became a wuss.

***

Brian walked into Red Cape and glared in distaste when he saw the kid behind the counter. He needed to talk to Michael immediately. “Where’s your boss?”

“He’s in the back,” the kid said. “Do you want me to get him for you?”

“I’ll find him,” Brian growled, stalking through the store to the back office. He barged through the door, startling Michael who was sitting in front of his desk.

“Brian!” Michael exclaimed, surprised. He’d hoped that his friend would still be at the diner with Justin and Gus. “What are you doing here?”

“Did you know that my son has been staying with Justin on Saturday nights?”

“Huh?”

“Gus has been staying the night with Justin, in his house,” Brian said slowly, sitting on the edge of Michael’s desk. “Before today, did you know?”

“Mel mentioned something about it, yeah.” This was good, Brian had come to him to talk. “This bothers you?”

“No.”

Michael spun around in his desk chair, taking a moment to roll his eyes as he faced away from Brian. “So,” he said, standing up so he was eye to eye with his friend. “Why are you asking me about it?”

“Just making conversation,” Brian said, shrugging.

Michael laughed. “You could’ve had a conversation with me when I was still on my lunch break,” he said.

“You’re the one that was so quick to get out of the diner,” Brian replied. “I know what you all were doing.”

Michael dropped back into his chair and asked, “What was that?”

“Oh, let’s all hurry out and leave Justin and Brian alone so they can have some sort of magical reunion and get back together!” Brian said in a sarcastic, cheery tone.

Michael grinned impishly. “Well, you’re here, so it didn’t work.”

“First, Gus was with us and if there were anything to hash out between us-which there isn’t, we weren’t going to do it in front of him.”

“Well, I kinda figured Ma would go ahead and keep him busy while you did,” Michael said, sighing. “Why won’t you tell me why you two broke up?”

“You mean he hasn’t told any of you how I’m emotionally unavailable and unwilling to grow up?”

“He said that?” Michael asked, shocked.

“He didn’t have to,” Brian said. “You know… no… fuck it, never mind.” He stood up from the desk and began to pace. “You had everything wrong, Mikey, the whole fucking time!”

Michael nodded. “Okay, so what exactly did I have wrong?”

“Justin never wanted me,” Brian said. “He thought he did, but he just didn’t think he had any other options and let’s face it, the kid was desperate.”

So _this_ was why and alien-like Brian had taken up residence in his friend’s body, because all the years of perfecting an ‘I don’t give a shit’ image meant absolutely nothing when he was faced with feeling inadequate, something Michael was sure Brian hadn’t felt since childhood. It was almost too much for him to take in and he really didn’t know what to say to his friend.

Michael had thought that finally, Brian had realized that he could give Justin what he needed, at least in time, and that he didn’t have to change who he was because even before Justin had come along, he was already on his way to being the perfect partner for Justin. He didn’t know how things had gone so wrong. He thought back to the morning of Justin’s attack and recalled how determined Brian had been to make things work with him and Justin. He doubted he’d get the details of the conversation Brian had with Justin, but he was sure that Justin, likely unintentionally had said something that unleashed all the fears about their relationship and Brian had crumbled beneath them.

“Nothing to say?” Brian asked, annoyed with the world. “You know I’m right, don’t you?”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t know that,” he said. “Unless you tell me the details about what happened, I don’t think I can help.”

“I didn’t come here for your help,” Brian quipped. He looked at his watch and schooled a neutral expression. “I came here to tell you to back the fuck off, all of you. I don’t need anyone trying to play match maker with us. Justin and I are done.”

Michael could tell that a lot of effort had gone into Brian’s words but objected to them, “I doubt that.”

“Suit yourself,” Brian said. He leaned down and kissed Michael goodbye. “See you tonight?”

“No,” Michael said softly. “Brian, you’ve been using all of us to curb your libido and because…” He paused and gathered the courage to bluntly say what Brian needed to hear. “Because you miss Justin. You think that if you spend every waking moment occupied that maybe you won’t feel heartbroken, won’t realize that your best friend is no longer around and as much as we all love you, we can’t let you do that anymore.”

“What in the fuck are you talking about?” Brian demanded.

“Brian, it’s Saturday and you want to go see a movie with an actor you don’t even like,” Michael spoke slowly, holding Brian’s angry gaze. “I’m glad you’re not going out on all night benders and damaging your liver, but… well, I think you need to stop ignoring the break up and deal with it. If you don’t want to be with Justin, if you don’t think you are who he wants, then you’re going to have to accept it and move on.” He stood up and walked over to Brian who was staring at him with a shocked look. “Everyone is worried about you. Of course we all think it’s great that you’ve want to spend time with us, but yeah, we did talk about it and I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings, but like I said, we’re worried.”

Brian felt like he’d been betrayed and it made him feel angrier than he ever remembered feeling. “Just what the fuck do you want me to do, Michael?” he seethed the question. “You think I should just be sitting at home pining away from him with a fucking box of tissues and a carton of ice cream, wallowing in self pity? Will that make you and the rest of our fucked up family happy?”

“Of course not,” Michael said, “but at least then we’d know that you’re not as unaffected as you’ve been pretending you are. Jesus, Brian, you love him. You are in love with a man who you aren’t with. Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Of fucking course it does!” Brian yelled, hands balled up at his sides. “But I can’t fucking do anything about it so I…” Right there in the middle of yelling at Michael, Brian realized how hurt he actually was, how lonely he was and just how right Michael and the rest of his friends were for worrying about him. He’d been acting so out of character they probably thought he’d gone off the deep end. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” he asked, anger now turning into sorrow. He felt overwhelming tired, the act he’d been putting on, often without even realizing it, was abruptly taking its toll.

Michael wrapped his arms around Brian and hugged him tight. “You need to decide if what you believe is true or not. Do you really believe that Justin doesn’t want you? Don’t let your fears about not being enough for him cloud your answer.”

Brian pulled out of Michael’s arms and asked him, “What the fuck do I have to be afraid of?”

“Fucking up?” Michael asked. “Or… or maybe, you’re afraid to be happy.”

“I’m not some little pissant idiot who would rather be miserable than do what needs to be done to be happy,” Brian said.

“No, you’re not. But maybe you need to start thinking about making your own happiness again? Justin isn’t just going to go away. He’s our friend; he’s part of our family, Brian. If you two really believe you aren’t right for one another, which for the record I can’t imagine anyone more perfect for you or him, but if you believe that, maybe you should just try to go back to being friends?”

Brian scoffed. “You think it’ll be that easy.”

“No,” Michael said softly. “I know it’s going to be hard to do but will it be harder being his friend or will it be harder to continue as you have been?”

“Fuck,” Brian groaned. “You really should’ve been a fucking psychiatrist, Mikey.”

Michael shook his head. “I’m your friend, same as everyone else in our family and we all care about you and want the best for you and Justin. I just hope that you two will figure out what that is before you hurt one another even more than you have.”

“I’m gonna go,” Brian said and kissed Michael goodbye.

“Wait,” Michael grabbed Brian’s arm, “what are you going to do?”

Brian laughed softly. “I’m going to go think, unless you have some other advice?”

Michael was surprised that Brian was asking for his advice and there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm to his tone. Only, this time, he was all out. “No,” he said, “thinking is a good idea. Just do me a favor and let me know if you need to talk. Talking won’t make you a stepford fag.”

Brian nodded and gave him a small smile. He felt like his brain was filled to the brim with thoughts that must’ve taken decades to compile. He needed some time alone. Michael had been so right. He’d been ignoring everything, keeping himself busy by doing the lamest things with his friends all in an effort to quiet the thoughts going through his head. Now, it was time to face them and to do something about them.

***

“We’ve got to keep the party PG,” Justin insisted.

Emmett sighed. “Okay, okay, no hula strippers.”

“Moving on,” Justin said, grinning. “Let’s talk decorations.”

Emmett pulled out his party book and flipped to a folder filled with pictures of other beach or hula themed parties he’d done. “What do you think about this one?” he asked, pointing to a photo of a recent retirement party he’d planned.

“I like it,” Justin said. “But I don’t want birds or anything too cheesy. I want it to be simple, you know? Nothing too big.”

“Okay,” Emmett said. “Simple I can do. So, no birds, naked hula boys or… anything else you don’t like about this party?”

“The Hawaiian shirts,” Justin said adamantly. “Flowers are okay, but I don’t want everyone showing up in Hawaiian shirts.”

“As if Brian would ever wear a Hawaiian shirt.”

Justin frowned. “No, Brian wouldn’t ever wear one but that doesn’t matter because he’s not coming.”

“You’re not inviting him?” Emmett asked.

The invites Justin had personally designed with Emmett would be handed out tomorrow as a formality, but Justin had already told his guests of the date being this coming Saturday. He wasn’t sure if Brian knew of the party or not. After yesterday’s abandoned lunch, it was obvious that Brian wanted nothing to with him. “No, I’m not.”

“But you’re inviting all our friends,” Emmett said, distressed.

“Brian won’t care,” Justin said. “He doesn’t want to be around me, Em, believe me.”

“So yesterday when you got Gus from him, things didn’t go well?” Emmett asked.

Justin huffed. “Not by any means.”

Emmett grabbed the bottle of wine Justin had opened and refilled both of their glasses, hoping it would relax his friend enough so that he’d talk. “You two seemed so happy.”

Justin nodded, his whole body yearning for Brian as he thought of how happy they had been. “I know. But eventually we would’ve made one another miserable.”

“It’s just hard for me to imagine that when I’ve never seen Brian as happy as he was when he was with you,” Emmett told him.

“We weren’t compatible,” Justin said. “What we wanted for our future wasn’t the same and so it’s better that we be apart.”

Emmett could hear the pain in Justin’s voice but didn’t know how to help either of his friends. “What exactly did Brian want?”

“Not me,” Justin told him. He took a long drink of his wine and wiped his lips. “You know Brian, he can’t be tied down. Honestly, Emmett, I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.”

“He cheated on you?” Emmett asked in disbelief.

“No, of course not. Brian wouldn’t ever cheat, but living a monogamous life isn’t what he wants. I’m sure he’s much happier now that he’s free to fuck who he wants, when he wants.”

“No Justin, I don’t think he’s happier. After you broke up, we were all at Babylon and… as you know, Drew and I aren’t monogamous so I went to the backroom and I saw Brian back there with a trick and believe me, he wasn’t happy at all. He…”

“Stop!” Justin exclaimed, tears brimming in his eyes. He looked at Emmett and pleaded, “Don’t talk about Brian anymore, okay? I don’t… I don’t want to know about his sex life, besides that wasn’t why we broke up. I know you all care about both of us, but we’re not getting back together. We’re over.”

“Justin, Brian doesn’t even have…”

“No,” Justin interrupted, putting his hands on Emmett’s forearms. “Look, I really don’t care anymore, okay? I need to move on and every single time someone wants to talk to me about my relationship with Brian, which really isn’t anyone’s business, it just makes it more difficult. So please, if we’re going to plan this party, let’s plan it, but no more talk about my relationship with Brian.”

Emmett couldn’t let it drop so easily, his gut was telling him to keep pushing. “Okay, no more talk about your relationship, but what about your friendship?”

“Our friendship?” Justin asked. “I don’t even think we have one.”

“Justin,” Emmett said softly, “you two can’t go on ignoring one another forever. If you think your ‘romantic’ relationship is over, fine. But we’re more than just friends, we’re all family and that means you guys are going to have to be around one another. You were really good friends before you started dating, right?”

“Yeah,” Justin admitted. He missed Brian’s naked body covering his own, he missed his kisses, his hot breath against his forehead, his fingers tangled in his hair, but the friendship he shared with Brian was almost harder to take not having in his day to day life than the others combined. So many times he’d wanted to call Brian and talk to him and had to force himself not to dial his number or drive by the loft or Kinnetik for an unexpected visit on his way home from work, just to talk. Daphne and Sam were hot and heavy and though she’d been there for Justin, she wasn’t Brian. Trent had just started dating a guy named Clark and they were currently in the honeymoon phase where they spent very little time apart. Justin was lonely and the only person he knew that could make him not feel that way was the very same person who had broken his heart. His life was so totally fucked! “He became my best friend.”

“You’re going to have to be friends again,” Emmett said gently. “If you truly believe that you two aren’t going to be together, than you should get that friendship back.”

“Em, he ran out on me and Gus at lunch,” Justin confessed. “He doesn’t want to be around me.”

Emmett was sadly not surprised to hear this. “No doubt he couldn’t deal with how awkward that probably was.” He and his friends should’ve stayed, maybe then Justin and Brian would’ve been more at ease with one another. “The party would be a good starting point.” He took out one of the printed invitations and flipped it open to the blank page. “If you address this to Brian, maybe it can be like a peace offering? You don’t even have to be the one to deliver it to him if that’d make you feel more comfortable. I can do it, if you want.”

Justin wiped the tears out of his eyes and grabbed a pen. He flipped over one of the envelopes, took a deep breath and scrawled Brian’s name on the back.

Emmett gave Justin a one armed hug and assured him, “He’ll come.”

“What if he doesn’t? I don’t know if I want it confirmed twice in a week that he wants nothing to do with me,” Justin whispered.

“He’ll come,” Emmett said confidently. He would make damn sure of it.

***

Brian looked up in annoyance as the door to his loft slid open without even so much as a knock. “What the fuck, Honeycutt?”

Emmett held up a key and smiled. “Michael let me borrow this. He said you haven’t returned any of his calls all day. I didn’t want you to tell me to fuck off if I rang the buzzer.”

“I haven’t answered his or anyone else’s calls because I don’t want to be bothered.” Brian went back to eating his bowl of crunch berries. “What the fuck do you want?”

Emmett walked over to the bar and noted that Brian was eating the very same cereal he saw Justin eating when he went to his house last night. He pulled out the invitation from the pocket inside his coat. “I came to deliver this.”

Brian looked at the invitation. “Michael and Ben change the date of the wedding?”

“Open it,” Emmett prompted, taking seat on the bar stool beside Brian.

Brian opened the envelope and tried his hardest to not let Emmett see how affected he was by the invitation. “Last minute invite?” he scoffed.

“No,” Emmett said, rolling his eyes. “We just made them up last night.”

“I see.”

“So, you’ll come, won’t you?”

Brian laughed as he read a handwritten request at the bottom of the invitation, “Please bring swim trunks and sunglasses but refrain from wearing Hawaiian shirts.”

Emmett smiled. “He wants the hula party to be classy.”

“Then why’d he hire you?” Brian joked.

Emmett glared. “So, you’re coming, right?”

Brian shrugged. “I’ll check my social calendar.”

“You and I both know that nothing you might have planned is more important than going to Justin’s house on Saturday.”

Brian laughed sarcastically, “We do, do we?”

Emmett sighed deeply. “Don’t make me a liar, please?”

“You told him I’d come?”

“I did,” Emmett said. “He doubts you will but I…”

“Maybe he has his reasons for doubting me?” Brian suggested.

“He misses you, Brian. He told me last night that you were his best friend. Teddy and I might not have had the same connection that you and Justin _have_ but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it’s like. Not only do you lose your lover, but also your best friend? It fucking sucks and the only way to make it not suck so much is to either do whatever you have to do to be his boyfriend again or…”

“Or?” Brian prompted, amused.

“Or do what you have to do to be his friend again.”

“You and Michael are idiots,” Brian said.

Emmett glared. “And why is that?”

“You say you know what it’s like, but if you truly think that Justin wants a friendship with me,” he paused and the words, ‘after the way I treated him’ went unsaid. “If you think we’re going to just move backwards you’re wrong.”

“But you can’t move forward until you resolve this, Brian. You don’t have a reason to hate him, to not want him around you, do you?”

“No,” Brian admitted. “But he does.”

Emmett stood and pointed to the invitation. “Maybe that is proof that you’re wrong.” He walked toward the door and told Brian, “Justin is man enough to take the first step, I just hope you’re man enough to take the next one.”

Brian looked at the invitation again and wondered how hard it had to have been for Justin to have taken that step, especially after the way he’d treated Justin at the diner yesterday. He’d done a lot of thinking, he had admitted that if he couldn’t be _with_ Justin, that he did want to try to be friends with him but he didn’t know if he was ready for it. He had until Thursday to RSVP and hoped that by then he’d have the courage to accept Justin’s offer of friendship.

TBC in Chapter 11]


	13. Credence: Chapter 11: "Back Where We Belong"

**Credence  
Chapter Eleven: “Back Where We Belong”**

_I've got a lot to say, if you will let me_  
It's always hard, when you're around me  
But here right now, there's interest in your eyes  
So hear me out, and hear this the first time  
That I... love you, come and lay with me  
That I... love you and honestly  
That I... love you, you make me feel alive  
That I... love you  
Till the end of time~ Selected lyrics taken from _Breathe_ by Angels  & Airwaves

**December**

Months ago, when Brian had gone swimming with Justin in the hotel’s pool, Justin had been particularly turned on by Brian’s D&G trunks. He’d told Brian that he found the flower printed material covering Brian’s ass and cock extremely sexy. He went on to admit that anytime a man pulled off wearing a flower print, it turned him on. Knowing this, Brian allowed a few new shirts into his collection that, before, he wouldn’t have even considered taking off the rack and trying on. The first couple of buys Justin asked if the shirts were new, but Brian denied they were. There was no need to let Justin know that he’d spent thousands of dollars on clothing he didn’t particularly love, just for him.

Brian was certain that Justin knew the truth when, upon his reveal of ‘indulging in Justin’s fixation with flower print shirt number five’, Justin ran his hands up and down Brian’s chest and arms, repeatedly whispering ‘thank you’ while grinding his pelvis against Brian’s thigh until he shook in Brian’s arms, the words, ‘so fucking sexy’ passing his lips before coming in his pants. The wetness transferred onto the leg of Brian’s jeans, and it made him even hotter than he already felt from Justin’s dry humping. Brian had nearly tore Justin’s pants off to lick the hot come from his skin as he pushed one hand inside his pants and jerked himself to completion.

When Brian packed his trunks in his overnight bag, his thoughts had strayed to that memory. His stomach felt tight as a sharp yearning for Justin plagued him. Still, he didn’t trade them in for the plain black Armani shorts in his drawer and he didn’t bring them along for any other reason than because they fit the theme of Justin’s party. Or so he told himself. Still, the fact that he found himself participating in a themed party wherein he actually dressed to fit said theme, was pretty fucking out of character.

Shit. What wasn’t out of character for him lately? All the fucking introspective thinking hadn’t done him much good. When he looked in the mirror he had no idea who he was anymore, because without Justin he didn’t feel complete and that notion was just a crock of shit. Or, Brian sure as fuck thought it should be. The biggest problem was that it wasn’t long ago that he’d been happy, proud of the man he was and, unfortunately, he knew that happiness had come **after** Justin had entered his life, not before. By Wednesday, he felt sure that if he thought any more about himself or his relationship with Justin he would either become a self loathing pathetic loser or grow a pussy. Brian wasn’t sure which was worse. So, he decided, the time for thinking was over and it was time for action.

He wanted to have Justin in his life and going to his party, celebrating the new home he’d bought, it was going to be start of making that happen. He could do that without feeling bitter toward the structure that had literally been the beginning of the end. He absolutely could, because he could do anything he set his mind to and now that was becoming friends with Justin. Maybe not best friends, but friends; the kind of friends who talked, hung out and laughed together, that type. He’d just have to ignore his own desires, which he was determined to do.

Justin must have made a decision to make that endeavor for Brian particularly hard, because after Emmett greeted him at the door, bitching about him being late, to which Brian of course replied, ‘Fashionably late, Honeycutt’, he was brought to the pool. The tiki lights, inflatable palm trees and the other hideous décor wasn’t enough to distract him from staring at a half naked Justin. Fuck, hadn’t Justin told him he didn’t want anyone to see him naked but him? Okay, so the ugly tiki patterned board shorts covered a lot more than the trunks he’d bought him, so at least he wasn’t revealing all his goods, but still, he was shirtless and barefoot and he was laughing at something Ben had said, looking so fucking gorgeous.

No. He wasn’t gorgeous. He was _only_ laughing, and really, the orangey pink shorts did absolutely nothing for the ass and cock they hid beneath. They were far too long on Justin, hung almost to his shins and made him look kind of fat. Whoever had encouraged him to wear them, most likely Emmett, should be shot. Or thanked, really. Because if Justin had been wearing the designer shorts Brian bought him, the ones that hugged his ass and cock and left very little to the imagination, Brian might have lost his resolve to be Justin’s friend and bolted before Justin had a chance to notice him.

Then Justin did notice him and the muggy air in the pool house became even thicker and Brian, though he couldn’t look away from Justin, knew that every single person in attendance felt what he did. Tension. He took a deep breath and walked closer to the tables, all decorated with Hawaiian print table clothes, and greeted Justin. “Hey.”

He could hear everyone else saying hello to him, but their voices faded to static as Justin’s breathy voice said, “Hi, glad you could come.”

Never one to miss a pun and taking the chance to ease the strain of the moment, Brian replied, “I always come when I say I will.”

Justin surprised the hell out of him when, after a hesitant step forward, he leapt and wrapped his arms around Brian tightly. “Thank you.”

Conscious of the sudden quiet, with the exception of the soft Reggae music playing, Brian forced himself to act nonchalant and briefly hugged Justin back. He had control over his libido but he could only be tempted so far. Contrary to what some may think, he was human. He stepped away from Justin’s moist warm skin, held up his bag and said, “Gonna go change.”

“You know where the bathroom is.” A weird expression appeared on Justin’s face. “But you don’t have to swim right away, Em just put out the appetizers and after that I’m going to give everyone a tour of the house.”

“Come on, Daddy!” Gus yelled from the pool. He was in the deep end, a life vest holding him afloat, Melanie treading the water beside him, giving Brian a surprising pleading look. Obviously, she’d been in there since whenever it was that they’d arrived. “I’ll eat later,” Brian told him, cocking his head toward the pool. “I promised Gus I’d swim with him as soon as I got here.”

“Okay,” Justin replied, his expression changing to a much happier one. Justin always looked at him like this whenever he and Gus were in the same room together. “We plan on playing a game of water volleyball later. I think I’ll save my strength for that.”

“Daddy!” Gus called. “Please? Come swim!”

“Yes,” Melanie laughed, “come swim.”

Brian snorted. “I’m coming,” he called back. Justin’s last words hit him and he asked, “What do you mean, ‘save your strength’? Are you sick?”

“I’m fine,” Justin said. “I didn’t really mean anything by it… it’s just. Oh fuck, this is so fucking awkward. Go change and swim with Gus, I’m going to get a drink so that maybe I can stop acting like an idiot.”

Brian felt relieved to know that Justin appeared to feel the same way he did. He too wanted to have a drink, or three, but Gus once again called to him so he made his way toward the bathroom instead. He’d run out on his son last weekend and though Gus had seemed all right at time, Brian knew he’d disappointed him. Most likely he’d be doing whatever the fuck Gus wanted until however long it took for him to not feel guilty about it every time he looked at him.

When he thought about Gus, always so excited to see him and eyes filled with unconditional love, Brian was pretty sure that it would probably take until Gus was an adult, or at least a teenager till he made up for the many times he hadn’t been there for his son.

***

Ted and Blake did not drink and when they found out that the guests were encouraged to stay the night if they were intoxicated, they offered to take Gus back to their apartment for the night. Lindsay and Melanie were very grateful for the generous offer and Gus was very enthusiastic about staying with Uncle Ted and Uncle Blake for the first time. Blake always played video games with him and after a tiring day swimming, he was very easily swayed to leave the party with his uncles when they decided it was time to go.

Jennifer had to be up early to show some listings to clients, so after dinner, she, Molly and Tucker headed home too. Debbie and Carl stayed down in the pool house for a little while, but Carl kept falling asleep in his chair, so Justin suggested they stay and showed them to the guest bedroom upstairs that was furthest away from the pool house. He was pretty sure the house was soundproofed but he didn’t want to take the chance on waking them because he knew that without kids and parents, the party would probably get a little wilder.

Wild was putting it mildly. Emmett changed the music to a satellite techno station and then played bartender and made a ‘sex on the beach’-with a twist, for each of his friends. The ‘twist’ was the imported whiskey Justin had insisted on stocking the bar with. They all began to dance and that was when Brian realized, for the millionth time, how much he missed Justin.

No one kept to one dance partner for long. Michael was the first to dance with him and the whiskey drink made Brian feel loose enough to even dance with Emmett, mirroring his theatrical movements and making everyone who watched laugh. While dancing with Lindsay, she leaned into him and whispered, “You can’t take your eyes off of him.”

Brian was so completely filled with longing that there was no way he was going to deny it, so he didn’t respond and kept his eyes from travelling to Justin’s gorgeous half naked dancing body while he moved with Lindsay to the music.

Lindsay apparently though this was hilarious. “You’re really working hard to not look at him, aren’t you?” she asked while giggling.

Brian had the urge to shove her away, but that would only prove to her that she was right and he wasn’t going to open that can of worms. He just rolled his eyes at her and changed the subject. “So, did you ever get my ‘naked guy’ painting sold?”

“I didn’t,” Lindsay said. “Justin did and he made the gallery quite the profit and earned himself a large commission. He was very enthusiastic about selling that one, especially after he came back from sick leave.”

Brian knew what she was implying. After they broke up, Justin didn’t want to see a reminder of Brian hanging around the gallery he worked; he probably had enough of that in his studio at home. “I’m sure he was worried about taking the time off after only just starting the job. He probably wanted to show you and Sydney that he was a valuable employee and good at his job.” That explanation sounded perfectly reasonable to him, though he knew it was a crock of shit; but it would, hopefully, shut Lindsay up.

“Perhaps,” Lindsay said, letting Brian off the hook. She draped her arms over his shoulders, kissed his cheek and whispered, “You can get him back, Brian,” and then slipped away from him to dance with Melanie.

Brian froze and just stood still, his eyes finding Justin again. Justin looked happy and Brian wanted Justin back and he wondered if it were even possible to make that happen. Justin was dancing, sandwiched between Trent and Clark, head thrown back on Trent’s shoulder, Clark’s leg between his thighs. Justin appeared to be doing just fine without him. Still, Brian wanted him, wished that he could figure out how it would be possible for them to be together, to want the same things, but he just didn’t know that it could ever happen. Justin wanted marriage and he wasn’t going to compromise on that. Every time he thought about being married to Justin, the simple thought brought upon hundreds of other notions that irked him.

“You suck so much at dancing you just figured you’d stop?” Hunter asked, placing himself in front of Brian.

Brian scowled at Hunter. “Fuck you.”

Hunter invaded Brian’s personal space, only leaving a few inches between their bodies as he put his hands on Brian’s hips. “Aww, was that an offer?”

“Right, like I’m going to offer to fuck you with your Ma and Pa standing right behind us?” Brian scoffed. “Even if they weren’t, the answer would be ‘no’. It will always be ‘no’.”

Hunter smiled saucily, completely undeterred by Brian’s off-putting remarks. He closed the distance between their bodies and began to dance against Brian, which, surprisingly, caused Brian to begin dancing with him. “You know, I’m officially an adult now. They can’t tell me who I can or cannot sleep with.”

Brian laughed and had to give the kid props for persistence. “You’re my adopted nephew once removed,” he told him, pushing Hunter to be at arm’s length.

Hunter laughed and turned to face away from Brian and began shaking his ass, slowly backing up against Brian. “Come on, you know you want it. We’re so totally not related,” he said, teasingly, “I’d go gay for you.”

Brian turned the kid around to make him stop because Michael had noticed and gave Brian a warning look, as if it were **him** that was initiating any of it? “Ma’s gonna send you to bed if you don’t behave yourself,” he warned him.

Hunter shrugged and wrapped his arms around Brain, sliding his body sensually against Brian’s. “I think he’ll want to send you to bed too,” Hunter said. “Think of all the fun we can have, Brian. Just let yourself go.”

“Can I cut in?” Justin asked, confidently sliding in between Hunter and Brian, surprising them both.

Brian’s body immediately reacted to Justin’s, in blood pulsing, heady waves of heat that it never could with Hunter, in ways that it probably never would with anyone else and he was stunned silent by the undeniable yearning he felt.

“Hey, I was here first,” Hunter griped.

“Well, it is my house and my party,” Justin said. “Technically, I was here first.”

Hunter stepped back and waved Justin in front of him, “We can always make it a.”

Justin glared at Hunter. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“So what if I do?” Hunter asked.

Justin’s eyes widened. “Dude,” he said, laughing, “you’re like not even gay!”

“Have you seen him?” Hunter asked, gesturing to Brian. “You don’t have to be gay to want to be fucked by him.”

Justin laughed good-naturedly and pushed Hunter’s shoulder. “Daphne said you should go dance with her. She was admiring your moves.”

Hunter shook his head. “I’m not gonna go dance with your fag hag so you can have him.”

“Well even if you don’t,” Justin said, “you can’t have Brian. But you can leave. You know, if you want to, I’ll call you a cab.”

“Learn to take a joke,” Hunter said, “Jesus!” He glanced toward Daphne. “She is pretty hot.”

“Go on, nephew,” Brian said, finally able to find his voice. “go put the moves on her.”

“Her boyfriend is like two feet away,” Hunter said.

“It’s okay,” Justin assured, “Sam trusts Daphne and he knows you’re not a threat, no matter how you dance with her.”

“That’s why you came to dance with Brian, isn’t it? You see me as a threat?”

Justin laughed loudly. “I’m so not drunk enough to be that delusional.”

“Whatever,” Hunter grumbled, putting a swagger in his walk as he approached Daphne.

Justin pulled Brian against him, fitting their bodies together in the perfect way they did whenever they danced together. “He’s a little asshole.”

Brian wondered if perhaps Hunter might not have been off the mark. Maybe Justin simply wasn’t aware that he was jealous or threatened by Hunter. Brian felt his heart leap at the thought and then every inch of his body that was touching Justin began to throb with anticipation and hope. He forced himself to stop thinking like that and just enjoy the dance.

“I miss dancing with you,” Justin said, staring up at Brian. “Maybe we can go to Babylon sometime soon?”

Brian felt flummoxed as he tried to figure out what Justin meant. What he said could be taken two ways: Justin missed dancing with _him_ , which could mean that he meant _them_ dancing _together_ or, because he’d said he wanted to Babylon with Brian, it could mean that he just missed dancing at Babylon and Brian was usually the one whom he danced with there so either way, it all led to them dancing together. “You want me to take you to Babylon?” Brian asked.

“You don’t have to take me,” Justin said, “I do own a car. But yeah, we should go, I miss being there and we used to have a lot of fun, you know?”

“Yeah,” Brian said. Again he wondered if Justin meant ‘we’ in the general sense or _we_ as in just the two of them, rubbing, grinding against each other, the vibration of the music penetrating their bodies and making them both sweat and driving the anticipation of what would come later at home.

“Remember that time that you, me, and Emmett were dancing together and the glitter blower backfired? We looked like we’d just come outta Liberace’s closet!”

Brian felt the memory as if it were happening right then, he remembered he had to stop himself from laughing in fear of inhaling the glitter and being smothered by it. “Or Emmett’s,” Brian said.

“Nah, even he couldn’t stand all that glitter,” Justin said, eyes twinkling as he laughed.

“And then we clogged the shower in my office trying to rinse it off.”

“And we had to go outside and use the hose,” Justin continued, giggling. “It was so freaking cold.” He fell silent for a moment before continuing the story in a nostalgic voice, “I loved that night.”

“Me too.” They’d both gotten so hot and hard dousing each other with the hose, their clothes becoming plastered to their bodies, glitter showering around them every time they attempted to shake the water off. Brian couldn’t even remember what had happened to Emmett. He didn’t remember the ride to the loft, just being there and what transpired the moment they made it into the bedroom.

That was the first night Brian tied Justin up and blindfolded him. He’d looked so beautiful. Brian made a game out of finding pieces of glitter still stuck to Justin’s body and would torture him by giving him the tiniest licks and kisses, jacking off onto him twice before he brought Justin to the edge by sucking softly, slowly only on the head of his cock. Justin’s back had bowed, his skin shimmered with sweat and iridescence and he’d come with a throaty growl of Brian’s name on his bitten lips.

“Sorry,” Justin said, sliding away from Brian as he looked down at their matching erections. “I shouldn’t have started to talk about that, not when we’re just friends now.”

Brian pulled Justin with him and toward the pool. “Me and Mikey used to get boners with each other all the time,” he said. Yeah, when they were like fifteen.

Justin sighed with relief and stood at the edge of the pool and looked at Brian. “I suppose we should get in before anyone else notices that we’re…”

Brian gave Justin a shove and laughed as Justin’s arms flailed until he hit the water and went under. As long as he wasn’t the only one getting a hard on, it was okay. Still, it was damn confusing and Brian hated feeling that way. He jumped into the water and stayed under, hoping the cold would alleviate his muddled mind. Rising to the surface he saw Justin in front of him, drops of water dripping down from his hair, a small smile on his face and Brian was sure that nothing was going to stop the craving he had developed for Justin months ago and unless he admitted that he wanted Justin, and not just as a friend, and took matters into his own hands to rectify their current situation it would never be fulfilled.

A while later, after more swimming, dancing and a game of Pool Bull riding, the party began to quiet down. Lindsay and Melanie went to bed and Hunter, who had been cut off from alcohol after one glass, decided to hit up Justin’s media room to entertain himself with the X-BOX, and crashed on the sofa in there.

Justin decided to move the party into the room directly next to the pool. The music could still be heard from the speakers in the room and it too had a bar, but also a few comfortable sofas, a large card table and a television set. Anticipating that everyone would not want to swim all night, Emmett and Justin had decorated this room too, but not as extravagantly as they had the pool house. There were lights strung around the room, and some along the bar, and he’d bought a totem pole dartboard, but that was the extent of the theme in the room that he, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, called ‘the billiard room’.

Daphne saw the guys make a go for the pool table but she knew they could play that any time they went to Woody’s. She wanted to break in Justin’s new card table. “We should play Kemps!”

Brian scowled at the suggestion and not because he didn’t like the game, in fact, he kicked ass at it, but it was a game where teams were divided into two and he knew damn well who he’d have on his team. He wasn’t against being paired up with Justin; it was just the fact that he’d have to be paired up at all.

“What is Kemps?” Emmett asked, taking a seat at the table beside Drew.

“It’s a game played in teams of two,” Daphne said.

“It’s an adult form of go-fish,” Brian drawled.

“You try to get four of a kind and you or your partner has to call out ‘Kemps’ when you have it,” Drew explained. “If someone from another team thinks a team has it, then they say ‘stop Kemps’ and…”

“Oh, I know this game,” Emmett interrupted. “I played it with my Auntie Lulu, but we called it ‘House’.”

“So it’s like basketball,” Clark said.

When everyone but Brian looked at Clark in confusion Brian rolled his eyes and said, “Like the game ‘Horse’.”

“Horse?” Michael asked. “Is that when you get a birdie?”

Ben laughed and kissed his fiancé. “That’s golf.”

“Anyway,” Daphne said, taking control of the conversation. “I’ll explain the rules.” She went through the rules, finding it a little hard to remember them all in her intoxicated state, but in the end, the only ones who hadn’t ever played the game, Clark and Michael, said they understood. “Okay, so teams,” Daphne said. She wrapped her arm around Sam. “Me and Sam, of course.”

“Emmett and me,” Drew said.

“Me and Clark” Trent said, taking over the shuffling of the two decks.

Michael stared across the table at Brian and Justin for a moment, wondering if maybe he should take pity on them and choose one of them to be his partner instead of Ben, but then Ben spoke up and it was decided.

“Me and Michael,” Ben said.

Justin looked beside him at Brian and spoke in a slight slur, “I choose Brian.”

“You don’t have to choose me,” Brian said, amused. “I’m the only one who is left.”

Justin shrugged. “Even if you weren’t, I’d still choose you.”

Brian couldn’t breathe for a moment and was glad that the rest of his friends were too busy talking to notice what Justin had said. No doubt if they had, it would be construed into something more. “Come on, Picasso,” he said, getting up from his chair. “Let’s go figure out our signals.”

“Okay,” Justin said, following Brian to the bathroom. He didn’t plan to drink as much as he had, but there was a bonus to it. All the awkwardness from before had vanished and he felt happy, an emotion that hadn’t come to him very easily the last month.

Brian closed the door behind him and gave Justin an annoyed look when he saw Justin staring in the mirror and fixing his hair.

“Is my hair green?” Justin asked.

“What?”

“Chlorine, it can turn my hair green.”

“Don’t you use that leave in conditioner stuff before you get in the pool?” Brian asked. Many times he’d seen Justin use the product, though as he looked at the messy blond locks of hair, he could actually detect a bit of a green hue but figured it might be the lighting in the bathroom.

“I forgot today,” Justin said, patting his hair. “Now it’s green. I like green but I’d rather my hair be blue.”

Brian shook his head, amused. “You just need to wash it with some of that blond shampoo you use and it’ll go away, but I think it’s just this shitty florescent light in here.”

Justin’s reflection pouted at Brian. “You wouldn’t like me if my hair was blue?”

The pathetic truth was that he’d probably be attracted to Justin with any hair color, any cut or even with no hair at all. “Probably not,” Brian lied, trying not to smile.

“Huh!” Justin’s lower lip became even more pronounced. “You _only_ like blonds.”

“In case you haven’t realized it,” Brian said, putting his hands on Justin’s shoulders, “you’re the _only_ blond I like.” Justin’s lips curving into a dazzling smile made Brian realize he was entering into dangerous territory. So, naturally, he backpedaled, “You and Lindsay, though she dyes hers lighter now because when we met in college, her hair was dishwater blond; you better not ever tell her I told you that.”

Justin laughed as he turned around to face Brian. Putting their bodies in close contact, he asked in a breathy whisper, “So, I’m the only natural blond you like?”

Brian took two steps back and glared down at Justin, annoyed that he thought it was all right to talk to him in such a seductive tone and about such an intimate subject. The last thing he wanted to do was think about the color of Justin’s pubes, okay, okay, so it wasn’t the last thing, in fact, he LOVED thinking about that area of Justin’s body, but that was a big fucking problem and he shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. Especially because they were _only_ friends! Again. Almost. Maybe.

“Come on!” Daphne yelled from the other side of the door, knocking on it. “We’ve all got our signals figured out, we’re ready to play.”

“Coming!” Justin yelled back and giggled.

Brian closed his eyes and quickly brought up the memory of the time he caught his sister and her high school boyfriend fucking on the dirty sofa in their basement. Yup, that did it. Justin’s stupidly enchanting drunk giggle, his scent, which somehow overpowered the chlorine smell, and his… his… his fucking _everything_ could not compete with the gross images in his head and his libido crashed… as much as possible with Justin in the same room as him.

“That’s a good signal,” Justin whispered.

Brian opened his eyes. “Huh?”

“You, closing your eyes, like you do when you’re annoyed,” Justin explained.

“Right,” Brian agreed.

Justin nodded. “Only, you have to try to only do that when you really do have four of a kind. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try,” Brian said. “Now, what about your signal?”

Justin sighed. “I suck at making a poker face.”

“Maybe you should just act happy and smile the whole time,” Brian suggested. “Maybe if you maintain the same expression it’ll just throw everyone off and they won’t be able to tell when you have four of a kind.”

“Good idea,” Justin agreed. “What if, when I have four of a kind, I do this?” Justin put his thumb in between his teeth and bit the nail.

“You do that all the time when you’re nervous,” Brian told him.

“True,” Justin said, “but I’ll _only_ do it if I have four of a kind, okay?”

“All right,” Brian agreed.

***

Teammates couldn’t sit beside one another, so at least Brian didn’t have to deal with Justin rubbing up against him during the game. However, the game required him to stare at Justin. Constantly. In return, Justin had to stare at him. Constantly. It was unnerving to say the least. But effective. They guessed the other team’s signals but no one could guess theirs. They drank one more pitcher of Emmett’s special mix between the two of them and Daphne and Sam lost.

“That’s it,” Daphne said, “you two have some sort of telepathy going on or something.”

“We do not,” Justin insisted, gathering the cards.

“You do,” Drew said, sipping the final dredges of his drink.

“And you must be able to read minds,” Emmett told Justin. “Because last hand Drew and I didn’t even have a signal and you knew that I had four aces.”

“Justin’s an artist,” Brian said, “he’s extremely observant and intelligent.”

Justin blushed. “Thanks, Brian. You have good instincts too; you called ‘stop kemps’ on Daphne twice!”

“Would you stop with the gloating,” Clark teased, “Oh you’re great, no, you’re great, no you are, no you…”

Everyone began to laugh and Justin and Brian smiled and said in unison, “We kick ass.”

Ben yawned. “I’m beat.”

“Yeah, you’re all beat,” Justin said, grinning mischievously.

“Do you want us to help clean up?” Michael asked.

“Nah,” Justin said, “I don’t have to work tomorrow so I’ll get to it all at some point then. Is everyone ready to crash?”

“I am,” Trent said, wrapping his arm around Clark. “What about you?”

“I have to work the late shift, but it’s after three, so yeah, I should get to sleep too or I’ll never want to wake up.”

“Us too,” Daphne said.

“Well, you’re all welcome to sleep in and stay as late as you want tomorrow,” Justin told them.

“There’s coffee cake in the fridge for breakfast,” Emmett told them. “All you have to do is heat up some pieces in the toaster and…”

“Coffee is in the cabinet to the right of the stove,” Brian added.

“This was a lot of fun,” Ben told Justin. “Thanks for having us all out here.”

“Thanks for coming to my housewarming party,” Justin said sincerely and his eyes landed on Brian, “all of you. We’ll have to do this again sometime soon. If you all want to grab your bags from the pool house and meet me in the foyer I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“Come on, Drew,” Emmett said. “I’ve already got my stuff in one of the rooms, so I’ll show you where it is. I can’t wait to sleep on that amazing memory foam mattress tonight.”

“That sounds divine,” Daphne swooned. “Justin, please tell me all the guest rooms have one of them.”

“They do,” Justin assured her.

***

Justin, ever the gracious host showed his friends to their rooms, pointed out the bathrooms and where they could find clean towels and then went back downstairs to find Brian, who had gone into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water while Justin ‘tucked everyone in’. He found Brian, mid guzzle, and he hated himself for feeling so incredibly horny, all from watching Brian’s neck as he swallowed. Truly, he’d been horny since his first glass of ‘sex on the beach’ but he had been surrounded by his friends so it was very easy to distract himself from his desires. Now, alone with Brian, not so much.

Justin took a deep breath. “Are you ready for me to tuck you in too?”

Brian tossed the water bottle in the trash and forced his mind to think of more hideous thoughts because Justin offering to ‘tuck him in’ was just far too much for his drunken, horny mind to handle. “Sure.”

Justin stepped out of the kitchen and waited for Brian to catch up and then began walking down the hall. “I’ve got you in the downstairs bedroom,” he said.

“Why wasn’t this part of the tour?” Brian asked. The master bedroom, storage room and studio also hadn’t been part of the tour but nobody pushed him about those because there were so many other rooms to admire. This room was sequestered from the rest of the house and had he not seen the empty room previously, he wouldn’t have known it existed.

“This room I designed myself,” Justin said. Daphne’s aunt was an interior designer with eclectic but modern tastes and helped him design and decorate most of the other guest rooms in the house. “I figure you’ll actually give me an honest opinion on it and I didn’t want anyone calling you an asshole if you don’t like it.” Justin stopped at the door at the end of the long hallway. “But even if you don’t like the design, you’re stuck with it tonight, but I’ll take any suggestions you might have.”

“I don’t give a fuck what the rest of the room looks like if I’m gonna have my eyes closed for the majority of the time I’m in it.”

“Fine, but I still want your opinion,” Justin reiterated. He opened the door and stepped inside the small room. “So?”

Brian stepped in behind Justin and looked around the room, he was drunk, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell whether or not Justin had had butchered the room with bad taste. Justin was an artist and he had decorated other rooms in his home without Daphne’s aunt’s influence and for the most part, Brian liked them. This room, though it wasn’t something he would want as his own, it was almost worthy of a magazine. “You did well,” he said.

Justin smiled big and wide. “Really? You don’t think the window dressings are too…”

“I’d prefer darker drapes,” Brian admitted, “but the design goes well with room.”

“Thank you. So uhm… there’s towels in the attached bath if you need to shower in the morning,” Justin said, the happiness he felt from Brian’s approval of his design suddenly plummeted. He was about to say goodnight, Brian was going to be sleeping under the same roof as him, but Justin wouldn’t be beside him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be the home that Brian would share with him one day, not the home that had drawn them apart. He knew it was the liquor in his system making him have mood swings like some hormonal teenager, but just because he knew that, it didn’t make them easier to control. He felt like he was about to cry. “Goodnight, Brian.”

“Wait,” Brian grabbed Justin’s arm. “What the fuck just happened?” In seconds, Justin’s sunny expression suddenly turned sour.

“It doesn’t matter,” Justin said, firmly extracting his arm from Brian’s hold. He could see concern in Brian’s eyes, but that was the only thing he knew was real. Just a little while ago he’d been thinking about how well he could read Brian, but really he couldn’t, at least not when it really mattered.

“I can call a car service and go home,” Brian said, picking up his bag from the floor. It was obvious that him staying there overnight was bothering Justin and it would be torture for him anyway, being so close to him, so if Justin wanted him to, he’d go home. Fuck, whether or not Justin wanted him to, the smart thing would be to leave.

“No.” Justin took Brian’s bag and placed it on the bed. “If you left, I’d never hear the end of it. I’m still trying to fend off everyone’s questions about us breaking up.”

Brian was shocked, though knowing Justin’s character he really was a piece of shit for thinking that Justin would go around blabbing their business to their friends. He should’ve known that he wouldn’t. “Fuck what they think,” Brian said. “If you don’t want me here...”

“I do,” Justin said, sitting down on the bed and patting the spot beside him. Once Brian sat down next to him he admitted, “I really want this to work.”

“What is ‘this’ exactly?”

“You know,” Justin said, pushing his shoulder against Brian’s, “us being friends. It’s just going to take some getting used to.”

“So you’re not… you’re not pissed off at me?” Brian asked.

“Sometimes I am. But it’s not like I really have any reason to be, do I?”

“Yeah,” Brian laughed sourly, “you probably do.”

“What?” Justin asked, turning his body toward Brian. “Did you ever cheat on me?”

“You know I didn’t.”

Justin nodded. “Did you ever shit on me?”

“You’re not talking scat, are you?” Brian joked.

Justin half-smiled. “You know what I mean.”

“Define, ‘shit on you’,” Brian said.

“Like, did you ever do or say something to intentionally hurt me or disrespect me?”

“No.” He’d known that breaking up with Justin would hurt him, but that hadn’t been his intent.

“Did you ever promise me something and then go back on your promise?”

Possibly. “No.”

“And you never lied to me,” Justin said. “Brian, I think as far as boyfriends go, you were a damn good one.”

Brian had lied. He knew he had, but he wasn’t going to admit to that, Justin hadn’t asked him that question and he had never been so relieved. Still… “You do know who you’re talking too, don’t you?” he asked. “Brian Kinney and good boyfriend doesn’t necessarily sound right in the same sentence.”

“To me, you aren’t ‘Brian Kinney: Stud of Liberty Avenue’. You are… you were just,” Justin sighed, “my Brian, my man. I never cared about all the shit that went along with that image that you carried with you. If I had, I never would’ve wanted to be your boyfriend or even think you stood a chance at being ‘the one’ for me.”

Brian felt the effects of the liquor in his system slowly evaporating with every word Justin spoke. Still, his tongue was loose enough to allow him to ask, “Why did you?”

Justin looked down at his hands and mumbled, “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Maybe it does,” Brian insisted.

“Why?” Justin asked, looking up, tears in his eyes. “It won’t change anything, will it? We should just forget about the last six months and try to go back to where we were before.”

“If that’s what you want,” Brian agreed.

Justin hated that Brian was so effortlessly putting the ball in his court. This was exactly why they would never have had a future together. Brian wasn’t willing to verbally participate in their relationship unless he was angry or annoyed. And at that point, so much was going on inside his head that all Justin could hear out of his mouth was, ‘I don’t want you’. He had wished, _still_ wished that Brian would fight for them and not against them. “You knew what I wanted, you know what I want now,” Justin said morosely, standing and walking toward the door. He turned and faced Brian. “But I’ll take what I can get.”

The door had been closed behind Justin for at least ten minutes before Brian could bring himself to stop replaying Justin’s last words in his head. Justin wanted. They weren’t on their way to a friendship; it was impossible. At least until Justin stopped wanting something more from him. The fucker of it all was that Brian still wanted something from Justin too. No matter what intentions they both had, they weren’t ready for a platonic relationship.

Brian lay under the covers, which he could swear had Justin’s scent imbedded in them and he stared at the ceiling, contemplating the events of the night and not for the first time remembering the conversation in the hospital. They really had made a go of it; both of them had acted to the best of their abilities and tried to be ‘just friends’. They’d even accomplished it for most of the night. Then they were alone and the world became only theirs, and everything was real again.

Brian knew that what he felt for Justin could not be contained by words and he was afraid that he would not be able to take what he could get, because it was stronger than anything else he wanted for Justin. It was also a fuck of a lot stronger than friendship. So where did that leave him?

Living alone in his loft, pretending that a man like Justin couldn’t affect him, sleeping alone, being alone for the rest of his fucking life because he’d lost the only person he had ever even considered making a life with. For what? What was the reason he’d done this to them? He didn’t even know why they weren’t together anymore because the future Justin wanted, possibly aided by Brian’s drunken introspection, didn’t seem too bad to him. Actually, it seemed… almost perfect.

But maybe it was the loneliness, the lack of sex, the knowledge that Justin was in the same house sleeping, or just the alcohol playing tricks on his mind? He needed to have a good night’s rest so that he could wake up with the ability to think clearly. He couldn’t do that here with Justin feet away.

Brian pushed the duvet off him, grabbed his cell phone and called a car service to pick him up. He dressed, made the bed and scrawled a quick note, leaving it on the fridge for Justin or any of his friends to see when they woke. He bundled himself in his coat, set the alarm to Justin’s house and slipped outside. Thankfully, because the service had dropped him off earlier, they had no trouble finding the place and an hour later, he climbed into his bed.

Alone, in the dark, Brian’s thoughts strayed and he began reminiscing about the month before he met Justin. He thought about who he’d been then, the things he’d believed in and how happy he’d thought himself to be. He had been content, but not happy, which was a startling realization. Using the word content to describe his life irked him, because, to him, it was synonymous with the word boring. How oblivious he’d been to his true reality was almost comical to him now as he thought about his life before Justin.

He thought he’d had it all, every single thing he’d ever wanted or worked for, he’d accomplished and experienced. He had the top pick of any man he wanted to fuck. He’d considered his life exciting because he flew to exotic places for short vacations, landed some of the most sought after businesses as clients, attended orgies where he was the main attraction, and had a son whom he loved and group of friends who were family. Looking at his life now, there was only one thing that he’d once deemed valuable that he still considered important; and that was his relationship with his friends and son.

He remembered being at family gatherings and poking fun at his friends’ relationships. He thought them weak and needy for wanting those relationships; thought something was wrong with them because they couldn’t bear to be on their own. He’d thought he had it all figured out when he sank into an anonymous ass or mouth; thought that, among all his friends, he was the one who still saw things clearly. And now he’d become just as pathetic as them. There he was, given the all clear to go back and down that same road again, back to his old life. All he needed to do was get dressed and fuck the night away with a few random tricks. And by sundown, his life as he’d known it before Justin Taylor walked in, would resume.

“Life,” Brian spoke the word and laughed when it sounded empty, meaningless.

All the moments he spent with Justin. It was through Justin that he’d truly learned to be confident in ways he only thought he’d been. And he learned how to be happy in ways he’d never understood could be possible for him. He had changed because he’d made compromises for? Justin, but, despite his fears, he didn’t turn into a lesbian because of it. He still felt like himself. Well, not quite, because without Justin, it felt as though a big part of him was missing. He’d thought he was doing the right thing by staying away from him, but tonight he realized that he wasn’t.

Justin wasn’t happier without him and he wasn’t going to be happy without Justin so there really was only one thing to do. Brian had to take the final step and change his mind to accept that, minor differences notwithstanding, Justin’s and his wants and needs were basically the same. He just had to find the courage to face them.

Brian had to accept that if he was going to be with Justin, then marriage would be the ultimate goal in their relationship Brian would not only agree to marry Justin one day, but he also would have to stand behind this decision instead of just going through with it for Justin’s sake. He would have to believe in what marriage meant. But what did it mean? He began listing off all the negatives and somehow he’d turned each one into a positive and soon he began listing off in his head what good things there were about marriage and with Justin as his spouse, those things just kept coming and coming until he had to force himself to stop thinking about them and began to laugh uproariously in surprise at his thoughts.

Justin hadn’t made him change his views, at least not by demanding Brian change them; Brian had changed by himself. He believed in marriage, as long as that marriage would include Justin Taylor, because Justin had shown him that he could believe in something that upon principle was simply believing in his love for you, believing in what you shared with him and believing in your love for him.

Given the other option for his life, Brian decided that when it came down to it, he could definitely believe. He _did_ believe.

***

All the guests had woken up and, knowing how exhausted Justin was from planning the party, they let him sleep and helped themselves to breakfast. Afterward, they left to begin their days after Michael insisted that he didn’t mind staying to clean up on his own, because he was the only one who didn’t have work or studying to do. Daphne and Sam offered to take Ben and Hunter home; Hunter had exams to study for and Ben had exams to prepare, so they left Michael with the car. Michael busied himself by cleaning up the mess in the pool house and billiard room, trying hard not to think about the note he’d found stuck to fridge that morning. He had worried about what Justin’s reaction to it would be. Finished with the clean up, he saw that it was almost one o’clock and his worry for Justin increased. They had all gone to bed late and he wondered if Justin and Brian had stayed up even later and something disastrous had happened that caused Brian to make his quick exit.

Michael didn’t mean to snoop, his intentions were pure. He wanted to check on Justin and make sure his friend was okay before he left. So he went upstairs toward what Justin had pointed out as the master bedroom during the home tour yesterday. He knocked a few times on the door, received no response and tried the handle. The door wasn’t locked, so as not to startle Justin awake, he slowly opened it and found… an empty room? Goosebumps prickled up on his skin and he quickly closed the door, feeling like he’d just majorly invaded upon Justin’s privacy.

The door across the hall, which Justin had told everyone was only a storage room, suddenly opened and Justin stood in the doorway wearing only a pair of oversized gray sweats, looking sleep rumpled and caught off guard as he looked from the door of the master bedroom to Michael and then back again.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, slowly backing away from the door. “I… uh… Everyone’s gone home and I stayed to clean up. I was just about to leave but wanted to make sure you were okay and so I figured I’d see if you were in there, but you’re not, obviously, because you’re…”

“It’s all right, Michael,” Justin interrupted, stepping into the hallway, his face flushing with embarrassment. He shrugged his shoulders. “Now you know I didn’t have time to decorate that room before my housewarming party.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said sincerely, sorry for more than just going into a room Justin had declared off limits. His eyes caught the bright color of paint in the room Justin had come out of and his stomach twisted as he realized the real reason behind Justin not showing off that room too. “Justin…”

“No,” Justin said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s too early for any talk about Brian or my stupid dreams for us.”

“But they’re not stupid,” Michael insisted. He walked over to Justin and enveloped him in a tight hug. “You have every right to dream whatever you want to.”

Justin laughed sarcastically and pulled away. “Don’t you get it? I let _my_ dreams come between what should’ve been _our_ dreams, _our_ life and Brian can’t forget… or forgive that. I understand that, I do. I’ve come to accept it.”

“If you have, then why haven’t you decorated your master bedroom? Why have you been sleeping in there?” He pointed to the room that even with the little view he got he knew was designed for Gus. “Why didn’t you show anyone that room?”

“I wanted to talk to Brian about it first,” Justin said. “I wanted to make sure he was okay with me having a room for Gus here even if we aren’t together. I only slept in there last night because you guys were in all the guest rooms, usually I sleep in the one downstairs.”

Michael didn’t recall seeing one downstairs, but he knew that it was probably the one he’d given Brian to stay in, that had to mean something. “Why would you need Brian’s approval? You and I both know Brian wouldn’t mind.”

“Jesus,” Justin groaned, “it really is too early for this and I’m hungry.” He rubbed his stomach and made to walk down the hall.

Michael stepped into Justin’s path. “I know it’s early, but I hear people do their best learning first thing when they wake up and as my mother once said, ‘I want you to hear what I have to say on an empty stomach because maybe then you’ll digest it’. Okay?”

Justin backed up against the wall and slowly slid down and sat on the rug. “Fine,” he moaned, “I’m listening, lecture away.”

Michael crouched down in front of him. “I’m your friend, just remember I’m speaking entirely from a friend’s point of view and believe it or not, I am totally objective where you and Brian’s relationship is concerned.”

“Whatever, just say it,” Justin said, refusing to look at Michael and staring at the pattern on the rug instead.

“You need to get over Brian, buy some fucking furniture, finish Gus’ room and show it to the kid, make Gus happy and move on.”

Justin looked up sharply and his eyes widened. “What?”

“The day you had that allergic reaction and were hospitalized, I met Brian for breakfast and he told me that you two were supposed to go buy master bedroom furniture together. In fact, he told me all about your house and…”

“He was freaking out,” Justin cut in, sighing.

“Yeah, he was. But we got to talking and by the time he left, he seemed to be on the right track and he was determined to tell you how he felt and talk to you and resolve the ‘oh my god, he wants to turn me into a hetero’ feelings he was having in response to you buying this fucking huge ass house. I have no idea what was said, he won’t tell me and you say nothing about it. So whatever your conversation was, I know it went wrong. What Brian had planned to say to you, must not have gotten said because I know that if he had said it, you guys would’ve picked out that furniture and you’d have probably showed Gus his bedroom last night!”

“You and my mother both think that Brian had a plan,” Justin said. “But no one knows for sure and I can’t just guess as to what it was. I’m not psychic.”

“Brian pretends to take risks and live life on a whim, but you and I both know that’s just one little part of him. He plans, he executes and he doesn’t fail. But… he must’ve failed, right?”

“I gave him another chance,” Justin said, remembering this fact once again. “I asked him, practically begged for him to say…”

“Another fucked Brian Kinney trait,” Michael interrupted. “You can count on his honesty, but the man lies by omission so often that he’s made it an art form. You just have to think about the Brian you first met. You seemed to be on to him. So maybe he was on to you too and you just didn’t know it.”

“I was never on to Brian,” Justin said. “Not really. That’s the problem, Michael. I never knew if Brian was sticking with me for the same reason I wanted to be with him or if it was because I was just some experiment in his mid-life crisis and he didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

Michael sat down beside Justin and put his arm around him. “I guess I can’t argue with that. It’s hard enough being his friend when he won’t talk to me about how he feels, so I can only imagine how hard it is to be his boyfriend.”

“Being his boyfriend wasn’t hard,” Justin said. “What would’ve been hard was being his partner, but that wasn’t meant to be. We’re too different and we want different things for our futures. We ended things amicably, so there really isn’t any reason for you to worry.”

“So you’re going to move on, then?” Michael asked.

Justin stood up and forced a smile as he helped pull Michael to stand too. “I have no choice but to move on and so, the first step will be me going shopping for my master bedroom.”

“Oh.” Michael was severely disappointed. He’d hoped that he’d be able to get Justin to see that what he and Brian wanted wasn’t all that different. He knew they loved one another and fuck the saying that ‘sometimes love just ain’t enough’ because he knew that love could overcome anything.

“Retail therapy might just be exactly what I need to jumpstart my life,” Justin said. “Just last night Sam was telling me that his brother just started working at Weisshouse and that if I needed anything else for the house I’d get a discount if I mentioned him. I think I’m going to get cleaned up and go there right now. Did you want to come with me?”

“Nah, I think you should pick up the items for your sanctuary alone, it might be liberating for you.”

“Maybe,” Justin agreed. If only he could believe that. Buying furniture for the master bedroom without Brian felt wrong, but he knew he had to if he was really going to move forward with his life. Brian wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. It was time to move on. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that Brian has moved on too, isn’t it?”

Michael had been thinking the total opposite if Brian’s behavior with Justin last night during the card game was anything to go by. He wasn’t sure what exactly to say to Justin. He didn’t want to get his hopes up by denying it because he honestly wasn’t sure if Brian would ever step up to the plate and admit that he loved Justin and wanted a future with him. Still he wondered why Justin thought that. “Why do you say that?”

“Emmett told me about seeing Brian in the backroom a few weeks back,” Justin said softly.

“Justin….”

“I know, I know,” Justin said, “it isn’t my place to care who he is with anymore. I broke up with him, did you know that?”

“Sort of,” Michael admitted.

“So of course he wasn’t going to continue to be with only me when we broke up… it’s just that now…” Justin sighed deeply and rubbed at his eyes. “It really is over.”

Michael wasn’t sure if Justin knew that Brian had confided in him about the ‘no condoms’ issue so he treaded carefully and asked, “What exactly did Emmett tell you?”

“He said he saw Brian going into the backroom but I didn’t want to hear about it. It hurts. Even if we aren’t together, that’s not something I want to hear about.”

Michael nodded in understanding and tried to remain calm as his mind was running wild with what he just found out. Justin obviously didn’t hear the whole story and he wasn’t privy to any of the conversation people had been having about Brian’s lack of sex life. He wanted to tell Justin the truth, but without knowing if that would give Justin false hope, he just couldn’t do it. Nobody could speak for Brian anymore, he would have to do it himself.

Brian shoved a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth and turned the cereal box so he could view the back. There were new games on it, these ones with a winter theme. Justin often complained about having to do the same games over and over because the back of the cereal boxes rarely changed; he’d like this one. It didn’t matter that the word search was simple, the ‘one of these is not like the other’ pictures had only one difference to find or that the word scramble could be completed by a five year old, Justin loved the games on the back of cereal boxes, but proclaimed that the Cheerios box had the best ones and he’d do them repeatedly. Brian thought about how Justin’s face had lit up like it was Christmas morning the last time the back changed. This time, it really was Christmas morning on the back of the box and he imagined how stupidly excited Justin would be to do the games. Since he woke up he’d been continuously trying to distract himself from thinking about Justin, because even though he decided that he wanted the same things as Justin did, he had no idea how to go about to getting him back.

His cell phone began to ring, providing a much needed divergence from his dismal line of thinking. Brian considered not answering it when he saw the caller ID, but at this point he gladly accepted any distraction. “Mikey,” he drawled, answering the phone.

“Thank you for the hospitality,” Michael’s voice shouted over the line. “I had to take care of some urgent business and couldn’t stay!”

Brian grunted, “You found the note.”

“Yeah, it’s a good fucking thing too. No one else saw it and I didn’t give it to Justin. I threw it away.”

“Why the fuck did you do that?” Brian asked.

“Because you sounded like an asshole. This has to stop.”

“I don’t generally pass gas out of my mouth so I don’t know what makes you think I could sound like an asshole.”

“Don’t be gross and obtuse. He doesn’t realize you didn’t leave early when everyone else did because he didn’t wake up until after they left. But I stayed to do clean up and…”

“What’s your fucking problem?” Brian interrupted. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Would you have preferred that I left without saying anything at all? Fuck, now he’s going to think…”

“He thinks you don’t want him,” Michael cut in. “He thinks… Brian, Justin thinks you don’t love him.”

Brian hoped that wasn’t true because he’d have to work even harder to get Justin back if Justin had lost all belief in him. “He thinks or he…”

“Stop interrupting and listen to me,” Michael demanded. “Are you listening?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking listening,” Brian growled, holding the phone away from his ear. It may be the afternoon but he’d only woken up an hour ago and it was too early to be shouted at. Fuck, he hated being shouted at any time of the fucking day!

“Justin wants you. He’s in love with you and you two aren’t going to make it as friends… at least not _only_ friends, because you’re in love with him too. Whatever disagreement you two had, whatever it is that you allowed him to believe so that he wouldn’t fucking see how hurt you were or how terrified you are of admitting that he’s the one for you, now and in the future… whatever the fuck that was, you need to fix it. Immediately.”

“I do, huh?” Brian had figured that out last night, he certainly didn’t need Michael to tell him that. However… “How do you suggest I do this miraculous thing?”

“Talk to him.”

“That doesn’t generally work in my favor,” Brian said. “Do you have any clue as to how wrong everything went the last time you told me to talk to him?”

“Something went wrong, I get that, but this time you’re going to make sure it doesn’t. All you have to do is be honest with him. Telling him how you feel won’t make you sound like a lesbian or a hetero. It will make you sound like a human being in love. This may be your only chance at…”

“Fine.”

“Fine?” Michael shrieked in shock.

“Fine.” Brian realized there really was no other option than to just talk to Justin and be completely honest about how he felt. Michael was right about that. “I’m going to talk to him and tell him how I…”

“How you feel?” Michael prompted. “You’re not going to chicken out. You’re going to do it because you want to be happy and you want him to be happy too, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you need to go see him now, don’t wait to call him because you may lose your chance to be with him if you wait any longer.”

Brian had an eerie feeling settle over him. “Why? Has he met someone and no one told me? Is he going on a date tonight or something?”

“No, he hasn’t met anyone but he’s about to be open to doing so.”

Brian wasn’t exactly surprised after the way they’d left things last night. “You don’t happen to know where he is now, do you?”

“He said he was planning to goto Weisshouse and he’s going to buy the master bedroom furniture.”

“I thought he already…”

“I went to wake him up, knocked on the door and when he didn’t answer, I opened it. The master bedroom doesn’t have a single piece of furniture in it. It’s completely bare. Up until last night, he slept in one of the guest rooms he says is downstairs. It wasn’t on the tour but I’d guess it’s the one he let you stay in… if you stayed at all.”

“I stayed for a while,” Brian said. He realized why exactly it was that Justin’s scent had been on the sheets, it hadn’t been his imagination. “Where did he sleep last night if all the guest rooms were taken. His studio?”

“No,” Michael said. “I think you should ask him that yourself. So get up, get dressed and get to Weisshouse and tell him that you want to pick out the furniture for your master bedroom together.”

“He’s headed there now?” Brian asked.

“I’m actually driving behind him on the highway now,” Michael said. “He should be there in about twenty minutes. Are you getting up?”

“I’m already out of bed!”

“Good! Because my wedding is in a couple of weeks and I want the both of you there together and happy. Got me?”

“So this is just so we don’t fuck with your seating arrangements?” Brian asked.

“Fuck off and go already! And oh yeah, when you talk to Justin, make sure he knows that when Emmett was trying to tell him about seeing you in the backroom, that it was because he saw you walk away from the trick.”

“What the fuck? Justin knows about that?”

“Emmett was trying to help,” Michael explained, “but Justin cut him off and didn’t want to hear about it because he thought you’d started tricking again and he was too hurt to hear the details. Everyone but him knows you haven’t and if that isn’t proof that you still want to be with him…”

“I got it, Michael,” Brian said and snapped the phone closed.

Brian didn’t have to think much about what he would wear. He was showered and dressed in twenty minutes and as he grabbed his cell and keys from the counter his eyes fell on the box of Cheerios and he took that with him too. It wasn’t flowers but he was sure that they’d mean the same to Justin.

***

“This bed comes in both the dark wood walnut finish but also in the white oak, which can have either the white oil or the Danish oil and we do have a California King in stock of both woods.”

Justin closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself not to freak out. He faced Marisa, the attendant and told her, “I said I didn’t want a platform bed.”

“I know you did,” Marisa said, clearly out of tune with Justin’s emotional reaction to the bed she led him to. “But sometimes what someone thinks they don’t want can fit them better than…”

“I think I’d be better off looking by myself,” Justin interrupted, his temper getting the best of him. “I’ll let you know if I find something.” He briskly turned on his heels and walked in the other direction, far away from any bed that looked similar to the one in Brian’s loft.

He smiled when he saw something he didn’t expect to find in a store that sold mostly modern pieces of furniture. It was definitely not what he wanted, but he couldn’t help but investigate it further. The antique painted Chinese sleeping room had such a magical feel about it. The price was almost nine thousand dollars, but as far as he was concerned it was a steal. But he could never actually sleep in it and he knew it didn’t fit the style of his Tudor home and was nowhere near a reflection of his own personal style. Still, it was interesting and would be a definite conversation starter. He walked inside, sat down and instantly was amazed by the paintings on the inside which were far more romantic in nature than the ones on the outside panels.

“If you ever plan on sharing a bed with me, it won’t be this one.”

Justin’s heart stopped, then suddenly accelerated and he felt like it had lodged itself into his throat a moment later. He drew his eyes away from the paintings toward the familiar voice and saw Brian, bent down, looking inside the tiny room, his neutral expression doing nothing to hide the apprehension Justin could see in his eyes. He gulped and his heart, still speeding, plunged back in his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Preventing you from buying a bedroom set that would be detrimental to you getting fucked into the mattress every night.” Brian entered the room and sat down beside Justin, faced him and explained, “Michael told me you were buying furniture for the master bedroom and so I thought I’d come help you pick it out, like we planned.”

“Did I fall and hit my head or something?” Justin asked seriously. He really couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. Brian looked real, sitting there beside him in what he had told him was his favorite flower printed black shirt, dark blue jeans snug, and on top of the shirt he wore the jacket with fur around the collar. This was what Brian wore whenever Justin would conjure up a jerk off fantasy that would lead to a slow rising orgasm as he imagined himself peeling away each layer of clothing.

“Did you?” Brian asked.

“No. So… am I dreaming then?”

Brian laughed and pinched Justin’s arm through his black leather jacket. “Did you feel that?”

Justin nodded but he was still worried that he’d somehow forgotten a large span of time because Brian was behaving as if they’d already had some monumental conversation and were here _together_ as planned. “Yeah, I felt it.” Brian smelled real too and it was such a delicious scent it was leaving him feeling heady with arousal. “What’s going on?”

“I gave it some thought…” Brian said. “I know you have too. We need to,” he sucked in a deep breath and pushed it out, “talk.”

“Here?” Justin asked, trying to shake off the shock he felt from Brian showing up unexpectedly.

“Seems as good a place as any,” Brian said. “This Dojo or whatever the fuck it is wouldn’t be bad for your garden.”

“I haven’t planted a garden,” Justin said, “its winter. Now… don’t change the subject on me. You said you wanted to talk, so talk… I’m listening.”

“Okay.” It was hard for Brian to believe that he was actually going to do this. He’d thought about what he was going to say on the drive over. He’d even arranged it in his head like he would to sell a pitch to a client… which he knew might work, but it could also leave room for interpretation and he didn’t want that. He wanted to be Justin’s man and if that meant he’d have to occasionally have uncomfortably exposing conversations then he would resolve to do it. He wanted to simplify things as much as much possible. “There’s something you need to know.”

Justin waited almost a full minute for Brian to say more and when he didn’t, he prompted him, “What?”

“You didn’t let Emmett tell you everything he saw when he spied on me in the backroom.”

“We aren’t together, Brian. Friends don’t share all the details of their sex lives, do they?”

“I haven’t been with anyone but you.”

“You’re serious?” Justin asked, stunned.

“Yeah,” Brian spoke in a soft tone, “I… I just couldn’t…” Brian reached up to place his hands on Justin’s biceps but thought better of it and dropped his hands into his lap.“Do you understand?”

Tears of relief and joy clouded Justin’s vision and he nodded his head emphatically. “Yes.”

“Last night when you said I hadn’t lied to you, that wasn’t true. When we talked that day at the hospital, I lied to you. I do want you and I want the same fucking future that you want, give or take a few things we’ll have to compromise on.”

Brian looked so vulnerable and if it weren’t for them being in the middle of a furniture store, Justin would’ve probably broken down crying with happiness.

“Say something,” Brian requested, his voice cracking.

“You say that you want the same future as me, but what compromises are you talking about? Because marriage is something I’m not going to compromise on. I told you that when we first started dating and…”

“I want that,” Brian interrupted, “one day… I want that with you.”

“But it’s still hypothetical, isn’t it? How do I know that when something big happens in our lives you aren’t going to get overwhelmed and run from us again?”

“It isn’t hypothetical,” Brian admitted. “I’ve thought about marrying you and the thought is as real as it can be without actually being married to you.”

Justin wanted what Brian was saying to be true, but now he was worried that Brian was running toward marriage just because it was the only way to be with him. He may have made peace with the _idea_ of marriage, but how would he react when it actually, really came to that? “How do I know that you’re not only saying this because it’s an idea that I forced on you? You should do what makes _you_ happy, Brian.”

“I am. When I said we’d have to compromise on things, I did mean the hypothetical ‘little things’, but I didn’t mean marriage. No one forces me to do anything. I changed my mind. It’s as simple as that.”

“No,” Justin said, “it isn’t simple. You need to tell me why you changed your mind, Brian.”

“Last night, after I went home I did a lot of thinking and I realized that my views on marriage have been changing ever since I met you. But there were still all these bad things I thought about it. But then, all on my own, I started thinking about how with you… none of it would be bad. I believe in marriage if the person I’m going to have as my spouse is you, because I believe in us. We wouldn’t have a marriage like Michael and Ben or Lindsay and Melanie. It’d be different, but it’d be right for us.”

Justin took a long deep breath as he processed Brian’s reply. Looking into his eyes, Justin could see how serious Brian was, how much he believed in what he was saying. It was overwhelming.“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You?” Brian asked, feeling slightly relieved when he saw Justin’s happy expression.

“I do know… what to say.”

“What’s that?” Brian whispered.

Justin shifted so that their faces were inches apart, put his hands on Brian’s shoulders, pulled him in close and right before their lips met, he whispered, “I love you.”

***

Justin sat on the arm of the sofa beside Brian, idly running his fingers through Brian’s hair. Brian’s was resting his head on his leg, eyes open and fixed on Justin’s face as he talked about some mathematic theory that only Ted and Melanie could follow. Justin liked to watch boring internet videos about that kind of stuff and afterwards geeked out about it to Brian, who didn’t understand half of what Justin was saying but liked to watch him anyway. And now Justin had the perfect audience.

“Look at them,” Debbie whispered and pointed into the living room.

Blake, Lindsay and Michael were in various areas of the kitchen helping to clean up so they could get to the much anticipated poker game. The three of them all stopped what they were doing and walked closer to Debbie to look at who she was talking about.

“They’re in love,” Blake observed and his eyes met Ted’s for a moment and he smiled at him once before looking back at the couple under their scrutiny.

Lindsay sighed, “I never thought I’d see Brian Kinney in love.”

“You ain’t the only one, kid,” Debbie said in a quiet voice. “I hoped, but as the years went on and he just seemed to bury himself deeper and deeper into his stud image… I started to lose hope.”

“I used to think that if it were going to be anyone, it would be me,” Michael admitted. “When I met Ben… when I realized he was the one, I felt guilty because I knew that I wouldn’t be the one for Brian if he ever did really believe we’d live together as two old queens one day.”

“He probably did believe that,” Blake said, “whether or not Ben was around.”

“Maybe,” Lindsay agreed, “but I think there’s only one queen he’s going to be sipping margaritas with when he’s old and gray.” Lindsay gave her friends a giddy smile. “Have you ever seen him look at anyone like that?”

“Definitely not,” Michael said.

“Justin has his complete attention,” Blake whispered.

“And he’s talking about something I’m not even going to pretend I understand,” Debbie added.

“Something about math,” Michael said. “Brian’s worst and most hated subject in school and yet, he looks completely enthralled by it.”

“Then we should go find out what’s so interesting about it,” Lindsay said, rubbing her hands together.

“So, Brian, what’s so interesting about this new theory?” Blake asked, walking into the living room and sitting beside Ted.

Brian’s head popped up from Justin’s leg and asked, “What makes you think I’m even remotely interested in what these geeks are talking about?”

“Excuse us for being up to date with current events,” Melanie griped.

Blake grinned evilly, Brian really was asking for it. He looked over at Michael, Debbie and Lindsay who had joined them in the room. “What do you guys think? Brian seemed really fascinated with what Justin was talking about, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I think Justin gave you a new appreciation for mathematics, hasn’t he, Brian?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brian groused and rose to a sitting position.

Debbie said, “You were looking at Justin like...”

“Like he wants to take me home?” Justin tried to help.

Debbie laughed. “Kid, don’t tell me you’ve invented a new a kink. Shit, Brian, now you really have done it all, haven’t you?”

“What kink?” Brian demanded. “I was just fucking relaxing here about to…”

“E equals MC squared!” Lindsay panted, pretending like she was having an orgasm.

Everyone laughed and Ben couldn’t help but join in on the teasing. “Or is it the multiplication facts that turn you on?”

“Or addition,” Emmett said. “50,” he huffed and puffed, “plus nineteen equals…”

“Sixty nine!” Everyone except Justin and Brian yelled together in fake orgasmic bliss.

“Oh god,” Justin groaned and covered his blushing face.

“Christ, you’re lucky Gus is asleep upstairs,” Brian said. “And you think I’m a bad influence on him.”

Debbie ruffled Brian and Justin’s hair as she passed by them to sit next to Carl. “You boys were just being so sweet.”

Brian cringed. “I’m not sweet.”

Justin put his hand on the back of Brian’s neck and pulled their mouths together, passionately kissing him and then pulling back. “Actually, you taste sweet.”

“It was all that chocolate cake you fed him,” Michael said.

“Just one more bite, Brian,” Ted teased. “You can do it, honey bear.”

“Oh my god!” Brian yelled and stood up. He grabbed Justin’s hand. “Let’s go, we’re leaving.”

“Oh come on,” Melanie said, “we’re just teasing you.”

“We’re just so happy to see you two doing so well,” Lindsay said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I kept telling Deb you two would come to your senses eventually,” Carl added.

“Come to our senses?” Justin asked. “It wasn’t me who was spending all my time having family dinners with each one of you.”

Brian couldn’t believe that Justin dared to bring that up and felt heat rising in cheeks. To stop Justin from saying anything else that would embarrass him he dropped back onto the couch, pulled Justin onto his lap and fused their mouths together.

“Oh, get a room!” Debbie said.

“Or not,” Emmett said.

Brian turned to look at his friends and gave them a devilish smirk and shifted Justin to the sofa cushion beside him. “I think you’ve all seen enough.”

Justin was breathing heavily and feeling a little dazed from the oxygen deprivation. “So… are we going to play cards or what?” he asked, wanting desperately to no longer be the center of attention.

“How about we play that game Michael was telling me you guys played?” Debbie asked, walking over to the drawer where the deck of cards was stashed.

“No way,” Lindsay said. “I hear Brian and Justin have some sort of telekinesis and won like every single hand.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t know Melanie as well as I know Justin,” Brian said.

“Is that a challenge?” Melanie asked.

“Damn right it is,” Brian said. “In fact, to make it easier on for you, me and Justin won’t even previously discuss anything.”

“But you already know what your ‘tells’ will be,” Michael said.

“And so do you,” Justin said.

“No,” Ted said, “all of us don’t, because we all didn’t play with you.”

“Actually, even those of us who played don’t know them,” Ben admitted.

“Aww… come on, I doubt they’re that good,” Carl said. “I love that game, used to play it all the time with the guys on the force. Now that’s a game to play with men whose job it is to discern between truths and lies.”

“Kemps it is,” Debbie declared.

“You really have no idea what you’re in for, Ma,” Michael warned.

Justin kissed Brian’s cheek and whispered, “Same as before?”

“Uh-huh,” Brian agreed. “This time we might be even better than before.”

Justin grinned widely. “Because we’re together.”

A chorus of ‘awws’ was heard around the room but neither Brian nor Justin cared. They were about to show each and every one of their friends how good they were together.

***

Justin walked into the conference office and smiled at Sydney and Lindsay who sat on the sofa in the seating area of the room. They didn’t look upset, on the contrary, his bosses were smiling. Still, he felt weary of why exactly they had called him in on his day off for a sudden meeting. He’d seen Lindsay last night and she hadn’t said a thing to him about work and he hoped that if there was a problem she would’ve warned him beforehand. “Hi,” he offered nervously.

“Hello, Justin,” Sydney spoke smiling and offering his hand for Justin to shake.

“Hi, Justin,” Lindsay greeted, standing up to hug Justin. “Thanks for coming in. I hope we didn’t ruin your plans for this afternoon.”

“No, it’s no problem.” The only plans he had was to shop for Ben and Michael’s wedding gift and then lounge around his pool while he waited for Brian to call him and tell him to meet him at the loft after he got off work so that he could help Brian start to pack.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” Sydney offered, pointing the empty leather chair across from him.

“Okay.” Justin sat down and folded his hands in his lap so he wouldn’t begin the nervous habit of wringing them or drumming them on his legs.

Sydney reached for a black folder from the table beside him. “I’d like you to take a look a look at these,” he said and handed it to Justin.

Justin opened the folder and the first thing he saw was a photograph of one of the paintings he’d had in the last student art show at PIFA. He turned to the next page and there he saw a picture of the painting he had done for his final project, Brian’s naked torso and stomach his sculpted arms crossed over his belly. The next page showed two pictures, both of small abstract paintings that had been featured in PIFA’s student magazine when they’d done a spotlight student feature on him. Justin continued to look through the folder and on every page there were photos of his work, even some sketches he’d done in high school for various competitions. He was confused as to why they were showing him this. Some of the paintings he’d submitted in his portfolio when he first applied for the position at the gallery, but others he had never shown Lindsay or Sydney. When he turned to the last page, his body turned ice cold. “How... how did you get these?” he asked, glancing up at his bosses. “What is all of this?”

“I keep track of local talent,” Sydney said, “I always have. You never know when you might discover the next Andy Warhol.”

Justin pointed to the last page and looked at Lindsay. “Did you take this?” He was sure Sydney didn’t have access to Brian’s loft.

Lindsay nodded. “Brian left his scarf at Debbie’s last night so this morning I went by Brian’s to drop it off. I saw that he’d replaced the painting he sold to us with this and I could see why he would. Justin, it’s amazing.”

“It was private,” Justin said, trying not to sound as angry as he was. “That was a private piece for Brian. He knew that. I can’t believe he let you take a picture of it.”

“He didn’t,” Lindsay admitted warily. “Brian had already gone to work,” she told him and leaned forward to squeeze his knee. “Justin, you’ve never been shy about showing me your work before, I didn’t think you’d mind. If I had, I never would’ve taken the picture.”

Justin closed the folder and leaned away from Lindsay’s touch, causing her hand to drop away from his leg. “All this other stuff was in public art shows,” he explained, “that wasn’t.”

“Justin, please don’t be angry with Lindsay,” Sydney said. “She was so excited when she saw it and I’m glad she took a picture of it and showed it to me this morning. I think when you hear why we’ve asked you to come in today, you’ll be glad she took that picture too.”

“Okay,” Justin said. “Why?”

Sydney said, “I’ve seen a lot panel pieces in my years as an art lover, but I’ve never seen one that evokes so much emotion. You managed to create a four panel piece that has no division from one to the next. I haven’t had the pleasure to see it in person, but from a photograph, I saw the painting as a whole piece long before I realized that it was four paintings as one. Whether it’s a model you used or your imagination, the man in that painting is stunningly human, no matter the abstract style you painted him in. The work you showed at the emerging artists show and your extensive love and knowledge of art is the reason I hired you, but that piece is the reason why I want to give you your own show here at the gallery.”

Justin gulped around the lump in his throat and asked, “Are you serious?”

“Completely,” Sydney said, grinning.

Lindsay laughed when she saw Justin’s mouth drop open in shock. “You know you’re a great artist,” she told him. “You deserve to have your work displayed here.”

“Oh my god,” Justin whispered, his heart racing.

“Do you remember last week we severed the contract with Danielle Browning because her agent told us that she would not be ready to show in January?” Lindsay asked.

Justin nodded. “Yes. We replaced her with Steven Lathrup, right?”

“Well, Sydney and I thought of him as a replacement but we weren’t sure he was ready for his own show so we’ve still been looking. We’ve only got a few days before we need to do advertisement for it and send out invitations. Anyone we’ve been mildly interested in has pieces that we like, but we’ve been hesitating on offering them the show, both because of the short time period and because we’d been thinking of offering it to you. When I walked in the loft and saw that painting, Justin, I just had to take a picture of it and show Sydney. All the work you’ve done up until now has been beautiful expressions of your talent, but that piece is exactly what we’ve been looking for from the other artists and here you were, the whole time, right under our nose and we know you’re ready for this.”

“Justin,” Sydney continued to explain, “I always planned to put your work in more of our shows here, but you need a solo show and we need an artist with your talent and caliber of work.”

“So, we’re hoping you’ll say yes,” Lindsay said. “The show opens on Friday, January 6th and will close on the 8th.”

Justin’s heart was beating so fast he could hardly believe he was actually hearing what he was. “Pinch me,” he requested. Two amazing things in two days’ time had to be impossible right?

Lindsay and Sydney laughed and he said, “Justin, I know a lot of the work you do is on large canvases. We’d hold the show on the top floor here, so there’s a lot of space for them but we’d love to see smaller pieces too.”

“How many pieces would I need?” Justin asked, mentally thinking about the work he had created in his new studio that he hadn’t shown anyone.

“I think we should see what you have for now, do some measurements and maybe that will be enough to fill the gallery,” Lindsay told him. “If it isn’t, we’ll space the canvases further apart, maybe add some draping to make it all feel more mysterious.”

“We understand that piece you gave your boyfriend isn’t for sale,” Sydney said, “but we’d like to show it here.”

Justin’s eyes widened, he wasn’t sure if he could handle so many people seeing a painting of him naked. Only Brian had guessed that it was him, but he was self-conscious of anyone else realizing it. However, that piece was the reason he was offered a solo show so he couldn’t exactly refuse. “Okay.”

Sydney grinned. “That’s great. So, Lindsay told me that you have a new studio at your home. Do you think you and she could take a trip out there with you today and you can show her anything we haven’t seen that you might like to put in the show? She’ll take some photos and dimensions and we’ll start getting everything together.”

“Sure,” Justin said, happily. “Though there are two pieces I’m working on that I might like for the show but they’re not finished yet.”

“We still have over a month before the show,” Lindsay said encouragingly. “If you think you might need some time off work to complete them I’m sure we can give you that.”

“But I already was off work so much,” Justin said. “I couldn’t do that to you guys.” He made commission from the paintings he sold, but that was on top of the salary he made and he didn’t like to think he wasn’t contributing enough to the gallery to earn it.

“Right now you need to concentrate on your art,” Sydney said. “We want you to continue working here. You’re amazing at your job, but Justin we want you to succeed at what we know you’re meant to do. If that means we pick up a little of the slack around so you can have time to do that for a show that will bring us tons of business, then that’s what we’ll need to do.”

Lindsay stood up. “So are you ready to head out to your house now?”

Justin rose to his feet and felt a little shaky. He could hardly believe that this was actually happening. “Yes, let’s go.” He thanked Sydney again and then followed Lindsay out of the gallery to his car. For all the crap he’d dealt with this year, it had also been the best year of his life.

***

Brian looked at the profit and earnings yearly statement Ted had given him and then looked up at his employee and asked, “You haven’t suddenly forgotten your math skills have you, Theodore?”

Ted had the audacity to glare at Brian. “We’ve had a good year. The best year Exhibition has had yet. So what do you think you’re going to do with your share of the profits?”

“Any suggestions?” Brian asked. “Last time I bought Babylon, what do you think I should buy now?”

“The diner? Your favorite boutique,” Ted suggested with a laugh. “Any of the other places you regularly frequent.”

“The diner isn’t a bad idea,” Brian said, “have you heard that Frank is selling?”

“No,” Ted replied, “but I can find out. Though whatever the price, it will be small change compared to what will be in your bank account.”

“So, what are you planning to do with your profits?” Brian asked.

“I’ll donate enough for a tax break and I suggest you do the same. I’ll also invest some but I plan to buy a house for me and Blake. You could always do the same.”

“How very sensible of you, Theodore,” Brian said. “But in case you forgot, Justin just bought a mansion; one, I hear, you said was a good investment.”

Ted laughed. “Brian, I told him buying a house would be a good investment, I had no idea about the mansion. I was away on business with you when he bought it, remember?”

Brian nodded. “So you were.”

Ted grinned slyly. “So, what does Justin buying a house have to do with you buying one? Are you two living together now?”

Brian scoffed, “What business is it of yours?” Brian’s desk phone rang, stopping any reply from Ted. He picked up the phone. “Yes, Jeffery, I thought I told you not to disturb me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kinney, but you said not to disturb you unless Justin calls,” Jeffrey said.

“I told you to put him through if he called,” Brian corrected.

“Right,” Jeffery said, “but I can’t do that because he’s here.”

“Then send him in,” Brian said and hung up. He looked up at Ted and waved him off, “I’ve got business to attend to. Pick out some charities and I’ll see what I think of them.”

Ted had overheard who Jeffery said was there to visit Brian. “Business, really?”

“Get the fuck out of my office right now if you want to keep your job,” Brian growled.

Ted smiled smugly and walked toward the door and opened it right as Justin reached it. “Hello, Justin, good to see you again so soon.”

Justin stepped into the office and flashed Brian a smile before turning back toward Ted. “You too. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Nope, I was just going back to my office. By the way, I’m going to be looking to buy a house and put my condo on the market, could you give me your mother’s number?”

“Sure,” Justin said. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and took out one of his mother’s cards. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” Ted gave Brian a small wave. “Have a good business meeting,” he told him before shutting the door behind him.

Brian slid out of his chair and stood up to greet Justin. After kissing him thoroughly and making both of them sport erections he asked, “So what’s with the surprise visit? I thought you were going to shop in Morgantown?”

Justin pulled himself away from Brian’s hold; there was no way he could think properly with Brian’s body plastered against his. “I got a call from Sydney and he wanted me to come in for a meeting.”

“From the excitement on your face I’m going to guess that you’re not fired.”

“Nope, though I may be taking some extra time off work to finish some paintings because he and Lindsay gave me my first solo show!”

“Holy shit!” Brian grabbed Justin and spun him around while kissing him. “That’s fantastic!”

Justin kissed across Brian’s jaw and murmured, “You have no idea how fantastic I feel right now.”

Brian pulled Justin’s button up shirt out of his pants and pushed his hands underneath it, running his hands up Justin’s silky smooth torso. “No, I think I do.”

Justin giggled as he unbuckled Brian’s belt. “You’d better lock your door.”

“Ted did before he left,” Brian told him.

Justin froze. “What?”

“Ted locked the door before he left,” Brian said, working at the buttons on Justin’s shirt.

Justin dropped his hands away from Brain’s zipper. “You mean he knows what we’re going to do?”

Brian sighed. “Justin, he’s my friend, he knows me.”

“But... do your other employees know?” Justin asked cautiously.

Brian was sure that some might guess but he wasn’t going to tell Justin that. “Probably not, most of them are straight and can’t even imagine what goes on between two naked men.” He leaned down and kissed Justin until he felt the worry fade and a new, better tension take its place.

“Oh, Mr. Kinney, please show me just what does go on,” Justin requested.

***

Brian had moved most of things to the house and Justin had moved some of his things to the loft. They discussed it and decided to keep the loft so they would have somewhere close to stay when they went out at night or if they had early meetings the next day. The move had gone smoothly and they were both easily adjusting to the new living arrangements, made even more livable by their brand new master bedroom set.

Brian walked around Justin’s studio and looked at all the paintings set up for his viewing. His favorite was a painting that he thought looked like a night view of the city from above.

“Do you like that one?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded and though he wanted to know exactly how Justin interpreted it, he hesitated asking because often with abstract paintings, he preferred not to know what the artist’s message or intended subject was. “I like it,” he replied after a few more minutes of appraising it. “But...”

Justin sighed. “But what?”

Brian looked at the other canvases he’d seen so far and reluctantly spoke his opinion, “I don’t think it goes with the others.”

“Me neither,” Justin grumbled. “Lindsay says an artist’s work, unless it’s intended to be a specific series is often very different from one piece to the next but I agree with you, it doesn’t fit in with the rest of my work. I don’t think I’m going to sell it.”

“I didn’t say you shouldn’t sell it, maybe you just shouldn’t show it with the rest. Ask Lindsay how much it’s going for, because I want it.”

Justin laughed. “Brian, you already have...”

“If you did put it in the show, I would have bought it and it’d be another painting hanging in a space that no one else could buy. Just ask Lindsay and I’ll fucking buy it off you. I want it for Exhibition.”

Justin smiled. “All right, I will.” He took Brian’s hand and led him over to the next painting he hadn’t seen. This one Justin had finished last night. “Lindsay hasn’t seen this one yet. No one has.”

Brian looked at the painting and saw that he was obviously the model. His legs were drawn up to his chest and his head was bowed so his face could not be seen, but Brian knew it was his own body. The use of dark colors and the overall bleakness of the subject matter bothered him. He had sat in the position for Justin while he’d sketched him and then took pictures to work from later, but he hadn’t imagined for Justin to translate that into such an emotional and cheerless piece. “It’s sad. I look depressed.”

“The painting is a little depressing,” Justin admitted. “But it’s not because of the way he’s sitting,” he told him, “it’s because of the short unfinished looking paint strokes and how the colors fade into the background. But I was feeling kind of down when I started it so I guess that’s what it became.”

“People are going to think I’m depressed,” Brian said uncertainly.

“People will think the artist is depressed when they see that his muse is a gorgeous, stunning man.”

Brian turned toward Justin and asked, “So why were you depressed?”

“I started to paint this as soon as the swelling went down on my hands. I was thinking about our fight and about life and just feeling scared, I guess. You may be my model but sometimes I am just using your beauty to express myself, not expressing your beauty or anything literal about you,” he tried to explain. “I stopped painting it for a while but picked it up again a few days ago.”

“You sure you weren’t pissed off at me and wanted me to look like I was a sad pathetic man?” Brian teased.

Justin adamantly shook his head no. “Remember a few days ago you called me on your lunch break and told me that Melanie and Lindsay had asked Ted to be the father of their kid and that Ted had agreed?”

“What does that have to do with this?” Brian asked.

“Well… Look, I haven’t told you this and didn’t want to before because I knew you’d be weird about it...”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“While you were away on business, the same trip you were on while I bought the house, Mel and Lindsay brought Gus and his friend to the hotel to swim, remember?”

“Yeah, you told me about that.”

“They asked me to be the father of their child and I turned them down.”

“It’s taken you months to tell me about this?” Brian asked, surprised. It wasn’t like they’d broken up right after he came back from the trip. Justin had had ample opportunity to tell him and he was surprised that Lindsay hadn’t bothered to mention this.

“Hey,” Justin held his hands up in defense, “think about all that happened while you were away. At the time, if I would’ve told you they asked, you would’ve made a big deal about it before I could even tell you that I said no.”

Brian shrugged and accepted that truth.

“It just wasn’t something I wanted to talk about and not only because of what I thought your reaction might be. I guess I probably should’ve told you this before now, but I don’t plan to ever be a biological father to a child,” Justin said. “I know it is a big deal for a lot of people who may want a child with their partner, whether you do or not, which I don’t think you do… you should know that I could never give you that.”

“Well I’m pretty sure that unless you grew a twat you couldn’t,” Brian snorted.

Justin rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Some people, maybe not you, but some dream of having a child with their partner, having a child that is a biological part of their partner. I’m sorry I didn’t really explain this to you the way I should have before when we fought that day in the car. I don’t even know if you remember what I said about it.”

“I remember,” Brian said. Previously, any time he’d thought of it, the part about Justin talking about children had somehow vanished from his memory but now he was able to recall every painful word Justin had spoken. “Look, I know you have a shit load of limitations down to the fucking kind of underwear you have to buy,” Brian said, “but that isn’t necessarily a limitation you have to have.” He didn’t know if he’d ever want to raise a child with Justin, couldn’t say for sure that he wouldn’t one day in the future, possibly, desiring this. But he still didn’t exactly understand why Justin didn’t want a biological child for himself. The reason he’d given Brian the day they fought didn’t sit right with him.

“It’s like I said,” Justin told him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I wouldn’t want my child to have to deal with the shit I have.”

“Your life is that bad?” Brian implored, curious.

“You do recall that I almost died not long ago, right?”

“Allergies aren’t always genetic,” Brian told him. “I’ve done my research. The odds are that your kid won’t be allergic to any of the things you are.”

“But the odds aren’t in my favor because people in my family have allergens more often than not. I have a dozen more than my mother and she has more than my grandmother. What if my kid was allergic to the sun or some shit?”

Brian snorted. “I’m pretty sure that’s actually a gene mutation and doesn’t have anything to do with...”

“Why do you care?” Justin asked frustrated. “I mean... I’m glad you care, but I don’t know why you’re pushing me about it when you don’t even want kids.”

“I don’t think you should put limits on what you want,” Brian said simply. “That’s all.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but there’s really no point in discussing it now.”

Brian gestured to the painting. “It’s what made you paint that.”

Justin turned and put his hands on Brian’s shoulders and shook him a little. “You are so frustrating.”

“You’re the one who said we should talk about important shit.”

Justin frowned. “So, is this something that you think is going to cause us to break up if we don’t talk about it?”

Brian shook his head. “I guess not, but...”

Justin shut him up with a kiss and said, “Then we can talk about it if the time comes that we ever need to, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You can see how I feel about it,” he pointed to the painting, “right?”

Brian did, but that was what worried him. “Just because it’s on the canvas doesn’t mean it isn’t still in here.” He placed his hand in Justin’s and squeezed it. “I just don’t want you to feel hopeless.”

Justin smiled softly. “Brian, I wouldn’t have used your image while expressing a feeling like hopelessness. I’d never do that, because you’re who I focus on; even if the painting isn’t about you, you’re the one who makes me not feel like I can make all my dreams become reality and that’s why I used you instead of myself.”

***

Brian looked around the vast master closet and a pleased grin slowly appeared on his face. All of his and Justin’s clothing and shoes were neatly hung on the racks, folded in the drawers or placed in the designated cubbies in the top of the line closet system. Still, the closet looked almost bare. For years, Brian had limited his clothing in ways that pained him. He would be forced to donate some of his favorite items just to make room for new pieces because his storage locker at the loft could not maintain an appropriate regulated temperature to do his clothing justice. Even wrapped in protective garment bags his clothing would be at risk of shrinking, stretching or a handful of other minute damages to the materials that Brian’s keen eye would pick up. Brian felt that he would do a disservice to his clothing if he even tried to use the storage locker to store his clothing as he alternated between the seasons, so his revolving wardrobe had been limited.

He’d kept all the clothing he owned in that teeny tiny closet and pair of dressers, never wanting to ruin the design of the loft by adding an armoire, or by building an additional closet. He couldn’t imagine ever sharing his bedroom closet with anyone. If he did, he would’ve had to give more clothes away and it would have seriously impeded upon his dry cleaning schedule.

Brian’s grin grew brighter as he realized that he would never have to worry about that again. In fact, Brian needed to go shopping so that the unused custom drawers, racks and cubbies didn’t feel neglected. He began to take mental notes of how many pairs of shoes he would need, how many articles of clothing would fill the empty space of the racks and how many drawers needed new ties, belts, jeans and jocks.

“What are you grinning about?” Justin asked, arms crossed over his chest as he peered at Brian in the closet.

Brian tapped his lip with his pointer finger a few times before asking, “Are you going to use that whole side?”

Justin looked at his pathetic array of clothing. Compared to Brian’s side, his own looked barren. “At some point.” Brian had a ton of space so he couldn’t imagine that the man would need to use any of his own. “Why?”

“Just trying to calculate how much shopping I have to do,” Brian answered.

“I know how much you love to shop so if you insist on buying things for my side of the closet, feel free,” Justin accepted. Brian knew what he liked, knew what he looked good in and it gave him pleasure to buy things for Justin to wear for him so he didn’t mind it.

Brian faced Justin’s side of the closet, assessed the room there for a few moments before walking over to Justin and kissing him. “I’ll be back later.”

“All right, I’m going to go into the studio. If I don’t come out when you get home, come get me for dinner.”

Brian pulled Justin against him and tickled his sides, his fingers digging into Justin’s ribs. “Can’t have you getting waifish on me.”

Justin giggled in delight and felt himself begin to get hard. “Find me for dinner,” he said, pushing away and then running down the hall and into his studio. He knew that if he didn’t get away from Brian that moment, they’d spend their day the way they spent every second of their free time since they got back together. Not that acting out the only unread pages in the book had been a bad thing, but he was almost finished with the final pieces he wanted to show. Justin knew that if he could sequester himself and work in his studio for most of the day, he could finish one and leave ample time for it to dry and give him time to play with Brian.

Brian considered following Justin into his studio and seducing Justin into giving him a quick blowjob before he hit the road, but sometimes the wait made his orgasms all the more intense. He resolved to giving his cock a few parting, apologetic strokes before reminding himself that he was going shopping and set his thoughts back on the space that needed to be filled in the closet.

***

Justin finished one of his paintings before Brian came to retrieve him, which was about an hour after he heard Brian’s car pull into the garage. He cleaned his brushes, took a quick shower and came out of his studio, wrapped in only a towel. He walked down to the bedroom and, predictably, found Brian in the closet. “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time in the closet today,” he teased.

Brian stuck out his tongue at Justin and his one glance at him made his mouth water. Brian loved Justin blond, but whenever his hair was wet, it took on a dark brown color that made Justin’s blue eyes stand out. Justin blinked, gave him a sultry look and that, coupled with the naked toned chest and the glistening drops of water sticking to his blond treasure trail that disappeared under the terry-cloth towel, almost made him drop the pairs of jeans in his hands.

Justin’s dick thickened and he felt it tenting the towel around his waist as Brian’s eyes ran up and down his body. He smiled, stepped into the closet and looked at his side, impressed to see that Brian had bought as much for him as he had for himself. “What do ya want me to model for you first?” he asked, his eyes zoning in on a dark blue silk shirt.

“You want to model for me?” Brian asked. It had turned him on when Justin would put on his clothes but he didn’t think that Justin would want to make foreplay out of it when they hadn’t ‘fucked’ all day. Plus, Brian knew how much pre-come Justin leaked, he could already see it forming a spot on the towel and he wasn’t sure that he wanted his clothing stained with it before it even had a chance to be worn.

“Don’t you want to see if the stuff you bought me fits?” Justin asked.

Brian felt like he’d been doused with a bucket of ice water. “Stuff I bought for _you_?”

“Uh-huh.” Justin grabbed the dark blue shirt of the rack and held it up before sighing. “Brian, I think that one isn’t going to fit.” He put it back in place and looked at the other clothing; it all seemed to be about the same size. “I don’t think you got the right sizes,” he said.

Brian swallowed thickly and grabbed Justin’s wrist, stopping him from picking up another shirt. He knew this was going to be bad but there wasn’t any getting out of it. “It’s all mine,” he explained and winced as Justin immediately gave him a death glare in response to his words.

Justin waved his hands around at all the new clothing. “You didn’t buy me _anything_?” he asked in shock.

“I... I didn’t realize you wanted me to buy you anything. You’ve bitched at me every time I’ve ever bought you clothes.”

“I have not,” Justin said, throwing up his hands. “I just wanted to be sure I could pay you back with my own money. I didn’t like the idea of you spending money I didn’t know I could pay back at the time. You know that now I can afford almost anything you would’ve bought me. When you asked if you could fill up my side of the closet I thought you meant for me.” He felt like an idiot for being so excited to see what Brian had bought for him, like some silly housewife.

Brian shoved some of his suits together, no doubt crinkling them and started grabbing shirts from Justin’s side of the closet. “I’ll make do,” he said, trying to smooth things out between them. “Next time I go shopping, I’ll buy you something.”

“Next time?” Justin asked sadly. “Will this be when the Spring collection comes out? You’ve been so inconsiderate, don’t you see that? You think that you having more clothes than me entitles you to having half of my closet space.”

“Justin, I already said I’d make do and buy you more clothes if that’s what you want.” Brian would throw out his clothes and buy Justin whatever he wanted if it would make him happy. Being called inconsiderate from Justin was a big deal, since Brian often made it a point to do whatever he could to show Justin how thoughtful he was.

“What I want I can’t have,” Justin said dejectedly. He turned on his heel and walked away, his shoulders slumped, head shaking back and forth.

“Shit,” Brian muttered. He had no idea how to fix this because it was so absurd. He’d have no problem with moving his clothes and cramping them a bit if Justin did get more clothes. What was the big deal if he used the space until then? How was he supposed to know that Justin had finally given him permission to buy him things without previously asking for his consent? That had been a rule at one point, so Brian didn’t see why Justin thought he should magically know that it was okay now.

Brian began to move all of his new purchases to his side of the closet, not giving a damn if things had to be squeezed in here or there. He needed to show Justin that he hadn’t meant to hurt him. He didn’t like feeling like he’d disappointed Justin and that was exactly what he felt he’d done.

“I don’t want you to move out.” Justin leaned against the closet door and shook his head. Before he even made it to the stairs he’d realized how badly he’d overreacted. Brian was the most unselfish person he knew and he hoped that he hadn’t ruined things. “This isn’t a fight, just a misunderstanding. They happen and they always will in relationships. It’s not like this is our first and I doubt it’ll be the last.”

Brian was surprised to see Justin reappear so soon and his body instantly relaxed. Justin looked apologetic and a bit fearful and he realized how fucked it was that with just one small misunderstanding Justin was already cautious about saying or doing something that might make him leave. He needed to do damage control immediately. He walked over to him and took Justin in his arms, warming his cold body up with his own body heat. “We already said we’d deal with one another’s queen outs, remember?”

Justin placed his head on Brian’s shoulder and let out a breath of relief. “I know. I just don’t want you to get freaked out about domestic shit.”

“Fighting about closet space is domestic?” Brian asked. He knew damn well that it was, but that wasn’t why he was freaked out.

Justin shrugged and kissed his way along Brian’s jaw and murmured, “You can have some of my side so your suits don’t wrinkle, just leave me a little space, okay?”

“There are a million other closets in this house I can use,” Brian offered.

“You were right, you didn’t know that I was okay with you buying me things and what I said about you being inconsiderate wasn’t true. Do you forgive me?”

“Yeah,” Brian said, sighing in relief. “But really, I can move some of my clothes, Justin. We do have like fifteen other closets.”

“See, you are a considerate man, Brian. Anyway, I want you to fill up my empty space with whatever you want.If I get new clothes I’ll squeeze them in.”Justin sat down on the dressing bench and looked up at Brian and batted his eyes at him. “If you moved them elsewhere I couldn’t watch you pick them out and get dressed from right here.”

Brian laughed. “When I choose what to wear, it turns you on?”

“Among other things,” Justin said in a grateful tone. His sexual attraction for Brian morphed in new ways every single day. Brian had all sorts of weird nuances about his clothing. Once, Justin watched as Brian changed shirts six times, all of them black, short-sleeved button up shirts that had little differences. But Brian insisted that there were and demonstrated this by attempting to show Justin parts of his body that were made fatter or less flattering by each garment until one was mildly acceptable. Watching this entire debacle had Justin feeling equally disturbed and horny. He’d dropped to his knees and sucked down Brian’s cock before the man could begin the ridiculous ritual of choosing his pants. That hadn’t been the first time he was excited by Brian removing clothing but it had been the oddest. Now, he wanted a private show that was all for him. “Go on, Brian; pick out what you’re wearing tonight.”

Brian grinned, happy that now things were back to the way they should be between them. “Actually, I don’t think I’m in need of any clothes tonight.”

***

The whole gang was gathered at the convention center, it was a day before Michael and Ben’s wedding and two of Emmett’s employees had come down with pneumonia, leaving Emmett to recruit his friends to help him finish the décor for the reception, sans the grooms because Emmett did not want either of them to see the elegant room until it was finished. Debbie, Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Blake, Brian and Justin each had a series of items in front of them at the long table.

“I’ve got everything set up for you all to make this,” Emmett showed off the finished flower and cactus arrangement that would adorn each of the tables.

“Em, I’m not very good at arts and crafts,” Ted said.

“Neither am I,” Melanie said.

“Well you know I am,” Debbie said proudly. “I can help.”

“Fuck this,” Brian groaned. “Can’t you find someone to hire for this shit?”

“This is for your best friend’s wedding,” Lindsay reminded Brian.

“I’ve put you guys in line at the table like this to make it easier,” Emmett said. “I’ll show you all how to make one. Each one of you will add something to it like an assembly line so you don’t have to worry about them all looking different.” He proceeded to step along the table, taking items from in front of each of his friends until the arrangement looked exactly like the sample one. “Voila!” he said, holding it up. “Easy peasy. Just stick to using what you have in front of you and it will be fine.”

Justin looked at the items before him and then glanced beside him at Blake’s items. “Can I switch with you?” he asked.

Before Blake could answer Emmett cut in. “Justin sweetie, I gave you the hardest part because you’re such a great artist, I thought you’d do well with arranging the flowers.”

Justin blushed. “Thanks, Em, but I don’t think I’ll be that good at this.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Lindsay encouraged.

“Yeah, you’ve got a great eye for color,” Blake said. “I can’t tell the difference between those reds and greens.”

“A Christmas wedding,” Brian huffed. “This is too faggy for me,” he groaned, but didn’t move from his ‘station’.

“Sweetie, it’s not a big a deal,” Emmett said. “At this point, I don’t care if you accidentally put a dark red flower in place of the light red flower, we don’t want to be here all night so I think we should...”

“It isn’t because of the flowers,” Justin said. He took a deep breath and told him, “It’s the elastic.”

“Oh,” Emmett asked. “What’s wrong with it?”

Justin held up one of the packages and showed Emmett the label. “It contains latex.”

Brian looked beside him at Justin and widened his eyes. “It’s fine, I’ll do that,” he said quickly, moving Justin to his place.

“Brian...” Emmett said frustrated, “I’m glad you want to help but I don’t think you have a good eye for flower arrangements.”

“Really, Brian,” Melanie griped, “remember how bad that arrangement of flowers was that you gave Lindsay for her first mother’s day? It looked like...”

“I have a latex allergy,” Justin announced. “I can’t touch that stuff.”

Audible gasps came from everyone except Brian.

Debbie held her hand to her chest. “But Sunshine, that means...” She turned her attention to Brian and glared at him. “Don’t tell me you two are fucking with those sheep skin condoms!” she said, horrified. She pointed her finger at Brian and shook it. “Those things are shit when it comes to the spread of STDs and with all the tricking you do...”

“Fuck!” Brian said. “I’m not tricking.”

Justin felt his body shaking with embarrassment and anger. “Brian wouldn’t put me in danger like that and I’m not stupid enough to let him, if he suggested it.”

“Then you’re fucking raw?” Melanie asked in disbelief. She knew that Brian Kinney had done the impossible and curbed his libido but she didn’t think he’d stopped tricking completely.

Justin wrapped his arm around Brian and knew that in no time the real reason that Brian hadn’t been tricking would make it all over Liberty Avenue. He couldn’t let the man’s reputation be ruined because of him. “I trust him,” he said.

“You are!” Lindsay said, shaking her head back and forth. “Justin, I don’t think you understand what...”

“We’re not fucking,” Brian said and heard everyone let out another gasp, including Justin.

“It’s not any of your business what we do with our sex life,” Justin cut in.

“Well, it doesn’t sound like you have one,” Emmett said gently.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Fine, you want details?” he asked.

“No, honey,” Emmett said, “that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

Justin ignored him and looked at his friends. “Brian and I do everything but intercourse because I’m a virgin and I’m saving myself for the man I’m going to marry.”

“Holy shit!” Melanie said, bending at the waist. “I think I might be having a heart attack.”

“Or I might be hallucinating,” Emmett added, holding his head.

“Brian, I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Lindsay said with pride in her tone.

“Justin, honey, is something wrong with you?” Debbie asked concerned.

“Let’s go.” Justin stepped back from the table and pulled Brian with him. He stopped once he stood in front of all of them. “Look, you can all think what you want about me and joke all you want about this but don’t fucking make fun of Brian. He’s done what I doubt any of you have ever done for your partners! He’s trusted me and trusted what we have together enough to wait for me. He doesn’t deserve your jokes or concern. What he’s given me is a life I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have until he took a chance with me.”

“Justin,” Brian said, “it’s all right.”

“It isn’t,” Justin said and grabbed Brian’s face down to meet his in a soul crushing kiss. He then looked back at his friends who were all staring at them slack jawed. “We’re leaving and we’re going to go home and fuck and if that means fucking raw then you’ll just have to get over it!”

Brian practically tripped over his feet as Justin pulled him out of the convention center. He had seen Justin angry quite a few times, but never had it made him so hard. “You really didn’t have to say any of that,” he told him, walking outside.

Justin stopped and looked up at Brian. “Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have to hide what I’m allergic to. It isn’t my fault.”

“No,” Brian agreed softly, “it’s not.”

“Do you know how many times Debbie yelled at me about forgetting to put gloves on when I was cutting vegetables for the salads at the diner? I let her yell at me and pretended that I’d forgotten to put them on. I did that just so I didn’t have to tell her that I needed the non-latex ones because I was so sure that she’d make a big deal about it if I told her the truth. Last week when Emmett and I went to the adult toy store to get that gag gift for Michael, I practically ran away from him when he tried to put a collar on me as a joke. It was the stretchy kind and I knew it probably contained latex but instead of telling him the truth I ran to the other side of the store like a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have to hide that. But I did because telling them would have outed you.”

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and walked with him across the street to his car. “What the fuck would you have outed me as?”

“Monogamous,” Justin said softly, opening his car door and getting in.

Brian took a moment to mull the word over in his head a few times before he got in the Jeep. “I don’t care,” Brian told him. The word didn’t send chills down his spine or make him want to puke. He brushed a few strands of hair out of Justin’s eyes and kissed his forehead. “It’s what we are. It’s what I have to be if I want to be with you and after the way I acted when we weren’t together, I’m sure they already guessed I was.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked. “How did you act?”

“I’ll tell you about it some other time; it’s not important.”

“But it is important, because, Brian… I’m glad to know you weren’t with anyone else when we were broke up… but monogamy - it’s not who Brian Kinney is,” Justin said in a broken voice. “I didn’t want that ruined for you.”

Brian leaned back and blinked in confusion. “What have you ruined? My fucking reputation with our friends?”

“I know how Emmett gossips,” Justin said. “It’ll be all over Liberty Avenue by the end of the night.”

“Fuck if I care.”

“Brian, I know you care.”

“I don’t want to care,” Brian admitted. “You make me not care about that stupid shit.”

Justin gauged Brian’s expression carefully to be sure that was he was saying was the absolute truth and found nothing that would tell him otherwise. “I’m glad,” Justin told him, grabbing Brian’s hand and kissing it. “Come on, let’s go back to the loft and have better non-sex than anyone in this burgh will ever have.”

Brian started the car. “In this burgh?” he asked.

Justin shrugged, “The state?”

Brian peeled out onto the street. “America.”

“The world,” Justin giggled.

Brian’s dick reacted to Justin’s giggle the way it always had and he wondered how sex with Justin could get any better if it was already so fucking good. He parked the car in the lot near the loft and looked at the young man beside him and was caught off guard by how right it felt to have Justin sitting there. He’d been so stupid making all those assumptions about Justin being better off without him and had almost blown it for good.  
Justin turned to face him, probably wondering why Brian hadn’t shut off the engine. Something about the way Justin looked at him, smiled at him, something that was just _him_ , caused Brian to ache but it wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling. His heart was doing something weird and so were his eyes, because things suddenly seemed brighter. For a moment, he wondered if he was still high from the weed he’d smoked with Justin before they went to the hotel, but that had been a few hours ago.

“What?” Justin asked, pushing on Brian’s shoulder. “Do you want to go back?”

Brian sighed and shook his head, his heart hammered and words he’d never spoken other than to his friends or son threatened to spill out of his mouth and he didn’t even know why.

Justin cocked his head to the side and stared into Brian’s eyes and his breath caught. Brian had looked at him this way once, months ago when they weren’t even a couple. He’d pretended not to notice and Brian had looked away quickly when Justin had met his eyes. Now, Brian wasn’t turning away, but from the way he worried his bottom lip between his teeth, Justin could tell that he wanted to say something and he sensed exactly what it was. He felt so sad for Brian that the man had such a hard time with it. He knew, he’d known for a while now, and he didn’t need the words, not after Brian had been so open in showing his friends what he meant to him.

“Justin,” Brian worked the name out of his mouth. “I...”

Justin pulled Brian close and kissed him, softly at first and then more urgently, silently telling him that he understood, that he felt the same and that it was enough.

***

Justin flipped open his cell phone. “I’ve got like eight missed calls.”

Brian grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and checked his. “Seven.”

Justin laughed and crawled on the bed toward Brian as he scrolled through the list. “Emmett, Ted, Deb, Lindsay, Emmett again, Michael...” He closed the phone not bothering to check the others. “You too?”

“Pretty much,” Brian said, tossing his phone onto the nightstand. “Though I didn’t get a call from Michael, so maybe he actually wants something that has nothing to do with what happened at the reception hall. He wasn’t there to witness it, so he might not even know about it.”

“It’s probably about Rage. We’re almost ready to put the whole first issue together.”

“It’s taken long enough,” Brian joked. “I have no idea how you have time to do everything you’ve been doing. After the show, you should take a break.”

“I’ve already taken enough time off from life,” Justin said.

“So you’re not going to call anyone back?” Brian asked hopefully.

“I think I kind of flipped out more than necessary,” Justin conceded, laying his head on Brian’s chest. “But no, I’d rather just lay here with you until you can get it up again.”

Brian carded his fingers through Justin’s hair and chuckled softly. “It’s just as well, everyone’s probably in bed by now. They can make their apologies to your face tomorrow at the wedding.”

Justin groaned and turned his face into Brian’s chest and asked, “Are they all going to hate me now?”

“Uh-uh. If it weren’t for Mikey and Ben being the center of attention tomorrow, it’d be you, because they’d be kissing your perfect ass.”

Justin looked up at Brian and asked, “Can you call them and just tell them that I don’t want to talk about it ever again?”

“You think that would work?” Brian asked with a laugh.

“It’s embarrassing. I should’ve just let them all think we were fucking raw. Now they all know I’m a virgin.”

“So what?” Brian said. “We’ve all been one and you aren’t exactly virginal anymore.”

“Oh really?” Justin asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “You think I’m some uber slut now?”

Brian shrugged and ran his hand down Justin’s spine, pausing right before he reached the crack of his ass. “The jury’s still out on that one.”

Justin breathed hotly against Brian’s nipple and said, “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to do something to make up your mind.”

“Go to it,” Brian encouraged, laughing. “You have a lot of celibate years to make up for.”

“Oh, I plan to,” Justin vowed and bit down on Brian’s nipple, causing him to cry out in pleasure.

***

“I heard what happened,” Michael said.

“Emmett chose to admit his failings as the world’s best party planner?” Brian asked.

Michael glowered. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“I’m regretting asking to dance with the bride,” Brian warned.

Michael looked down at Brian’s barely moving feet. “You call this dancing?”

“You’re the one who chose the music,” Brian told him. “The least you could’ve done was throw in a little dance music.”

“I wanted the whole day to be romantic,” Michael defended his choice of reception music. “But don’t worry, there’s a good mix of stuff.”

“The wedding was romantic enough,” Brian said with a sour tone to his voice. “Receptions are supposed to be fun.”

“My choice in music didn’t bother you when you were dancing with Justin. In fact, I think you enjoyed the formal dance, which I had no idea you even knew how to do.”

“Are you jealous that I’m not showing you those moves?” Brian asked, pushing Michael away from him a little and then spinning him around to face him again.

Michael laughed as he came back into Brian’s arms. “It amazes me.”

Brian smugly smiled. “I know.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s amazing that you threw away your reputation for him,” he explained. “I mean, you could’ve let everyone believe that you two were already doing it raw. But you didn’t.”

Brian sighed. “Right. So now everyone knows that I haven’t felt an ass around my cock in months. What the fuck does it matter?”

Michael stopped dancing and looked up his friend with wide, shocked eyes. “Really?”

“What?”

“You actually don’t think it matters that you, Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, hasn’t fucked anyone in months? This time you don’t even have a medical excuse.”

“Would you like me to have Justin’s doctor write me a note?” Brian asked.

“You must really love him,” Michael softly spoke. When Brian didn’t deny it, he continued, “So you have about a month now, right?”

“A month?”

“And then the six months are up.” (All of this from here on to the end has been drastically reduced and changed now.)

“That doesn’t mean anything has to change drastically then. We know what we want in our future and we’re okay with the way things are right now.”

“I know, I’m just wondering if you’ve thought about when you guys might take the next step, I mean you are living together now. Things have changed. Do you think you could marry him?”

“The thought has occurred to me.”

Michael grinned and encouraged Brian to dance by placing his hands on his hips and moving them. “Right, so you’ve been thinking about it a fuck of a lot, haven’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“What would you do if Justin said he didn’t want to date you anymore and only wanted to marry you?”

“He wouldn’t say that,” Brian confidently spoke.

“I mean, in a month, when the six months period is over. What if he gives you the ultimatum? Marry him or break up,” Michael said.

“That isn’t how it’s going to be,” Brian said, aggravated and a little worried that somehow Michael knew something he didn’t. “Did Justin say something like that to you?”

“No,” Michael admitted.

“Whenever we decide we’re ready for marriage, it won’t be because of some fucking ultimatum that he’d never make.”

“So you believe in marriage?” Michael asked.

“I think I’ve shared enough about my relationship with Justin. Today is about you, Mikey.”

“That’s right,” Michael said, grinning. “Today is about celebrating love and I love you and want to make sure you’re going to be happy. So please, just answer my question, consider it your gift to me.”

“You’re playing dirty,” Brian groaned.

“Just answer.”

“Fine, yes, I believe in whatever marriage would mean for me and Justin and what that means is between us, no one else.”

“All right,” Michael said, satisfied and knowing that he’d pushed Brian far enough. The song ended and he pushed Brian away from him. “Go rescue your partner and I’ll go talk to the DJ and see if he’ll play something a little less romantic.”

When Michael walked away Brian stood planted in his spot in the middle of dance floor. Around him there were dozens of people dancing, many of whom he didn’t know, but those he did, looked happy. Brian wondered if he and Justin ever married, if this type of ceremony was something he would want for their wedding. He couldn’t imagine doing something as traditional as Ben and Michael had done.

Brian thought that Ben would’ve had some influence on the wedding plans but there were no Buddha statues to be seen and the vows had been simple and the same ones spoke by millions of other people. Throughout the evening Brian had heard people tell Ben and Michael how beautiful the ceremony and reception was and Ben had always given all the credit to Michael. He’d said that he just wanted to marry Michael and that he wanted Michael to have the wedding of his dreams. Brian looked around the hall and, though it wasn’t his taste, the Christmas themed wedding turned out rather well.

Brian wasn’t sure he agreed with giving his partner full control of the wedding planning. If it was truly a celebration of two people who were in love, then it should reflect both of them, not just be what one dreamt of. Brian had never thought about what he would want his wedding to be like, because for most of his life he had been pretty well opposed to marriage. He was sure he’d have more to do with the planning then Ben did and he wondered what Justin would want....

“Fuck,” Brian mumbled to himself as he realized how far he’d allowed his thoughts to drift. He scrubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands and breathed deeply, trying to rid his mind of the silly thoughts.

“Headache?”

Brian’s hands fell away from his face and when he opened his eyes he saw Justin standing before him, looking concerned. “Huh?”

“You look really pale.” Justin placed his hand on Brian’s neck and squeezed gently, his talented fingers soothing Brian. “Is all the romance giving you a migraine?”

“There’s no romance for me if it’s not with you,” Brian said in a teasing tone. He grabbed both of Justin’s hands and moved them to his hips. “Dance with me. Mikey can’t dance for shit.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Justin asked worriedly.

Brian pulled Justin closer and asked, “Is this what you want?”

“Huh?”

“For your wedding?” Brian clarified. “For your wedding… would you want it to be like this?”

Justin laughed. “No fucking way.”

“What do you want then?”

“Are you seriously asking me this?” Justin wondered, shocked.

“It’s not like my question is entirely out of context,” Brian defended himself.

“Okay,” Justin said, trying to come to grips with Brian’s odd question. “I just want the man I plan to marry.” He added, “And maybe some golden gardenias.”

Brian was quite happy with Justin’s response and began to move with him to the slow song. The last added bit bothered him though. “You want to get married in a golden garden?”

“No.” Justin threw his head back and laughed. “Golden gardenias,” he said, enunciating clearly. “They’re a flower. Legend says that if your lover breathes them in, he’ll love you forever.”

“And you believe in this legend?”

“Why not? It’s worth a try.”

“Maybe you don’t need a flower at all.”

Justin stilled. “What?”

Brian couldn’t believe he actually had said that. He blamed the romantic music and the four glasses of beam he’d drank to make the wedding and reception more bearable. “So, you really don’t want a big wedding like this one?” Brian asked, trying to get Justin’s mind off his slip-up.

“I think that, besides the flowers, I won’t know any of the details of what I might want until I’m asked to marry someone.”

“So you’d have to be asked? You wouldn’t do the asking?”

“I don’t know. I guess I could make the proposal.”

Again Brian wanted to slap himself. He didn’t know why he was continuing such a conversation, but his mouth just continued down the path of no return and he said, “Maybe you should then.”

“What?”

“Maybe you should be the one who proposes.”

Justin stopped dancing and stared up and Brian and stuttered, “Wh... what did you say?”

Brian clamped his mouth shut and refused to allow himself to say anything else. The thought was there inside of Justin’s head and he would leave it there for Justin to do whatever the fuck he wanted with it because he’d told Justin exactly what he wanted. The song suddenly changed to an upbeat techno song and he used it to begin grinding against Justin, bringing the young man’s attention off his words, though he was sure he’d have to face them soon.

***

“So, that stuff you said,” Justin started, the moment they got in the ‘Vette. “You were saying that I should be the one to ask,” he made air quotes for the next word, “ _someone_ to marry me?”

Brian sighed. He couldn’t believe that he’d put himself in this position. His stupid mouth really needed to stop writing checks his ass didn’t want to cash. “It’s not like you’re a woman,” he said. He’d told Justin that he wouldn’t panic and freak out but now he was doing that. But it wasn’t because he was afraid of marriage. It was because he was afraid that Justin wasn’t as ready as he was.

“Brian, were you saying that you would like to be asked?”

Brian snorted and started the car. “You know I really don’t care either way. I don’t know shit about romance and proposals.”

“I’m not sure if I understand,” Justin said.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Brian tried. “I was just making a point, that it doesn’t have to be you who is asked. That’s all I meant.”

Justin sighed and groaned, “You’re so frustrating.”

Brian grinned. “Life wouldn’t be fun if I wasn’t, would it?”

Justin quirked an eyebrow. “So you’re saying you say and do these things to intentionally annoy and confuse me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you saying? You ask me about what I want for my wedding and then you tell me that you think I should propose to the person that I want to marry. Then you tell me that you don’t know what you want and that it meant nothing. I don’t know what to think right now.”

Brian wanted to bang his head on the steering wheel but refrained. “I don’t know what you think either.”

“Just do me a favor and the next time you want to discuss marriage or a wedding, don’t.”

An icy chill zapped down Brian’s spine. “What?”

“Next time you want to discuss it, don’t do it, because you don’t know what you want and it just confuses me.”

“Okay.” Brian glanced beside him to look at Justin, feeling foolish. “Are we going to the house or the loft?”

“The house,” Justin said. “There’s only a week before Christmas and I’ve got a lot of presents to wrap.”

“You still have a week,” Brian said and put Justin’s hand over his crotch. Sex he knew. Sex he understood and he didn’t have to second guess anything Justin was feeling while they were engaged in it. “Wouldn’t you rather unwrap something else instead?”

Justin laughed. “That’s too cheesy, even for you.”

“You told me that you’d owe me like a thousand blow jobs, remember?”

“I remember,” Justin said. “But I’m not going to do that while you drive.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Brian asked.

“I’ll blow you in the car as soon as you park it in the garage,” Justin compromised.

“I’ll wait until we get inside,” Brian said. The ‘Vette wasn’t that comfortable a place for such activities.

Justin shifted so his side was pressed against Brian’s and he rested his head on his shoulder. “Thanks for agreeing to have Christmas at our house. I know you’re not a big fan of holidays and I know it’s probably silly to you, but I really like Christmas time. I always had fun helping my mom decorate our house and cook the dinner. I can’t wait to get started on hanging the lights and…”

“Whoa,” Brian interrupted. “You are not planning on hanging the lights yourself, are you?”

“Of course,” Justin said. “I wish I would’ve done it before now, but they’ll just be white and blue lights so we can keep them up for a while after Christmas.”

“Justin, be reasonable,” Brian said. “The only reason I agreed to having the Christmas party at our house was because you promised to let Emmett, Deb and your mom help you. You’ve got your show coming up in just a few weeks and you’re working at the gallery too. When are you going to find time to hang lights on the huge fucking house?”

Justin popped his head up and kissed Brian’s cheek. “I appreciate you being concerned, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll find the time to do it. Besides, I’m not going to go crazy. I’m just going to put up some lights around the front door and a few on the evergreen trees around the yard. Emmett is taking care of all the decorations inside except for the tree.”

“We should just hire someone,” Brian said. “Two different solicitors came by the house this week asking to do it and you turned them down.”

“If I agree to hire someone to do the lights, will you agree to let me hang a stocking with your name on it on our fireplace mantel?” Justin asked. When he first suggested decorating the house for Christmas Brian had immediately struck that idea down. Honestly, Justin had only been joking when he suggested it, but he wondered how far Brian was willing to go to get what he wanted.

Brian really didn’t want to worry about Justin being up on an icy ladder so he conceded. “Fine, but only on Christmas Eve and it comes down Christmas morning.”

“Deal,” Justin agreed excitedly. “You are the best boyfriend in the world.”

“Of course I am.” Brian never did anything halfway.

“You know, I’ve been thinking…”

“Always a dangerous sign.”

“Shut up,” Justin said, slapping Brian’s arm.

“Hey, you’re too scared to give me a blowjob while I’m driving but you have no problem with hitting me? At least if you were blowing me I’d die with a smile on my face.”

“You’d die with your mouth open and my name on your lips.”

“How sickeningly romantic,” Brian drawled and gave Justin a morose look. “Seriously, that is sick.”

“Please, I bet you’d love to die with your dick in my ass,” Justin said.

Brian thought he might die if he didn’t have his dick in Justin’s ass soon. “You think your ass is going to be that good do you?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said honestly. “I mean, have you ever even been with a virgin?””

“Sure, a few times,” Brian admitted. “But they weren’t very experienced.”

“How is it that a virgin could ever be experienced?”

“You are,” Brian said, proud. “From the way you respond when I have my fingers inside of you…”

Justin covered Brian’s mouth with one hand and adjusted his erection with the other. “No more talking about sex until we get home.” He removed his hand. “So can I go back to what I was saying now?”

“Go ahead,” Brian groaned, mentally contemplating pulling over to the side of the road to mess around.

“When we were talking with everyone about having them out to our house, you called it the ‘magnificent Taylor estate’ and then Michael commented that it should be called the Taylor-Kinney estate now that you’re living there and…”

“It was a joke,” Brian interrupted. Christ, did Justin really have to catch everything?

“You feel like it’s your home too as much as mine, right?” Justin asked.

“I don’t fucking know,” Brian said. As long as Justin was with him, it didn’t feel any different when he stayed at the loft. “I guess.”

Justin hadn’t wanted to push Brian, so he would wait a little while longer before bringing up that he wanted Brian’s name to be listed as owning the house too. He wanted it to be both of theirs on paper and then maybe all the references Brian made to it being only his house would stop. He revised what he had intended to say and told him, “Well, I was thinking that it technically is an estate and an estate needs a name.”

“A name?” Brian asked, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you know like Mandalay or…”

“Xanadu?” Brian joked.

“No…” Justin shrugged. “I’ll think of something, it’s a grand house so it needs a grand name.”

“Just like all the rooms?” Brian asked. Justin was always so particular about naming things. He named all the rooms in the house too, so of course he’d want to name the mansion too.

“Yup,” Justin agreed. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I think of it and if you don’t like it, I’ll think of something else.”

“Hey, I had no say on you naming the guest rooms after the fucking seasons.”

“Oh come on, you told me yourself you thought it was clever. And I never did name the guest room downstairs. You can name that one,” Justin offered.

“I already have the perfect name for it,” Brian told him.

“Oh, what’s that?”

Brian put his hand over Justin’s cock and squeezed it. “It’s called ‘the closest bed to the garage door’.”

***

The house… which was still unnamed, looked beautiful. There was only about two inches of snow on the ground, but it was enough to cover the grounds in a blanket of white that twinkled at night from the Christmas lights shining upon it. The company hired to decorate the outside had done a spectacular job, keeping it simple and tasteful. Inside was a different story. There were far too many lights, too much greenery strung around and the amount of Christmastime scented candles made Brian want to puke. So he’d taken to covering most of them with their lids, leaving only the unscented candles burning and the three that smelled like cookies, he could handle. It actually curbed his appetite and stopped him from gorging himself on the platters of treats Justin had been baking.

He started off Christmas Eve mildly annoyed and in a bad mood when he woke up and found that half of their guests had already arrived and Justin was showered, dressed and stressed out. Debbie, Jennifer, Lindsay and Emmett were apparently taking over, from what he gathered, the three of them drowning out Justin’s suggestions and plans. He’d stood outside the kitchen, barely awake and listening in on the conversation behind the swinging door.

Every time Justin would say anything someone would say, ‘but wouldn’t it be easier’ or ‘that’s a good idea but it’d be better if’ or a dozen other things that made Brian’s annoyance with the family Christmas party skyrocket. He kept waiting for one of them to back down to one of suggestions and was about to go in and take control when he heard someone slam pans together.

He heard Justin’s aggravated voice say, “Now I know why Brian didn’t want me to host this party. It isn’t because he hates holidays, it’s because he didn’t want me stressed out from having to deal with you! I thought that if I included you guys that it would help bring us together as a family, but it hasn’t, because you’re all ganging up on me! The time I wanted to put out appetizers is wrong, presents are never done before dessert so I moved that. I haven’t ever hosted Christmas before so I must be a fucking a idiot unless I do it your way!”

Brian stepped away from the kitchen door just in time to have it swing open and miss him by a fraction of an inch. Justin halted in the hallway when he saw Brian standing there. His hair was a mess, his face red and his eyes were wild and dark and he was breathing heavily. Behind him the door swung back and forth and hit him in the back, pitching him forward. Brian grabbed onto Justin and told him, “Come with me.”

Justin was far too pissed to say a thing and barely acknowledged the puzzled looks from Blake and Hunter as they entered the house. The two of them had been outside shoveling the walkway for him, the only thing that someone had done as he asked that morning.

Brian pulled Justin into the downstairs guest room and slammed the door closed behind them. When Justin began to talk he put his hand over his mouth and shook his head and pushed him toward the bed. When the back of Justin’s legs hit the mattress, Brian dropped to his knees, yanking Justin’s track pants and underwear down his legs as he knelt. He pushed Justin to lie back on the bed, his legs hanging off the edge and he spread them and crawled in between them. Justin’s cock was soft but then Brian swallowed him down and felt it immediately growing in his mouth and throat.

Justin’s breath hitched and then he began breathing heavily, but this time not because he was angry. “Fuck, Brian!” Brian sucked him to an erection so fast that it made his head spin. He felt himself sweating and heard himself moaning, conscious of the fact that their guests could probably hear him, but he didn’t care. Brian was amazing at sucking cock and he wasn’t going to contain his pleasure for anyone. His orgasm came on fast and strong and he was bucking his hips, shooting down Brian’s throat sooner than he liked. He opened his eyes as Brian’s mouth dropped his cock and then Brian, who at some point had lowered his pants, hovered above him. He pushed Justin’s t-shirt up and then shot all over his skin before leaning down and kissing him.

Justin felt like he’d just been on a roller coaster. “You are so good at that.”

Brian kissed and licked away the beads of sweat from Justin’s face and then his hands rubbed his come into skin. “I’ve had a lot of practice,” he spoke breathlessly. He slid down between Justin’s legs again and pulled up Justin’s briefs and tucked his cock inside. “Come on,” he said, offering his sticky hand to help him stand up.

Justin felt all wobbly as he stood and then pulled his pants up. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Brian nodded and pulled his own sweat pants up. “You also need to go back in there and take your fucking party back. You spent all this week printing out a list of the food and a fucking schedule and seating chart for the table and you’re going to use it. This is _your_ party and if they want to be helpful, they’ll be helpful guests, that’s it. Otherwise… they can fuck off.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “I did kind of overreact,” he said, feeling a little guilty for yelling at his mother and friends.

“No, you didn’t.” Brian said. “The reason I didn’t want you to have this fucking party was because I knew that this would happen. I may not know your mother that well but I know Deb, Em and Linds and…”

Justin silenced Brian with a kiss and smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Brian put his hands on Justin’s shoulders and turned him toward the door. “Now, go back in there and stand your ground. They’ll probably be wanting to kiss your ass and listen to whatever you want now that you stood up to them. But this time, don’t run away.”

Justin turned to face Brian. “I can’t.”

“What the fuck? Justin, you can’t just let them…”

“I have your come all over me,” Justin said, lifting his shirt up.

Brian kissed Justin and pulled his body against his. “Wear it proudly, give them some orders and then come upstairs and find me.” He pushed Justin away and opened the door. “Go to it.”

Justin raised a hand to his forehead and grinned, “Aye-aye captain.” Brian smiled at him and Justin, who still felt weak-kneed, had to grab for the door handle to keep himself upright before he gained control of his somersaulting stomach and jumping heart.

***

After Justin took control of the party preparations there was, surprisingly, no more drama that Brian had to deal with. Not the bad kind, anyway. Melanie announced that she was pregnant and so everyone had gathered around her, Lindsay, Blake and Ted and blubbered over them.

Brian wasn’t one of them, but he did offer a cigar to Blake, Ted and Lindsay as his means of congratulations. Justin was another story. He’d said all the right things, acted the right way, but Brian knew something was off about all of it. Perhaps he regretted saying no and now there was no turning back and he felt guilty. Whatever it was that made Justin act funny during the announcement, it faded and soon he was back to being a happy host and passing out his and Brian’s gifts to the gang.

Dessert was served after everyone opened their presents, an idea Brian thought should’ve always been part of the tradition because it gave everyone time for their dinner to digest. Justin sat beside him, telling everyone about some movie he wanted to see, periodically feeding him bites of the sinfully delicious peppermint cheesecake he’d baked. Brian was content to let Justin talk and just sit there listening to him, his voice causing him to relax to the point of him feeling like he could fall asleep.

With Justin around, no one questioned why he didn’t talk or participate in whatever discussion they were having. He’d give his opinion if it was asked or if he wanted to say something, but he preferred to just let Justin talk as much as he wanted while he listened. It occurred to him suddenly that this was actually the best Christmas he’d ever had. No one bitched at him about being late for dinner; no one made jokes in front of Gus about his tricking, there were no pitying looks directed his way when everyone paired off for party games. Every five minutes Debbie didn’t demand that he eat more, Mikey didn’t follow him outside for his after dinner cigarette to fake commiseration about the family scene with him, Lindsay didn’t bitch about him and Ted talking about business all night; they hadn’t even discussed Exhibition once.

Everyone just let him be… with Justin.

With Justin, everything was better.

It took Brian a second before he realized he was squeezing Justin closer to him. Justin’s words trailed off as he turned to look at him and Brian stared at him, wanting to say so much but the only words he could get out were soft and spoken in Justin’s ear so quiet no one else could hear them, “Thank you.”

***

“Your skin tastes like cookies,” Brian mumbled, nipping along Justin’s neck.

Justin laughed and pushed Brian onto his back. “It does not,” he said, moving to straddle him.

Brian leaned up on his elbows and licked across Justin’s pec. “Yup, you’ve been eating cookies and cookie dough for three days straight,” he teased, “you’re officially a sugar cookie.”

“Aww, don’t tell me you’re changing your pet name for me from Sunshine to Sugar or Cookie?” Justin joked, grinning brightly.

“Not a chance, Sunshine,” Brian said.

Justin slid his ass over Brian’s slick cock and when he felt the tip brush against his hole he stilled his movements and the air around them seemed to grow thicker. The playful atmosphere changed instantly and he moved his ass to feel it again, this time he felt a warm spill of pre-come against his hole and it made his whole body quake.

Brian sat up and gripped Justin’s hips tightly. “Stop.”

Justin closed his eyes and sagged against Brian’s chest. “I want it.”

Brian shivered and his dick leaked more pre-come against Justin’s silky hole. He scooted back against the pillows and pushed Justin down away from his cock. “Justin...” he warned, “don’t say shit like that.”

Justin moved and straddled Brian backwards so that his ass was right in front of Brian’s face. “Look,” he demanded. He placed his head on Brian’s thigh as he reached back and spread himself open. “Your come is right there, it’s probably inside me already.” He drew one finger through the sticky liquid and pushed against his entrance.

Brian grabbed Justin’s wrist and stopped him from pushing his finger inside of himself. “Stop.” He was horny but his anger and frustration was trumping his sexual libido at the moment and he had no choice but to push Justin away from him.

Justin flopped around on the bed and groaned into the sheets, “I hate this!”

Brian sighed and tried to get his annoyance under control before he replied, “This is your life.”

Justin whipped around and faced Brian. “I know this is my life, I don’t need you to remind me.”

Brian gripped Justin’s arm and pulled him closer. “Fucking raw isn’t something we’re going to suddenly decide to do,” he told him. Yeah, they’d been talking about it for months now… but they weren’t going to just do it without preparing for it.

“Don’t you want to fuck me?” Justin asked, irritated.

Brian gave Justin a ‘duh’ expression. “I’ve always wanted to fuck you, since the first moment I saw you,” he admitted. “But... fucking raw, that goes beyond just fucking. You know that.”

Justin straddled Brian’s waist and rubbed his cock up against the man’s abs. “Please,” he whispered, dipping his head down to lick Brian’s throat. “I’m ready. I know that I want it. I know that I want it to be you.”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut and fought against his desires. “You don’t know.”

Justin reached back and gripped Brian’s cock and brushed it against his hole again. “Please?”

Brian flipped Justin onto his back and pinned his hands to the mattress. “You want me to fuck you bareback?”

Justin arched his back and wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist, “Yes.” He humped against him, in turn sliding Brian’s erection up and down the crack of his ass.

Brian kissed Justin hungrily while pulling at his long strands of his hair. “You want me to come inside your tight little hole?” he whispered.

“Yes, do it,” Justin moaned.

Brian released Justin’s hands and pushed Justin’s hips down onto the bed. “You stupid fucking twat,” he grit out between clenched teeth. “ _Never_ let anyone fuck you raw.”

Justin froze and dropped his legs to the bed. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded. “You are not just anyone! It’s different with us, it’s different with _me_! All I’ll ever have is raw sex. What the fuck, Brian?” He struggled to pull himself out from under Brian’s body and glared at him. “What the fuck is your problem? You know that, eventually, if you want to fuck me that we’ll be fucking raw.”

“You said you wouldn’t lose your virginity to a man you didn’t intend to marry,” Brian said. “Do you really think I’m that man?”

Justin rolled his eyes and huffed, “Shut the fuck up. You know that I do or I wouldn’t say it.”

“Yeah? You sure that’s not just your ass talking?”

Justin winced at the crude pun. “I know that I trust you. Why isn’t that enough?”

“Because we made a deal,” Brian told him. “Six months before we’d talk about this again.”

“But you already admitted that you want me in your future,” Justin said, confused. “Why do we have to wait if I’m ready and you’re ready? I know we’re both clean. You haven’t been fucking anyone else, have you?”

Brian shook his head. “I haven’t been fucking _anyone_ and you fucking know that and I’m getting really tired of having to remind you of it.”

“I’m sorry. But, you know I wasn’t seriously asking you,” Justin said. “I trust you, so I don’t see why we can’t do it. After three months, if we’re clean, then there really isn’t a risk and it’s been more than that. We’re only weeks away from it being six months.”

“Waiting six months wasn’t just because of STDs,” Brian told him. “It’s because I need that time because... as much as I want you… We both need that time whether you can see it or not.” Brian had practically told Justin that if he wanted to marry him he had to be the one to ask. He wanted Justin to be so sure about them that he would be the one to take that risk and be the one to ask him. Hadn’t he made that clear?

Tears brimmed in Justin’s eyes and he asked, “Why can’t I be normal?”

Brian pulled Justin on top of him and held him close. “If you were... if you were able to fuck anyone, you’d still have those rules about your virginity, wouldn’t you?”

“Sometimes I don’t know,” Justin honestly admitted. “A lot of the reason that I want to marry the man I lose my virginity to is because... because I’m afraid that I’ll know how amazing it is to have sex and then if things don’t work out, I’ll have to lose that and start all over. I want that man to be someone who I trust will be with me forever.”

Brian kissed the side of Justin’s forehead and gulped a few times. “Do you trust that will be me when we haven’t known one another even a whole year? Would you trust that if you weren’t hard and horny?”

Justin propped himself up on his arms. “Brian, I’ve never felt the way I do about you with anyone else.”

“But you haven’t been with anyone else.”

“Neither have you, not really,” Justin said. “Can you imagine there being anyone but me?”

Brian shook his head and gripped Justin’s ass in his hands and told him, “This isn’t only about me wanting your ass. You know that. If it was, I’d be a bastard and take you up on it and fuck you right now. This isn’t a decision we should make when we’re naked.”

“Just a few weeks and it will be six months,” Justin said, kissing the corner of Brian’s lips, accepting that tonight would not be the night.

“We’ll revisit the conversation then and maybe that will be time then or maybe it won’t, but right now...” he reached over and grabbed the book from the nightstand and handed it to Justin. “Pick something out.”

Justin sat up and reluctantly took the book. “When you do fuck me, we’re never using this again,” he said, flipping through the pages. “You’re going to teach me everything.”

Brian nodded and knew that if that time came, he would be as much a student as a teacher.

TBC in Chapter 12


	14. Credence: Chapter 12: "International You Day" -Part-1

**Credence  
**  
Chapter 12: “International You Day”

 _I'm sorry that it took so long to write this song_  
But I gave up  
You see one million words can't describe how it feels to know your love  
Where did I go wrong?  
I should have told you from the start, that I'm closer than you think when we're apart  
Nothing that I've tried is as simple as this line  
But without you, my life is incomplete  
My days are absolutely gray  
And so I'll try  
Let your heart know for sure that I have so much more to tell you every single day  
I swear I'm giving up my insides to the one that I adore  
I know this world is big enough for you and I, but I'll give you more   
~ Selected lyrics taken from _International You Day_ written by Tony Sly

Download this song here: ---> <http://www.mediafire.com/?if0x11tjkak22tq>  
Or the acoustic version here: ---> <http://www.mediafire.com/?u4mtmpxknhy62h3>

**January**

Justin jumped off the diving board and into the indoor pool; his form so perfect there was only a small splash from entering the water.

“He’s great, isn’t he?” Brian asked proudly.

Daphne and Trent shared a look of amusement with one another before nodding in agreement. Daphne smiled as she looked at Brian’s face and saw the easy smile. To her knowledge, Brian had never smiled so much as he had in the last month. Sure, Brian would flash predatory, satisfied smiles or paste on a fake one or a smug grin, depending on the situation. The smile he had on his face now, Daphne had never seen before. Justin, who smiled quite often, also had a brighter one lately. They were in love, that’s all there was to it.

“He swims like he paints,” Brian continued his appraisal of Justin’s swimming abilities.

“How so?” Trent asked curiously, sipping his beer to hide his amused smile.

Brian waved his hand and rolled his eyes, dismissing the question that was impossible to articulate. He stood up from his chair, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. “I’ve got some work to do, have fun with the rest of your play date.” Brian walked to the edge of the pool and bent down to engage in a heavy make out session before rising and watching Justin swim a lap. As he left, the towel around his hips did nothing to conceal his boner.

“He’s huge,” Trent whispered as Brian left.

“I know,” Daphne said, amazed. “Justin is one lucky boy.”

“Yeah, but he’s a virgin,” Trent said, wincing.

Daphne shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll be gentle with Justin.”

“Yeah, it’s not like they haven’t been preparing with all the outercourse and oral they probably do.”

“I feel kind of bad talking about this when he’s right there,” Daphne said. “Come on, we shouldn’t be letting Justin swim alone.”

Trent looked down at his cell phone reluctantly. “Just let me tell Clark I’ll be swimming,” he said.

“He knows you’re swimming,” Daphne said, rolling her eyes. “That’s the whole reason we came here.”

“I know,” Trent said, grinning. He couldn’t help it, he was in love. Trent quickly texted Clark and told him that he’d be unavailable due to cell phones and swimming pools being incompatible and joined Daphne and Justin in the pool.

“You have it so bad,” Justin said.

“Like you don’t?” Daphne asked teasingly.

“Oh, I know I do,” Justin admitted.

“And what about you?” Trent asked Daphne.

“Sam and I are taking things slowly,” she said.

Justin shook his head. “You are not taking things slow.”

“Compared to you and Brian, we are,” Daphne told him.

“You can’t be serious,” Justin said, shocked, “we are the definition of ‘taking it slow’, come on!”

“Well you’ve moved in together,” Trent told him.

“After being together for five months and knowing one another for like nine months or something,” Justin defended.

“So tell us,” Trent said, “when did you really know he was the one? Was it really love at first sight? Because you denied you wanted him for a while and I was sure you did.”

“Badly,” Daphne added.

“How is that you met from here?” Trent asked. “I mean… I know it was the day you had that really bad reaction to mustard but I don’t think you ever actually told me how it came to be that you became friends with him.”

“Let’s go use the hot tub,” Justin said. “I’m getting tired of treading water and if we’re not actually going to swim I’d rather relax while we talk about this.”

“Sounds good to me,” Trent said.

“And no you cannot grab your cell phone,” Daphne joked when she saw Trent eye the table where his lay.

Once the three friends got into the hot tub Justin told Trent about the day at the diner when Brian saved his life.

Trent shook his head and asked, “So you fell in love with him when he rammed the EpiPen into your thigh?”

“No way,” Justin laughed.

“So when was it?” Daphne asked.

“There’s a lot of things that made me fall for Brian, but there is one thing in particular that, I guess, made me realize it, even though I did deny it at the time.”

“The time you used him as a model for your last project at PIFA?” Daphne guessed.

“No,” Justin said, “it was before that. The night we went to go see A Streetcar Named Desire was when I fell in love with him. It was one of the best nights of my life. Before we went in, he gave me this sweater that he bought for me because he’d noticed I’d been cold in the theater the night before.”

“A six hundred and fifty dollar sweater,” Daphne elaborated.

“Holy shit!” Trent exclaimed.

Justin grinned. “He tried saying it was on sale but the salesperson who put it in the box left the tag on it.”

“It was the thought that counted,” Trent said, laughing.

“It was,” Justin said, “but there’s more. After we came out of the movie theater, it had rained and the street was lit up with all these colors from lights of the shops hitting the water. I got this incredible urge to draw but I couldn’t. I told Brian how beautiful I thought it was, he sort of made fun of me for it because the area was kind of slummy. I told him I wished I could set up an easel to paint it but settled on taking a picture with my cell phone. But the picture sucked and that’s when Brian got his really nice camera out of the glove box so I could take some pictures to paint from. And then we took a picture together and I just felt so fucking happy to be with him, you know? I felt like I’d seen a side of Brian that no one else ever had and I wanted so badly for him to see himself like I did. I felt him looking at me the whole ride back to my house, but he didn’t make a move or say a word. I felt like something big had changed between us and I knew he felt it too and it scared the shit out of me. Probably scared him too.”

“That’s when you knew?” Daphne asked.

“That was when I knew I fell in love with him,” Justin said. “But even what I felt then… doesn’t compare to what I feel now.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Trent said. “I know Clark and I haven’t been together for very long but I feel… Shit, I can’t describe it. I just know that I want to keep feeling like this.”

“So you think Clark is ‘the one’?” Justin asked.

“I do,” Trent admitted, blushing. “What about you, Daphne? Do you think Sam is the one?”

“I love him,” Daphne said, “but I guess I still don’t know. I mean, I know I want to be with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I don’t know yet.”

“Well, we all know you want to spend the rest of your life with Brian,” Trent said.

Daphne nodded. “And I think it’s obvious that Brian wants to spend the rest of his life with you, Justin.”

“You think it’s obvious?” Justin asked, unsure.

“Yes,” Daphne and Trent spoke in unison.

“I don’t know. We just got back together and…”

“So what,” Daphne interrupted. “You two picked up right where you left off…”

“Further than where you left off,” Trent interrupted. “He’s moved in with you here and you two are so insanely happy together.”

“We are, but I honestly have no idea how Brian really feels about marriage.”

“But you want to marry him, don’t you?” Trent asked.

“Yeah,” Justin admitted. “But a few weeks ago, when he brought it up, he was all weird about it.”

“Wait a minute,” Daphne said, “Brian brought up the subject?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s a huge fucking step, right? He actually brought up marriage with you.”

“Well, we were at Michael and Ben’s wedding,” Justin said.

“He talked about marriage with you while you were at Michael and Ben’s wedding?” Trent asked for clarification. “Don’t tell me you caught the bouquet.”

Justin laughed. “There was no bouquet.”

“So what exactly did he say?” Daphne asked.

“He asked what I wanted for my wedding, like how it would look.”

“Oh my god!” Daphne guessed.

“So he was thinking about marrying you,” Trent assessed.

“Not exactly,” Justin said. “He was just curious, I think. And then he said something about how….” A light bulb went off in Justin’s brain and he realized what he was about to say and it sounded a lot different in his head now than it had then.

“What?” Daphne prompted.

Justin felt like the biggest idiot in the world. “Brian asked me to ask him to marry him,” he whispered.

“What!” Daphne yelled. “You’re just telling us this now!”

“I didn’t realize…” Justin said, breathless.

“How… what… shit, Justin!” Trent could barely speak. “Tell us exactly what was said!”

Justin was about to relay the conversation, but thought better of it. It was too personal, something he wanted to cherish and now that he was pretty certain of what it meant, how much it meant to him and Brian, he couldn’t bring himself to share the details.  
“I can’t,” Justin said finally. “But I think… no, I _know_ that he wants me to ask him. Holy shit! What do I do?” Justin asked, completely overwhelmed.

Daphne stared at Justin. “If you’re so sure that he wants you to then I think what you’re supposed to do is ask him.”

“But when?”

“How should we know?” Trent asked. “You’re the one he loves. How would he like to be asked?”

“Not in some cliché romantic way,” Justin said.

“No, definitely not,” Daphne agreed.

“Well… if you’re not going to make a big romantic proposal, maybe you should just relax and let the time come whenever you feel like it’s right,” Trent suggested.

“Okay,” Justin sighed. “I can do that.”

“Yeah, you can,” Daphne encouraged.

“And you should probably stop freaking out about it if you can because your show is tomorrow and you need to focus on that.”

“You’re right,” Justin said taking deep breaths. “Concentrating on my show only.”

Trent laughed. “Or we can talk about me asking Clark to move in with me to get your mind off that too?”

“That sounds perfect,” Justin said. “So, you think you’re ready for that?”

“I think so,” Trent said, grinning. “I hate waking up without him.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Justin said.

***

Lindsay beamed with excitement as she led Ryan Whitmore over to Justin, interrupting the quiet moment between Brian and Justin. “Excuse me, Justin, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

The man with Lindsay was gorgeous and if Brian’s gaydar was correct, which it always was, the man was also gay and his eyes were solely fixed on Justin.

“Okay.” Justin smiled at the handsome man holding Lindsay’s arm and then waited for his friend to introduce him. Since the show opening days ago, he’d already met so many people he was having a hard time remembering any of their names. None of them had been as gorgeous as this guy though and likely he’d remember him because of it.

“This is Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said and unlinked her arm from Ryan’s to rest her hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Ryan, this is our artist and Bloom Gallery’s collection manager, Justin Taylor.”

“Nice to meet you,” Justin said graciously and supplied his hand for Ryan to shake.

Ryan took Justin’s hand in both of his for a moment and said emphatically, “Good to meet you too, Justin. I’m very enamored with your work.”

“Thank you,” Justin said. For the first time since the show’s opening, besides his family and friends, he believed the praise was genuinely spoken from the heart and not from a pretentious art collector’s wallet.

If he weren’t with Justin, Brian would’ve dragged Ryan to the bathroom and fucked him in one of the stalls without any introduction at all. But he was with Justin and the guy hadn’t taken his eyes off his partner or even acknowledged his presence. So Brian changed his mind quickly and decided that even if he were free, he wouldn’t give the guy the pleasure of getting the best fuck of his life. Or maybe he had already fucked him and had forgotten it because, the longer Brian looked him over, the more it seemed like there was something very familiar about Ryan Whitmore.

“And this is his partner, Brian Kinney,” Lindsay said, noticing the glare Brian gave her. She was quick to introduce him too.

“I know, we’ve met. You’re the owner of Exhibition,” Ryan said, offering his hand to Brian.

Brian pretended a casual grin and offered his hand as well. “Yes.”

“You must be very proud of your partner,” Ryan said, dropping Brian’s hand after a quick shake.

“Yes, Justin is extremely talented,” Brian said proudly.

“You two know one another?” Justin asked.

“I used to write features for the business section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette,” Ryan explained. He gave Brian a quirky grin, “I interviewed you shortly after you won the CLIO the year you opened Exhibition. Now I write for the Arts & Leisure section.” His eyes landed on Justin once again. “Justin, if you’re willing, Lindsay said we could make use of her office for a quick interview and then I’d like to take a few photos of you in front of your work.”

Brian had to fight to keep the grin off his face as he recalled the reporter. The Ryan Whitmore standing before him barely resembled the one who had been drooling over him during the interview. Then, Ryan had looked every bit of a harried, dorky reporter and Brian had completely played him during the interview. Ryan had come on to him when they finished and Brian had told him that he didn’t mix business with pleasure. After the article was published in the Post-Gazette, Ryan had found him in Babylon and came on to him, stating that they no longer had a business relationship so they could move on to a purely pleasurable one. Brian remembered that he turned Ryan down, rather harshly.

“Of course,” Justin said in a cautious tone. Brian’s arm had tightened noticeably around his waist when Ryan made the offer. Justin wondered why Brian kept such a firm hold on him and quickly realized it was because Brian was jealous! He turned toward Brian and gave him a loving reassuring kiss. “I’ll be back in a few and then we can head out.”

Brian nodded and forced himself to say, “Take your time.”

When Justin and Ryan had walked far enough away from them Lindsay asked, “Did you fuck him?”

Brian scowled. “I think Justin made it clear that what happens between us is none of…”

“I mean Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said. “I saw the look on your face when he asked to interview Justin. You looked like you’d swallowed a…” she laughed and joked, “well you look like you’d _swallowed_.”

“I have no problem with swallowing and I certainly didn’t make any face when he said he wanted to interview Justin.”

“Yes, you did,” Lindsay insisted. “So, you fucked him and that’s what your problem is with him?”

“I most definitely didn’t fuck Ryan Whitmore,” Brian said, “that’s the problem.”

“He turned you down?” Lindsay asked.

“No, it’s the other way around,” Brian said.

“Why?” Lindsay asked, completely shocked. “Wait… was it while you were being treated?”

“No,” Brian said, though it wasn’t that long after, if memory served correct. “I didn’t want to fuck him.”

“But he’s gorgeous,” Lindsay said, confused.

“He wasn’t back then,” Brian said. “I didn’t even recognize him at first. Picture some greasy-haired, overweight, pimply-faced, unconfident guy using some cheesy pick-up line to come on to me and imagine my reaction.”

“Oh… ooooh! I see. You’re worried that he’s going to hit on Justin as some kind of revenge for you being such an asshole to him.”

“No, I’m worried that he’s going to give Justin a bad review as some kind of revenge.”

“Please,” Lindsay said, “Ryan is very respected in the art community, he wouldn’t do that. Besides, he was being truthful when he said he liked Justin’s work and you saw the way he looked at him. I doubt he’d…”

“What do you mean ‘the way he looked at him?” Brian asked. Of course he’d noticed it, but he didn’t want to admit how much it bothered him. Whenever they went dancing at Babylon, they are on his turf and he had yet to deal with any men hitting on Justin there. They looked of course, but they weren’t stupid enough to try to get him alone. Ryan had a perfectly good reason to get Justin alone. And though Brian completely trusted Justin, he didn’t like that Ryan could damage Justin’s career if Justin turned him down too.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Lindsay said. She put her hand on Brian’s arm comfortingly and whispered, “But don’t worry, Ryan isn’t a pretentious prick like a lot of the art critics that have interviewed Justin so far. He’s a really decent guy and he has a partner. Though I do think they have an open relationship. So, at worst, he’ll hit on Justin and...”

“And Justin would turn him down if he did,” Brian said adamantly.

“Of course,” Lindsay said. “Ryan would accept that, believe me. There’s nothing to worry about. He’s interviewed all of our featured artists in the last two year and he’s always been very thoughtful and truthful in his articles. Justin will be just fine with him.”

“I’m sure he will be,” Brian said. He’d reserve judgment of Ryan Whitmore until after the article was printed. “So, how are the sales?” he asked, changing topics so that he wouldn’t be thinking about what was going on in Lindsay’s office.

“Sales are great,” Lindsay told him. “He’s sold all but two of the smaller canvases and the painting he did of himself for you has been the talk of the show. Do you know that last night a collector offered him ten grand for it?”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. The painting was priceless to him but he hated that Justin would be missing out on such a huge sale that might boost the price of his future paintings.

“Yes. The gentleman settled with buying two other paintings, but he really wanted that one. You’re very lucky to own it.”

It occurred to Brian how Lindsay had described ‘Risqué Safety’. “Did Justin tell you that it was him in the painting?” Today was the last date of the show and with each one that passed, Justin had mentioned how relieved he was that no one had guessed as to who the model was in the painting.

“Oh, I guess I shouldn’t let on that I know and I don’t think a single admirer has figured it out. I noticed because he blushes every single time someone compliments the model he used and because of how uncertain he was about showing it. You replaced the ugly naked guy with what I bet you think is the most beautiful guy in the world.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Lindsay laughed. “Oh, I think you would. No wonder you’re so jealous of Ryan Whitmore. Justin is smart, talented, and sweet and he’s gorgeous.”

“You don’t have to sell me on Justin,” Brian said.

“No, I suppose he did that a long time ago, without even knowing what he was doing.”

“And on that lesbian note, I’m going to get a drink.” Brian walked over to a waiter and grabbed a glass of wine from his tray, all the while trying to stop his mind from coming up with the dozens of other flattering words that could describe Justin.

***

“Brian’s fortunate to own something so beautiful,” Ryan said softly, looking from the panel painting and back to Justin.

During the interview, Ryan had been very professional, though Justin definitely sensed the desire for him that the reporter did little to hide. “Brian will always have first choice.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side and asked, “Why is that? Shouldn’t you decide what you want first?”

Justin realized they were obviously not only talking about art so he decided it was time to make something clear. “Brian doesn’t own me or make any decisions for me. If I give him first choice of my paintings it’s because he’s the one who has inspired most of them. I paint for myself first and he comes second.”

“Tell me,” Ryan said in a rough tone, “are the rumors true? Has he really given up tricking for you or are the two of you just discreet?”

“That’s none of your business,” Justin said, growing annoyed.

Ryan leaned closer to Justin and said, “It is if I want to fuck you.”

Justin laughed and pushed at Ryan’s chest, making the man take two steps back. “That’s not going to happen.”

Ryan sighed. “So you two don’t mess around?”

“I don’t mix business with pleasure,” Justin said.

Ryan laughed uproariously but covered his mouth and calmed down when he noticed the few people left in the gallery had turned to stare at him. “I’m sorry,” Ryan said, “it’s just… oh, you two are really made for one another, aren’t you?” He waved his hand. “No, don’t answer. Really, this was fun.”

Justin scowled. “Did Brian fuck you?” he asked.

“No, no he didn’t,” Ryan said, grinning widely. He offered his hand to Justin, “It was good to meet you, Justin Taylor. I look forward to seeing your career flourish.”

Justin slowly grasped Ryan’s hand and shook it, knowing he was missing something he’d have to have Brian explain to him. “It was interesting meeting you,” he said cordially and dropped the man’s hand.

“Uh-huh,” Ryan replied, hefting his camera strap up on his shoulder. “I bet it was.”

Justin watched Ryan walk away, trying to understand what exactly had made Ryan suddenly stop hitting on him and act so strangely.

“How’d it go?” Brian asked, walking up behind Justin and draping his arms over his shoulders.

“All right, I guess,” Justin said.

“You guess?” Brian prompted. He didn’t want to outright ask if Ryan had hit on Justin. He didn’t want to sound like a jealous lover, because he wasn’t, but no doubt Justin would think he was.

Justin leaned back against Brian and nodded. “It was just like every other interview I’ve had, except Ryan personally likes my work. He wasn’t told to like or not like it by the magazine or paper he works for.”

Brian turned Justin around so he could read his expression and was glad to see that he looked calm and happy. “Lindsay said we can go whenever you’re ready.”

Justin looked around the gallery and felt sad as he realized this was the last time all of the pieces would be hanging together. This was his first solo show, there would only ever be one first and he was reluctant to leave. “Do you mind if we take a look around again?”

The gallery was closing in fifteen minutes but Brian was sure Lindsay and Sydney would have no problem with them staying as long as they wanted. “The gallery has been so busy every time I’ve been here. If it’s not Lindsay and Sydney taking you away to do interviews and mingle with art collectors, our friends and family are here mooning over you. I think I’d like a little time alone with you and your art.”

“To properly critique it now that it’s all hung?” Justin asked, linking his fingers with Brian’s as they walked toward the first piece in the series.

“To moon over you as you realize just how amazing your work is… and later maybe I’ll moon over how properly hung you are.”

Justin’s heart swelled and he stood on his tiptoes to kiss Brian’s cheek. “That was probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Brian looked thoughtful. “I’m sure I’ve complimented your cock countless times.”

Justin laughed loudly, his giggles echoing around the nearly empty gallery. “I love you too, Brian,” he said easily and stopped in front of the panel painting.

Brian looked down at Justin and then back up to the painting he’d made just for him and then back down at Justin’s face and he felt like he’d swallowed a huge bubble of air and yet his lungs were constricting and he realized he was feeling desperate, desperate to so easily say the words like Justin had.

“Ryan Whitmore knows this is me,” Justin said, his tone even. He squeezed Brian’s hand a little tighter and shrugged his shoulders. “He’s probably going to write about it and tell the whole world that it’s me.”

Brian’s body settled a little before his protective instincts took control. “Did you tell him it was you?”

“No, but he knows and you know what?”

“Huh?”

Justin looked up at Brian and smiled as he walked over to the next painting. “I don’t care. So what if people figure out that I gave you a painting of me naked? So what if whoever sees the pictures knows. It’s only paint; you’re the only one who’ll ever really see me completely laid bare.”

“Me too,” Brian said, knowing that with Justin he felt more vulnerable than he ever had in life.

Those two words were possibly more important than ‘I love you’ to Justin and he couldn’t let them go spoken without saying something back to Brian. He looked up at him and he knew that this was it. He stepped close to Brian and put his hands on his waist and looked up into his eyes. “Brian?”

“Hmm?”

“Brian Kinney, I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”

Brian let out a puff of breath that he thought would be a laugh, but instead the truth of what he wanted, prompted by Justin’s proposal came forth, “Yes.”

***

After accepting Justin’s proposal, Brian practically dragged Justin out of the gallery and to the Jeep. He didn’t even ask Justin where he wanted to spend the night because he was desperate to be free of his constricting clothing and be naked with Justin. They disrobed on the elevator ride up, throwing their clothes off the moment they were inside the loft and slamming the door closed in a rush of excitement.

Brian felt a new kind of liberty pouring out of him. It transferred to Justin, only to be given back to him and then mutually shared. Brian spooned Justin, lubed his inner thighs and slid his dick between them, thrusting gently as they both manipulated Justin’s cock with their hands. They kissed hungrily but the love making was slow and quiet. After coming together once, Brian moved Justin onto his back and slid his wet cock against Justin’s, smearing their come around on their bellies and dicks until they were both hard and ready for another orgasm. Justin was loud and eager this time, his legs tightly wrapped around Brian’s waist, hands gliding smoothly up and down Brian’s back, tracing the well defined muscles before moving around to caress his chest and nipples. Brian waited for Justin to come first, wanting to see his lover in the throes of ecstasy, memorizing his beauty and then allowing his own body to reach orgasm minutes later.

Brian fell to the side of Justin and kissed his cheek. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Justin cocked his head to the side, held Brian’s eyes and drew his fingers through their come before licking it off them. He grinned deviously. “Mmmm.”

Not one to be outdone, Brian wiped at the come on his abs and licked it off his fingers, making a slow show of it. “Tastes delicious.”

Justin curled up against Brian, placing his head on his chest and his arm around his middle. “There’s so many things I look forward to, but mostly, I just want to know what it’s like.”

Brian played with Justin’s hair and told him, “It’ll be amazing. So, when do you want to do it?”

“When do you want to do **it**?” Justin asked, laughing. “Not that we have to wait until we’re married. Knowing you want to marry me is more than enough of a promise to me, Brian.”

“We’ve waited a long time,” Brian said. “I think we can wait until we get tested, get the results and get married then.”

“So soon?” Justin asked, shocked.

“Are you ready?”

Justin pecked Brian’s lips. “Absolutely. I have to get my blood drawn and have another skin allergy test on Tuesday. I can have my doctor test me then.”

“I’ve got a check-up Wednesday and will get tested then. My appointment is pretty routine for me,” Brian said, playing with Justin’s hair. “It’ll be two years since my last treatment.”

Justin had never asked Brian for many details about the time he had cancer. He was curious about it, but he knew that Brian didn’t like to think or talk about it. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“It will be,” Brian said softly. “I worry about Gus. Before the cancer, I worried mostly about what I’d pass on to him... didn’t want to ever have the chance to pass on the asshole gene. But then, after I got cancer, I started worrying about passing on that.”

“You’re a good man,” Justin said. “I never knew your father, but from what you’ve said about him, I know you’re a better father than he ever was and you aren’t like him so you couldn’t have ever passed on any asshole gene. It wasn’t passed on to you.”

“I was different before,” Brian admitted. “I know I’m not that man anymore, but I tried so hard to not let my childhood affect me that I became more like Jack and Joan Kinney than you’ll ever know.”

“If that’s true, which I don’t think it is, but if so, it’s in the past now and what matters is that you show Gus how to be a real man and a good father.”

“I’m not ever going to have another child,” Brian said. “I know I told you that you shouldn’t limit what you want from life because of your allergies, but cancer is different. Gus was already born before I even realized how at-risk he is.”

Justin nodded. “I know it’s different and I accept that. But maybe you can just share Gus with me, would you do that?”

“Gus loves you,” Brian told him. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“So,” Justin said, resuming their previous conversation, “how long do you think we need to plan a wedding?”

“It depends on what you want,” Brian said.

“I wasn’t kidding; I just want you and some golden gardenias.”

“And an officiant,” Brian said, “and the whole fucking gang.”

“Can’t we just go up to Vermont and elope?” Justin asked.

“I’m all for that,” Brian said, “except Gus would be really sad if he missed our wedding.”

“Maybe we could just take him,” Justin said. “It wouldn’t seem odd to take off on a ski trip. It is winter.”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. “Would you really get married in another state away from everyone?”

“I want to, but I guess our family would all be really disappointed. If it weren’t for them, we might not have ever gotten off our asses and gotten back together.”

“They’re going to be in shock when we tell them,” Brian said and laughed. “I can just imagine the looks on their faces.”

“I know.” Justin giggled and got off Brian’s lap. “My mom is going to freak out.”

“Probably.”

Justin grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and brought up the calendar. “How long will it take to get the HIV test results back?”

Brian gave Justin an odd look. “Don’t you know?”

“Well, I am a virgin,” Justin said. “I never really worried about the results before. It was just another word on my blood test results and beside it has always said negative.”

Brian had no clue what it must be like to be so blasé about the results of an HIV test. “You usually have to wait a week or more for blood tests,” Brian told him. “But there is another kind of test you can ask for, it’s taken orally and the results show in twenty minutes.”

“Are those accurate?” Justin asked.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t so. I was negative six months ago and three months ago too. The chance of me being positive for any STD’s for the next HIV test is miniscule.”

“So you’ll have the oral test done too?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re going to an oncologist,” Justin said. “Will they even do that there?”

“My doctor will,” Brian said. “He has before.”

“Okay, so we’ll know our results Wednesday. So what about we get married on the twenty-first?”

“Of January?” Brian asked.

“Is that too soon?”

“That’s less than two weeks away!”

“So…”

“It’s fine,” Brian said, took the phone out of Justin’s hand and tossed it aside. “The twenty-first for your first.”

“And yours,” Justin said, grinning.

***

Justin drove from his doctor’s office to his mother’s house as if his brain had gone into autopilot mode. He hadn’t planned to go there, but he realized as he rang the doorbell there was nowhere else he could go, no one else he could talk to about this who would be able to help him make sense of his confusion. No matter how old he was, no matter how independent he wanted to be, sometimes he just needed the love and understanding his mother had always given him.

The door opened and Tucker appeared, smiling, “Hi, Justin.” His smile faltered a split-second later, “Are you all right?”

“I need to see my mom,” Justin said. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped into the house and past Tucker, not waiting to be invited in.

Tucker closed the door behind him. “Your mom isn’t here. She’s with Molly’s girl scouts group at the movies.”

Justin felt like his world was coming to an end and the idea that he couldn’t talk to his mother made him feel even more emotionally unstable than he felt leaving the appointment. Turning away from Tucker he asked, “Do you know when she’ll be home?”

“Not for a few hours,” Tucker said, his voice gentle. “But if it’s an emergency we can text her and tell her to come home.”

“No,” Justin said, wiping moisture from his eyes and facing Tucker. “It’s not… I don’t want to do that. I just really need to talk to her.”

Tucker approached Justin slowly and asked with a hesitant tone, “Is it something you can talk to me about?”

“No,” Justin grunted.

Tucker placed his hand on Justin’s arm comfortingly. “Should you call Brian, then?”

“No way!” Justin said, backing away from Tucker. “I can’t talk to him yet and he’s in meetings with clients and won’t even be home until late tonight.”

“Okay,” Tucker said, “then what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said. He knew what he wanted, but that wasn’t going to happen now.

“How about we just go sit in the living room and hang out until you decide what it is you want to do,” Tucker suggested. He sighed, “Or until your mother gets home.”

“You want me to just stay here and hang out with you?” Justin scoffed.

“Sure, maybe after you chill for a little while and collect your thoughts, you’ll feel like talking out whatever it is that has you so angry. Maybe I can help.”

Something about the way Tucker had spoken the word ‘angry’ pissed him off even more and tipped him over the edge. “You think you can help me?”

Tucker blanched and he looked hurt. “Maybe I can,” Tucker said. He let out a deep breath. “Justin, I know I’m not your mom and…”

“You’re not my dad, either,” Justin interrupted. “So stop acting like you are.”

“Look,” Tucker said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I know you’re upset but that’s no reason to act like this toward me. I am not trying to act like a father to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Justin asked. It felt good to have somewhere to direct his anger at that wasn’t himself. “You just offered to have a little father-son talk with me. What’s next? Are you gonna go on a very special father and son camping trip?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tucker said. “I know that we’re never going to have the kind of relationship you once had with Craig, but I thought we’d started growing closer and were at least becoming friends.”

“I have enough friends,” Justin told him. “A few of them are actually just about your age.”

“Maybe you should leave and go talk to one of them. I love your mother, but I’m not going to let you talk to me like this in my home. If your mother was here and heard what you’ve said, she’d be very disappointed in you.”

“So you’re going to scold me and kick me out?” Justin asked. “Maybe you want our relationship to be more like mine and Craig’s than you think?”

Tucker walked over to the door and opened it wide. He held his ground and kept his eyes on Justin’s. “I’ll tell your mother you dropped by and refrain from telling her about this, because I don’t want to hurt her. But you should know that the next time you come into my home, it will be only on her invitation and not mine.”

Justin stared at Tucker who stood before him looking extremely hurt and angry, which was exactly how Justin felt and he couldn’t believe that he had intentionally caused Tucker to feel the same. Sure, he often poked fun at Tucker about the age gap between him and his mother, which he really had no right to do, especially now that he was with Brian. But it was never in a hurtful way, not like this. He’d taken out his frustrations on the man who loved his mother and sister better than Craig ever had, a man who took care of them and made them both happy. Tucker had also always done everything he could to not come between Justin and his mother, to give him space and time to accept him into their lives and he’d always been open and caring toward him.

Not once had Justin ever felt like Tucker disapproved of him for being gay, or for choosing his own path and becoming an artist. In reality, Tucker was one of his biggest supporters. Tucker never missed going to an art show, he attended all the GLC benefits with his mother and every single time he’d been hospitalized since he knew him, Tucker was always there to offer any support he could. Justin had even ruined the man’s honeymoon and yet Tucker had never held a grudge about it. He’d been more concerned with Justin than he was with cancelling many of the plans he had and losing tons of money. Justin had learned to be cordial to him and had reluctantly accepted the man his mother loved, but he’d never done anything to deserve such kindness and acceptance from him.

What the fuck was wrong with him? He’d used Tucker as a vestibule for his anger and said some of the worst things he could say to him! He really was an asshole and his mother would be disappointed. Hell, she probably wouldn’t want to extend any invitation to him ever again if she knew what he’d said. Still, Tucker had said he wouldn’t tell her. Tucker was a good man, a better man than Justin deserved to have for a step-father. “I’m sorry,” Justin spoke, his voice hitching. He walked toward the door and met Tucker’s sad eyes. “I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I’m upset and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you I hope you can forgive me.”

Tucker’s hand fell away from the door and caught Justin’s arm before he could go by him. “If you really didn’t mean it, then I forgive you.”

“I didn’t,” Justin said passionately. “I know you love my mom and Molly and you’ve been really good to me too, better than Craig ever has been. I never should’ve compared you to him. You didn’t deserve that. Just tell my mom to call me when she has a chance.”

Tucker nodded. “Are you going to Daphne’s?”

“No,” Justin said in a depressed tone, “she’s working. All my friends are working.”

Tucker smiled softly and put her arm around Justin’s shoulder and turned him toward the living room. “Except one.”

Justin took the comfort that Tucker’s one-armed embrace offered him and immediately felt the stress draining from him. “Are you sure you want to hear me talk after what I said to you?”

“You need to talk, I’m here to listen,” Tucker assured.

Tucker couldn’t help him with his dilemma, but just having someone neutral who listened to him made things not seem so dire. They ordered pizza, watched a movie and occasionally talked about things going on in both of their lives. Justin had never spent much alone time with Tucker and he was pleasantly surprised at how smart and funny he turned out to be. Relaxing and hanging out with him put Justin in a better state of mind and by the time he left he was ready to talk to Brian.

***

When Justin got home he kept himself busy by cleaning the house. Brian wanted to hire a housekeeper, which Justin was sure he would do sometime soon, but for the time being it was up to him and Brian to keep the huge home clean. It was after nine p.m. by the time Justin finished dusting and mopping the downstairs. He felt exhausted and wondered if he’d manage to stay awake until Brian got home. After taking a hot shower to clean off the grunge of the day, the hot water relaxed him and he was even more tired. It was now getting close to ten o’clock and so he checked his cell phone to see if Brian had called. Brian hadn’t, so Justin decided to call him to get a read on what time Brian expected to be home.

There was no answer on Brian’s cell phone, so Justin tried his office.

“Exhibition, this is Jeffery speaking.”

Justin was surprised that Brian’s assistant answered the phone. He’d expected that the switchboard for Exhibition’s calls would be switched on and he’d have to punch in Brian’s extension. “Hi, Jeffery, this is Justin Taylor. Is Brian available?”

“Yes, he’s available,” Jeffery said. “Let me put you through.”

“Thanks.” Justin waited and the phone rang three times before it was picked up.

“Justin?”

“How’d you know it was me?” He hadn’t been put on hold so he knew that Jeffery hadn’t screened the call for Brian.

“I just looked at the clock a few minutes ago and realized how late it was. I was picking up my cell to call you and realized it was dead. I left the charger at home.”

“You need to buy an extra one,” Justin said. “I’ve got to get one for my car. Do you want me to pick you up one too?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian said. “I’ve got one at the loft I’ll just leave here at the office.”

“Oh, okay. I haven’t heard from you other than that text message earlier today so I thought I’d call and see if you know what time you’ll be home tonight.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Brian said, the stress he was under evident in his tone of voice. “My whole team is still here and we might be working for a few more hours.”

“What happened?”

“Same shit, different day. I swear to God I have no idea why I’ve hired half of these fucking people. Nobody seems to know what the fuck they’re doing.”

Justin was tired but he’d helped Brian with ads a few times. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“If you were still in Pittsburgh, I might take you up on it.”

“What exactly is the problem?”

“I’ve got a meeting tomorrow morning at nine a.m. for Benson Baby Wipes and the boards look like shit. Every fucking change I’ve had the team make has either been fucked up or doesn’t look right.”

“Do you want to email me a picture of them?” Justin audibly yawned. “Maybe I can make some suggestions?”

“Nah, that’s okay, we’ll figure it out. You sound tired and should probably go to sleep. Hey! How did you appointment go?”

Justin gulped. “I’m negative,” Justin said, “but there’s…”

“What the fuck?” Brian shouted. “This is not eighteen font, Marcia! For fuck sakes, I think we might finally have this shit right and you give me this?”

Justin heard the woman apologize to Brian and promise to fix it immediately and then Brian was back on the phone. “Fucking idiots,” Brian grumbled. “Look, I’ve got to go. I think I might just stay at the loft tonight.”

The thought of Brian not coming home made Justin feel a mix of sadness and relief, but he asked, “Would you like me to drive back into town and be at the loft?”

“I’d like you to,” Brian admitted, “but I’ll probably only have a few hours of sleep before I have to get up again.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You don’t have plans for tomorrow, do you?”

“No. I told you I’d go with you to your appointment if you wanted me to. It’s at noon, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I need you to do something else. Shit, I meant to call you hours ago and ask you about it, but I got sidetracked.”

“What is it you need me to do?”

“Lindsay has work and Melanie found out she’s going to be stuck in court all day. She asked me if I could pick Gus up from school, but he gets out right in the middle of my appointment. I told her you would do it. She was going to call and ask you herself, but I told her it’d be fine. I should’ve asked you first, but you did say you wanted to share him.”

Justin beamed inside. “Of course I’ll do it!”

“She said she’d call the school and have you put on the approved list. You know what school he goes to, right?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, you have to go to his classroom to pick him up between 12:30 and 12:45, no later.”

“Okay. Should I take him back to the house then?”

“No, I’ve cleared my schedule for after the appointment. I can meet you guys somewhere. Lindsay gets out of work at 3:30 so there’s no sense in us going all the way out to the house and then having to come back into town. I’ll have my phone on vibrate so why don’t you text me once you pick him up and we’ll figure out where to meet.”

“All right, that sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ve really got to go and get this ad finished. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Later.”

“Later.” Justin hung up his phone and crawled into bed. He was too tired to think about anything at all and quickly fell asleep.

***

TBC In Chapter 12 Part 2


	15. Credence: Chapter 12: "International You Day" -Part-2

***

Brian wasn’t sure what test results he was more nervous about receiving. Two weeks ago he’d had the initial cancer screening and today his doctor had given him the good news that he was still cancer free. He walked out of the appointment completely cleared of cancer and all STDs, he couldn’t have felt better, even if he’d only gotten three hours of sleep the night before. He was ready to celebrate with Gus and Justin and when Justin texted, asking if he was up to go to a museum, he agreed with enthusiasm.

Brian and Justin spent the afternoon with Gus at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Gus had recently become obsessed with Dinosaurs, so most of their time was spent viewing the dinosaur exhibits but they enjoyed it almost as much as Gus. Gus was an endless ball of energy and Justin felt completely carefree when he was with him. Knowing that Brian was clean and perfectly healthy made the day even better. He told himself that all the fears he had yesterday were unfounded and focused on having fun with Brian and Gus.

The bubble it seemed they’d been inside all afternoon lasted for the drive home. Brian pulled up beside him in the garage and when Justin looked at Brian’s face, the bubble suddenly burst and he felt like was going to have a panic attack. Brian didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong with him, because his mood didn’t shift at all once they were inside and divesting themselves of their winter coats.

“How many days do we have?” Brian asked, coming up behind Justin and wrapping him in his arms while licking his neck. “Ten?” His hands splayed over Justin’s torso and moved lower while he ground his erection against Justin’s ass. He separated their bodies and grabbed Justin’s hand, pulling him toward the living room.

Justin stumbled after Brian and tried to think of a way to start the conversation as he was led into the living room and pushed down onto the sofa. Brian stepped away and began loosening his tie, his eyes filled with lust as he looked down at him.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next ten days,” Brian admitted. He pushed his suit jacket off his arms which revealed the shirt that was Justin’s favorite.

Justin took the opening and asked, “What if we didn’t have to wait?”

Brian grinned deviously and shook his head while slipping his tie off and throwing it to Justin. “I’m going to tie you up with that.”

Justin picked up the silk tie and placed it beside him and noticed that his hands were shaking and then realized his whole body was. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

Brian nodded and began opening the buttons on his shirt. “I heard you,” he said. “But I’ve waited six months… fuck, I’ve waited longer than that. I can wait to fuck you.” He laughed as he slipped the shirt off and went for his belt. “Or maybe I should tie you up with this?”

Justin blinked slowly. “Do you really think there’s a difference? I mean, would you have fucked me six months ago if you could’ve?”

“Of course.” Brian dropped his pants to the floor, revealing his very tight black briefs. He walked over to Justin, straddled his legs and sat in his lap. He leaned in, kissed his jaw and told him, “I like the idea of having a virgin bride in my bed on our wedding night.” He laughed, throwing his head back. “Who would’ve thought that me, Brian Kinney, would be monogamous for the last six months and would be marrying a man I’ve never fucked? Not me, that’s for fucking sure.” He pushed his lips against Justin’s, but pulled away when he got no reaction from him. Brian stared at Justin curiously, “What’s going on?” He moved his ass over Justin’s clothed crotch. “Why aren’t you hard? We haven’t had sex in over twenty-four hours. Don’t tell me you jerked off all night and have nothing left.”

“No,” Justin said and gently pushed Brian off him and onto the sofa cushion beside him. “I didn’t jerk off at all. I was too tired.”

“Then what’s the excuse now? I know you slept in and…”

“I think we should call off the wedding,” Justin interrupted and looked away from Brian.

Brian released a gulp. “We haven’t even told anyone but the officiant that we’re getting married. I don’t think it’s officially on yet.”

“I know,” Justin said and chanced a look at Brian. “But maybe that’s best.”

“What. Is. Going. On?” Brian demanded.

Justin felt like he was drowning and tried to get up from the sofa, but Brian’s hand shot out and pulled him back down. “Let me go,” Justin pleaded.

“Fuck that! You tell me you want to call off the wedding ten fucking days before we do it and you’re just going to run off and not talk to me about it? I’m not running from this conversation and you can’t either, so tell me exactly why you don’t want to marry me.”

“I want to marry you! But… are you marrying me so that you can fuck me?” Justin asked.

“Of course, that’s a big fucking part of it! I’ve never gone this long without sex, but the wait will be worth it. But if we had to go on non-fucking for the rest of our lives I’d fucking do that for you.”

Justin shook his head and tears brimmed in his eyes. “Don’t you understand? That just makes this worse.”

“Making what worse?” Brian said. “You’re really freaking me out here. All day you’ve been all sunshine and rainbows and we get home and you spring this shit on me! I don’t know what the fuck happened. Was it the talk about me tying you up or…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” Justin said. “You know that I like that. Christ, that is no reason for us to call off the wedding.”

“Then tell me what the fuck reason you’ve come up with?” Brian said in a softer tone.

“This whole time… the last six months… Shit. I… I… Brian, all the things I’ve thought about relationships and sex… ever since I knew what sex and love was, I think it’s changed. I just don’t know how I feel about them anymore.”

“You are second-guessing marriage after you fucking proposed to me and I said yes?” Brian asked in disbelief. “You don’t know if you love me or if you want to marry me?”

“No! I do love you,” Justin gave up on trying to control his tears and let himself cry. “I love you so much and I do want to marry you but I don’t know if you’ll want to marry me once I tell you what I have to tell you.”

Brian pulled Justin closer and looked into his eyes. “Listen, you’ve gotten cold feet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do it now or ever if you don’t want to if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready,” Justin said passionately. “There’s no one else I love but you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then nothing is going to stop me from marrying you. So whatever it is you think that will, just fucking tell me…” Brian hugged Justin tightly and spoke in his ear, “I love you.” He pulled away a little and said in a broken whisper, “I love you.”

Justin’s heart dropped into his stomach. Brian looked so vulnerable and open and he had spoken the words to him, he’d given him everything now and Justin wasn’t sure if it would be enough to keep him. “We can use condoms,” he said. He felt Brian’s hands tense and then slowly slip from his back. “This whole time, we could’ve been using condoms and we could’ve been having sex. I’m not allergic to the polyisoprene condoms that don’t have the additive chemicals. I thought I was allergic to all of them, but it was just an ingredient in most of the brands, but my doctor….”

“What the fuck?” Brian interrupted and backed away from Justin. “How the fuck did you find this out? **When** did you find this out?”

“Yesterday, at my appointment. When I told my doctor that wanted to have an oral HIV test, he asked me if it was because I’d had unprotected sex. We’d just gotten through talking about my fiber, chemical, drug and food allergies. So I didn’t understand why he asked me that. I told him that I hadn’t had sex yet because I was waiting until I found the person I knew I could trust to have sex with unprotected. Then he asked me why I was against using condoms. I was so confused and started reminding him that, of course I wasn’t against them, that I wished I could wear one or my partner could so that we could have safe sex, but that obviously, with my allergy, I couldn’t. That’s when he told me that it was a chemical additive in the polyisoprene that I was allergic to and that not all brands had those chemicals and he thought he’d explained that to me when we first realized I had a latex allergy.”

Brian stared at Justin, his mind running over everything Justin had said to him. For a second, he’d actually considered that Justin was lying and had lied to him about being allergic to condoms in the first place just so that he could ploy Brian into being monogamous. But that was a fleeting thought because Brian knew deep down that Justin would never do anything like that. Seeing how upset Justin was over this made it apparent that he was just as shocked by this information. Brian scooted closer and reached out to touch Justin’s cheek, wiping his tears away. “It doesn’t matter, we’re going ahead with our future the same way we were before you found out we could use condoms.”

“But… but Brian, even if we got married, you could still trick and…”

“And be unfaithful to you?” Brian interrupted, shaking his head slowly. “Isn’t fidelity something you want that has nothing to do with whether or not you can fuck raw? Has your opinion changed on that or do you just think it should change because you are worried about what I think? Be honest.”

“No,” Justin said, knowing it was how he felt, it was what he wanted. “I want my partner to be faithful to me.”

“And I have been,” Brian said. “So why, if we’re getting married, would I be unfaithful to my husband? Do you think you would want to be unfaithful to me?”

“No, never,” Justin said adamantly. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Where have you been the last nine months?” Brian asked. “I’m fucking happier than I ever have been.”

“But we could still use them, if that would make you feel better.”

Brian pulled Justin into a hug and kissed his hair. “We’re not using those condoms, they’re not that safe. With all your damn allergies I wouldn’t doubt that one day you’d develop an allergy to them. I’m not taking any chances. I might want to fuck you within an inch of your life, but I’m certainly not going to risk fucking you to death. I trust you and you trust me, That’s good enough for me.”

“Really?” Justin asked, wrapping his arms tightly around Brian. He rubbed his face against Brian’s chest and heard the man’s heart beating loudly against his ear.

“Yeah, really. So no more freaking out, I can’t wait to feel you from the inside but that isn’t why we’re doing this, is it?”

“No,” Justin said and looked up at Brian. “I want to marry you because I love you and you’re who I want to be with.”

Brian leaned down and gave Justin a gentle kiss. “Me too.” He kissed him again and again until he felt all the tension released from Justin’s body. He had made a promise to marry Justin, to be monogamous to him. Nothing was going to make him break that promise.

***

Gus opened the front door, walked inside and yelled, “Daddy, we’re here!”

Lindsay stayed just outside. “Gus, you should always knock and wait for them to answer.”

Gus looked at his mother over his shoulder. “I don’t have to knock,” he said, “this is my house too.”

“That’s right,” Justin said, as he walked down the stairs. “We left the door open for you. Come in, Lindsay.”

Brian entered the foyer from the living room and grumbled, “And for Christ sakes, Linds, shut the door, you’re letting all the cold air in.”

“Hi to you too, Brian,” Lindsay said, kicking the door shut behind her.

“I’ll take your coats,” Justin offered, helping Gus with his.

“I can’t stay for very long,” Lindsay said. “Mel and I are meeting Ted and Blake for dinner.”

“Cause they’re the baby’s daddies,” Gus said.

Brian laughed. “Oh, I’d love to hear Mel’s reaction if she heard you call them that, sonny boy.”

“Why?” Gus asked. “That’s what they are.” He pointed to Brian and Justin. “That’s what you are too, right? Or…” he paused and rubbed his chin, “do I have to wait ‘till you’re married to have two daddies?” He looked at Justin. “When can I call you Dad, too?”

Justin felt like he’d just been told he was going to have his art on permanent display at the Louvre… or, quite possibly he felt even happier than that. Still, he couldn’t get too excited; he had to know what Brian thought of this before he said a word. Even if Brian said they could share Gus, he didn’t necessarily mean that they could share the title, did he?

“Yes, Justin,” Lindsay said, clearly amused, “when can Gus call you Dad?”

Brian saw the stunned happiness on Justin face change to apprehension and he immediately wanted to put a stop to it. “I suppose you can start tonight,” he told Gus. Sure, it was a little weird… sharing a kid with Justin, but he’d been doing it with Melanie for years and nothing could be weirder than that.

“All right!” Gus cheered and ran to hug Justin. “Hi, Dad!”

“Hi, Gus,” Justin spoke with emotion. He laughed joyously and picked Gus up and spun him around.

“Hey wait!” Gus said. “Put me down.”

“There you go.” Justin placed Gus on his feet and watched as the boy ran into the living room, stopped shortly and then ran back to them.

“Why isn’t my tent set up?” Gus asked.

“We have a surprise for you,” Brian told Gus.

“Oooh! Is it a new tent?” Gus asked.

“No, it isn’t,” Justin said. “But I think you’ll like this surprise even better.”

“Can I see it? Can I see it?” Gus asked, bouncing up and down.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Lindsay said.

“But aren’t you gonna see it too?” Gus asked.

“I already have,” Lindsay told him. “Justin showed me a picture.” She gave Gus a kiss. “You be good. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” Gus said, clearly focused only on his surprise and not his mother’s departure.

Brian saw Lindsay out with a kiss on the cheek and turned to Gus. “So, you ready for your surprise?”

“Yes!” Gus’ cheer echoed around the foyer. “Where is it?”

“Upstairs,” Justin said, feeling just as giddy as Gus. “Come on.” He took his hand and led him up the staircase, Brian trailing behind them until they stopped in front of a door at the top of the staircase. “This is your surprise,” Justin said.

Gus stared at the wooden door and then looked up at Brian. “Dada, you got me a door?”

Justin laughed. “Is that the surprise, Brian?”

“Technically, Justin bought you the door,” Brian said.

“Technically, Monday morning your name will be on the mortgage too,” Justin said.

“Dads!”

“Your surprise is behind the door,” Justin said, ruffling Gus’s hair.

“Go on, open the door, Gus,” Brian encouraged.

Gus opened the door and slowly stepped inside. “Whose room is this?” he asked, his voice filled with awe as he looked around the room.

“Is that your name painted above the bed?” Brian asked.

Gus looked around and his eyes landed on his name, three of his favorite dinosaurs were positioned so they spelled the letters of his name. “It does say Gus!”

“That’s right,” Justin said. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!” Gus made a running leap and landed on his bed and began to bounce. “This is mine! All mine!”

“Yes, it is,” Brian affirmed, his son’s excitement affecting him. This secret room that Justin had created for Gus, even when they hadn’t been together, it was everything Brian could’ve ever wanted in his home for his son, correction, _their_ son.

“So do you think spending the night in your own room might be a little bit better than sleeping in a tent in the living room?” Justin asked.

“Ohhh yeah!” Gus said, scrambling off the bed when his eyes caught sight of the three large toy boxes across the room. Each one was filled to the brim, the tops held open by dozens of brand new toys. Most of the toys and the clothes (not that Gus would care about them yet) were Brian’s contribution to the room.

“How long do you think will those keep him occupied?” Brian whispered, wrapping his arm around Justin’s waist and placing open mouth kisses along the back of his neck.

“Dads, come on, come play with me,” Gus said, dragging a large dinosaur out of the box. “We can play for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours!”

Justin chuckled and extracted himself from Brian’s hold and asked him, “You didn’t actually think it’d be that easy, did you?”

***

Emmett dabbed at the sweat on his brow with a handkerchief as he looked at Brian’s ensemble. “Something is missing.”

Brian turned from side to side and disagreed. “I look perfect.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Justin thinks so.”

Brian raised one eyebrow questioningly, “And you don’t?”

“Oh, shut up,” Michael said. He handed Brian one of the glasses of whiskey he’d poured. “Actually… now that Em mentioned it, you are missing something.”

“The boutonniere!” Emmett shouted. “Where is it?”

“Calm down, Honeycutt,” Brian quipped. He drank his glass of whiskey in one gulp. “Jennifer ran to the store to buy some safety pins; she’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay then, I’m going to give the officiant your vows,” Emmett said. “If you need anything…”

“Em, I’ll be fine,” Brian said. He put his hands on Emmett’s shoulders and stared down at him. “It’s time to relax now, everything is done. You’re not the wedding planner today.”

“I’m just not used to be only the guest,” Emmett said. He picked up the envelope with the vows inside. “Just this and then I’ll take my seat and be a guest just like everyone else.”

“Okay,” Brian agreed. It wasn’t like he cared who brought the officiant the vows.

Michael started giggling the moment Emmett left the room. “He’s never going to forgive you for not letting him plan this. I think he might be more stressed out because he didn’t.”

“Some people should learn to give up control every now and then,” Brian said.

Michael laughed harder. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”

Brian shrugged. “I’ve been known to give up control every now and then.”

“Yeah, once a decade,” Michael quipped. He downed the rest of his whiskey and held the glass bottle up. “Want another?”

“Nah, I don’t need it.”

“You’re surprisingly calm,” Michael observed.

Brian sat down on the leather sofa. “It’s not like it’d do me any good to be freaking out.”

“True,” Michael said, and joined Brian on the sofa. “So you’re sure you don’t have cold feet?”

“The library does have a draft,” Brian teased, “but nope, toes are warm.”

“I’ll be nervous for us both,” Michael said.

“Why the fuck would you be nervous? It’s not like I’m going to make you give a ‘best man’ speech, even if you put me through that bullshit at your wedding.”

“Oh shut up, you love making speeches.”

“Yeah, because I get paid for it,” Brian said. “So, why are you nervous?”

“I guess it’s just a shock, you know?”

“You’re shocked and yet you’re one of the only people who knew this would be a possibility,” Brian said.

“I think everyone else was just so surprised when you and Justin announced you were getting married and then they all started helping you plan it that they haven’t had a moment to really think about how shocking it actually is. Probably a month or two from now, you guys will be having dinner at Ma’s and it’ll actually hit her that you, Brian Kinney, are married!”

“Are you saying that you think me and Justin are in shock too? That if we gave ourselves some time to think about it, we’d wait to get married?”

“Oh no, not at all,” Michael assured. “Like you said, I knew this might be a possibility for a while, you and Justin knew it too so of course you’re not in shock, you’re just… happy. Right?”

Brian nodded. “Or crazy.”

“Probably that too,” Michael said. “But I know you love him and I know you want to… you know…”

“Fuck him?” Brian asked and laughed. “Has married life made you a prude and suddenly you can’t say ‘fuck’?”

“No, it’s just… I would’ve used the words ‘making love raw’ since it is your wedding night and then you would’ve probably thrown up on your Gucci loafers and I never would’ve heard the end of it, so no, I didn’t say that.”

Brian was silent for a minute. “Maybe you wouldn’t have been wrong to use those words,” he said quietly.

“I don’t think I’m nervous for you anymore,” Michael replied, just as quiet. “I bet you’re really looking forward to tonight,” he spoke in a far off tone. “Will you tell me what it’s like?”

“I’m not going to give you details about me and Justin,” Brian said.

“No, just… you know, tell me if it feels different?”

Brian turned and stared at Michael. “Mikey, do you love Ben?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then it isn’t going to feel any different for me and Justin.”

“Of course it will,” Michael said. “You’re not going to be using condoms.”

“Listen, I’m going to tell you something but you can’t breathe a fucking word of it, all right?”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Ted and Blake, they’ve been having sex raw for a while.”

“He told you that?”

“It sort of came out and I know he doesn’t want anyone making a big deal about it, all right?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Michael said. “It’s just weird that he’d share that with you and not…” Michael sighed. “Oh, it’s because I’ll never have that with Ben.”

“He told me that it wasn’t any different,” Brian lied. Michael was his best friend and he didn’t want him to always be thinking that he and Justin had something that he and Ben could never have. He just couldn’t do that to him. “He said that the only difference is that he can get hard again and keep on fucking him, that’s it. Condoms are so thin there really isn’t a difference of what it feels like.”

“That’s it?” Michael asked, doubtfully. “Then why do so many men want to do it?”

“Fuck if I know,” Brian said lightly. “If Justin weren’t allergic to condoms and we were married and monogamous we’d still use them.”

“But why?”

“It saves on the dry cleaning bill,” Brian said. “Plus, it’s not very PC if you like to fuck in public.”

Michael laughed and sighed as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “When you put it that way, I guess we’re not really missing much.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Brian said and gave Michael a one-armed hug.

There was a short knock on the door and Jennifer popped her head in, “Can I come in?”

Brian stood up and gestured her inside and told Michael, “Go make sure Emmett isn’t trying to take over anything else, will you?”

“Yup, see you in a few minutes,” Michael said and kissed Brian’s cheek before leaving.

Jennifer walked over with the pins and boutonniere. “Would you like me to put it on you?”

“If you’d like, Mother Taylor,” Brian quipped and smirked.

Jennifer smiled and began to pin the flowers to Brian’s tux. “I’m glad you’re going to be my son in law.”

Brian had just about had his fill of sentimental conversations, but he figured he owed Jennifer this one. She’s been a damn good mother to Justin. “Me too.”

Jennifer fixed Brian’s tie and then stepped back. “I was scared for him,” she said. “Scared that he’d never meet anyone who he could trust, who would want to be with only him. I wasn’t ignorant to the gay lifestyle, naïve, sure, but it isn’t only gay men who sleep around, you know.”

“I’d never put him in danger,” Brian said.

“I know,” Jennifer said. “Last night, Justin told me about his visit to the doctor’s office and he told me that you still don’t plan on using condoms. I overheard a little bit of your conversation with Michael.”

Brian shook his head. “You were eavesdropping on us?”

Jennifer blushed. “I’m sorry, I was about to knock when I heard Justin’s name and I know I shouldn’t have listened but…”

“It’s all right,” Brian said dismissively.

“Why did you lie to him?” she whispered.

“Michael has been in my corner since we were kids,” Brian explained. “He’s dealt with all my bullshit and all my success. He’s the one who encouraged me to get the fuck over myself and go out with Justin. After Justin told me about his views on relationships and why he couldn’t have sex until he got married, I was a selfish asshole and I told Michael, because I needed to talk to someone about it. I could’ve gone to Ted or Em or Deb or fucking Carl, but I went to him and not until I was done ranting and let him have his say did I realize how badly he wanted what… at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted. It’s something he and Ben will never have and I hurt him.”

“But that wasn’t your fault,” Jennifer said soothingly. “You needed to talk to your best friend. That’s what people do.”

“It was about the most insensitive I’ve ever been toward him,” Brian said, “and believe me, that’s saying something because I’ve been a real asshole to him.”

“So you lied to him about the condoms and you told him that he and Ben aren’t missing out on anything?” Jennifer asked. “Do you really believe that?”

“Michael and Ben, whether they could have sex safely without a condom or not, neither one of them are ever going to be with your son, so of course they’re missing out on something.”

Jennifer gave Brian a tight hug. “You’re a good friend, Brian, and that has to be one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard anyone say about Justin.” She stepped back and looked into his eyes. “You really will take care of him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated, won’t you?”

Brian shrugged. “In about twenty minutes from now I’m going to promise to love him, that’s going to have to be enough.”

“It is,” Jennifer said and kissed Brian’s cheek. “I’ll see you at the altar. I’m going to go give Justin his boutonniere.”

As Jennifer opened the door to leave the room, Gus came barreling in around her. “Dada! It’s almost time. Can we do it again?”

By that, Gus meant that he wanted to practice his duty as ring bearer. “Sure, buddy.”

“Say it,” Gus said, standing a few feet away from his father.

In a deep voice Brian said, “May I have the rings, please?”

***

Molly’s face crinkled as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. “I still say that I’m too old to be a flower girl.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m not making you wear a traditional flower girl dress.”

“That’s because Brian would never allow anything bought at David’s Bridal in his wedding,” Daphne said.

Justin stuck out his tongue. “I never would’ve allowed that either. Stop frowning, Mollusk. I’m not even making you toss petals down the aisle. If you didn’t want to be in the wedding you could’ve just said no to me.”

“And give up the opportunity to wear this,” Molly said, twirling around in her pale gold dress. “I don’t think so.” She picked up the tin basket that held the bunch of golden gardenias. “I don’t understand why you even need these if I’m not throwing them around.”

“It’s a part of the ceremony,” Justin told her. “You’ll hand the bunch to me when the officiant asks you to.”

“If it was my wedding, I’d want a really pretty flower basket, not this ugly thing,” Molly said. “What is this tin thing, anyway?”

“It’s old, whatever it is,” Daphne said.

“It’s an antique incense burner,” Justin said, “the kind they’d use in churches or something, Brian had it and I thought it’d be perfect.”

“So this is your ‘something old’?” Molly asked.

“My what?” Justin asked, confused.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe,” Daphne recited.

“Oh!” Justin said, cluing in to the tradition. “Hey, I’m not the fucking bride and I’m not a ‘her’!”

“Oh, come on,” Daphne teased, “I know for a fact you’ve got something blue on.”

“What?” Molly asked, looking up and down at Justin’s tuxedo. “Where’s the blue.”

“It’s his underwear,” Daphne revealed. “I saw it when we were getting dressed.”

“Eww! Gross! I don’t want to know what color underwear my brother is wearing!”

“You asked where the blue was,” Daphne said.

Justin fixed his tie and looked at himself in the mirror. “I’m ready.” He looked… like he was getting married. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m about to get married.”

“Me neither,” Jennifer said, walking into the room. “Found the pins.”

Justin held out the boutonniere made from golden gardenias and handed it to his mom. “Did you give Brian his?” he asked.

Jennifer nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “I pinned it on him myself. He’s ready for you, Justin. He’s really ready for you.” She eyed the spot on the lapel of Justin’s tuxedo and pinned it in place, afraid she’d break into tears if she looked Justin in the eyes. “Now, you’re ready for him.”

Justin swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yes. I am.”

***

It wasn’t anything like Brian expected, actually he told himself not to have any expectations of a personal transformation at all. He knew not to anticipate a feeling that would change something inside of him, something that would make him different once the words were exchanged, or after they shared a kiss to seal the commitment or following their dance to a song that was entirely too fast paced (according to their guests) to be the first song they danced to as a married couple.

The dance, as unromantic the fast-paced punk music could have made the experience, was perfectly, undeniably ridiculously romantic as far as Brian was concerned, not that he’d reveal that to anyone. Falling in love with Justin had been a slow rebellion of his self-imposed nature. Still, if Brian were to pick a single moment, a peak in that time when he absolutely had no choice but to think, ‘I love him’, he knew when that change had come. They were driving, Brian couldn’t recall where, maybe because Justin was doing the driving or maybe because ‘the moment’ took such precedence in his memory that everything else seemed inconsequential.

Justin and his tastes in music were as different from his as they were the same with movies. Brian thought that there was a place for techno (dance clubs and the occasional playlist during sex), and the place for punk rock was nowhere near his ears unless it was the eighties. But Justin was always listening to it and usually it was nothing more than fast-paced annoying sounds that Brian sometimes didn’t mind having on the sex playlist. Playing it while they danced slowly to it at their wedding wasn’t even Justin’s idea. He’d left all punk off the playlist he gave the DJ and which Brian reviewed and then edited, surprising Justin with the song when they were announced and directed to the makeshift dance floor.

And then, Brian held Justin against him, their feet shuffling around, Justin’s body vibrating from excitement, awkwardly out of tune with his own movements but keeping a beat to the music and doing the weird hopping thing he did while listening to it in his studio, alone. Justin danced like a fool and didn’t care who was watching him today, because in Brian’s eyes he appeared happier than he’d ever been in his life and Brian had his undivided attention. Brian definitely watched him, not a moment did his eyes stray to the crowd who silently stood around the dance floor It was just like that day in the car when Justin sang the lyrics to the song, occasionally glancing over at him, his head shaking, body bopping in a way that was entirely too animated for someone who was driving a vehicle at sixty miles per hour. But Brian hadn’t cared, because those lyrics, sung perfectly on key, came from the one man who could actually make Brian believe that a song could be more than just lyrics written for a rhythm, an ex boyfriend or for some other stale reason.

Brian knew what it was to be in love and dancing with Justin at their wedding to a song that made him feel awkward and sublimely happy all at once, that was a rare moment when he would publicly express being in love. The song, ‘International You Day’, was absolutely perfect for them, for today and that’s all Brian cared about. When the song ended, drifting into something much more ‘wedding appropriate’, “strictly as a favor to the guests,” Justin had previously explained, their family and friends joined them on the dance floor. Brian looked around at everyone who was gathered in the living room turned reception room and allowed Justin to catch him off guard. Justin pushed him away, keeping his hand tight on his wrist, spun him around once before he caught him in his arms again and kissed him until neither one of them could breathe. As Brian’s lungs took in the next breath, his head a little fuzzy, cock more than a little hard, he felt different.

Brian knew that marrying Justin might not have made a difference if they remained committed partners, but for a reason he’d never be able to articulate, it also made all the difference in the world.

Whether he’d have to spend a week away from Justin schmoozing clients in London, or Justin was gone for a month travelling for his soon to be exploding art career, they would be more to one another apart than they’d been before today. But that still wasn’t the explanation for how different he felt. There could only ever be one word that might encompass the reason.

Justin.

***

“I really like you,” Justin said, standing beside Brian on the stoop of their home, enthusiastically waving goodbye as their family and friends began to drive off.

Brian took the glass of wine from Justin’s non-waving hand. “I think you’ve had enough, young Taylor.”

“You think so, huh?” Justin asked, turning toward Brian. “I’ve only had two glasses of wine.”

Brian downed the rest of Justin’s glass, his fourth. “You can have more later if you need it.” As Emmett’s car, the last in the parade of vehicles pulled out of their drive, Brian pulled Justin inside with him, shut the door and armed the alarm. He placed the wine glass on the foyer table, not giving a thought to the fact that he’d leave a ring on the surface of the wood. The house would be cleaned and polished top to bottom after they left for their week long honeymoon in Fiji tomorrow afternoon. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“We can always just wait until we’re in Fiji,” Justin joked, pretended to resist as Brian pulled him toward the staircase.

“No fucking way.”

“Well if you’re in that big of a hurry we could always use ‘the bedroom closest to the garage door’,” Justin offered.

Brian swept Justin into his arms and hauled him up the first step. “Since the moment you showed me those panels with the mirrors above the bed I’ve been wanting to put them to use.”

“We have,” Justin said, dashing up the stairs in front of Brian.

Brian watched Justin’s ass stretching the fabric of his tight pants as he ran ahead of him and thought, ‘I can’t wait to fuck that ass.’ The thought made him stop because he was overcome with the knowledge that the wait was finally over. Every single thing he’d talked about, imagined doing and jerked off to that involved Justin’s ass, would become reality. All right, he admitted to himself, taking off up the stairs after his husband, he would never be able to fuck Justin while also sucking Justin’s dick; he’d never be able to fuck Justin while they were flying mid-air and he’d never be able to fuck Justin in the oval office on live TV (don’t ask). But he was going to do everything else and he was going to savor every second of it and what they couldn’t do tonight, they’d do tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the day after that and… Well, Brian was sure that in the nine months since knowing Justin he’d come up with enough ways to fuck him that it might take forever to do every single one and that wasn’t factoring in all the things Justin had described wanting to try, fantasizing about and well… it didn’t scratch the surface on Justin fucking him. Forever didn’t sound like long enough and with that thought, Brian caught up with Justin, just inside their bedroom and threw him on their bed.

Justin screeched and giggled as he bounced on the mattress, one hand rubbing over his erection as he stared up at Brian looming beside the bed.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Brian said, his voice raspy. He tossed his suit coat to the floor and his tie was yanked from around his neck a second later.

Justin spread his arms and legs out, happy to be the banquet he was about to become, but he knew he had to get Brian to calm down, at least a little bit. “I think you’ll have to undress me first, husband.”

“I’ll undress you,” Brian said, ripping his own shirt as he pulled it apart.

Justin’s eyes widened and he sat up. “I like this suit too much to damage it and from the look in your eyes I think you might just want to tear my pants down the seam and fuck me through them.”

“Not tonight,” Brian said, breathing heavily, “but I’ll remember that one for another time.”

Justin got up on his knees and crawled toward Brian. Brian’s hands were shaking where he was trying to unbuckle his belt so Justin placed his on top of them and stared up at Brian. “Slowly, remember?” he asked, softly. “Let me finish undressing you, Brian.”

Brian was suddenly embarrassed with how he was acting if Justin had to remind him to take things slowly, and he felt ashamed that he didn’t pay attention to how nervous Justin was. He didn’t want to let him down before things even really started. . He held his arms out to the sides and relinquished control to Justin. “Slowly,” he agreed. “I’m all yours.”

Justin relaxed and pressed his face against Brian’s bare stomach as he extracted the hooks on the belt and began to tug it out of the belt loops. He peppered kisses from Brian’s belly button to the waistline of the pants and back again and again until the belt was freed and dropped to the floor.

Brian planned to come once before he fucked Justin, he just didn’t plan to feel on the brink of doing so before his pants had even come off and definitely not before Justin was undressed too. He had to slow things down, but anticipation and desire was consuming him to the point of no return. He realized there was no point in holding back and that it might be a good thing because he needed to be in control of his body when he undressed and then prepared Justin.

After divesting Brian of his pants and briefs, Justin sat back on his heels to properly look at Brian’s beautiful body. He was no less gorgeous than he’d been the first time he saw him naked, but a different thrill accompanied this moment of revealing. His mouth watered as he leaned toward Brian, one of his hands held onto his thigh and with his other he grasped Brian’s cock. “Only mine,” he said, his voice possessive and filled with surging lust. He rubbed the come spilling head against his cheek and then across his lips and whispered, “Mine”, once more before taking his husband’s cock into his mouth.

Brian grasped Justin’s shoulders as his knees slackened the moment Justin’s mouth closed over his cock. “Justin!” he cried out, warning and thanks coupled as he spilled into Justin’s mouth. “Fuck,” he breathed out, pulling his cock from Justin’s mouth and standing upright.

Justin grinned at Brian as he lay back on the bed, once again spreading his arms and legs out. “Now that that’s out of the way” he said, “we can get on with it, slowly.”

***

“Too much?” Brian asked, resting his head against the inside of Justin’s thigh.

Justin looked away from the ceiling mirror and back down at Brian. There was a little pain, he’d never had three fingers inside of him, but he knew that Brian’s cock would feel much bigger. “I’ll get used to it, just don’t move them yet.”

Brian kept his left hand still but moved his right hand away from Justin’s belly to his wet cock. He stroked it in a slow rhythm until he was fully erect. “You ready?” he asked.

Justin rested his head back on his pillow and released a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Relax for me,” Brian encouraged. He dropped Justin’s cock and told him, “Stroke yourself.”

Justin grabbed his dick, closed his eyes and began to jerk himself off. He felt a sting when Brian’s fingers slid further inside of him. He tried to focus on the pleasure, on the long fingers rubbing against his prostate, on the hand job he was giving himself but he couldn’t focus and began to tense up.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Brian spoke gently, “take it easy, relax.”

Justin sat up and stared down at Brian, tears in his eyes. “I don’t know how your cock is going to feel inside of me when I can hardly handle your fingers.”

Brian wanted to grab more lube and try again, but he decided against it. “I’m pulling them out now, okay?”

“Okay,” Justin said, collapsing back onto the mattress.

Brian wiped his fingers off on the towel and crawled up the bed to lie on his side facing Justin. “It’s going to be fine,” he told him.

Justin turned on his side and pressed his body against Brian’s, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his head against his chest. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Brian’s hands ran up and down Justin’s back soothingly. “I’m enjoying every second. I just want to make sure you are too.”

Justin lifted his head up and looked at Brian. “For the last two and half hours you’ve been rimming me, sucking my cock, fingering me or jerking me off, all the things we’ve done before. I guess I started tensing up because I realized how patient you’ve been with me and you haven’t gotten any attention at all.”

Brian scooted down so their faces were inches apart and then pressed his mouth against Justin’s, slowly kissing him, which led to them licking and touching and stroking and rolling around on the bed. When he knew that Justin had completely relaxed and, hopefully, forgotten about time entirely, he pinned his hands beside his head and told him, “You should know by now what a voyeur I am. Plus, you know I get off on making you come, hearing you moan and gasp and beg for more. I’m getting enough attention, believe me.”

Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist and told him. “I’m ready now.”

“You sure?” Brian asked.

“Yeah.”

Brian kissed Justin once more, sliding his tongue deep into his mouth and then down his chin, neck, chest and belly as he slithered down Justin’s body.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to preparing you,” Brian said, and grabbed the lube.

“No.” Justin’s legs now rested on top of Brian’s shoulders and he used his heels to stop him from moving further. “I meant that I’m ready for you. I want you inside me.”

“Oh.” Brian looked down at Justin’s entrance, it was still a little open and slick from the lube. He grabbed the lube and flipped the cap open as he crawled back up, pushing Justin’s legs out so they would rest around his waist once again. “If you want me to stop, tell me,” he said, slicking his cock with the lube.

Justin nodded. “Just, kiss me while you push inside.”

Brian threw the lube to the side and leaned over Justin, propping one arm beside his shoulder while he held his dick against the silky folds of Justin’s hole. He whispered, “Take a deep breath and let it out into my mouth.”

“Okay.” Justin sucked in a deep breath and gripped Brian’s shoulders as he felt the spongy head press against his hole. Brian’s lips crushed against his and his air whooshed out of his lungs into Brian’s mouth at the exact moment that he felt Brian push inside of him.

Brian was certain that him being hyper aware of Justin’s virginity had been both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing, because he kept his mind about him, didn’t push deep inside in one thrust, gave Justin some time to adjust before inching in, gave himself time to adjust and regroup and not come the moment he felt the nearly unbearable tight heat surrounding his cock. It was also a curse because no matter how many times he’d fingered Justin before or how long he’d fingered him tonight, it didn’t seem to have made a difference. Justin’s ass clamped so tightly around his cock that even the best oil-based lube on the market wasn’t slick enough to allow for the smooth, pain free experience he wanted to give Justin.

Brian kissed Justin, small tongue kisses that allowed him to breathe, to grunt and whimper into his mouth as he pushed little by little all the way inside the tightest, hottest place he’d ever been. His heart was beating fast, trying to keep up with the blood flow his cock was demanding. The feeling of being inside of Justin didn’t end at the base of his cock; it travelled into every nerve his body had and he would’ve blacked out from the intense pleasure he was feeling if he wasn’t constantly telling himself to keep his eyes open, to keep control and watch Justin. To please Justin first.

Justin’s back bowed in pleasure as he felt Brian’s balls press against his ass and his cock, stretching him and filling him, setting his body on fire with brand new enlightenment. He’d waited a long time for this and as the foreign sensations and the pain diminished, he looked at Brian’s face and knew that nothing had been a mistake. This moment, these feelings and the all consuming love he felt for Brian was returned to him, in Brian’s dark eyes, as they watched him; in the rapturous expression on Brian’s face and with his cock, which now joined them together deep inside in a place that Justin was certain had been made just for Brian. He stopped gripping Brian’s shoulders, instead moving them around his back and pulling Brian’s weight down till it rested completely on top of him. He arched his back, pressing as close as possible to Brian’s body as a wave of unlimited pleasure uncurled from the place where they met inside. “I love you,” he spoke into Brian’s ear. “Now show me what you’ve waited months to show me.”

Brian lifted his head and moved his arms back to support himself beside Justin and stared down at his husband. He slowly moved his hips back, his cock gently pulling out, just a little bit. It was all he could do to not just stay there inside him. “I don’t know what to show you,” he said, laughing in shock, “this is all completely new to me.”

***

Brian pretended that he wasn’t cuddling Justin. He did this by occasionally placing a kiss on his chest and called it ‘foreplay’, as Justin idly ran his fingers through his hair, recounting his favorite moments over the last couple of hours with dirty details that made Brian’s sore cock even sorer when it tried to sport an erection without his consent. He didn’t care though. He liked listening to Justin’s raspy voice retell the events, because whenever he needed to jerk off alone, these words and scenes would be what played in his head.

Justin shifted a little, moving Brian’s head higher up on his chest. “There.”

Brian looked up. “I’m too heavy. I do have a pillow so…”

Justin held Brian’s head against his chest. “I like you where you are. No matter how I lie tonight, my ass is going to feel sore.”

“Too much?” Brian asked, hesitantly.

“I’ll get used to it,” Justin said, “but will you?”

Brian Kinney had never been fucked twice in the same day and definitely not right in a row, but he’d also never had Justin Taylor fuck him before. He wasn’t even sure that Justin had learned a thing about technique from him because he came up with ways to move his hips and cock that Brian didn’t even know. “I’ll manage.”

“You know it’s going to suck being on a plane in,” Justin glanced at the clock, “eleven hours.”

“Then we should get some sleep,” Brian said, pulling away from Justin and lying on his pillow.

Justin scooted close to Brian and pressed his body against the side of Brian’s. “We fit together perfectly,” he said, “our bodies, no matter what position we put them in.”

Brian silently agreed. “Was it all you imagined?”

Justin grinned against Brian’s bicep and kissed it. “And more. There’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you and I think now that we’ve been properly joined…”

“You don’t want to hyphenate our names, do you?” Brian asked.

Justin hadn’t thought about that before, they’d gotten married so quickly that hadn’t even been a thought. “Uh, no. Why? Are you against me tacking on Kinney at the end of Taylor?”

Brian thought about it and figured that maybe it wasn’t so bad. “Would I have to tack on Taylor at the end of Kinney?”

“No, I think Taylor-Kinney sounds good but Kinney-Taylor, I just don’t think it has the same ring to it. But anyway, that’s not what I was going to say to you.”

“I’m listening,” Brian said and yawned. “What about our joining?”

“Well, you know how this estate…”

“Mansion.”

“Manor,” Justin continued, “whatever. You know how I said it needs a name?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I came up with one. Britin. It’s a joining of our names which now that we’ve joined in every other way possible, it makes even more sense.”

“You want to call the house Britin?” Brian scoffed. “That’s really cheesy, even for you.”

Justin jabbed Brian in his ribs and began to tickle him. “I am not cheesy.” He quickly slipped on top of Brian and straddled him, pinning the tired man’s arms to the mattress. “Now, what do you say to one more joining?”

Brian’s cock was already up; sore, but up, because Justin’s ass was rubbing all over it. “You’re sure you’re up for that?”

Justin bent down and kissed Brian, tasting the things they’d done on his tongue. “I’m always going to be up for it. I’ve got a lot of time to make up for and thousands of things I want to try.” He leaned back, spit on his hand and began to slick Brian’s cock with his spit and precome.

Brian put his hand on Justin’s wrist when he grabbed his cock. “Get the lube.”

“Don’t need it,” Justin said. “I doubt that you were actually able to lick it all out.”

“Ahhh, fuck,” Brian groaned in equal parts pain and pleasure as Justin’s tight heat swallowed his sensitive cock.

Justin seated himself completely on Brian and began to stroke his dick as he began to ride him. “This was one of my favorite fantasies.”

“Now it’s reality,” Brian said, fingers digging into Justin’s hips.

“All of my dreams have become reality since I met you, Brian.”

Brian wasn’t going to reply with a cheesy sentiment. He’d said enough to Justin and he was sure that Justin was on to him and knew just by looking at him that he felt the same way. Still, sometimes words didn’t hurt and it was their wedding night so he allowed himself a moment of confession, “I love you, Justin.”

Justin laughed and bent to kiss Brian. “Because your cock is in my ass?”

“That too,” Brian said. That was the thing about Justin. He had this way of making Brian not regret any of the sentimental things he did or said. Brian knew that it wasn’t just their bodies that fit together perfectly.

They would fight about stupid things; they would never agree on music, they would remain opposites on all the things that didn’t matter so that in the things that needed to matter the most, their unyielding determination and passion would be what kept them fitting together.

That meant everything.

The End


End file.
